


Forgiven

by Akkira



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, BAMF Lily, BAMF Remus, Chronic Illness, F/F, F/M, Fanart, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Terrorism, James is legally blind, M/M, Music, Non-magical AU, Padfoot is a service dog, Panic Attacks, Pining, Politics (mentioned), References to Depression, Remus has a medical condition, Remus owns a security business, Sirius Black Has PTSD, Sirius is the lead singer, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, The Marauders is a band, protective!Remus, protective!Sirius
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:41:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 129,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22244263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akkira/pseuds/Akkira
Summary: Six months ago, Sirius Black, the lead singer of a band called The Marauders, punched a groupie in the face and broke his nose. After the lawsuit was dropped, the band thought that hiring security services might be a good idea.How is Remus Lupin, the quiet owner of a security company, going to deal with such individuals?A tale of music, love, adventure, bad first impressions, living with a chronic illness, and forgiveness.•Work in progress : 89% done.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter & Fabian Prewett & Gideon Prewett, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 485
Kudos: 442





	1. Sleep Strike

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so here it goes.
> 
> I've been thinking of this story nonstop for weeks now, and I had to put it out there. It's my first real long work ever, so bear with me. Most of it is already written on my little notes app on my phone and I know the ending, so I'm not going to abandon this work, no worries. It's probably going to be a 25 chapters story, maybe a bit more, we'll see. I'll update every Tuesdays and Fridays.
> 
> I'm no professional writer, I just love this fandom, and I needed an outlet for creativity or I might explode. Also, my first language isn't English and I've never been to the UK, so yeah... I hope it still fits.
> 
> Any comments or constructive criticism is MOST WELCOMED, please don't hesitate.
> 
> Oh, and this is a sloooow burn. I mean it.
> 
> Enjoy! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Some swear words and teasing about blindness in this chapter.

“Mate, I think we did it. This is as good as it gets!”  
  
“I don't know James, I feel like something's missing... Frank, play that last arrangement for me again?”  
  
“Sirius, you know I love you and I love producing your music, but I've hit the mixer's buttons so many times I think my fingers are getting swollen,” replied Frank Longbottom while pressing his right index and thumb together to make a point. “I also feel like my ears are about to fall off, no offense against your sound of course.”  
  
"Alright, call it a day and go home if that's what you wanna do, I'll do it myself," said Sirius, his usual posh accent coming out very rushed.  
  
James groaned. “Sirius, stop. You're going to pull an all-nighter again just to make changes we won't even notice! Or even worse, mess the whole thing! Enough!” He threw his hands in the air. “Let's get back home, relax, eat something and finally sleep. God knows you—no, _we—_ need it.”  
  
Sirius hovered frantically over the mixing board, pushing Frank aside, who let his rolling chair get him out of the way. “What we need is an ace album, a perfect one. And we are so close, I can feel it, like—like a dizzy feeling, you know what I mean?”  
  
“Yes, it's the dizziness caused by lack of food and sleep in your body,” replied James knowingly while readjusting his glasses. “You're getting all worked up and you know that's bad mate, it just is. Tomorrow is a new day though. We'll come back, and then you'll make all the tiniest changes you want, or should I say, make Frank make them.” He sent a sorry look in the general direction of their overworked producer.  
  
“In any case, we're out of here,” said Fabian, one of the red head twins and bassist of their band, who had both been uncharacteristically quiet since the last hour or so. “I think my dearest brother has been sleeping on his feet like a horse for the past thirty minutes. You know, like when they do that knee-locking thing.”  
  
They all turned to look at Gideon in unison, except for Sirius, who seemed like he hadn't even heard Fabian's voice.  
  
Undoubtedly, the band's drummer seemed to be fast asleep while leaning against the back wall of their recording studio, arms and legs crossed.  
  
“That is an impressive skill,” said Frank, a tired smile tugging at his lips.  
  
Sirius felt like he was about to ooze adrenaline through his skin, like the last few steps before a touch down back when he and James played rugby in boarding school, or like the precious and nerve shattering seconds before going on stage for a performance. He felt like just when he was about to have a breakthrough, something—or better yet, someones—were pulling him back, holding him, keeping him from running forward, their voices as frustrating as the rumbling sound of bees around his head.  
  
No, this wouldn't do.  
  
“I can't go home now, James. I can't. We're on the verge of something here—“  
  
“We're not making the fucking Mona Lisa!” James cut in, “Do I really have to bring you back by carrying you like when we were twelve and you didn't want to leave boarding school for the holidays?”  
  
Sirius whipped his head around, gasping. “Now that's a low blow!” His eyes were wide. “And in any case, that would be dangerous, since you're even more blind now than you were back then, though I still wonder how that's even possible.”  
  
He faced James straight on. _Well, at least that got his attention_ , he thought. As weird as it sounded, his best friend's ire was always a better option than his manic and obsessive-like state of mind.  
  
“And I still wonder how I've yet to punch you in the face for being a fucking crazy perfectionist who cannot take no for an answer!” James replied, hoping Sirius would take the bait.  
  
The darkening look on his face was a good indicator that he would.  
  
“You... I know what you're trying to do,” Sirius slowly stepped towards his best friend, finally leaving the mixing board behind him. “I've known you for sixteen bloody years, Potter... you think I wouldn't see right through your schemes?”  
  
“Do you even hear yourself? I'm saying we need food and sleep to function, and you're calling that schemes.” James scoffed, while Fabian shook his head and went to wake up his brother, leaving his two crazy bandmates at their antics. Frank slowly stood up from the chair he was sitting on, hoping his slow movements wouldn't attract any attention to him so that he could plan his escape from the recording studio.  
  
“Yes, you're trying to control me, I see it in your squinty eyes, you bastard. It's not going to work, I'm telling you,” Sirius pointed his forefinger threateningly, his face almost nose to nose with his messy haired brother by everything but blood. From this short distance, he could see James's brown eyes moving rapidly from left to right on their own accord, a medical condition he's had since he was born.  
  
He also just noticed the very dark and very deep circles under his eyes, which he hadn't realised were there before. Sirius, against his own will, felt himself falter.  
  
He caught movement over James's right shoulder, and saw that Fabian was about to open the door to leave the studio, and if the creaking sound he heard behind him was of any indication, Frank was trying to leave too. Gideon was yawning and stretching his arms over his head as he followed Fabian's lead to the door.  
  
 _Traitors_ , thought Sirius without malice. He suddenly and inexplicably felt calmer, like the ocean's huge tidal waves he had in his head had turned into a gently rippling lake. He realized James had his hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing, though he couldn't remember when he had gripped him in the first place. He let out a deep breath. He could feel the tiredness prickling behind his eyes.  
  
“Now, that's better. Let's get home, yeah?” said James, leading Sirius towards the door.  
  
“Oh, look who we have here!” Fabian opened the studio's door wider, revealing a hidden figure. “Care to finally join the madness?”  
  
Peter Pettigrew, their band's manager, looked at everyone in the room one after the other, twitching slightly.  
  
“Is that Peter?” asked James to no one in particular, the door too far away for him to see clearly. He didn't wait for an answer. “How long have you been hiding behind that door?!”  
  
In a small voice Peter replied, “I just... I-I came here to see if you guys would take a break, we've got a show coming in three days in Brighton.”  
  
“Yes, we know, although our grandiose music prodigy Mr Sirius Orion Black the III here doesn't seem to care about that tonight. Which reminds me, why didn't you help by doing your job and putting a stop to his sleep strike?” asked James, not unkindly.  
  
“James, you know very well you'll always be better than me at making Sirius do things that he doesn't want to do,” replied Peter with a smile.  
  
“You two stop talking like I'm not here, it's unbearable,” said Sirius, his voice finally in synch with how suddenly tired he felt.  
  
“Alright alright, give me your arm so we can finally get out of here, I can't see a damn thing at this hour,” James told Sirius.  
  
“Why don't you bring your bloody cane with you, huh? I'm no human stick.” Sirius nonetheless offered his right arm to his best friend.  
  
“But you're a cuddler, I bet you love it. And you know I hate that thing, more than I hate you at least,” smirked James.  
  
“Sod off, Potter. I know I'm your favorite.”  
  
“Yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that...”  
  
“I swear you two are like an old married couple, linked arms and all. No wonder so many of our fans think you're together.” Fabian lead the group outside to the exit of the building. “You saw any crazies out there when you came in earlier?” he asked Peter.  
  
“Didn't notice anything unusual, no. But I'm no bodyguard.” Peter sounded a little breathless, his shorter legs trying to keep up with the group. “Speaking of which, with our popularity rising, and the recent horrible lawsuit against Sirius, I think it's time we get that. Bodyguards, I mean. Or just general security... I might know someone who knows someone, and we could–“  
  
“Can we talk about this tomorrow? If you don't mind,” James walked steadily beside Sirius. “It's just, I'm knackered and all I hear is babbling, no offense.”  
  
“Are you saying your ears are getting as bad as your eyes now, Potter?” teased his best friend.  
  
“Not as bad as your sense of humour, Black!”  
  
The banter continued until they parted ways under the full moon outside, the air crisp in this late February weather. Fabian and Gideon headed one way, Peter another, and Frank took his car to join his wife at home, who was probably wondering when he would be back, as usual.  
  
Sirius walked to his motorcycle with James after saying their goodbyes. They took off to their apartment, Sirius's long black hair flowing in the wind under his helmet and occasionally hitting James's face, which usually irritated the messy haired man. This time though, he was too tired to bother, feeling his mind drift under the rumbling sound of the engine he was sitting on, leaning on Sirius's back for support.  
  
“And they say I'm the cuddling one,” said Sirius under his breath, smiling. Sounds from their album in progress were still whirling in his head, but he felt more like a casual observer than a participant trying to keep up with his thoughts. Yes, tomorrow would be a new day, bringing changes. Sirius just didn't know how right this statement was.

Yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, we don't get to see Remus and Lily in this chapter... but we'll meet them in the next! :)


	2. A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Lily meet for their monthly report, and Peter has a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Some sex-related and swear words.
> 
> Enjoy!

Wanna Rock 'N Roll?  
Live In _Brighton_  
  
– **The MARAUDERS** –

Live show this SUNDAY January 26th

~~~

“That band is becoming more and more popular everyday,” said a red head woman while looking at a promotional poster of a music group called _The Marauders_ , just outside the window where she was sitting. “They probably like living on edge, I never see any security around them. Oh well, you know how those rock stars are, always seeking a rush of adrenaline, and that's when it's not a rush of something else more illegal.”

She seemed unperturbed by the lack of response of her best friend and colleague eating breakfast in front of her, a stack of paper separating them. They were sitting in a cozy little restaurant with relaxing colors near their flats' building. “You reckon they'd be interested in us? ...Remus?”  
  
“The question is, are _we_ interested in them? You make them sound like trouble,” Remus replied after a beat.  
  
“Well, we have enough staff to cover for another band, what with Jorja now staying overseas. We lost our biggest client, Remus.”  
  
“Don't remind me.” Losing their contract with Miss Smith had been a big blow to Cerberus Security, their company. Well, it was technically _his_ company, but Lily was such an important part of it that he didn't think he would be able to run it all by himself.  
  
He felt his mind twitch, feeling suddenly lost, as if he had missed something.  
  
“Remus, is this a bad day? We can do this later,” he heard Lily as he opened his eyes, seeing her small hand looking even smaller in his large one. He couldn't remember taking her hand. He couldn't even remember closing his eyes.  
  
He felt a headache starting at the back of his head as he spoke slowly. “I... yeah, sorry... I-I’m trying a new medication and it’s t-taking some time for me to get used to it…”  
  
“It's fine, don't worry about it. This month's report can wait. Take a day off and go home, yeah? I can take care of the business today.” She put the scattered papers back into neat folders. “Are you okay on your own to go get Padfoot? They must be done grooming him by now, and you obviously need him.”  
  
“I'll be alright, don't worry,” Remus said, standing up after he felt sure he wouldn't risk falling in the near future. He didn't have much time though; he could feel it. Luckily, they had decided to eat breakfast and make their monthly report in a restaurant just a couple of meters away from the pet grooming place. “There's a chance you'll hear from me soon enough though. I'm sorry–”  
  
“Don't you dare apologize for that, Remus John Lupin. You know I'll always be there, gladly,” she said fiercely, her green eyes shining. “Now go rest, I'll take care of this,” she added, motioning to the table at their unfinished meals.  
  
“Yes, mum,” he teased while giving her a hug. “Be safe.”  
  
“You be safe, I'll be fine.” She waved him off.  
  
Remus got out in one of the many busy roads of London, his long legs allowing him to arrive at the grooming shop quickly. He looked at the window and saw Padfoot, his big black dog, looking right back at him from inside the salon with intelligent eyes, his tail wagging frenetically.  
  
“Well well, you look just dashing now, don't you?” He entered the shop and kneeled to pet Padfoot, who licked his fingers in return.  
  
“He was a good boy, as usual. Such perfect training. Did you achieve that by yourself?” said the cashier agreeably, smiling.  
  
Paying for the services, he evasively replied, “I had help.”  
  
“Well, feel free to come back as soon as possi— um I mean, as soon as needed be,” said the cashier, her face getting red.  
  
“Thank you, have a nice day!” replied an oblivious Remus.  
  
“I swear to God, this man is what dreams are made of. His shoulders alone!” whispered the cashier to another worker after the man had left the shop.  
  
“Yes, and so mysterious too. I think it's the scar, it really makes him intriguing," replied the worker while swooping the floor. “Too bad he doesn't swing our way.”  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
“He came here once with another man, and you could tell they were more than friends, if you know what I mean.”  
  
The cashier put her chin inside the palm of her hand, leaning on the counter. “Oh well,” she sighed, “a girl can dream...”

~~~

Sirius felt like he was floating, a ray of sunshine creeping through the large window in his bedroom, hitting both his shoulders just right. He kept his eyes closed as he slowly left the comfortable arms of Morpheus in exchange for the vice grip of the real world. He would never admit it to the guy, but James had been right: a good night sleep had been long due. He hadn't felt his mind that clear in days, and he felt ready to tackle on whatever would be coming at him.  
  
His eyes opened slowly at that thought, a yawn spreading his lips. Maybe he could stay here another minute or two before getting up...  
  
“James? Sirius? You up?” came a voice from down the hall that Sirius recognized as Peter's.  
  
... _maybe not then_ , Sirius thought regretfully.  
  
“Well, now we are!” he heard James groan from the other bedroom across Sirius's.  
  
“Good, good. Come on boys, I've got news,” said Peter absently, like he wasn't really listening. That caught Sirius's attention more than anything.  
  
“Don't call us 'boys', you're barely older than us,” Sirius stood up and put black trousers and a white shirt on. “What is so important that you have to barge in here at,” –he paused, looking at his cellphone– “10:17 in the morning? And since when did you get a spare key?”  
  
Peter didn't answer. Odd.  
  
“The hell is going on?” James said as his very messy black mop of hair appeared in the doorway of his bedroom, his glasses askew, mirroring Sirius's sentiment about the whole thing. He shrugged as he walked in front of James to the open area where there was the kitchen on the right and living room on the left.  
  
They saw Peter sitting at the table, looking at his phone in front of him and muttering something intelligible to himself.  
  
“Pete, you're scaring us,” said James.  
  
“I think I've found us a good deal that will make our life much easier,” said their round faced manager, looking up at them expectantly where they were standing.  
  
Sirius turned to James. “I hate when he gets all cryptic,” he muttered.  
  
“Don't start, you're worse than him,” James smirked.  
  
“Remember Marlene McKinnon?” asked Peter, locking his phone and joining his hands as the boys sat down in front of him.  
  
“You mean Queen Marlene! We remember her, _obviously_. 'Remember Marlene McKinnon', he says.” Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes while tying his hair up into a high bun.  
  
“Yeah, if Sirius wasn't already bent for the other team, I'm pretty sure he would be in love with her,” added James.  
  
“What can I say, I've always had a thing for blonds...”  
  
“And also for enigmatic people,” added James knowingly, taking his glasses off to wipe them on the blue pajama he was wearing. “Too bad you also got a thing for dicks.”  
  
“Yeah, especially very big—"

“You two stop, this is important,” cut Peter suddenly. “I talked to Marlene on the phone yesterday to congratulate her for her last album, and we started talking about security and all that. I asked her how she could be safe from the stalkers who followed her everywhere before, you know, and she gave me the number of a company called Cerberus Security. I called this morning and they agreed to—”  
  
“Wait-wait-wait... If this is going where I think it's going, I'm not liking it,” interrupted Sirius menacingly.  
  
“They agreed to a meeting Sirius, today, see how it goes and if they can offer something worth our while. We can always back down if it's not for us,” continued Peter, his tone uncharacteristically determined.  
  
“I'm not going to have some kind of goon following me around all day!”  
  
“Let the man speak, Sirius,” said James while putting a hand on his best friend's shoulder.  
  
“They don't just offer personal bodyguards,” started Peter slowly. “They also offer security for live shows and on tour. We wouldn't have to check if the security system is good everytime we do a gig, because it would always be the same people we would’ve already vetted. Marlene swears by it, she says she has never felt safer now since she started her career. And we would reduce our risk of getting another lawsuit if one of us loses control again,” he finished without looking at Sirius.  
  
“That was one time!” said Sirius angrily. “And the tosser deserved it too!”  
  
“Yes, we know, it wasn't your fault. But we were damn lucky the guy dropped the charges! We can't let that happen again,” said James. “Just last week you got your shirt ripped when a crazy fan tried to take selfies with us.”  
  
“You agree with this?!” Sirius said, standing up suddenly.  
  
“I agree that we should meet with whoever runs that company, so we can talk about what they can offer,” calmly replied James. “We can't go on like this. We've been lucky enough, but we will get hurt if we don't increase our security, sooner or later. It's a miracle we haven't already.”  
  
Peter nodded emphatically.  
  
Sirius started pacing the room back and forth, pointing his finger at both Peter and James. “I don't like this!”  
  
“Yes, you don't like this, and you don't want someone in your knickers, we know. Although it wouldn't hurt you to get it on with someone, how long has it been huh?” James asked teasingly.  
  
“Shut up Potter. We can't all be easy.” Sirius started angrily pacing. Some strands of hair fell from his bun into his face elegantly. James could never dream of achieving such casual grace even if he tried. _Bloody Black genetics_ , he thought fondly.  
  
“I already arranged a meeting with them. This afternoon at 1PM, here in London. Be there?” said Peter with a hopeful note.  
  
“We will be.” James replied as they heard Sirius close the bathroom door forcefully behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you have an idea what Remus's medical condition might be? There will be more clues going on forward!


	3. First impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luckily, first impressions aren't always right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Swear words, as usual. Actually, I think there's going to be swear words in every chapter, so be warned in advance!

The building of Cerberus Security had nothing special. Five floors, and thick walls of concrete with a couple of tall windows. What was impressive was their logo: three dog heads facing forward menacingly inside a triangle, like they were about to pop out of it. Thanks to his stupid upbringing in the upper class of society, Sirius knew that Cerberus, the hound of Hades, was a three headed dog that guarded the door to the Underworld in the Greek mythology.  
  
_Clever_ , thought Sirius as he stopped the engine of his motorcycle, letting James get up. Whoever came up with the name and logo for that security company obviously had some sort of intelligence, which was barely making his mood more optimistic about the whole thing.  
  
Their group’s black car halted to a stop, letting Fabian and Gideon out. Peter, who was always the one driving the band everywhere, got out soon after and smiled. “Here we are, lads!”

"Well, this is bigger than I expected!" Fabian said while scratching his beard.

"As the actress said to the bishop,¹" answered Peter, Sirius and James in unison.

Gideon sighed, his face contorted in disgust. "Ugh, I hate that joke."

"It's 'The Office' man, come on!" James answered.

Peter shook his head, "Actually, that saying is much older than 'The Office'. I heard it can be traced back to the 1900s—"

"Blargh, who cares?" Fabian interrupted.

Sirius offered his arm to James wordlessly as they started walking towards the building, but James pat it instead of taking it.  
  
“Is that a red head beauty I'm seeing?” he asked slyly. Sirius smiled as he saw what indeed seemed to be a very beautiful red head woman heading their way. “Tell me the color of her eyes when you can,” James added, readjusting his thick sunglasses.  
  
“Mr Pettigrew? My name is Lily Evans, COO of Cerberus Security. I am in charge of the contracts and operations of this company. We talked on the phone this morning?” said the red head while offering her hand to Peter.  
  
“...Green,” Sirius whispered to an elated James.  
  
“Yes, nice to meet you Mrs Evans. Can I introduce you to The Marauders?” replied Peter while shaking her hand.  
  
“Please, it's Miss. I'm not married.”  
  
“She's not married,” whispered James to himself.

“Miss Evans, this is Gideon and Fabian Prewett, drummer and bassist of the group. And this is Sirius Black and James Potter, lead singer and guitarist,” said Peter as Lily shook each of their hands. Her grip was surprisingly strong.  
  
_James is probably having a heart attack_ , thought Sirius while eyeing his best friend from the corner of his eyes. He saw something terrible: James was doing this thing from back when they were in boarding school, which consisted of ruffling his already messy hair nonstop because he thought it made him look cool, or because he was nervous.

This didn't bode well.  
  
“Pleased to meet you. If you would follow me, we can talk more inside,” Evans said while leading them to the entrance of the building.

~~~

Remus climbed the stairs that lead to his apartment as fast as he could. Padfoot had been going crazy for the past couple of minutes, running in circles and pawing at Remus to make him lie down somewhere, anywhere. Remus just had the time to close his apartment door before kneeling on the floor and letting the darkness engulf him.

~~~

“What do you mean, 'He won't be able to come today'?!”  
  
Lily took a deep breath before answering to this ignorant posh boy that was sitting in front of her, his grey eyes blazing.  
  
“What I mean is that Mr Lupin is not available for a meeting today. But I assure you I'm perfectly capable of looking over the details of the contract with you until you all are satisfied with the resulting agreement,” explained Lily with an irritated voice. Remus had been right: maybe that band was more trouble than its worth.  
  
“This is unacceptable,” said Sirius while throwing his hands in the air. “I'm not signing anything until I speak to the owner of this company!” he added.  
  
“Sirius, calm down,” said James. He then turned to the fiery goddess sitting in front of him, adding, “Maybe we could—“  
  
Everyone jumped as a loud blaring sound suddenly emitted from Miss Evan's cellphone that was placed on her desk in front of them.  
  
“I'm very sorry, but I have to take this,” said Lily as she stood up and walked quickly over the door of their meeting room, closing it behind her.  
  
“Jesus fucking Christ this place is a mess,” said Sirius while he also stood up and began pacing. “What the bloody hell was that?”  
  
“A very weird choice of ringtone,” replied Gideon.  
  
“Answering a phone call during an important meeting, an invisible and unavailable CEO... Peter, I swear to God, I'm never trusting you for that kind of shit again. What a waste of time! We could be recording right now!” Sirius said, frustrated by the situation.  
  
“We already finished recording, you maniac. You're just pushing buttons for the sake of it at this point,” said Fabian.  
  
“He's certainly pushing mine,” agreed James.  
  
Sirius ignored them.  
  
“Unacceptable,” he repeated as he strode up to the door, opening it forcefully and finding Evans talking on the phone a couple of feet away, overhearing her.  
  
“...frustrated. Yeah, I'm sorry, I know this is not a good time... I'll just send them off... No, Remus, it's fine... No...”  
  
“Give me that phone, I want to speak with him,” demanded Sirius unceremoniously.  
  
Lily turned around quickly, her mouth open.  
  
“It's your boss, right? Remus Lupin? Let me speak to him. _Now,_ " he said, demanding.  
  
“Alright,” she simply said, surprisingly putting her white cellphone in his extended hand, just like that.  
  
He pressed the phone to his ear. “What kind of company makes a contract without the owner present at the meeting with the client?” said Sirius rudely.  
  
“And who do I have the pleasure of talking to? Mr Black, I assume?” asked a surprisingly deep and calm voice at the end of the line, albeit somewhat tiredly.

Sirius felt a sudden chill run along his spine, which he didn't like one bit.

“You would assume correctly,” he replied as his years of ingrained aristocratic and cold politeness took over, his accent more posh than ever.  
  
“Well, Mr Black, let me introduce myself: I am Remus Lupin, chief executive of Cerberus Security and head of the company. I unfortunately cannot be present at the moment for the meeting, but I am leaving you in the very capable hands of Miss Lily Evans, my best employee and leader of operations. Otherwise, if you would like us to meet for further explanation, I would be happy to reschedule another time,” said the voice robotically, like he had learned this speech by heart.

This seemed to only infuriate Sirius more. He could also feel many sets of eyes on him, as everybody seemed to have left the room to listen in on this side of the conversation.  
  
He took a deep breath. “It is not in the realm of possibilities for me to personally sign a security contract with a company whose CEO I have not yet seen, nor is readily available. If you cannot understand this simple concept, I suggest you revise your management methods before risking bankruptcy,” said Sirius while a gasp could be heard behind him.  
  
A beat passed. Two.  
  
“I'm very sorry to hear that. I apologize for the inconvenience. Have a nice day, Mr Black,” replied the deep voice, before the line was cut with a loud smack.  
  
That was not what Sirius had expected. At all.  
  
“Well, that didn't go as planned, eh?” said Gideon, as Sirius was looking at the phone in disbelief.  
  
“You fucking git! You blew our chances!” yelled James while marching in his direction.  
  
“And what did I blow, exactly? A chance of signing a contract with a company that doesn't value consistency and respect?”  
  
“You're talking about respect?! When you're the one who went off on him like that? By the way what was that, you sounded like your bloody father for a second there! Oh yeah, that's some sweet respect!” said James angrily.  
  
Sirius felt something red hot rising in him.  
  
“Don't you fucking dare, Potter!” he warned in a low voice.  
  
“Oh, I'll dare. Now shut up and listen to me: we need this security, and we need to hear what he has to offer. So you're going to call him back, apologize, reschedule the meeting and hope to the Gods that he will accept,” said James while pushing a finger in Sirius's chest.  
  
Sirius wanted to scoff, but something in his best friend's face caught his attention. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen him so angry. Angry and desperate.  
  
“You really want this. Why?” asked Sirius sincerely.  
  
“Because...,” he stopped, searching for the right words. “Because I'm scared, you tosser. I hate walking and not knowing if I'm being followed. I hate feeling helpless on stage when I see what appears to be someone running towards us full speed. I hate that you had to punch a guy in the face and break his fucking nose so he would leave us alone. We need this, and this seems like an ace contract,” said James, ending his speech with a voice barely above a whisper, taking Sirius by the shoulders. James was wearing sunglasses because it was way too bright for him outside today, and Sirius couldn't see his eyes, but somehow he imagined they were probably wider than ever.  
  
Sirius frowned, at loss for words.  
  
“I'm not going to apologize,” he finally said.  
  
“Oh for fuck's sake, do whatever. Just call him back to reschedule. Please,” replied James as he turned around and stormed back in the meeting room, somehow managing that without knocking anyone over.  
  
Sirius looked at the phone, taking his time to push the button for call backs. It didn't seem to work, stating the number as unavailable. _What the fuck?_  
  
“Um, excuse me? I don't get your phone at all,” said Sirius to Evans. She jumped, getting a hold of herself, like she had been gobsmacked moments before.  
  
“Oh sorry, yes, it's another number. Please let me,” she said while taking the phone from his hands, dialing an entirely different number and giving it back to him with wide eyes. It rang two times before Lupin answered.  
  
“Don't yell at me, Lily. I know I shouldn’t—”  
  
“Um hi, this is not Lily. It's Sirius. I mean, Sirius Black.” he said a little nervously after hearing that bloody deep voice again. He only now realized that he also had a Welsh accent, which really shouldn't matter in the first place, but somehow did.  
  
“Oh, Mr Black... Look, I'm not—”  
  
“I would like to take on your offer to reschedule the meeting. If that is of convenience with you,” said Sirius quickly, wincing at his own choice of words. He really did sound like Orion, which was more embarrassing than anything else.  
  
“You do?” the voice said in disbelief. He seemed to regain control quick enough. “Please be advised that I will not tolerate this kind of conversation of you or any of your bandmates to me or my employees if we get to continue our professional relationship in the future.”  
  
Sirius took a deep breath.  
  
“Understood,” he simply said, looking at puzzled expressions from his friends. Maybe if he said fewer words, he could shut down that weird aristocratic defense mechanism he seemed to have with that man for whatever reason.  
  
“Good. Tomorrow, 9AM?”  
  
“Deal.”  
  
“Have a nice day, Mr Black,” the voice repeated.  
  
“Likewise.” Sirius said before ending the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Remus, getting insulted was the last thing he needed today! Don't worry, they'll have occasions to explain themselves to each other someday ;)
> 
> 1 : "As the actress said to the bishop" is the UK equivalent of "That's what she said", which I actually didn't know before writing this piece! I only watched The Office US, maybe I should start watching The Office UK...


	4. God Amongst Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When posh meets boring. Or is that so?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love when expectations and assumptions are broken once you meet the person :D
> 
> ♦WARNINGS: Mocking about a disability (unknowingly), mocking about Wales (I'm sorry!), minor sexual references

“I never thought in a million years that you would give them another chance,” said Lily to Remus as they got in the underground to take the tube to work. Remus couldn’t drive because of his condition, so Lily liked to take public transports with him everyday since they lived in the same block. “Can you slow down a bit? I have shorter legs than you in case you never noticed.”  
  
“We're going to miss the tube, and then be late, and then that Black brat is going to have even more reasons to be a pain in my arse,” said Remus calmly, looking straight ahead, Padfoot by his side.  
  
“You know he and Potter are the same age as us, right? But yeah, he is something else alright. I still don't know if I'll ever forgive how he talked to you yesterday. And the way he did it too, all polite but insulting at the same time.”  
  
“I don't care if we’re the same age or not, he acts as an entitled posh boy who's probably never had any struggles in his life and thinks the world owes him a favor just for being born in it,” replied Remus, uncharacteristically viciously.  
  
“I don't think I've ever seen you so bothered by another human being before, and you haven't even met the guy yet,” laughed Lily. “Oh, and I haven’t told you the best part: I think he’s gonna fall right in your tastes.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Oh, nothing. You’ll see.” Lily smiled knowingly.

She didn't even have to come today; she could've stayed home since she wasn't supposed to work on Saturdays, but she couldn't miss what would happen in today's meeting, her curiosity too strong. And she could be of help if Potter or Black stepped out of line. Seeing Remus destroy someone with his acidic words, a perfect mix of dry sarcasm under a gentle tone, was of rare occurrence and one of her favorite things to witness, but she would also never let someone hurt her best friend. Never again.  
  
“I must say, his Potter friend is not much better,” she continued. “I think he flirted with me at least three or four times during the meeting, and asked me on a date by the end. He kept ruffling his hair like he had lice, and he wore sunglasses inside. _Inside_ , can you imagine.” She rolled her eyes.  
  
Remus sighed. He really wasn't sure he wanted to work with The Marauders, but the company needed the money and notoriety that would come with protecting a fast rising band such as this. It would be a great contract.

Still, he couldn't forget how it had felt to hear Black insult him through the speaker of his alarm device, his voice and high class RP accent echoing in his flat while he was just recovering from an episode, sitting on the floor, trying to regain consciousness enough to respond to such a vehement attack on his way of managing his business. And _then_ , Black had called him back on his phone and agreed to a meeting, which had surprised Remus immensely. How could he possibly deal with people like this?  
  
_It's only business_ , thought Remus as they got on the tube.

~~~

Sirius felt nervous. Like, twitchy fingers and shaky legs kind of nervous. He did his hair up again in a bun at least three times, feeling small hair pulling too strongly against his scalp. He just wanted this fucking meeting to start now so it could be over faster.  
  
“You're nervous,” said James as they got off the motorcycle, ever the observant. “Are you going to talk like a robotic aristocrat again?”  
  
“Shut it, Potter,” replied Sirius, embarrassed.  
  
“Blimey, that man really must have made an impression on you if you’re getting all worked up from a phone conversation alone,” James laughed. “You're lucky Peter agreed for us to go in by ourselves, and also lucky Gid and Fab didn't want to come today and already signed the papers, otherwise we would have been four people to remind you how much of a git you are for the rest of your life.”

Sirius sighed. “Yes, he's made an impression: he’s an unreliable, boring, probably old bloke, and comes from the country judging by his accent. Should’ve stayed with the sheep if you ask me,” he grumbled.  
  
They were walking up to the entrance of Cerberus Security's building when Sirius saw movement on his left, and a flash momentarily blinded him. He heard people scream and couldn't make out what they were saying.

"PLEASE STAY BEHIND THE BARRIER!" a voice boomed, and Sirius recovered his vision enough to see that about 20 people were trying to get to the both of them, posters in their hands and waving promotional t-shirts for them to be signed by James and Sirius. The only thing separating the mob and them was three guards wearing Cerberus Security coats and holding metal barriers.

"What the hell?" James said, incredulous. "What's happening?"

Sirius described the scene, and James seemed surprised. "I didn't expect that today. They must have found out we were here yesterday and knew we would be coming back somehow."

Sirius frowned. "Yeah, that must be it."

"Well, good thing we have these guards to help! Come on, or we'll be late for the meeting. NO TIME TO SIGN, SORRY!" He yelled at the crowd.

They got inside the building, where a small brown haired woman was waiting for them at the entrance.

“No red hair and emerald eyes for you today,” snickered Sirius to James, as his best friend sported a pained expression.  
  
“Mr Black, Mr Potter, pleasure to meet you. My name is Dorcas Meadowes, Mr Lupin's personal assistant. Please follow me to his office.”  
  
Sirius startled at that. He expected to go at the same meeting room they were in yesterday. _He wants to gain control by being in his own territory_ , thought Sirius. _Smart_.  
  
They took a lift to the fifth floor, talking about the weather and their last single, which the girl, Dorcas, profusely complimented them about. As they got out, they turned left until they stopped in front of a big wooden door. She opened it for them, ushering them inside a wide room with huge windows going from the floor to the ceiling at the back. There were stacks of books on a bookcase on their left, ranging from poetry, to literature, to business and management. There were some kind of plants Sirius had never seen before on their right, and a big wooden and intricate desk sat right in the middle, with what curiously seemed to be dog bowls of food and water at its side. The walls were painted with a relaxing shade of blue, going well with the vibrant green of the exotic plants. Everything felt peaceful in here, albeit a little messy.  
  
_Well, at least the man has taste_ , thought Sirius as they sat down on two chairs in front of the stunning desk. From up close, he could see there were details of a wolf and a moon in a pattern that ran along the bottom of it, quite beautiful.  
  
“Mr Lupin will be here shortly. Do you wish for any refreshments?” asked Dorcas amiably.  
  
They declined, and she left the room.

~~~

Remus and Lily arrived at work at 8:57. Right on time.

"Oh look, you were right!" said Lily as they saw a crowd of Marauders' fans dispersing under orders from their security team. "Good thing we put these barriers yesterday."

"We're already protecting them and they're not even paying us yet," Remus said with a sigh as Lily chuckled.

“Miss Evans, Mr Lupin, I'm sorry to bother you,” said Dorcas as they entered the building. “But Mrs. McKinnon just called, she would like to have a word with you,” she added as she looked at Lily.  
  
“I'm not letting you go to war alone!” said the redhead as she turned to look at Remus. “You need me beside you against Mr ‘I Own More Sunglasses Than Pants’ and Mr ‘The World Owes Me’.”  
  
“Lily, I'll be fine. Really. Call her back,” he replied gently.

Lily waved at him and sighed. “Good luck!”

Remus nodded to her.

“Please lead the way. Tell me, what's new?” he asked to Dorcas as she gave him a stack of papers for this month's report that he had to approve.

"Well," Dorcas started as she walked with him to his office. "Mr Doge called, he's wondering if he could get a woman as a bodyguard..."

"Certainly not. I'm not letting his wandering hands near any of my employees," he sighed tiredly.

"I'll tell him," Dorcas smiled in a secretive way. "Also, Mr Black and Mr Potter arrived just moments before you," she added as they entered the elevator.

Remus thought she sounded curiously eager. He looked down at her, puzzled. "Did they say anything untoward?"

"No no, they were perfectly polite. Why do you ask?" she answered, her eyes wide.

"Oh, no reason," he replied evasively as the lift reached the fifth floor.

"They are actually quite charming... if I may say so," she added quickly, a pink hue getting to her cheeks.

Now, Remus was definitely getting intrigued. "That hasn't been my experience," he said, perplexed.

~~~

Sirius stood up, curiously not feeling nervous anymore, but a little restless instead. He took his time to look around the office and approached the bookcase for further inspection. Sartre, Hemingway, Socrates, Austen, a Henry Towne and even a Shakespeare or two could be found. He took a copy of Albert Camus's 'Caligula' in his hands: it was even in French.  
  
“...are waiting inside, sir.”  
  
“Thank you, Dorcas,” a low voice replied, as Sirius felt his insides twist. He whipped his head towards the door as it opened, and his jaw dropped.  
  
Of course the owner of a company Sirius felt so averse to had to be the most gorgeous man he had seen in years.  
  
A tall, broad shouldered, curly sandy blond man with, to put the cherry on top, a scar running across his face that somehow made him even more attractive, entered the room smoothly. A big black dog was walking by his side with a red vest on.  
  
Sirius didn't have thoughts. It's like his mind had gone and left him for good.  
  
“Gentlemen,” the tall man said, nodding to James and Sirius. He had another tiny scar on his upper lip, a little on the left side. “So, which one of you is Mr Potter and Mr Black?” he asked amiably as he walked past them to his desk to put down what Sirius just now noticed was a huge stack of papers in folders.  
  
Sirius suddenly felt his mind come back online and all his thoughts flew in his head at once, so naturally he said the worst thing he could have said.  
  
“See? That's why you don't try to make a contract without personally meeting with your clients first, you'll get us mixed up.” He sounded childish and weak even to his own ears. He cringed internally as the beautiful man standing in front of him turned fully towards him, and smiled.  
  
“Ah, Mr Black. Yes, we wouldn't want to confuse you with anyone else, what a shame that would be.” Lupin looked straight at him.  
  
Sirius had no idea if he should take this as a compliment or an insult, or both. So, he did neither as the man walked to him with long strides, extending his hand.  
  
“Remus Lupin, nice to meet you.”

Sirius looked at him intently. “Sirius Black, pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

They shook hands. His was so large, it could probably crush Sirius's own in a heartbeat. Unbidden images of these same large hands on Sirius's hips and in his hair came to mind, there and gone as fast as lightning, making him weak in the knees. Sirius looked up into gentle hazel eyes, a couple of inches above his own.  
  
_This is not the time_ , thought Sirius. _This is not the time nor the person nor the place for_ –  
  
“Interesting choice,” said Remus, breaking Sirius's reverie.  
  
_What?_  
  
“Have you read it?”  
  
_Oh_ , thought Sirius. He had completely forgotten he was still holding Camus's play in his left hand.  
  
“Of course,” Sirius replied haughtily.  
  
“A telltale of playing God amongst men,” said Lupin quietly.  
  
“And in doing such, morphing into a monster,” replied Sirius.  
  
Lupin smiled, his eyes twinkling in the low morning light. His scar, which started above his left eyebrow and ended on his right cheek, stretched a little with the motion.  
  
James coughed.  
  
“Mr Lupin, pleasure to meet you. I'm James Potter, guitarist of The Marauders” he said as he stood up and shook hands.  
  
“The pleasure is mine. Shall we?” he said, motioning towards the desk. Sirius went to sit down.  
  
The dog was lying beside the desk on a cushion. Sirius had almost forgotten it was there, quiet as it was. He had always loved dogs: he even asked for one on his tenth birthday. He remembered receiving a family heirloom instead, something like a locket, completely useless.  
  
He waved to the dog who was looking at him, its tail wagging. He went to pet it, but noticed at the last second that the piece of clothing it was wearing was a service dog's vest.  
  
“Oh, my apologies. Is it working at the moment?” Sirius asked, retracting his hand.  
  
“He always is,” replied Lupin, his voice curiously void from any emotion.  
  
“Belgian Malinois?” asked Sirius, though the black fur made him unsure of the breed.  
  
“German Shepherd,” the owner said, adding, “His name's Padfoot.”  
  
Dog ears tweaked in his direction at that.  
  
As Sirius sat down, he realised James was looking at him very strangely, his eyes a little crossed behind his thick glasses.  
  
“So, let's begin, shall we?” started Lupin. “Lily told me two of your bandmates already signed the contract,” Remus said while opening a folder. “Fabian and Gideon Prewett,” he added, reading the lines. “Your manager, Mr Pettigrew, asked for our complete services, which includes us providing all the security system and staff during any live shows, making background checks when needed be, providing 24h assistance, and personal security on a day to day basis when needed,” he continued. “Of course, the decisions that affect the entire group must be signed as a whole, but on the matter of private personal security, you are free to decline, change the boundaries, or take on the service at any given time. We would have to make a different contract each time though, which can be quite the hassle, so I suggest you take the time to think about what you really want on this matter. Messrs Prewett decided to have one personal bodyguard each only when they are going from one place to another during show nights or other music related activities. This is one of the least invasive option on physical personal security. Middle ground would be having a bodyguard with you each time you step outside, and the full package is having someone following around 24/7, which we like to call ‘The Presidential’ option. Surveillance, a long-distance type of personal security, can also be an option. Have you thought about how our services can meet your needs? We can start with you, Mr. Potter?” finished Remus amiably.  
  
“I think I would like the middle ground, as you called it. I don't know if my manager already disclosed this, but I am legally blind. With my glasses on, I can see about three or four feet somewhat clearly in front of me, the rest is a blur. So someone who could protect me and drive when I'm going places would be perfect for me,” said James.  
  
“I’m sorry to hear about your eyesight," said Lupin sincerely. "I have to say, all our bodyguards and security staff are perfectly well trained to answer to any given situation. I see to it personally,” he added sternly. “Our topmost priority is for you to feel safe, but also free. We can adjust to your needs if you wanted, for example, a simple surveillance, or a proximity that would act as your eyes and ears, allowing you to feel comfortable.”  
  
“Sounds good to me,” replied James.  
  
“Perfect. And what about you, Mr Black? Are you interested in our private personal security services?” Lupin said, looking straight at him.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Sirius...” sighed James, putting a hand over his face.  
  
“What? I don't want some goons I don't know following me around all day, I already told you that,” said Sirius impatiently.  
  
“Perhaps our long-distance surveillance would be the best option for you?” said Lupin.  
  
“And what—”  
  
Suddenly, Padfoot stood up and barked loudly, only once.  
  
“Padfoot, stand down,” said Remus firmly. “I'm very sorry. You were saying?”  
  
“I was about to ask—”  
  
The dog left his cushion and hovered around Lupin. He clasped his hands together, looking at his desk with his head down. In the blink of an eye, the moment was gone, and he shook his head, looking up at James and Sirius with a blank stare.  
  
Something unnamed surged in Sirius's chest, something he didn't comprehend or even knew how to react to.  
  
“Are you alright?” Sirius asked as he bent forward in his chair and put a hand on the desk in a half-reaching motion, a sudden note of worry making its way, although he had only known the man for a total of 10 minutes and was supposed to dislike him.  
  
“I'm f-fine. I'm very sorry for Padfoot i-interrupting you. He won't interrupt us again for a while. Please continue,” said Lupin slowly.  
  
“Well... I was just wondering... what would entail the long-distance surveillance thing you were talking about.” Sirius said, unsure.  
  
Lupin seemed to be drained of all his energy as he answered: “It consists of a bodyguard making background checks and securing the perimeter, with you barely noticing them. You have the security with quick intervention if needed be without the feeling of being watched or followed.”  
  
“That... that actually sounds good,” said Sirius with honesty. “Um, we could take a break if you want? I could use a fag right now,” he added uncertainly.  
  
“It's fine, we're almost done. Would you be interested in signing a contract with a long-distance surveillance bodyguard then?” Lupin asked.  
  
“I would.”  
  
“Perfect. I'll just print the right papers and come back so you can sign them. You can smoke on the balcony in the meantime if you wish,” said Remus, motioning towards a sliding door that lead outside, which Sirius hadn't noticed before.  
  
“Thank you,” answered Sirius, getting a cigarette out of his pocket and walking to the balcony. They were at the 5th floor, and the view was excellent on London. Looking down, he saw that the crowd was almost all gone from the entrance of the building.

James followed him out. “What do you think that was?” he said after making sure he closed the door correctly, seeing the blurry figure of Lupin leave the office to print new contracts for them, his dog following him.  
  
“I've got no idea,” replied Sirius, lighting his cigarette and taking a drag. He didn't smoke often, but usually had at least one on him for times like these when he needed a break, or an escape. He toyed with his black lighter with engravings: ‘Always Black, Always Together’. It was a gift he had received a long, long time ago, and it was just the right kind of corny that it would pass under his parents’ watchful eyes.  
  
James saw Sirius fidgeting with it, but said nothing. They spent a couple of minutes in silence, deep in their own respective thoughts. Sirius looked at the smoke twirling in front of him, making ephemeral shapes.  
  
“You two get along better than expected,” said James, breaking the silence. “I imagine his big dick energy has a lot to do with it, on your part at least,” he smirked.  
  
“Sod off, I'm not in the mood.”  
  
“Oh, you definitely were back when he shook your hand, I know how you sound when you're completely lovestruck,” laughed James.  
  
“Are you gay for me, Potter?”  
  
“You wish. Nah, I've got my eyes on a fiery goddess at the moment,” he sighed, leaning on the balcony rail.  
  
“That’s never going to happen. She hates your guts, I could see it in her eyes.”  
  
“And what do you see in Mr Scarface's eyes, mmh?”  
  
“Don't call him that,” Sirius said, feeling inexplicably protective.  
  
“Hey, it's not a bad thing. Really makes him look more mysterious, which I know you are utterly bent for,” added James candidly.  
  
“I don't understand anything about him,” somewhat agreed Sirius, putting his lighter back in the pocket of his leather jacket. “Something is off. I expected him to be old, but he looks the same age as us, 30 years tops. And did you see how tired he looked after his dog barked? It's like he had been daydreaming about doing a marathon or something.”  
  
“Medical condition?”  
  
“Obviously, since he has a service dog. I just don't—“  
  
They heard the office door open, so Sirius stopped talking and put out his cigarette, heading back inside.  
  
“Now shut up Potter,” he said, passing in front of him.  
  
“After you, your majesty!” replied James while sliding the door leading back inside the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're like me and you always wonder how the characters sound like :
> 
> • Sirius has an almost old fashioned RP (Received Pronunciation) accent, or in other words, 'Queen's English'. He talks in looong vooowels, with clipped and precise tones, which is considered very upper class in the UK (or so I heard).
> 
> • Remus, as mentioned, has a Welsh accent, which is gentle, and very lyrical and sing-songy (very beautiful in my opinion!). The interesting thing with Remus though is that while he has a Welsh accent, he still uses extensive vocabulary most of the time, almost like an RP would. There's a reason for that which will be explained in later chapters :)
> 
> • Lily has a Cockney accent, where her T's are usually dropped for a more glottal sound, and she also drops her H's entirely. Think of Adele, for example (but not when she's singing though).
> 
> • James has an RP accent, but much less heightened than Sirius, if that makes sense. It's more 'flat'.
> 
> I think accents are SO interesting! I love the fact that the UK has so many different accents, it's amazing!
> 
> Now, I'm repeating myself, but English is NOT my first language, so I'm trying really hard to make it authentic, I'm sorry if certain parts sound weird!


	5. Nemesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rehearsal can take on many forms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No special warning for this chapter!
> 
> There's less dialogue, but we dive into our characters' psyche and Remus's illness a bit more!

Remus woke up slowly, feeling Padfoot's fur under his palm. Normally he wouldn't let him sleep in bed like that, but that dog could make the cutest puppy eyes when he wanted to, and Remus wasn't able to refuse a night here and there with a bit of warmth by his side. He refused to admit it, but he was getting a bit lonely sometimes, especially on cold nights like yesterday's.

He petted Padfoot on the head, who was already awake and looking at him calmly. As usual, Remus felt a sense of gratitude as he looked into his dog's eyes.

Life before Padfoot had been quite different: Remus used to fall repeatedly when he had bad episodes, and broke his nose and arms many times because of it. He would get concussions and bruises a couple of times a year, since he sometimes had a hard time knowing when a seizure would strike, and how bad it would be. He had spent 20 years without Padfoot, and it had been hard. Real hard.

Now, at 27 years old and after three years of having Padfoot by his side almost every hour of every day, falling had become a rare occurence. That dog was stubborn, and perfectly trained to warn and protect his one and only master.

The array of things he could do would always amaze Remus. If he sensed a seizure coming, he would alert him by barking, pawing and hovering around until his master would lie down or sit somewhere safe. If Remus was already lying down, Padfoot would lie on top of him, putting his entire weight on Remus's chest, making it difficult to stand up. And if Remus kept standing up and fell, the dog was trained to break the fall by placing his own body between his master and the ground. Life was much easier with Padfoot than without him, and Remus hoped he still had many years with his favourite companion.

He looked at his beautiful black fur and suddenly thought about Sirius Black's hair, which made him think of yesterday's meeting, which made him groan and lowered his mood enormously.

They had to know by now. They even saw him have a seizure, though Remus believed it to be probably only a short absence judging by their reactions, or lack thereof. Potter had looked puzzled, and Black had looked worried, which was the weirdest thing of it all and Remus didn't want to spend another second thinking about it.  
  
He stood up, looking for something to put on, as he liked to sleep without a shirt. He found a pale blue jumper and some black trousers, and put them on as he got out of his bedroom. He went towards the kitchen, added a bit of food into Padfoot's bowl, and made himself a glass of water to take his morning medication.

The place was a soundproof three rooms apartment on the building's fourth floor, the living room and kitchen being an open area. It was well decorated, deep colors in red tones and a bit of yellow popping here and there. Remus liked it; he felt safe in here, cozy, relaxed. Lily was living in the same building, just three stories down, since she disliked heights.

Padfoot whimpered, looking at Remus with his head cocked to the side.  
  
"Alright, big boy. Let's get outside."  
  
The dog wagged his tail excitedly, his tongue out.  
  
Remus took his keys, a coat, a scarf and a leash before leaving. His cellphone, already in his pocket, vibrated; it was a text from Lily.

> (7:02) _  
> **Lils:** Wanna eat breakfast 2gether? I made pancakes_ **  
> **  
>  (7:03)  
>  **_Remus:_** _Sounds good to me! Getting Padfoot out, I'll join you after_

He locked his phone, smiling. Pancakes could certainly uplift his mood.

~~~

Sirius loved going to Brighton. The road from London was basically a straight line with some interesting curves, and the salty air upon arriving always made him feel free. He liked to do the distance with his bike whenever he had to go there. He owned a Triumph Bonneville T120 in matte black, and it was just _perfect_. He had bought it at 21 years old when their first album got out, back in the days when The Marauders only consisted of he and James. He named it Elvendork, which was actually James's idea, and he used it whenever the weather permitted it, even during winter.  
  
He arrived in Brighton at around 14:00 for the live performance they would be doing the same night, long before the rest of The Marauders would arrive. He took the time to smoke a fag or two while waiting for them, taking a stroll near the ocean where he could let his mind slip at the sound of waves crashing.

It seemed like no one had yet discovered the fact that Sirius Black, lead singer of a popular rock band, could be found all alone without any protection for many hours near the venue before show nights. He was always careful, using a hoodie to hide his hair and face and staying far from crowds, but nobody bothered him. Nobody thought that he could be seen wandering alone with a fag in his mouth and hands in his pockets without the rest of the Marauders.

Sirius liked these quiet moments, being in his own head, observing the world and its people living in it, unnoticed. He felt like he had an invisibility cloak over his shoulders, making him feel powerful. Free and alone, but not lonely.

As he smoked while looking at the ocean spreading out in front of him, he wondered, probably for the hundredth time now, if he really needed a bodyguard. Lupin had said they would start having security for live shows from tonight and then onward, but they would only get their personal bodyguards in two days, after passing a personality test or some other bothersome things that Sirius hadn't quite understood. He was still wondering if all this business was entirely necessary.

Their group had really took off since last year, but fame was quite manageable in Sirius's opinion. Even now, all alone and in the open, nobody seemed to give a shit.

An hour later, Fab, Gid, Pete and James arrived in their huge black car with tinted windows.  
  
"Now smell the ocean, my friends!" Fabian got out of the car, stretching his legs. "For tonight, we will only be smelling of sweat!"  
  
Gideon got out after him. "You're disgusting."  
  
Sirius smiled, and then waved to a white truck that was coming to them with all their equipment and instruments they needed for tonight.  
  
"Let's practice, shall we?" he said to his group, flicking his cigarette.

~~~

Sundays equal training day for Cerberus Security. For those who wanted to perfect their training, they could come to the building's first floor where a big room with a floor full of mats was arranged especially for that purpose. Other rooms had gym equipment in them as well, which was always available for the employees when they had free time.  
  
They usually divided the entire staff into disciplines for the first half of the afternoon, and then make a tournament involving everyone who cared to join for the second half. The team consisted of around 35 people now, all trained in different types of defense and offense, so it could quickly become very interesting. At two in the afternoon, Remus and Lily were practically drenched in sweat.  
  
"Dedalus! Use your elbows to your advantage, I know you could take Kingsley down if you used them more. Try it next time?" Remus said as he passed through the different fighting styles. He surveyed the karate group, seeing Benjy Fenwick giving corrections to a younger member of the staff, and Lily taking on a much larger man in the judo group and apparently winning, which was always interesting to watch.  
  
Remus used his whistle. "Everyone! Good job on the training! We start the tournament in 30 minutes. Take a break if you wish."  
  
He saw Lily pat the shoulder of her opponent, and ran towards him. "Are you going to compete today?" she asked excitingly as the groups dispersed, her smile big on her face. Her hair was damp with the effort and her cheeks red, but she looked as beautiful as ever, if more fierce.  
  
"I don't know," he answered evasively. "We'll see."

~~~

Sirius liked to take the time to greet every worker who helped the band, in any shape or form. Being grateful helped him realise that what they were doing was bigger than any of them, and that it takes an entire team to be able to do what he loved. Going on stage was the second-best thing Sirius preferred, after completing a new song in their recording studio.  
  
This was his happy place. Feeling the crowd, their energy in sync with his own, the atmosphere charged with an unnamed feeling... he would go on stage everyday if he could.  
  
But for now, they were practicing their songs to see if everything felt right. The venue in Brighton was big, so they had to adjust their sound a few times with the help of the backstage technicians.  
  
Soon, he knew, Cerberus Security would be arriving, with probably a couple of brainless big blokes, to get a feel of the place. Lupin had said they would arrive about one hour before the show was supposed to start.  
  
Thinking of Lupin and their meeting made Sirius uneasy, as he really couldn't get him at all. He was quite peculiar, which was very intriguing, and had an aura of mystery surrounding him that Sirius couldn't really pinpoint. Was it the scar? The need for a service dog? The polite Welsh accent with an undertone of dry sarcasm? Something in him rubbed Sirius, but he didn't know if it was in the right or wrong way yet.  
  
Of course, the fact that the man was beyond gorgeous to Sirius's eyes didn't help any.  
  
"Thinking of your big guy, heh?" Gideon clapped him on the shoulders as they left the stage, the rehearsal being over.  
  
As soon as the meeting with Lupin had been over and James and Sirius had arrived home, Fabian, Gideon and Peter had met them to ask how it went, and of course James quickly provided any and every little inane details. Which included how, in his eyes, Sirius had been like a deer in the headlights in front of Cerberus's CEO.  
  
Which was actually, to Sirius's dismay, not far from the truth.  
  
"Sod off," answered Sirius sullenly.  
  
"Well James, you didn't tell us he had it this bad!" quipped Fabian.  
  
"That's because James is much worse, what with 'fiery goddess' here and 'emerald eyes' there." Sirius rolled his eyes exaggeratingly.  
  
"And how would you describe Lupin, mmh?" James asked, pushing him playfully.  
  
_That's the core of the problem_ , thought Sirius. He had no idea how to.

~~~

"BENJY, DON'T LET HIM GET UP! PUT HIM DOWN!" a man yelled.  
  
"COME ON, REMUS! GET YOUR LEG 'ROUND HIM!" screamed Lily.  
  
She was sitting on a bench with the rest of the staff that had stayed for the tournament. Remus and Benjy were the two last competitors, having won all their previous fights with the others.  
  
She was screaming more loudly than any of the people watching.  
  
"YEAH THAT'S IT, NOW GET UP!" she yelled, jumping on her feet.  
  
Remus had been in a disadvantage only seconds before, as Benjy had held him on the mat with a firm hold, all their limbs entwined. Lily, being trained in judo, couldn't help but yell advices each time a fight transferred to mat positions.  
  
Remus gave a push with both his arms and kicked Benjy off of him, making him roll. Remus quickly got back on his feet, his training being way more useful standing than lying. He took a deep breath, taking position with his legs firmly planted, his arms ready to strike as Benjy got up, too.  
  
It was always interesting to mix the martial arts fights during tournament. Here, Benjy was a master of karate: he quickly took position and waited in defense, always hopping on his feet, his long dreadlocks bouncing and his olive skin glistening. Remus's posture was calm but ready to strike, almost like a lion about to pounce on its prey. He advanced towards Benjy slowly, his eyes calculating.  
  
As Benjy tried a fast high kick with his left leg, Remus protected his head with his right elbow and took the opportunity to enter in his space by rotating quickly, swiftly getting a hold of Benjy's lifted leg and pushing against him with his left shoulder, making him fall on his back on the mat with a deep thud.  
  
Everybody on the bench stood up, whooping loudly.  
  
"YES! FINISH HIM!" Lily yelled, her grin splitting her face in two.  
  
Remus bent his knee and pressed it on Benjy's chest, keeping his arms in a lock.

The audience began the countdown, cheering loudly.  
  
"TEN! NINE! EIGHT!"  
  
Benjy tried to wiggle his way out of Remus's grip, in vain.  
  
"SEVEN! SIX!"  
  
He tried to get his feet under him to propel Remus over, but Remus put more weight on Benjy’s chest in response.  
  
"FIVE! FOUR! THREE!"  
  
Remus looked into Benjy's scrunched up face, sweaty from the exertion. He tried to bend his legs to kick Remus behind his back while trying to break his arms free, but to no avail.  
  
"TWO! ONE!"  
  
Remus's face split into a big grin as he heard the whistle, effectively winning today's tournament, and released Benjy immediately.  
  
He extended his arm to help him on his feet. "Good fight mate," Remus said as Benjy smiled back and took his offered arm.

~~~

"Sirius, d'you reckon I should start putting on eyeliner, too?" Gideon asked sincerely, looking at his face in the mirror.

"If you wanna look like a ginger raccoon, then maybe. You know only Sirius can pull it off," Fabian said, scratching his beard.  
  
"Yeah, I think people dig your gentle papa bear aura. Leave the sexy emotional distress to Sirius, he revels in it," said James to Gideon as he was choosing an outfit for the night in their portable wardrobe.  
  
Peter snorted from where he was sitting.  
  
"What are you laughing at, you little weasel?" Sirius gave Peter a clip around the ear.  
  
"Sexy emo," scoffed Fabian. "Now if that's not Sirius in a nutshell, I don't know what is."  
  
"I'm punk rock, you wankers. There's a difference," said Sirius, exasperated but smiling.  
  
"Anybody who says they're punk rock are not punk rock. It's one of the Ten Commandments!" Fabian cackled.  
  
James laughed as Sirius took Fabian in a headlock.

~~~

Remus, Lily and the team for tonight arrived exactly one hour before the doors of the venue would open to the public. That way, Remus could talk with his employees and have a plan for every possible situation that could arise in a place such as this one. Also, he could have a word with the band before the performance, making things go as smooth as possible.

That band. Remus was still not sure on which foot to dance with these people, but especially with that posh brat Sirius Black, who really had irked him on their very first conversation on the phone, where he spoke to him like he was the latest scum walking on earth. Just talking beside Black made him feel poor, which reminded him of his childhood, which he desperately wanted to forget about.  
  
Remus was not one to judge and put too much importance on first impressions, so he didn't know why he disliked Black that much. Under normal circumstances, he would've given a chance to the guy, but somehow, he couldn't do that with him. It might have something to do with Black's apparent perfect looks, grey eyes sharp and high cheekbones that could cut through anything. He even seemed to have long hair, which had always been a weak spot for Remus. It was a chance that Black had his hair tied in a bun when they met, although he still managed to look more elegant than Remus could ever be.  
  
But even after all that, there was something more, something indescribable that pulled him in, making him want to know more about the man. He would never admit it to anyone, but he had made a quick search about Black after their meeting, just to realise he came from a very rich family who owned a pharmaceutical company, and that he had been in court six months ago because he had attacked a fan, but the charges had been dropped miraculously, probably paid and bought by the Black family. Needless to say, it had only reinforced Remus's bad opinion about him: a rich, impulsive man who got everything he ever wanted in life without needing to lift a finger, who got away with anything with mummy and daddy cleaning the mess behind him.  
  
"Anxious about seeing your nemesis?" Lily said while they were looking at the stage in front of them.  
  
"You're so dramatic," he scoffed. "I don't care about him. I just need to keep him alive so he can continue paying me good money."  
  
"That's not like you at all." She looked at him curiously. "I know he was a real little shit when he called you with my phone, but you told me the meeting went well. And still, it seems like you hate the guy..." She turned to him fully, her eyes squinting. "Is there something you're not telling me?"  
  
Remus thought about those intelligent silver eyes again, looking right into him, as if they could unveil any of his secrets.  
  
"No," he said after some time, keeping his voice levelled. "I just don't like him. There's nothing more to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say, I know absolutely NOTHING about any type of fighting styles or martial arts, so yeah... describing a fight was hard *-* but also enjoyable to write!
> 
> • [To know more about epilespy](https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy)
> 
> • [Information about service dogs in the UK](https://www.assistancedogs.org.uk/)
> 
> • [And here if you want to donate for a service dogs' foundation which I adore](https://www.mira.ca/en/donate)


	6. Like Wax On A Candle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders put Cerberus Security to work with a concert in Brighton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Minor kinda graphic sex related topic. ( ꈍᴗꈍ)
> 
> Posted two chapters for the price of one today :D

Preparation for a show was like a ritual to Sirius. The first half of it had already been done this afternoon; go to the venue early to get a feel of the place, smoke a fag outside while waiting for the others to arrive, oversee the load-in¹, greet every background worker installing the backline², and rehearse with the band for soundcheck³. Then, he would choose his outfit carefully, put on jewelery, apply makeup, rearrange his hair, rearrange his outfit one last time, and then close his eyes and wait until they were called to go on stage by Peter. Everything he did after the soundcheck was uncharacteristically in utter silence, his mind too occupied by the sounds they were about to produce on stage and his body trying to contain his excitement.

His bandmates were quite different.

"We'll finally see Cerberus Security's worth tonight," Fabian said, lounging on a long plush chair in their green room⁴ as Sirius was applying his eyeliner with practiced ease in front of a big mirror. He sighed.

They had been talking about if flies could hear and if snails could smell for the past 15 minutes or so.

James was trying to rearrange his hair for the hundredth times without success, and Gideon was standing against the wall, his arms crossed, his fingers drumming incessantly. They could already hear the crowd screaming, and they were not due on stage for another 20 minutes.

"Peter said Evans will come talk to us before we start, just to explain things a bit," said Fabian, looking at his watch.

"I wonder what there is to explain. They do their job while we do ours, and hopefully nobody gets hurt."

"My brother, always the optimist," Fabian shook his head. "There's at least one person who's going to be very happy about this visit, right Jamesie?" He looked over at their guitarist, who was still in front of the mirror, obsessively trying to tame his hair.

"She is the most beautiful and intelligent lady I've ever met," agreed James easily, a dopey smile on his face. "She has eyes like emeralds, shining like the grass on a meadow under the—"

A knock interrupted James's poetic tirade, and the door revealed the subject of his attention followed by an unexpected guest. Or maybe Sirius should have expected, considering the guest _is_ the boss of their security team.

Shit.

"Well," Fabian whispered, "I was wrong. Two people will be happy tonight." He sneered, looking in Sirius's direction.

Sirius whipped his head back to the mirror. He could still see Lupin's wide shoulders and sandy hair in the reflection as he shook the hands of Fabian and Gideon, introducing himself.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," he addressed the entire group in his deep Welsh accent. Sirius screwed his eyes shut. "I wanted to come personally for the first night of our contract, just to make sure everything goes smoothly. We wouldn't want any of you to think we don't take our job very seriously."

Sirius opened his eyes again and turned around, feeling like he was being watched. Indeed, Lupin was looking straight at him, his chipped eyebrow slightly raised. However, something very interesting happened then. Lupin took a deep breath, and seemed to take Sirius in: he looked at his eyes, his long hair reaching just below his shoulders, his multiple silver earrings, the holes in his shirt and trousers, his black combat boots, and back at his face again. Sirius felt like he was melting under his gaze, like wax on a very, very hot candle.

"So, let us explain how we usually proceed," said Lily so suddenly it made Sirius jumped. "We already had a talk with our team for the night. There are ten guards in total to make sure everything goes well. Four of them are going to be in front of the crowd, just below the stage, looking at the audience head on. Two are guarding the entry to this building. Two will guard the access from backstage to the stage, and two will escort you from the backdoor to your vehicules when you are done for the night. They act as backup if needed until then. These last two will be myself and Mr Lupin for tonight."

Lily looked at all four of them in turns, making sure they were listening. "You can interact with the crowd, but bodysurfing is out of the way if you want to keep the job easy on your security. You can touch hands, sign stuff, but always make sure there's at least one guard who knows you're doing it while you do it. Understood?"

"Yes, m'lady," said James, reaching for his hair mechanically.

Lily glared at him. "Don't small talk to the guards while they're on duty. You can talk to them only if you need something or have a question related to security." She nodded to Remus.

"Miss Evans and I will be backstage for backup, to make sure everything feels right. If you have any complaints, you can address it to us personally. We do not accept any harrassment to our team, in whatever shape or form." Remus joined his hands behind his back. "You can ask their name and talk if you want to, but once you go on stage, you let them do their job. Each guard is trained in combat and can react to any given situation in the best of their abilities, but only if they are not distracted first. All the guards are recognizable by wearing a blue vest with our logo on the front and back of it, both reflective. Any questions?"

"Everything sounds good to me," said Fabian, while the rest nodded.

"Good," Lupin smiled. "Then, goodnight to you, and have a nice time."

~~~

"Ohmy _God_ ," Lily said as soon as they were out of the green room, the door closed behind them. "Tell me, was it the eyeliner that did it? Or the long hair down?"

"I have no idea what you're on about," answered Remus as he walked faster.

"Bollocks," she scoffed. "You were practically _drooling_ , so much so I had to take over. I never thought I'd see the day." She sounded a bit breathless with the exertion of following Remus's long strides, Padfoot trotting beside him. They took a corridor that lead to the backstage area.

"You're mistaken, the drool belonged to Mr Potter. He's very taken with you, don't you think?"

"Oh, don't you change the subject, I know how you operate Rem," she pointed a finger in his direction, though she was behind him. "I knew there was more to it, and you lied to me. Admit it: you checked him out!" Her voice had a note of triumph in it, as if she couldn't believe it herself.

"I have no interest in Mr Potter."

"You know perfectly well that's not who we're talking about!" She almost yelled.

"We are not talking about _anyone_ ," Remus said forcefully.

Lily stopped walking and crossed her arms. "Alright, be a coward and deny it. It only makes you look ridiculous, but hey, who am I to tell you what to do?"

Remus whipped around.

"I am _not_ a coward." His voice was strained as he walked back to her, towering over her.

Lily raised her chin defiantly. "If you say so."

Neither of them talked for a moment. They could hear the crowd cheering distantly, waiting.

Remus squinched his eyes. She held his gaze.

He took a deep breath. "Alright," he seemed to deflate a little. "Yes."

"Yes, what?" asked Lily innocently.

"Yes, I was, as you so called it, 'checking him out'. Happy?" He crossed his arms, mirroring Lily's position.

"Who were you checking out? I'm not sure." She placed a hand on her chin, faking a pensive look.

"You're pushing it!" Remus said indignantly.

"Oh, but I'm not. We could be talking about one of the two non identical redhead twins for all I know."

Remus looked at the ceiling, and closed his eyes, his voice barely above a whisper. "I was checking out Sirius Black."

"And why is that so?"

"Because he is the literal definition of sex on legs, and I don't think I've ever seen someone so charismatic and attractive in my bloody life, especially with that _fucking_ eyeliner, and hair just the right length to be pulled from behind. Are we quite finished?" He sent a miserable look at Lily.

She was gaping.

"Remus John Lupin." A slow smile made its way to her lips, her eyes wide. "I didn't think you had it in you!" She punched his arm to make a point.

Remus sighed, turning around and started to walk again, Padfoot on his heels. "What do you think I am, a bloody robot? Of course I... of course I 'have it in me'."

"Yes, I can see that!" She nodded frantically, walking beside him. "You utterly and completely got the hots for none other than Sirius Black, the 'brat' you keep hating on about. Oh, this day is glorious!"

"You are blowing this out of proportion..."

"Memorable day, I tell you." She kept talking as if she hadn't heard him.

"Can we change the subject? We have work to do here, in case you've forgotten."

"Yes, yes, _work_. Oh, this is going to be so interesting." She was smiling widely as they were approaching the backstage area.

"I don't think I've seen you this excited in years," Remus said, forlorn.

"Right length of hair to... wow, that was descriptive. I think the one who's excited isn't me now, innit?" She cackled.

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?" Remus said, embarrassed.

"Never," she agreed, smiling.

~~~

"It's time boys!" Peter said as he entered the green room, a big smile on his face. "The crowd can't wait any longer!"

Sirius opened his eyes, stood up and walked out of their room first in tow. He was determined, ready to tackle on this stage, and giddier with adrenaline the more they came close to it. His smile was predatory.

They passed a huge, dark skinned and bald guard backstage who nodded solemnly at them, and Sirius saw blond curls in his peripheral vision. He slowed down and turned his head.

Indeed, he saw Lupin standing in a corner with his dog at his feet, wearing the same blue vest as the other guard, an earpiece in his right ear. When their eyes met, Lupin immediately looked elsewhere and crossed his arms. Sirius had a fleeting image of the way Lupin had looked at him earlier, which now seemed almost like something he had made up from his imagination.

_Stop thinking about it_ , thought Sirius. _What matters now is the crowd and the music_.

"Ready, brother?" James grinned, mirroring Sirius's excitement.

"Ready."

~~~

Somehow, Remus was surprised by the sound of The Marauders as they got the crowd in a frenzy. Pleasantly surprised.

"They're not bad!" Lily almost had to scream to cover the guitar riff Potter was doing.

_Not bad at all_ , thought Remus. Although rock wasn't really is go-to type of music, he couldn't deny that they had quite a unique sound, and a unique way of delivering it. He would never admit it to Lily now, but Black had a nice deep voice that could also range into high extremes, which was impressive. Remus couldn't see how he moved on stage from where he was standing, but if the crowd was of any clue, it was probably a sight to behold.

And then, suddenly, many things happened at once: from the corner of his eyes, Remus saw a shadowy figure running through the small corridor that lead to the green room, while another seemed to be running towards the stage. He felt Lily's hand on his arm as she saw it too, and also felt Padfoot pawing at his legs.

Remus had to act quick. He started running towards the stage on the opposite side of where the danger seemed to go, while talking into his earpiece.

"Kingsley, go see the green room!"

"On it sir."

Remus climbed the steps that lead to the stage as fast as he could, hoping he'd get there before the other could. As soon as he reached the top, he saw something terrifying: the man he was chasing was running full speed towards an unknowing Sirius, facing the crowd.

Remus ran as fast as he could, skirted behind Potter, and leaped. He caught the man from the side, lifting him in the air and knocking him down. He was sprawled in the middle of the stage, just in front of the drums, mere feet from Sirius. Remus was holding him down with one knee, Padfoot hovering around them.

"You are getting _out of here_ ," he said dangerously to the man. "Get up!" Remus said as he held both arms of the attacker behind his back and lead him backstage. Only then he noticed that the band had stopped playing and people were screaming from the crowd.

"Sucks to be you mate!"5 Sirius addressed the stage crasher through the mic. His voice had an edge of something Remus couldn't identify.

Padfoot pawed at Remus's legs again, whimpering.

"Walk. Faster," he said to the man. They climbed down the stairs and saw Lily, who was looking at Padfoot.

"Good catch Remus! Let me take that man outside," she said to Remus knowingly. He saw her get a grip on the attacker's arms, and almost felt compassion for the guy. Lily may have been only 5'4", but she was one of the strongest black belt in judo in the company.

Padfoot barked and pawed Remus until he sat at a corner and let his mind slip and his body take over for a while.

~~~

They finished the show a couple of minutes later. Sirius couldn't concentrate on anything other than the image of Lupin holding down a guy like it was nothing.

"MATE! You should've SEEN how he took that bloke down!" Gideon yelled excitedly as they got backstage. "It was AMAZING!"

"Weren't you hoping nobody would get hurt just before?" Fabian teased his brother.

"Better that arsehole than any of us. He was speeding directly on Sirius, it was insane!"

Sirius wasn't listening, too preoccupied by trying to see where Lupin was, in vain. They took the dark lit corridor that lead to the green room.

"See? That's exactly why we need security, what would happen if we didn't?" James said, walking with his arm linked with Sirius's.

The door to the room was open, and inside, the dark skinned guard they had seen earlier and Lupin were talking to another bloke they had never seen before.

As soon as he saw them, he yelled. "SIRIUS BLACK, I LO—!"

He had started going forward to meet them at the door, but was yanked back by Lupin and held by him to the wall as he put his forearm on the man's throat.

"Shut up," growled Lupin in his face, looking murderous. "Kingsley, get them out."

"Please, Messrs, get back so we can deal with this problem," said the so-called Kingsley. His voice was a deep rumble, like rocks falling from a mountain, while at the same time managing to be calm and relaxing.

Sirius was gaping, but did as instructed and went back near the stage at the same time Evans seemed to came back from outside, her hair and clothes slightly askew.

"Where's Remus?" She asked to Kingsley.

"With the other one," he replied, nodding towards the corridor to the room.

"Alright," she smiled as she left them and went to the green room.

"Um, excuse me, Mr Kingsley, innit?" James said tentatively. The man turned towards him slowly. "Could you explain what happened?"

"Kingsley Shacklebolt, pleasure to meet you," he nodded. "Two men came running out of nowhere. We think they were working together to get to you. One, as you know, ran to the stage and got intercepted by Mr Lupin and thrown out by Miss Evans. The other was intercepted by me, and will be thrown out soon enough, too. Nothing to worry about."

Curiously, it was Evans who came back with the guy, leading him like he was as lightweight as a piece of paper.

_Are they all superhumans or what?_ thought Sirius as she lead the second attacker outside.

Lupin appeared behind her, seemingly unfazed, albeit looking at the guy with a bit of scorn.

"Thank you Lily, Kingsley." He nodded to each of them solemnly, and turned to The Marauders. "We have to get you all out of here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • If you're wondering what's the sound of The Marauders, I personally imagine it to be a mix between Muse and Foo Fighters, with Sirius's voice resembling David Draiman's from the band 'Disturbed', but without the metal style growl and reverberation, if that makes any sense. More like how he softly sings in their version of [The Sound Of Silence](https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4), especially at the beginning. But honestly, you can imagine whatever you like!  
> _______________  
> 1\. Load-in is when you unload the gear and personal equipment from the band's truck.
> 
> 2\. Backline is the sound system and equipment installed for a live show.
> 
> 3\. Soundcheck is when a band goes on stage before the show to check if everything sounds right and make adjustments.
> 
> 4\. A green room is where the band waits before a show to relax or get prepared. 
> 
> 5\. I stole this from one of Corey Taylor's shows where a bodyguard slammed a fan on stage similarly to what Remus did here. Corey said "Sucks to be you dude", and I thought that was a bit bit funny, so I adapted it for Sirius :)


	7. Never Truly Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little celebration after a successful gig can help bring closer even people who are at odds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Brief talks of deceased loved ones (non-graphic)

"Where did you all learn to do _that_?" Gideon asked as Lupin and Evans escorted them outside. There were people waiting to get an autograph, screaming at them and trying to go through the barriers while the group was walking to the black car waiting for them to get them all home safely.

"We can talk later," replied Lily, her face serious.

James, Gideon and Fabian went to the car where Peter was waiting, and Sirius was heading towards his motorbike when he felt a large hand on his shoulder. He turned around and was met with fierce looking hazel eyes.

"You're not taking your bike tonight," said Lupin, his hand still on Sirius's shoulder, his voice firm.

"You're not telling me what do to!" Sirius said furiously, brushing him off. He began walking again, but Lupin was faster as he put himself between Sirius and his beloved Elvendork.

"And you're _not_ putting yourself in danger under my watch. Tonight isn't safe, there were only two inside but there might be more waiting out there. On a bike, you're vulnerable. I can ask for my guys to pick it up for you tomorrow." Lupin looked dangerous, his face dark. But as James would say, Sirius was a legendary hard-headed man.

He walked up to Lupin until their chests were almost touching. He had to crane his neck slightly to look into his eyes as he spoke. "I'm going to take my bike, because I'm _paying_ you to do what I _want_."

"I'm not your fucking whore!" Lupin almost seemed to grow centimeters as he spoke. "You're paying me to keep you safe, and that's what I intend to _do_."

Hearing Lupin swear was jarring enough to make Sirius take a step back and stifle a surprised laugh, although the situation was not remotely funny. He just hadn't expected that from Mr 'I'm Always Polite and Proper'. At all.

 _Perhaps I've been misjudging_ , he thought.

"Oi, you dickhead! Come on and get here, I need my human cane!" James yelled from inside the car, his messy hair barely out of one of the back windows.

Sirius looked back at Lupin, who hadn't moved an inch. Sirius didn't say a word, turned on his heels and went inside the car. He had to admit, the crowd was crazier than usual tonight.

"We're going to escort you to each of your houses for tonight, since there has been a breach of security," said Evans as she entered the car behind Sirius. Lupin entered last, his dog following him. Luckily, the car was big enough to accomodate all of them without feeling crowded. Sirius's eyes were still shooting daggers at an unknowing Lupin, who was saying something to Peter.

"How did you get convinced so easily? It usually never works... Does it have anything to do with a certain someone?" James whispered in his ear, laughing quietly.

"Bugger off, Potter," replied Sirius angrily as the car rumbled.

"Hey, we always have a little celebration after a successful gig, you guys should join us! That Kingsley fellow can come too!" Gideon said to Evans and Lupin.

"I think my brother has new heroes," said Fabian in a staged whisper. The air seemed to relax a bit as they laughed.

Lupin shook his head. "We appreciate the offer, but we should—"

"Ah come on, the best way to protect us is by being close to us, right?" cut in Gideon.

"That's not really—"

"Remus, it's true it might not hurt to make sure they're safe inside for a couple of hours, it would follow our protocole..."

Remus turned to Lily, his eyebrows raised in surprised. She looked innocent, a little smile on her lips, but Remus knew her enough to know she was up to something. They indeed had that protocole of close up security for a minimum of two hours when there was a breach like tonight, but he somehow had expected Lily to never bring that up and let it slide for that band. He obviously had been mistaken.

"Alright," he agreed finally as Gideon whooped.

~~~

"Do all of you can take down a guy just like that?" James asked once they were all at his and Sirius's apartment. Everybody had a beer in their hand, even Evans and Lupin.

"Remus is actually the best for that," put in Lily, her eyes lit with excitement. "He is trained in krav-maga combined with boxing. Seeing him in action is always an honor."

Lupin shook his head, taking a sip, his cheeks a bit rosy from embarrassment. He always felt awkward when people praised him.

"Kra-what? Never heard of that." James said.

"It's close combat training, very useful," said Kingsley, who was sitting at the kitchen table, playing poker with Gideon, Fabian and Peter.

"You mean like street fight?" asked Fabian with interest.

Remus smiled gently. "Something like that."

"What about you, Miss Evans? Any special skills?" James said, somehow managing to say this without sounding lewd, which was a first for him.

"Lily is the strongest black belt in judo in the entire team. You'll never meet someone with a more vicious grip," Remus said, smiling widely.

"Stop it Rem," Lily smacked his arm, chuckling.

"Are you two... you know? You seem awfully close." James asked gingerly.

Remus and Lily looked at each other, and began laughing.

"Well, there was a time when I've tried, but without success," said Lily evasively.

"What does that mean?" James turned to Lupin. Sirius, who curiously hadn't said a word for the entire exchange and was standing in a corner near the fridge, found himself listening in closely.

"She means I'm gay," Remus said easily. "Lily and I met in high school—"

"Where I had a crush on him, until I realised he scored for the other team," she supplied, her eyes twinkling. "We've been best mates ever since."

James smiled as he wordlessly gave his empty bottle to Sirius, who opened the fridge and gave him another one. James thanked him by putting one arm around his shoulders, leaning.

"What about you, Mr Potter?" Lupin asked, his eyes curious. "You and Mr Black seem awfully close."

Sirius was just taking a sip, which transformed into a big gulp that made him cough. James clapped him on the back, laughing.

"That trollop? Nah, he's just my best friend, my brother from another mother. We met when we were eleven years old in boarding school, never parted since." James said, smiling. "Oh, and please call me James."

Sirius felt like he needed to add something. "And call me Sirius, otherwise I feel like I'm my father. And _I_ have never had a crush on James, although I'm also gay."

"Yeah, Sirius prefers his men to be blond—"

Sirius elbowed James in the stomach, stopping his best mate from embarrassing him in front of company.

"Don't mind him, it's getting late for our little Jamesie, who's usually in bed at nine," said Sirius.

"Being gay in the music industry and in the public eye must be a challenge," said Lupin amiably, surprising Sirius.

"Not really. I mean, it used to be difficult when I was younger. But not anymore. I haven't had to hide ever since." Sirius didn't explained since what, or since when. "What about you? Did you have to hide it when you got the company?" he asked Lupin.

"I actually started the company. And no, I was well surrounded." He looked at Lily fondly.

"You are the founder of Cerberus Security?" Gideon asked curiously.

"I am."

"Impressive!" Gideon supplied as Lupin thanked him. Sirius saw Padfoot pawing at Lupin's legs, and then Lupin excused himself to the bathroom, the dog still by his side.

"His dog follows him even to the loo," said James, puzzled.

Lily changed the subject swiftly. "How did you all meet then?"

Peter answered, "James and Sirius were already a band. I really liked their sound, so I became their manager, and recruited these two brothers here." He pointed to Fabian and Gideon.

"Do you have family, Miss Evans?" Gideon asked.

"I have a sister, and both my parents are still together." She smiled. "I must say I'm not really on good terms with my sister. It's a long story." She toyed with the label of the beer.

"I'm sorry to hear that," replied James.

"What about you all?" Lily asked.

Sirius felt uneasiness take over.

"Non identical twins here, obviously!" Fabian said, pointing to him and Gideon.

"I have a younger sister, she's unbearable," sighed Peter.

Lily turned to Sirius and James. Uneasiness became a nauseous feeling.

"Err... well, um, my parents died four years ago in a car accident." James said tentatively. "Sorry, this is a mood killer."

"I'm so sorry," Lily had put a hand over her mouth, her eyes round.

"It's okay, we had each other," James put an arm back around Sirius's shoulders. "Always have. Even through the worst times..."

"Excuse me..." Sirius got out of James's embrace and left the room, feeling lightheaded. He needed to be alone.

~~~

Remus looked at himself in the mirror, feeling a little out of it. He saw his floppy curls, his huge scar that disfigured him, his dull eyes, his crooked nose, his unassuming lips. Something was repeating at the edge of his mind. _'Although_ _I'm also gay_...'

He splashed fresh water on his face, trying to take out images of a sharp jaw and long black wavy hair from his mind. It mostly didn't work.

He opened the bathroom door forcefully, and saw light coming from another room he passed in front of on his way back to the kitchen. Inside, Black was sitting with a guitar on a bed, humming something Remus had never heard before, something with a note of melancholy. Unable to keep walking, Remus listened for a time, the object of his attention remaining oblivious to his presence. Padfoot flopped down at his feet, patiently waiting.

When Black seemed to have finished the song, Remus couldn't help himself.

"That was beautiful."

Black jumped a little, his eyes wide, but didn't answer.

"New single?"

"It will never go out," Sirius said, looking down at his guitar. "It's not meant to be heard."

"What a shame," Remus replied gently as he leaned a shoulder on the doorframe.

"It's for my baby brother," said Sirius suddenly, unable to stop himself. "He's dead. Died four years ago."

Silence stretched for a while.

"I'm sorry," finally replied Remus quietly. "My mother passed away six years ago. Cancer."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, mirroring Remus's sentiment. "It sucks," he added after a thought.

"It does. But they never truly leave us... We can always find them."¹

Remus's calm voice did something to Sirius, like a soothing balm on a bad burn. Sirius palmed at his lighter in the leather jacket he was still wearing.

"What did she do in life?" he asked, curious to know what kind of parents would brought up such an intriguing person like Remus Lupin.

"She was a wood worker," he smiled. "She did beautiful and detailed pieces for her own customers."

Something clicked in the back of Sirius's head. "Did she make your desk by any chance? The one in your office."

Lupin's eyes widened slightly. "Yeah, she did. It's the last piece she ever made, before she got sick. It was a grand opening gift after I started the company."

"It's beautiful. The wolf and moon pattern is quite unique, I'd never seen anything like it. She had real talent."

Remus didn't answer right away, but instead looked at Sirius for a moment with something in his gaze that Sirius couldn't quite identify. "Yes, I agree... She was really gifted. I'm surprised you noticed that."

"Why? Because you think I'm an empty headed rock singer who doesn't care about anything?"

"I never said that," replied Remus, crossing his arms.

"You didn't have to," Sirius said, standing up to put his guitar back in its case. "Look, I think we started on the wrong foot. We clearly know nothing about each other, and I admit I shouldn't have went off on you on the phone like that the first time we talked." Sirius turned around fully to Lupin. "I appreciate what you did for me tonight, on that stage. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't been there." He put a strand of hair behind his ear, seeing Lupin's eyes follow the movement. "So, thank you."

Remus looked back into Sirius's silver eyes. "It was nothing. I was only doing my job." His small upper lip scar moved when he spoke, quite mesmerizing.

Sirius wanted to ask so many things, his tongue burning with unanswered questions. How did he get these scars? Why was his nose slightly crooked, like it's been broken many times? Why did he decide to start a security company? How and why did he learn close combat training and boxing? What music did he like? Did he play any instruments? What did he do in his free time? Why did he have exotic plants and various books in his office? Could he speak French? And what happened in the bathroom just minutes ago?

Sirius said nothing. Somehow, it didn't feel like the right time to ask any of these.

"I WON!"

Sirius and Remus both jumped at the cry of victory coming from Peter back in the kitchen, probably winning a good amount of cash from their poker game. Peter _always_ won at poker.

"I'm sorry for the disturbance, Mr Black. Lily and I should probably get back now, I think everything is secured." Remus talked in a distant voice, avoiding Sirius's eyes by turning around.

"I told you to call me Sirius. Getting reminded of my father is the last thing I want." Sirius said quietly.

Remus didn't look back, just barely turning his head to the side. Sirius had the perfect view of his back and shoulders taking a large part of the doorframe of his bedroom. He felt his stomach tightened. "Goodnight, Sirius." Remus said before leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. That sentence is actually said by Sirius in the canon universe of Harry Potter, but I like to think it's Remus who came up with it (^^)


	8. Dry Spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauders are getting matched with their personal bodyguards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warning for this one!

Sirius woke up with a start. He smelled bacon and eggs coming from the kitchen, making his stomach growl. He stood up, noticing he had fallen asleep with his jacket on, his lighter still in his hand. He put it back in his pocket, and tied his hair in a low bun before going to eat breakfast.

Sirius could hear a female voice getting clearer as he approached the kitchen. " _...Riddle of the conservative party will soon make a statement on terrorism risks and new counter-terrorism strategies..._ "

When he arrived in the kitchen, he saw that the voice was coming from where James was sitting at a table, listening to the news with his phone. Fabian was lounging on the couch under the morning sun in the living room, and Gideon was the one making that delicious breakfast.

"We should have you guys sleep over more often, this smells amazing," said Sirius.

James looked up to him and muted his phone. "Hey brother. You might want to check outside, there's something for you," he said, pointing his chin towards the window in the living room.

Curious, Sirius went and spread the curtains a bit. He looked down, and saw Elvendork waiting for him, as if it had never left their private parking lot. Lupin did say that he would arrange for it to be brought back from Brighton to London, Sirius had just not expected it to be in such an efficient way.

Sirius couldn't help but ask, "Did Lupin come by this morning?"

James snickered. "Nah, why? You miss him?"

"Yeah, what did you two do in your bedroom last night when we were not looking, eh?" Fabian opened one eye, still lying on the couch. James snorted.

Sirius felt defensive. "We didn't _do_ anything. We just talked, that's all."

"He's a good man," said Gideon as he flipped bacon in a pan.

Fabian sit up. "How the hell do you know? He could be a pervert, a creep, or a crazy mass murderer!"

"You watch too many movies," his brother replied. "He's a good man, believe me. You know I have a sixth sense for that sorta thing. He would be good for Sirius."

"Jesus fucking... stop it already! You're all driving me insane!" Sirius threw his hands in the air. " _Nothing_ is happening between Lupin and I. Nothing will. And anyway, I don't need your approval like some bloody loving parents or something."

"Hey mate, we're just saying. There's a whole lot of tension between you two. It's so strong it looks like it hurts, anybody could see _that_ , and I'm legally blind, mind you. Fab said he thought you were going to combust in flames when Lupin looked at your performance's attire yesterday," James said, smiling mischievously.

"You'll be more than blind if you keep talking about that any longer, Potter!" Sirius approached James and tried to get him in a headlock. They fought for a while, James taking Sirius's bun and pulling on it, which made him cry in pain, while he was choke-holding his messy haired best friend.

"Okay children, be careful, I'm coming in with the eggs!" Gideon said in a sing-songy voice, taking the pan to the table to serve everyone.

~~~

"Alright everybody, good morning. I need your attention." Remus addressed the 18 members of his staff that were not attributed to a contract as personal bodyguards yet. "We have a new band of four people, The Marauders, who will need four personal bodyguards for their protection. They will be coming in today for their personality tests, and I want everyone on their best professional behavior. If you're lucky, you'll have a new stable contract at the end of the day." He paused, surveying his team. They were all qualified, he knew that. He was just wondering if any would be a good match to The Marauders' members.

He dismissed the group for now, waiting for the band to arrive patiently. Lily joined him. "Had a nice night yesterday?" she asked, a secretive smile tugging at her lips. Remus had woken up at an unholy hour this morning, which meant he had taken the tube alone to work, which meant Lily and him hadn't spoken today yet.

"Why are you asking me that exactly? You were there the whole time," Remus replied sullenly.

She smiled more frankly now. "Not the _whole_ time. What happened in that bedroom?" she asked, her curiosity bordering on unhealthy in Remus's opinion.

"He asked me to call him by his name," said Remus after a beat.

"He had already done that in the kitchen. Try me again," she said, crossing her arms.

Remus sighed. "We just talked, that's all. We... err, connected on the subject of deceased loved ones, if you really wanna know."

Lily's eyes went wide. "Oh... yeah, I felt like the whole family subject was a bit touchy for Potter and Black, they've been through a lot it seems."

"So it seems," Remus repeated after her, looking straight ahead.

That conversation with Bl... with _Sirius_ , had actually surprised Remus to a large extent. The fact that Sirius had noticed his mum's work by only seeing his desk once, and the fact that he might not have everything he ever wanted in life like Remus thought he had, continued to make him feel like he might have been slightly misjudging the guy.

Only slightly.

"I feel bad a little..." Lily said abruptly, bringing Remus back in the present. "I... realised I said some bad things about Potter, when he actually has a medical condition that explains—"

"Stop, you didn't know. He hides it well..."

"Still," she turned around to meet his eyes. "I don't feel so good about it. It's not pity or anything, I'm just mad at myself for being an ableist, which I always swore myself I'd never be."

"Lily, you're not an ableist. Now, that's ridiculous!" He took her by the shoulders. "You're my best friend, and you made a simple mistake in a form of a joke towards someone you didn't know, that's all. Alright?" He squeezed her shoulders slightly. "Was it ignorant a bit? Yes. But it wasn't any form of intolerance, and I'm sure he still likes you very much."

She scoffed, relaxing a little.

"I also feel bad a bit..." he said, incapable of stopping himself. "I thought Sirius Black was a posh brat who had been spoon fed his entire life, but I think I might have been wrong." His eyebrows furrowed.

"Well," Lily said, smiling up to him. "Maybe we were both full of prejudices. We could start again with a blank slate, what d'you say?"

He saw The Marauders enter through the front door. "Sounds good to me."

~~~

"So, we have to answer all of these?" Fabian said, looking at the papers in front of him.

They had already met with the 18 bodyguards and small talked a bit before going upstairs to take the personality test.

"If you want the best match for you, certainly." Remus replied.

"Are you in the pool for a potential match, Mr Lupin?" Gideon asked, looking at Sirius sideways.

Sirius wanted to dug a hole and leave for eternity.

"No, I'm not," said Remus gently, apparently oblivious to the situation. "I train the teams, but I'm never a bodyguard myself, except on rare occasions like yesterday."

"Why is that?" Fabian asked, taking a pen that Lily gave them.

"That's a question for another time. The test begins now, Mr Prewett, if you will." Remus pointed to the papers, and then went to sit down at a desk in front of the small class they were in. The white boards were covered in what seemed like tactics and security plans over maps of various gig venues in the UK.

Sirius frowned, looking at Lupin's face. He seemed a bit tired, like he hadn't slept much. As if Lupin could sense him, he looked up and met Sirius's eyes instantly. Sirius looked down at his paper so fast he felt a crick in his neck, and could still feel his eyes on him as he filled the blank headline with his name in a perfect cursive handwriting.

~~~

"We will compile the results and attribute you a personal bodyguard who most closely matches your personality, and who will respect the contract you already signed with our company. Your match might not have the same type of personality as you, but it will be the most complementary. You'll be able to meet them tomorrow. We'll see you again then." Remus nodded to the group as they departed from Cerberus.

"Lily," he turned around to his best friend. "Do you think you could do this matching?"

"Why? You're the best at it, you know that. And you said this morning that this group would probably be hard to—"

"I know what I said," he interrupted her. "But I'm... I..."

He couldn't find the words to express how uneasy he felt about the possibility of looking at Black's answers without sounding weird.

Lily was looking at him expectingly.

He groaned. "Forget it, I'll do it." He turned around and closed the door of his office behind him after Padfoot had entered.

He sat at his desk, and Padfoot gently layed his head on his thigh in a calming gesture of some sort.

Remus huffed, and got ready for the task.

~~~

"Interesting questions in there, I think." James said as they got out of the building. Luckily, no crowd was waiting for them at the entrance today. "Wanna go to the studio? I've got an idea for a riff I want to try."

Sirius smiled. "You know I'm always ready for some studio time."

"Gideon and I will let you go then, we're knackered. Text us if you're still there this afternoon, we could join then." Fabian made the peace sign as he got inside the car with his brother.

"Hop on, Potter. Let's make some music," said Sirius as he started the engine of his bike.

As he drove slowly through narrow streets in London to reach the studio, he thought back on certain questions he had read and answered on the test. Some of them could be quite personal, like 'Are you still bothered by mistakes you did a long time ago?', or 'Do you feel protective of people around you?', or 'Would you rather avenge, or forgive?', and other weird ones about how he felt in a room with a crowd, or meeting with people he didn't know.

Sirius didn't appreciate feeling like all his personality could be squashed down and pinned by a couple of questions alone. But Lupin had seemed confident in the process, and Lily had even said that he had a knack for that sort of thing.

Still, the feeling of uneasiness stayed with him for the better part of the morning, even when he started composing a new song with James and Frank, which would usually make him forget everything of his surroundings, even forgetting basic needs like eating or sleeping for hours on end. But now, he couldn't shake away the edginess he felt as he had wrote out very personal answers for an enigmatic bloke to read at leisure.

But even before taking that test, Sirius had felt like Lupin could see right through him, as if he was made of glass and Lupin was a skilled glass artist, manipulating him under a blinding light to analyze any defects or interesting curves with a distant gaze. _That's a very weird image_ , he thought bitterly, but it was somehow pretty accurate.

"Sirius, y'alright mate? You seem elsewhere," said James, his brows furrowed. Sirius saw him flex his fingers painfully; they had been playing for hours, and he could see redness starting to become apparent on James's left hand, the one always pinching down on the chords of his guitar.

"I'm fine, don't worry about. We got to stop though before you lose a finger," he replied casually.

"Oh, yeah, hadn't even realised..."

"Let's get home and put some ice on that, shall we?" Sirius said with concern, taking James's arms as he nodded to Frank, who was sitting in front of the mixer just outside the recording booth.

"Enough for today?" asked Frank as they got out.

"Yeah, thanks for coming mate, I think it's getting somewhere!" replied James, smiling proudly.

"My pleasure to be your favorite slave," Frank said jokingly, clapping James's shoulder before leaving.

~~~

James Potter – perceptive, energetic, spontaneous, daring, determined.

Fabian Prewett – bold, creative, free-spirited, independent, curious.

Gideon Prewett – quiet, mystical, altruist, compassionate, dedicated.

Sirius Black – charming, passionate, artistic, independent, caring.

That last word seemed to pop out into Remus's eyes. He hadn't expect to find 'caring' in there beside Black's name, but there he was, re-reading his answers written in a beautiful form of calligraphy for the hundredth time, always arriving at the same conclusion: it seemed like the only way to balance Black's independence and passion and recklessness was to give him someone to care for. Someone independant like him and not needy, but willing to be protected.

There wasn't any member of his team that matched that need for caring, so he teamed him up with Kingsley instead, hoping the calm and dependable presence of the man would help in case things got out of hand.

For James Potter, Remus matched him with Benjy Fenwick, who had some repartee, could assess a situation quickly, and was scared of nothing. Potter would not be bored with Benjy.

Gideon Prewett was matched with Dedalus Diggle, a short curly brown haired man with a face full of freckles and a gentle smile, who liked filling in the silence and had always liked everything that touched the esoteric world.

Fabian Prewett got one of the women on the team, Hestia Jones, a half-Korean half-British taekwondo black belt who held a bit of a mysterious aura around her and had a dark sense of humour, which would keep Fabian entertained. She could also make anyone respect the rules if needed be.

Remus swiped his forehead, feeling relieved. The worst part of it all was done.

He looked up at the clock in his office, indicating it was already the afternoon. He texted Lily.

> (13:52)  
>  _**Remus**_ : I've finished the first part of matching. Have you already eaten?
> 
> (13:53)  
>  _**Lils**_ : Nah, was waiting for u! Lunch out?
> 
> (13:53)  
>  _**Remus**_ : Alright!
> 
> (13:54)  
>  _**Lils**_ : Great! Join me downstairs when ur ready

~~~

"Argh, this is starting to fucking hurt!" James exclaimed, holding his left hand with his right as if it was a precious porcelain doll.

"Sorry brother, I didn't realise we played for that long," Sirius replied guiltily as he opened the door of their studio to get outside at the back, hidden from any unwanted visitors.

"S'not your fault Sirius, I wasn't paying attention either, you know."

Sirius was just giving a spare helmet to James when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

> (14:02)  
>  _**Fab**_ : Still @ studio?
> 
> (14:02)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Just leaving, James is about to get blisters
> 
> (14:03)  
>  _**Fab**_ : Classic

"Are we going or not?" James said, not unkindly.

"Sorry, was just texting Fabian," he answered, locking his phone. "Come on, let's get you home."

~~~

"Curry? Or phở?"

"Curry would be lovely," replied Remus as they got out of the building. There was a nice Nepali restaurant that made the best curry Remus had ever had near their workplace, which was pretty convenient.

He paused and let Padfoot relieve himself on a patch of grass before continuing walking, Lily by his side.

"So, anything interesting from the matching?" she asked nonchalantly.

Remus sighed. "You never ask me that question for any other band."

"But this is not any other normal band, now is it?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You should've done the matching yourself if you were so bloody curious."

She snorted. "I'm not curious about them, I'm curious about what _you_ think of them."

"And why is that?" He stopped walking, crossing his arms. "You've been badgering me about it since the very beginning, but there's no reason for it. Can you stop tormenting me, please?"

She stopped walking too, surprised. "I'm sorry Rem, I didn't mean to 'torment' you. It's just..."

"It's just what?"

She seemed to search for the right words. "It's just, I haven't seen you interested in any way about anyone for a long time. You've had a dry spell that's been lasting for ages, Remus. Can you blame a girl for trying to get you out there a little?"

Remus sputtered. "I'm not...I... _what_?"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. You can be honest with me, you know? I'm your best mate," she walked back to him. "Stop trying to run away."

"I'm _not_."

"What would you call it then? You're certainly not going forward, god forbid trying to flirt a little—"

"Jesus bloody _Hell_ , Lil. Please stop," he blushed, trying to continue walking again, but Lily blocked his path.

"You're running away even now, Remus. Look at me." She took his shoulders.

Remus reluctantly brought his eyes down to Lily's level.

"You have to let yourself feel a little. There's no shame in that. You're human, Rem. You deserve a bit of happiness."

"But I'm happy, Lil," Remus answered uncertainly. "I don't... I don't need anyone else... I've got all I want."

"You know that's a lie. You're lonely. You are!" she said as she heard him protest weakly. "And I'll always be there for you, you know I will. But it's not enough. You need to let someone else in, Remus. It's time. It might not be Black, maybe it'll be someone else, I don't know. But for that someone to exist, you need to let go a little, yeah?"

Remus nodded hesitantly, only because he knew she wouldn't stop pestering him if he didn't.

"Good. Nice talk! Now let's eat," Lily said, turning around and began walking again, throwing her long red hair behind her shoulders.

~~~

"Let me see that," said Peter as soon as they opened the door of their apartment to let him inside, his round face looking concerned. "Come on James, I need to see the damage."

"You're overreacting Pete, they're just sore, that's all. I'll be able to play the day after tomorrow, no worries," said the guitarist as Peter took his left hand and inspected it under the sunlight in their living room. Sirius searched for ice in their freezer and brought it to James.

"If they develop into blisters, you'll have a hard time playing," countered Peter as he took the ice from Sirius's hands and applied it gingerly on James's fingertips.

"You're gonna get your money Pete, so you can stop acting like a mother hen now," James said a tad impatiently, taking the ice and applying it himself.

Peter squinched his eyes. "It's not just about the money, you know that right?" he said hesitantly.

"Yeah yeah, you care about us, we know," said James, not unkindly. "Now let's watch a movie, yeah?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by the [Myers Briggs](https://www.16personalities.com/) for the personality test they did. If you haven't taken that test yet, I suggest you do! It's very detailed and interesting :)


	9. Rebellion, Or Emancipation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Depiction of a lash out during a panic attack.
> 
> There's going to some bits of politics here and there, but it's more as a background thing than really at the forefront of the story, so no worries if it's not your thing :)
> 
> OH AND BY THE WAY, I'll be traveling to Australia for the next two weeks (for the first time ever! :D). I already have drafts ready for posting during that time, but with the jet lag and all that, I might post a day or two earlier or later, I don't know.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Sirius could feel a presence behind him, something he was not sure if he should fear or not. Having his back turned on someone had always made him feel vulnerable, an unpleasant shiver spreading between his shoulder blades with anticipation._

_This time though, there was an added layer that made him feel like he should turn around quickly, or maybe even run away. He felt transparent, like all his thoughts were floating out of his head for the world to decipher._

_He felt like the presence was walking slowly towards him, though he couldn't hear it nor see it. He could only feel it move behind him, and waited patiently. For what, he had no idea._

_"They never truly leave us," suddenly murmured the presence with a peaceful rumble that made Sirius sag in relief instantly. He finally turned around, not surprised by seeing Lupin standing there with kind eyes. "We can always find them. Sirius..."_

Sirius blinked his eyes slowly as he woke up, and saw the white ceiling of his bedroom above him. He felt strangely relaxed, which was not usually the case when he had dreams like this. He had woken up drenched in sweat and clenching a hand on his beating heart more times than he could count, and that's when it wasn't with a scream.

He frowned, puzzled. Before he could analyze what had happened in that dream, he heard a female voice reciting something again. " _...attack in Yorkshire, two victims..._ "

He sat up to go in the kitchen, and felt a bit lightheaded with the motion, but recovered quickly. He opened the door, and was not surprised to see James sitting at their table, yet again listening to a news podcast on his phone.

"An attack?" Sirius croaked, going straight to the fridge.

"Yeah, two people died... they say it's terrorism," James shook his head somberly. He then switched the news to an opiniated political podcast, and a male voice came through. " _...Minister Riddle will probably enjoy this attack news, making him relevant for security purposes..._ "

"Why are you listening to that political shit? It's always the same thing over and over," said Sirius as he opened a cupboard in search of food.

"Because I want to know what's happening in our country, and the latest news are a bit alarming. Actually," James turned to Sirius's direction as a female voice recited numbers of immigrants entering the UK, "You, of all people, should probably be concerned about this."

"About immigrants? I mean yeah, I feel for them, they're just trying to flee from a war and we're not the most welcoming. It's terrible, but why should I be concerned in particular?" Sirius found some peanut butter and proceeded in making himself a sandwich.

"Not about that, you fool," James shook his head. "About that new Minister for Security of the conservative party, Tom Riddle. They say he's running to become the next head of the party for the elections next year."

Sirius frowned, remembering hearing that name before. "I think the Blacks support him," he said slowly, looking back at James. "Heard them talk about him once or twice over the years, saying he would save this country from its downfall or some other nonsense," he grimaced as he put two bread slices in a toaster.

"I'm not surprised," replied James, adjusting his glasses. "He's a homophobic far right-wing ableist bastard, which is why I'm saying you should be concerned about this too."

"Did he say we should all burn in Hell? Heard that many times before, and I'm still right here," Sirius said jokingly, adding, "Though I concede we could argue if this is Hell or not, sometimes."

James didn't acknowledge him. "If he becomes the next head of the party and win next year's elections, you and I both, among countless others, could be in deep shit."

"What d'you mean?" Sirius spared a glance to his best mate, realising James was taking this subject very seriously.

"I mean that he hasn't said anything outright, but he is definitely pro-life, supports heteronormativity, thinks darwinism is the only way of survival for our species, and is against the LGBTQ+ community, which includes you my friend."

"But what could he really do?" Sirius asked dubiously, spreading the peanut butter on his toasts. "I mean, he can't really get out and kill us in the streets, you know."

"No, but he could cut all the founding for the disabled and ban LGBTQ+ gatherings. It could have horrible consequences."

"Even if he becomes the next head of the Tories, people won't vote for him," said Sirius uncertainly. "He'll never win."

"We can't be sure," James said grimly. "People are scared, and stupid. If someone offers security during a crisis, they'll take it and turn a blind eye on the rest," he shook his head, adding, " _Don't,_ I know my phrasing set me up for a blind joke."

"I wasn't going to—"

Someone knocked on the door, interrupting their discussion. Sirius saw Fabian, Gideon and Peter on the screen monitor before opening the door.

"Good morning princess!" said Fabian, entering with a spring in his step.

"Why are you so joyful again?" Sirius asked with an amused smile.

"We're meeting our bodyguards today! You should be happy too, you'll get see your dream boy yet again," the red head winked at him.

Sirius recoiled visibly, the word 'dream' echoing in his head. He remembered hazel eyes looking at him gently, and groaned.

~~~

"So, we're a match, or something?" Sirius looked at his new personal goon sideways. They were just outside of Cerberus's building, getting to know each other. Something like that.

"Yes. I have infinite trust in Mr Lupin's judgment." Kingsley answered, unperturbed.

"Wow. Infinite, really?" Sirius tapped his chin. "Well," he started, "Listen to me, big guy. I don't want to see you following me. I don't want to hear you, or even know you're there. I just want to be able to call you when I need to. And when I tell you to go home, you _go home_. Got it?"

Kingsley rose an eyebrow. "Understood."

"Perfect. Yes, I think we'll get along." Sirius pat Kingsley's shoulder defiantly, the movement somewhat weird considering the guard's incredible height.

James arrived at that moment, his sunglasses white today. "Hey, Kingsley! Welcome to the family." He smiled at the giant.

"Thank you, Mr Potter."

Over James's left shoulder, Sirius could see Lupin coming towards them, his hand shielding his eyes from the sun. He was wearing an olive green jumper under a deep brown coat, which actually really complemented his eyes by making the green in them stand out more, which Sirius totally wasn't supposed to notice.

Sirius turned around, preparing an escape. "Well, that was fun and all, but I gotta flee." He stepped towards his motorbike, a spring to his step. "James, you go back with the others?"

"No, I want to ride on that bike of yours today, it's the perfect winter weather for that, you told me yourself this morning—"

Sirius groaned as he saw Lupin getting nearer. "Fine, fine, get on. I'm leaving _now_."

"What's the rush, man? We thought we could celebrate a little, get to know our bodyguards, you know." James crossed his arms, looking at Sirius, managing to do so in a quizzical way even with sunglasses on.

"Mr Potter, Mr Black. I was told you needed to speak to me?" Lupin had finally reached them.

"Oh please, for the last time, it's James and Sirius. And yes yes, I have a proposition for you!" James said excitedly.

Remus looked puzzled. "A proposition?"

 _I swear to God, James, if you invite that man_ —

"Would you like to come with us for a drink? Miss Evans is also invited, of course. Benjy is coming too, and I think Hestia and Dedalus were interested as well. We want to get to know each other better."

 _Fucking hell_ , groaned Sirius internally, closing his eyes.

Remus seemed stunned. "Err... it's currently 3:00 in the afternoon...?"

"Bah, who cares? You can take a virgin if that's what's bothering you."

"I will go also," said Kingsley as Sirius opened his eyes again. "It can only be beneficial." He looked at him with stern eyes.

"Alright, I'm down." Remus said, twisting Sirius's insides into uneasy knots. "Let me ask Lily, and we'll be ready," he smiled amiably.

~~~

They entered a pub that Fabian had recommended, saying it was the perfect mix between camaraderie and privacy, whatever that meant. "Um, a table for" —Fabian counted— "eleven people please!"

"I like it here, good choice Fabian!" said Peter excitedly.

The interior had a rustic feeling of a microbrewery without being overly expensive. The range of colors went from deep brown to bright red, with a beautiful grey billiards table at the back in a secluded space.

They got a round table near a corner, which was perfect for good conversations without leaving anyone alone. Remus was careful to sit last, so that he could get out and go to the bathroom quickly if needed. Padfoot layed down at his feet, seemingly unperturbed by the busy sounds of people laughing and having a great time.

"Is that The Marauders?!" a man in a baseball cap said, standing up from where he was sitting at the bar and marching towards them with wonder in his eyes.

"Please proceed carefully," said Kingsley as he blocked the fan's path.

The man seemed to falter. "Um yeah, sorry, can I just have an autograph...?"

Sirius snorted.

"Sure thing mate, we'll sign something for you!" Fabian said, smiling.

The Marauders all signed his cap, and he left after thanking them profusely. "My friends are going to be _so_ jealous!" he said as he stepped away.

Sirius chortled as he saw Kingsley still looking at the retreating groupie with serious eyes.

"Err... something funny?" Lupin asked, perplexed. The others seemed preoccupied by the telly showing a football match, talking merrily.

Sirius turned to him, surprised. "Well, it's just... Kingsley's very thorough," he said with a smile.

"He has to be to protect you."

Sirius snorted. "Oh, you mean protect me from being choked to death by a baseball cap?"

Remus frowned. "Your life might not have been in danger today, but you'll be glad to have someone like Kingsley by your side if it ever comes to that."

"Yeah, no, I know... sorry, it's just... I'm not used to it. I prefer to be alone, you know... Free," Sirius admitted.

"I understand," Lupin said unexpectedly, looking at a waiter who was starting to take the group's orders. "You need to be alone sometimes to reflect on things and recharge," he continued, not noticing Sirius's bewilderment. "Don't worry, Kingsley won't interfere with that."

"You must know all that now since you read my answers on that test of yours, right?"

Lupin's eyes widened as he looked back at him. "No, no! That's not what I... It's just, I'm the same, that's why I get it," he said, flustered. "I can't say I know everything about you, Sirius. A piece of paper with a couple of questions can't encompass an entire personality with all its complexities."

Sirius smiled, feeling somewhat relieved. "I agree," he says, and adds, "But you still have a head start. I don't know anything about you."

"What would you like to know?" Lupin asked dubiously, as if he couldn't understand why Sirius would want to know anything about him.

Sirius thought of a dozens questions, and was just opening his mouth when the waiter asked for his order. Sirius ordered a beer hastily, and turned back to Lupin just a second too late.

"There's something I want to know!" Gideon said to Lupin before Sirius had time to ask anything. "Why did you decide to start a security company?"

Sirius looked at him, listening in closely.

"Ah, it's quite a long story, actually. I'd been learning and practicing self-defense and boxing for some time, and I wanted to put it to profit. Lily was already mastering judo, and she agreed to be my very first employee." He turned to her, smiling. "Believe it or not, I was in uni studying to become a lawyer at the time, just like my father. Lily was studying to become a nurse. We both disliked our academic paths, so we were happy to jump on another train together. It was actually the idea of one of my mentors in law school, he encouraged me to start my own company."

"How old were you again?" Fabian asked.

"I was 21 years old when I started a project that would later become what it is today."

"Wow," breathed James. "We got our first album out on our 21st year, Sirius and I. We were surprised it even worked enough to pay the rent..."

"And enabled me to buy a bike, albeit at a cheap price" added Sirius, as they received their drinks. "I had to repair it and tweek it a lot, but it was worth it."

"You can repair motorcycles?" Remus asked, impressed.

"Sirius can do anything when he puts his mind to it. Because when he does, he becomes _obsessive_ until he gets it." James supplied knowingly.

"Well, it paid off, if I may say so myself," Sirius put his arms behind his head. "That's how I learned how to sing."

"We always wanted to be a band, but it took some time finding our sound. I'm not sure we really found it still," James continued.

"We never will, James, and that's the beauty of it: we're always evolving." Sirius raised his beer to James in a silent cheer.

"Ah, that's good, yes! To the beauty of always evolving!" Gideon raised his glass, and everybody followed.

~~~

"Aw come on Fab, don't be a sore loser!" Sirius laughed as he pocketed yet another ball during their billiards game.

"I'm shite at this bloody game," Fabian swore for the hundredth time.

Sirius laughed as he took a sip of his beer.

"Where did you learn how to play, Sirius?" asked Hestia Jones, curious.

"Ah, I taught myself, actually. Just to piss dearest Mother and Father off. Billiards was not considered a proper game in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black," he held his chin high as a mocking imitation of upper class society. He heard James laugh where he was sitting at their table.

Peter frowned his eyebrows. "What game would be considered proper then?"

"Bridge," Sirius replied easily, looking at the billiards table, calculating his next shot. "I loved to make my own partner lose whenever we played in teams with honorable guests, it made my mother thoroughly livid," he smirked.

"Oh, so you were a rebel then, were you?" asked Dedalus.

"You could say that, sure. But is it really rebellion if your family is utterly and completely barking mad? I mean, not rebelling against them would've been rebellion against my own conscience, my own _freedom_. I prefer calling it emancipation."

"Hear, hear!" James lifted his beer. "Cheers to that, brother!"

"Is that so? I feel like there are many stories behind all of this," Hestia said, smiling.

"There are many stories," Sirius agreed. "Which none are worth our time hearing nor telling."

"Does he always speak like that?" asked Dedalus to Gideon.

The red head nodded. "Usually. It's part of his charm, I think."

Remus, who was listening to the exchange with feigned indifference, was inclined to agree. He had always liked reading poetic prose, and hearing Sirius talk was like having Lord Byron trying to mix in with the commoners.

He saw him pocket the last ball, hence winning the game, and stood up before he even knew what he was doing.

"My turn against the winner. If he rises to the challenge, of course," he approached the pool table with a firmer step than he thought he was capable of in this moment. He heard Lily chuckling happily behind him.

Sirius turned around and looked at him intently. "I accept the challenge. You know how to play, Lupin?"

"Oh, you're in for a _game_ , Sirius," said Benjy with emphasis.

"If we're gonna play, you'll have to call me Remus." He looked into Sirius's eyes.

"Oh, but I don't play; I win." Sirius licked his lips absentely, smiling.

"We'll see about that."

~~~

Well, Benjy hadn't been lying: Lupin knew how to play billiards. He was strategic, taking his time. They were at their third game; Sirius had won the first, Remus the second.

Sirius watched as Remus assessed the pool table, took position, and pocketed yet another ball, the muscle on his back flexing with the motion. Sirius was starting to feel a bit tipsy, but he somehow knew it wasn't from the beers; he hadn't drank another one since he'd started playing against Lupin. He realised this might not have been such a good idea after all, because now he just felt the pull towards the other man getting stronger than ever.

"Damn!" Remus missed his next shot.

"Oh, Mr Proper can swear?" Sirius said teasingly.

"What was that?" Remus asked with a laugh as he let Sirius take the space.

"Mr Proper. Always saying the right thing at the right time." Sirius took position, feeling Lupin's eyes on him. He scored a ball.

"Oh Sirius, you would be surprised of all the swears that can get out of that mouth sometimes," interjected Lily, laughing behind her glass of beer.

"Is that true, Mr Lupin?" Sirius feigned horror, a hand on his forehead.

Remus chuckled in a low voice at his antics. "I must admit she's right. Can't always control myself," he said, looking directly into Sirius's eyes.

Sirius abruptly felt too hot in the small crowded pub.

"Is that so..." Sirius spared a glance to the pool table, took position, and then pocketed his last ball, effectively winning the game. "Well, you were a worthy opponent... Remus. But I stand undefeated."

"Fair enough," Remus smiled, his eyes twinkling.

"Another round for everyone, on me!" Fabian yelled and they all cheered. "Oh, and you said this was all confidential, right?"

"Our contract binds us into confidentiality, yes. What are you about to do, Fabian?" Hestia said, cocking an eyebrow.

"I have something else more fun for those of you interested..." he added quietly. He got a small transparent bag out of his trousers' pocket, full of little off-white pills. Sirius felt his stomach drop, his vision becoming blurry. "A fan gave it to me the other day, I was keeping it for an occasion—"

Sirius's cue stick dropped to the floor with a clang as he marched right at him, took him by the collar and pulled him up. "You take that shite out of my sight, you fucking bastard!" he growled into Fabian's face. He could feel hands trying to pry him away, voices yelling, but he didn't budge. All he could feel was his heart pounding in his ears. "Do you have ANY IDEA how STUPID you are?You want to die, huh? Is that it?!" He shook Fabian, who was frozen in place in the face of such fury from his friend. He made a fist and pulled back his arm, ready to strike that _stupid motherfucking junkie_...

"Sirius, let him go," a deep voice said gently in his ear. He felt a large hand holding his arm back. "He got it, now let him go," continued the voice. Sirius turned around to meet soft hazel eyes. He relaxed his grip.

"We'll get rid of it and nobody's gonna use it, alright? But you gotta let Fabian go first." Remus said, his deep and calm voice like hypnosis.

Sirius took his hands off Fabian completely, only now seeing the extent of what had just happened. "I'm sorry," he said quietly before storming out of the pub.

"James, Lily, could you dump these in the loo please?" Remus asked before following behind Sirius, James looking at him with wide eyes.

Outside, the air was crisp and filled Remus's lungs, sobering him up considerably. "Hey, Sirius..."

The black haired man had his back on him, shaking a little. Remus approached him a bit like he would approach a lion in cage, probably.

"Sirius, it's Remus. I'm going to touch your back, okay?" He extended a hand and put it between Sirius's shoulder blades slowly. He felt it tremor under his palm.

"I'm sorry..." Sirius repeated, his voice small. "I didn't mean to..." He looked up to Remus, his eyes shining, small hair sticking to his face.

"It's okay, everybody's fine. You just scared Fabian a little, that's all." Remus hadn't even noticed, but he was brushing Sirius's hair out of his face, his hands moving on their own accord. "It's alright."

Sirius seemed unsure, looking back at the door leading to the pub. "I... Didn't I scare _you_?" He looked back at Remus, sounding like a terrified child himself.

"No," Remus said calmly. "I'm here, am I not?"

"You shouldn't be," Sirius said suddenly. "Remus, I'm not..." He seemed to search for the right words. "I'm not good. There's something... something dark inside of me. I'm a Black. I'll always be a Black, even if I try to get away from it—"

"Sirius," Remus took him by both his shoulders, looking straight in his eyes. "You're your own person. You make your own choices and mistakes, and that's okay. You can apologize later to Fabian, I'm sure he won't mind."

He tried to get away from Remus. "You don't understand..."

"Come here," he took Sirius in his arms before his mind could order him to back off. He held him close, speaking quietly. "You deserve forgiveness as much as any of us. I might not understand why you reacted the way you did, or why you apparently think you're a bad person, but I can tell you this: you deserve love and you deserve to be forgiven, especially from the people you love whom you hurt without meaning to. Alright?"

Sirius didn't answer, but he put his arms around Remus's back in return, and sighed. They stayed like this for a while, and Remus felt like something got stuck inside his throat. Somehow, this felt _right_. Sirius was slightly smaller than him, only a couple of inches, but he still felt a surge of protectiveness take over.

He tightened his arms, closing his eyes, inhaling deeply.

They both jumped in surprise and let go when they heard the door open behind them.

"Sirius? Are you— Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt..." James ruffled his hair nervously.

"It's fine. I'll leave you two to it," Remus said as he went back inside with long strides, a hand on his forehead.

"Well..." James started as soon as the door closed behind Remus. "You recovered quickly I see—"

"How's Fabian?" Sirius cut, still a bit dazed from the feeling of being held by none other than Remus bloody Lupin.

"He's fine, don't worry about it. He didn't know, you know... I filled in the blanks for you," finished James lamely.

"Good, good... that's, good." Sirius said, his head elsewhere.

"Are you, err, alright?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," Sirius fidgeted, playing with his hair, replacing his leather jacket, feeling as if ants were crawling under his skin. "I'm gonna go home now, we have a gig tomorrow night, yeah?"

"Err, yeah, we do," James looked at him with a quizzical brow. "Can you drive? I mean, you drank a couple of beers earlier—"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it. See you later?"

"Alright... but Sirius," James gripped one of his shoulders, "Be careful, brother."

"I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only one who's annoyed with James for interrupting?  
> (╥﹏╥)


	10. A Gentlemen's Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial should be Remus's middle name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Depiction of a seizure at the beginning of the chapter, mentions of panic attacks

Remus went back in the pub quickly, feeling a bit disoriented. Padfoot had stayed inside since Remus had went out too suddenly after Sirius, but the dog was right at the door as Remus opened it, and started whining and pawing at him.

"Remus? Are you alright?" he heard Lily say distantly.

"I... I need to..." he tried to get to the loo, his feet unsteady, but Lily stopped him.

"Remus, sit down or you'll fall," she said, pushing him in empty chair by the door as Padfoot put his weight on his legs to prevent him from standing up again. Remus could see that the rest of the group was still at their table at the back of the pub, talking to each other.

Thankfully, not looking at him.

He felt a sense of deja-vu, as well as a headache starting at the back of his head. He tried to inhale and exhale slowly, but the horrible numbness started from his spine towards his limbs, going to his cheeks, and he felt dread wash over him. Weirdly, the last thing he thought about before blacking out was the feeling of warmth as he remembered having held someone in his arms. Right now, he just couldn't remember who it had been.

He lost track of time, but could hear an unknown person talking to him in a gentle voice. It sounded like the voice was far away, and he was only hearing its echo, as if he was standing at the bottom of a well. He knew his eyes were open, but all he could see was darkness. He felt trapped in his own body, incapable of screaming, running, of doing _anything_. He could only endure.

And slowly, the voice became clearer and clearer. He still didn't know who it was, but he somehow knew it was a friend. Someone safe.

"...mus? It's...ly...will...right..." said the disconnected voice.

He _knew_ that voice. He felt like he gained back the ability to speak, so he asked the first thing he thought of. "Lily...?"

"Yes, Remus," the voice said clearly. "It's me, you're alright."

"Lily..." he turned his eyes towards her voice, seeing her blurry edges. He sighed in relief, taking her hand.

"Yeah, it's me. Are you okay?"

"I'm..."

Talking was difficult, like the words were ashes in his mouth.

He tried again, stuttering uncontrollably. "I'm o-okay." He saw her red hair and green eyes looking back at him in concern. "I'm okay," he repeated more clearly. "How long?"

"Only a couple of seconds, Remus. Don't worry, nobody noticed," she said as she turned around to look at their group near the billiards table.

Something nagged at Remus's mind. Something important.

"What w-was I doing?" he asked Lily in a quiet voice.

"You were outside with Sirius, probably talking to him, I don't know. I stayed inside to flush the drugs with Potter, remember?"

Hearing Sirius's name made his heart stutter, because he suddenly remembered what he had been doing outside, and who he had held in his arms.

 _Christ_.

"What happened outside, Remus?" Lily asked, like she was a mind reader.

"I, err... talked to Sirius, like you said. Just making sure he's alright."

"And is he?"

James entered the pub at that moment, saving Remus from answering.

"Hey lads," James walked towards them. "Remus... thank you for, err, what you did. Usually it takes longer for Sirius to get out of that state of mind—"

"It's nothing," Remus answered quickly. "I'm gonna head back now," he said, turning to Lily. "I can feel a migraine starting. But you can stay here if you want."

"Are you sure? Will you, um..." she looked sideways to James, who seemed to be listening intently, his eyes squinted behind his thick glasses. "Will you be alright?" She asked quietly.

"Yes, of course. See you tomorrow? Say hi to everyone for me," he nodded towards the back of the pub.

"Will do," James said, perplexed.

"Be safe!" Lily added.

She waited until Remus was out of the pub to turn around and ask James, "What happened out there?"

"They, err... well, it seemed like they were in each other's arms when I arrived," he answered with an honest smile.

"You're _joking_ ," she replied, bewildered.

"Why would I joke about that?"

"It's... well, a bit unexpected," Lily said, still gaping.

"Is it really? I mean, there's clearly something there, no?" James scratched his head uncertainly.

"Well, _yes_ , but I didn't think Remus would... oh, you don't know him like I do." She waved a hand impatiently. "Now, this changes everything..." She put a hand to her chin in a pensive look.

"Does it?"

She didn't seem to hear him. "Potter," she turned fully towards him, taking him by the shoulders suddenly. James flinched; she _did_ have a really strong grip. "You'll answer to some questions. And if you lie, I will suspend you by your _balls_ , d'you get me?"

James opened his eyes widely. "Err... do I have a choice?"

"No," she pushed him in the chair where Remus was previously sitting. "Answer honestly, or I'll know."

"Erm, alright," he lifted his hands in surrender. That woman could be scary as hell, which somehow made her even more lovely.

"Okay," she took a deep breath. "Is Sirius a good person?"

"Oh my, don't tell me you're pulling that crap!" he laughed.

"I'm just looking out for Remus, that's all!"

"Alright, alright," he huffed. "Yes, he is a good person. He is the best person I know."

"Would he hurt Remus?"

"No! At least, not intentionally..."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"Just, you know," he ruffled his hair. "We never know what can happen between two people."

Lily looked at him with dubiously, but seemed satisfied with the answer. "Did he treat his past boyfriends well?" She continued.

"He hasn't had many, but yeah," James said slowly, feeling a bit like he was breaking a promise, or something.

"Impossible. He must have had a thousand partners, yeah?" Lily scoffed.

"No, he's not like that at all!" James said, insulted on behalf of his best mate. "It's not because he's— well, handsome that he is necessarily a ladies' man! Or a gentlemen's man in this case," he added as an afterthought.

"Interesting..." Lily started pacing back and forth in front of a puzzled James. "So, he's selective."

"Very much so."

"What else?"

"...What?"

"What other characteristics can you tell me from your best friend!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air impatiently.

"Err, well... he's loyal, caring, and obstinate. He tries to make you laugh when he knows you're feeling down, but he's reckless, and he would go to the end of the world for you if you're part of his inner circle. Being friends with Sirius is more than just that; you're not just friends, you're _family_. And he'd do anything to protect the family he chose. Literally anything," James said vehemently. "It can be a blessing and a curse."

"How so?"

"Well, just imagine if he thinks _he_ is the one you need protection from," he deadpanned.

"I see," Lily tapped her chin again, thinking fast. "Do you think he could be interested in Remus?"

"I don't think it, I already know it."

Lily stopped dead in her tracks. "Really?" Her eyes were lit with excitement.

"He won't admit it for whatever reasons. Probably because of his pride, or something. Err, that's one of his flaws by the way," he added helpfully.

"You don't say," she chortled. "Does he think Remus is below him or something?"

"No, it's nothing like that!" said James quickly. "He's not posh, though he sounds like it. That's just his education, it's not his fault. It was forced into him, quite literally," James sighed. "I think the bloke just surprised him, is all. I feel like Remus might have seen right through things Sirius tries to hide."

Lily looked at him frankly. "You are surprisingly insightful."

"Well," he smiled disarmingly. "Always happy to be the cause of amazement!"

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't say that!"

"Hey, what's going on?" Fabian said as he put an arm around James's shoulders. "Where is Sirius? And Remus?"

"They went home," James replied simply.

Fab smiled secretively. "Oh, is that so?"

"They went separate ways, you twisted little man," James elbowed him in the stomach playfully.

"James, wanna play billiards? Both of us against Benjy, I'll help you identify the balls," said Gideon as he walked to them.

"This is not over, Potter. We'll talk some more later," Lily said quietly before he got pulled by his friends away from her.

~~~

Remus unlocked his apartment door, and let Padfoot enter first. He took off his boots and his scarf, throwing his keys on a small table near the entrance. After that, he went directly to the couch and lied there with his eyes open for an undetermined amount of time, looking up to the white ceiling.

_What the fuck did I do?_

~~~

Sirius couldn't remember the trip he made with his bike from the pub to his apartment, too lost in his thoughts to care. He couldn't shake off Remus's warmth that had somehow seeped through his jacket and stayed right there with him, still carrying it like a damn token or some shit.

_You deserve to be forgiven..._

Sirius climbed the stairs to the third floor two by two, his vision getting blurry at the edges. He tried to control his breathing as he unlocked to door, and mostly failed. He closed it behind him and went straight to lie on his bed, his heart hammering.

Why would Remus say something like that? He didn't even _know_ Sirius. He didn't know the things he'd done, the people he'd hurt, the stupid stuff he'd forced others to go through because of him... he didn't know _anything_.

So why was Sirius clinging to his words like a lifeline?

~~~

Remus sit up suddenly, determined. _I'm not going to keep thinking about that_ , he thought bitterly as his mind went over how comfortable and warm Sirius had felt in his arms and against his chest. _I'm not_.

He made a simple dinner and sat down in front of the telly, putting on a show about interior design that never failed to relax him. Seeing professionals explain how and why they put certain colors, shapes and materials together was always interesting to him, as Remus liked design and agencing colors, but it was more an instinctual thing than related to any logic. He didn't know all the terms and words, and didn't know why he felt like vibrant red fit well with a golden yellow like in his flat, or why a baby blue felt good with a natural green and dark wood in his office. Lily had even said he would've been an interior designer if it wasn't for Cerberus, but he had disagreed with a laugh. It was just something he liked, a hobby maybe.

And if he felt like the mix of monochromatic shades of silver eyes, pale skin and black hair was one of the most beautiful he had ever seen, well, nobody had to know.

~~~

Sirius heard James get back to the flat two hours later, as he was just finishing making dinner.

"Blimey, it smells like heaven!" James smiled, his eyes closed and nose up high in the air. "Is that—"

"Treacle tart, yes, your favourite¹," interrupted Sirius with a smile. "It's still in the oven. I also made a Sunday Roast, I hope you're hungry," he said, swiping his hands on his red apron.

"Christ, Sirius. Did you cook nonstop since you've arrived?"

"Almost," said Sirius evasively. Truth be told, he had spent some time thinking about Remus and how safe it had felt to be held in his arms, and had decided to put an end to it by occupying his head elsewhere, namely in the kitchen.

Sirius would've never thought he'd be good at cooking, since even his own parents never touched a single uncooked vegetables, having their butler, Kreacher, take care of those common chores. He had never seen anyone cook anything before he left the House of Black and went to live at James's, where his mum made the best recipes he had ever tasted. Seeing her work in the kitchen, putting ingredients together and making entire dishes seemingly out of nowhere had always felt like magic to Sirius.

And later on, when they rented their first apartment together with James, he quickly realised he would have to be the one who cooks, since James was hopeless in a kitchen, his poor sight probably not helping on the matter. Sirius didn't mind, as he soon discovered that cooking relaxed him, and he could spend hours working on a recipe without noticing.

"Y'alright though? Usually you cook these when—"

"I'm alright James, really," he turned around to his best mate. "I just needed to distract myself a bit."

"From that hug?" James asked, smirking.

Sirius decided, against all reason, to be honest. "Yeah, from that."

James stopped as he was about to put his coat on the hanger. "Was it nice then?" he asked sincerely.

"It was," Sirius turned back towards the oven, looking at the tart intently through the window.

"Well, I didn't expect you to be so honest! Did you drink some truth potion or something?"

"It's just... well, there's no point in trying to hide it from you anymore, I guess. I mean, you saw it yourself, what he did and... and how I was."

James finally put his coat on the hanger, and walked to Sirius. "Yeah, and you know perfectly well I can read you like a book."

"Like I had braille all over, yes, I know," Sirius finished quietly.

James took his shoulder. "Remus helped you today, didn't he?"

"He did. I don't know how he did it... but he did."

"Maybe," James started slowly. "Maybe he can read you too, you know."

Sirius sighed. "That's exactly what scares me."

~~~

In the early morning, a single ray of sunshine hit Remus's eyes, making them flutter. He had fallen asleep on the couch like a slob, still wearing yesterday's clothes. He shielded his eyes with one hand, groaning. Padfoot licked his other hand, hanging from the couch. He batted him away gently, hoping for some peace. Padfoot whined in response.

"Alright alright, I'm getting up. Happy?" He asked without malice. Padfoot popped his tongue out, like he was smiling. "You're a crazy mutt," Remus ruffled his black fur affectionately, and finally got up.

~~~

"I know you probably won't want to hear it, but we should go to The Marauders's gig tonight, since we had a breach last time." Lily was sitting on Remus's desk an hour later, watching him filling papers for another band.

"I know... I was thinking about that, too," he sighed and looked up at her. "It's in King's Cross, right?"

"Yeah, at Scala. Quite a smaller venue, but I think it's going to be awesome."

"You're starting to like this band," Remus said, smirking.

She punched his arm. "Oh, stop it. You like them too, don't deny it! I was told you even hugged one of their members outside a pub yesterday..." She looked at her nails in feign nonchalance.

"Don't," he groaned. "We were not _hugging_. Jesus." He felt his cheeks grow hot.

"Oh I'm sorry, would you prefer the term 'embracing'?" She chuckled as she slid off his desk. "In any case, we have to go later. You can practice hiding your fluster until then."

"I'm not flustered. I'm perfectly unflustered. What I am is professional, and that's what I intend to be tonight." He smacked a folder closed with more force than necessary. "Don't you have any work to do?"

"Oh my, when you start inventing words, that's when I know something's up." She guffawed. "Well, my perfectly professional fellow," she got to the door, about to leave to her own office, "Maybe you should tell your cheeks to be as 'unflustered' as you say you are." She left before he could throw something at her.

~~~

"Sirius, can I talk to you for a sec?" Fabian had just arrived with the rest of the group for soundcheck. Sirius was smoking his ritual fag, his back leaning against Scala's backdoor.

"Yeah, of course," Sirius put out the cigarette on the concrete beneath his foot. "Fab, I'm so sorry about yesterday... I didn't mean to go that far—"

"No no, mate, it's fine. Don't apologize," Fabian hesitated, "James told me about what happened to... well, you know. I'm so sorry mate, I didn't know..."

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Sirius felt sorrow welling in his chest.

"If it means anything, I'm never gonna use again. I swear it. I wasn't much of a user to begin with, but—"

"Fab, it's fine, you can... you can use, just, maybe not in front of me? If that's alright."

"Yeah, no, totally man. Totally." Fabian scratched his bearded chin. "So, we're good?"

"Yeah, we're good mate. Sorry again."

"It's fine." Fabian took his shoulder with one hand. "All is forgiven, yeah?"

Remus's words seemed to echo inside his head.

"Yeah," Sirius returned the feeling by gripping Fabian's shoulder. "Forgiven."

~~~

It was when Sirius was just debating if he should change his outfit for the night after soundcheck that he broke his pre-show mute ritual. The reason for it was quite simple: he was mortified, and he had to do something about it.

He saw Remus and Padfoot standing in the middle of the empty dancefloor, where about a thousand people would be jumping on in an hour or so. He was looking at the stage, his arms crossed, seemingly pensive.

"Hey," he didn't dare look into the soft hazel eyes as he approached him. "My apologies, you know, for yesterday. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did..."

"It's fine, don't worry. How are things with Fabian?" asked Remus with a gentle voice.

"It's alright, James explained to him why I... well, he got explanation." Sirius said vaguely, looking at the stage too.

"Good," replied Remus.

"How did you... I mean, it's like you knew what to say, you know, when I was... how I was." Sirius felt the feeling of mortification expanded in his chest.

"Ah, I um... I used to have panic attacks when I was young." Remus replied slowly. "And I know the feeling of... err, helplessness well. Forgetting where you are, one-track mind, that sort of thing."

Sirius looked up to him at that, suddenly curious. Remus was still looking at the stage. _"You?_ Panic attacks? What kind of situations triggered you? If you don't mind me asking," he added quickly as an afterthought.

"Ah... going to school was a big one." His brows furrowed. "Let's just say I didn't have many friends."

"Me neither," sighed Sirius.

Remus finally looked at Sirius, their eyes meeting. "Really? That's hard to imagine," he said, puzzled.

"It's really not. Everybody was too afraid to talk to me because of my family name, and my family didn't want me to make any friends they hadn't previously chosen, so you can see the conundrum." Sirius smiled sadly. "Everyone avoided me at first, everyone except James. I don't know what I'd be without him."

Remus smiled fondly. "Lily did the same for me. She was the only one piercing through my shell, as she likes to say." He shook his head, chuckling. "She saw me for who I really was."

"Well, they might be more similar than we thought! You know James is mad about her, right?" Sirius said, laughing. "Can't stop barfing poetics about her, quite tiring really."

Remus chortled. "I can't say the same for Lily, but I think she's warming up to him."

"I know James can be pushy when he's nervous, but really, he's a great guy. Honest and loyal. He would never hurt her."

"Are you his wingman or something?" Remus snorted. "Are we suppose to set them up now?"

"Ah, they're adults, they can do that on their own. But we might need to chaperone them," Sirius said conspirationally.

Remus laughed warmly, the sound reverberating into Sirius's chest.

"Oi, Sirius! Get ready, will you? The show starts in 45 minutes!" Peter yelled, his usual quietness always gone when anxious.

"Sorry, gotta work. Who said life as a rock star was easy?" Sirius said, his smile disarming. "Will you be watching tonight?"

"No actually, I can't— I mean, I'll be backstage, so I'll hear you," Remus said, cringing inside.

"Great! I hope you like it!" Sirius started walking towards the backstage to go to the green room. "And um... sorry again, you know. And thank you." He said, turning to Remus one last time.

"No problem." Remus nodded once.

~~~

This time, the event went well and no breach of security happened. Everybody had a great time, and Remus had even found himself tapping his foot in rhythm with the beat of each of their songs. He wished he could see the stage and watch the group properly, but he knew it wasn't possible for him without the risk of triggering an episode.

Remus kept thinking about his conversation with Sirius earlier. He was surprised at how easy it had been to talk with him, and they had even broached subjects about his private life that he usually never talked about.

This was beginning to feel dangerous, as if things were taking a turn that Remus was not ready for. Thankfully, he wouldn't have to see Sirius again for some time, since there had been no breach tonight. Remus could let his security team do the work without him; he didn't have to be there anymore and see Sirius every other day. That was a good thing, right?

So why did he feel like there was a heavy stone setting deep in his stomach?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of research about epilepsy before writing this story, and I stumbled across [this nice Youtuber](https://www.youtube.com/user/angie49144) who explains what it's like to live with seizures on a day to day basis. [This video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL9mw2j9n0o&list=LLcIte1pWZOs3eR-Mz6oZusw&index=8&t=523s) helped me depict a realistic seizure Remus could have.
> 
> ______________________
> 
> 1: Treacle tart is canonically Harry's favourite, but maybe he took that trait from his father :) Who knows!


	11. A Great Wingman For Dreadful Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newest Marauders album is launching, and Sirius receives an unexpected text message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warning! This chapter is more funny than anything else, really.

Sirius was feeling antsy, like a million needles were poking him one after the other. Their new album was getting out today, and his adrenaline levels were probably higher than his blood vessels could contain.

"Is this what acupuncture feels like?" he said to no one in particular, fidgeting in the middle of their apartment.

"I can't wait for our fans to hear this, I think they'll like it." Gideon said as he looked at their album's cover. Gideon, Fabian and Frank had invited themselves over for the launch, as celebration. Peter was to arrive in the next hour.

"They better, I worked hard on those riffs," replied James, as he was playing a bit of acoustic guitar in a loveseat.

"The album gets out in 10 minutes lads," Fabian said, sitting in front of his laptop, his voice excited. He had been doing the countdown every 10 minutes for the past hour.

"My wife is going to be so proud," said Frank, sitting beside Fabian.

"What if everybody hates it?" Sirius said abruptly, pacing back and forth. "What if I was wrong and we made a terrible album?"

"Sirius, stop pacing, you're making me anxious. It's a damn good album, if I do say so myself. Relax a bit, take a drink, yeah?" James said, barely looking up

Sirius didn't listen. "I don't know, it's just, I'm not sure I—"

He stopped talking, his cellphone vibrating in his pocket. He got it out and looked down quickly, expecting a text from Peter. What he saw rendered him speechless.

It was a text message alright. But from _Remus_.

> (11:50)  
>  _**Unknown number**_ : Hey, it's Remus Lupin from Cerberus Security. Heard the album's launching today? How are you all doing?

Remus Lupin. From Cerberus Security. As if there was more than one freaking Remus Lupin in his bloody life. As if he could have forgotten.

It had been nearly three weeks now since he last saw him in the middle of Scala's empty dancefloor. He hadn't even seen him after the show, since Remus had gone home before they had time to get backstage after the last song. They'd had a couple of gigs since then, but none had had a breach of security, so no need for big boss Lupin to be around. Sirius didn't know if he had been relieved about that, or upset. It was hard to tell.

"Hey James, I think you got superpowers now, Sirius stopped pacing!" Gideon said.

Sirius wrote a reply with shaky fingers.

> (11:51)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : I feel like I'm about to explode and tiny pieces of my brain will get scattered onto James's hair. It'll be very hard to get it all out, which is my only consolation.

He pressed 'Send' before he could change his mind, and added the number into his contact list.

"Err, you okay mate? You look a bit pale," Gideon supplied with a worried voice.

"He's always pale, Gid. Like a ghost." Fabian replied, not looking up from his computer. "8 minutes guys."

"An avenging ghost, maybe, like a poltergeist," added James.

"Who are you texting to?" asked Gideon.

"No one," replied Sirius quickly, and felt his phone buzz again. His heartbeat picked up as he looked at the response.

> (11:52)  
>  _**Remus**_ : Maybe I could ask Lily to help with picking brain pieces out of James's hair then, your wingman duty finally getting completion posthumous.

Sirius barked a laugh, which attracted everyone's eyes, even Fabian's.

"Yeah, who are you texting, Sirius?" Fabian asked in turn, his eyes squinched.

"I swear to God, you're all worse than nannies. Can't you let me live in peace?" Sirius said frustratingly as he typed a response, turning his back on them.

> (11:53)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Wouldn't that make you a wingman, too?

He didn't have to wait long before receiving an answer.

> (11:53)  
>  _**Remus**_ : If that's the requirement, then I'd be a great wingman for dreadful dates. I don't think picking up brain pieces is Lily's idea of fun.

Sirius smiled frankly, careful of not laughing out loud and attracting unwanted attention from his bandmates.

> (11:54)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : What would she like then? Asking for a friend... literally.

"Five minutes!" Fabian said.

> (11:55)  
>  _**Remus**_ : Well, I think what she likes most is making fun of me, actually. But that would make for a dreadful date, too.
> 
> (11:55)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : You on a date, dreadful? Nonsense.

Sirius had pressed the button 'Send' before actually thinking of the implications he had just said. Bloody hell.

He looked at the screen intently, anxious.

> (11:56)  
>  _**Remus**_ : I was more thinking of me as a third wheel, but yeah, dreadful anyway.

"Three minutes, lads! Sirius, _what_ are you doing?" Fabian shook his head. "This is an unprecedented moment, I need your full attention! Or at least text your friend and tell them to go listen to our album as soon as it's out."

Sirius lifted his eyes from his phone to spare a glance to Fabian, who finally looked fidgety like Sirius had felt mere minutes ago, which made him realise he felt a lot calmer now.

Weird.

> (11:56)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : You can listen to our album on Spotify, if you want to. It launches in around three minutes, or so Fabian says.
> 
> (11:57)  
>  _**Remus**_ : I'll make sure to check that out, thanks
> 
> (11:57)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : How have YOU been anyway? Long time no see
> 
> (11:58)  
>  _**Remus**_ : Yeah, I've been busy. The team is treating you well I hope?  
>    
>  (11:58)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Yeah! Actually we're going to an album signing this afternoon, so we'll use their full potential.

"One minute!"

> (11:59)  
>  _**Remus**_ : That's great. Use this number if there are any problems whatsoever, don't hesitate.

Fabian started yelling the countdown from 30 seconds, Gideon and James soon joining him. James was still looking at Sirius with a perplexed expression.

> (11:59)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Thanks!

Sirius locked his phone, smiling, and joined the countdown.

~~~

_What did I do?!_

Remus was looking at his phone in disbelief at his own actions.

He had done a _great_ job at trying to forget Sirius Black ever existed in the past three weeks or so. He had even gone home early on Scala's night because he didn't want to have the vision of Sirius in full attire, makeup and perfect hair, embedded in his mind as a last image. He had told himself not to look the group up on internet and had asked Lily to take care of all operations for The Marauders, concentrating his own energy on training the teams and focusing on other bands. It had worked, for a time.

But today, Lily had come to his office saying The Marauders had a new album going out, which was always a big deal for any bands, and that Kingsley had reported seeing Sirius get anxious about it. Upon hearing Sirius's name, which he definitely _hadn't thought about for week_ s, Remus immediately thought back on how he had looked like when he had been anxious at the pub.

A protective wave had washed over Remus again, not leaving him and nagging him until he took Sirius's number from the signed contract and texted him, you know, just to make sure everyone was all right.

But then they had texted as if they'd had their last conversation in Scala yesterday, and even talked about the subject of bloody _dates_ , and oh my God what did he do?

And still, Remus found himself opening Spotify, looking The Marauders up, and clicked on the first song of their new album.

Shit, it was even _good_. Their unique sound was getting more developed, Sirius's voice floating through him as if it had never left, beautiful and aerie.

No, no, no, no, NO. This wouldn't do. This was a bad idea and Remus should close the app, break his phone and change his number, change countries and—

He jumped as Lily entered his office. "Oh, you're already on it! It's good, yeah?" she sat on his desk, listening with Remus.

"Err... yes?"

"They have an album signing this afternoon, wanna go? I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of missed these weirdos recently."

 _No, absolutely not_. "Err, you go, I'll take care of things here."

"Remus," Lily sighed. "You haven't gone out of here in at least a fortnight, I'm starting to worry about you. You're always hold up here in your office or watching whatever mindless telly at home, I know you are."

"Am _not_ , and I like my office and my flat, you know I do."

"And what about the sun? The fresh air? Come on, getting out would do you good, you're starting to become a hermit again, you know that's not right." She had a worried expression on her face.

"Well, _someone_ needs to keep things afloat here—"

"I can help, sir," Dorcas entered his office timidly, making Remus groan. "Just tell me what needs to be done and I'll do my best."

Lily turned to him expectingly.

"Are you both conspirating against me or something?" Remus said moodily.

"And are you hiding from someone or something?" Lily snickered.

Remus squinched his eyes. "No!" he answered hastily. Lily lifted her eyebrows, and he felt his resolutions falter. He groaned again. "When is it?"

"At 2PM. Thank you, Remus," she kissed his cheek and left his office.

Remus put his hands on his face, anguished. _What am I doing?_

~~~

"Fabian, I cannot protect you correctly if you keep on hugging random strangers like that!" Hestia practically yelled to cover the sound of the groupies around them. She crossed her arms.

"Aw come on Hestia, loosen up a little! Look at all these fine people!" Fabian answered, his arms wide, his grin infectious. Still, he listened to his bodyguard and stopped hugging people, nodding and waving at them excitedly instead.

"Mr Black, you can sit here," Kingsley pointed to the last chair on the left side of a table on top of a makeshift stage.

"What, you checked if there was a bomb underneath it or something?" Sirius barked a laugh.

Kingsley didn't answer.

"James, be careful of the steps, there are five of them," said Benjy as he motioned towards the small stage.

"Cheers, mate!"

"There's a lot of noise here. If something is wrong, you can do that secret code we talked about, yeah?" said Dedalus to Gideon.

"Perfect!" The red head answered as he took his place to the far right of the table, ready to begin signing for their first fan in line.

~~~

"Wow, there's a _lot_ of people!" Lily turned to Remus excitingly.

He grumbled something unintelligible.

"You got your wristband?" Lily said, unperturbed.

"I can't believe we paid for this when we have our team protecting them right now..."

"Don't be cheap, Remus. We have to encourage them a bit, yeah?" Lily smiled as they began waiting in line.

~~~

The album signing was in Hay's Galleria, a beautiful shopping mall with a dome roof and a sculpture at one end, located in London. Peter had predicted that the event would be in demand, so they had put a maximum of participant at 500 people, who had to order and buy a wristband to be able to go. In exchange, they could meet and greet The Marauders, and go home with their newest album, all signed by the members.

Sirius thought that it was a lot of hassle, and largely prefer going on stage to perform instead of signing album covers for two hours straight.

"I love this!" James said, a big smile on his face. He spoke loudly to try and cover the noise of the crowd in front of them. The fans were making a line and climbing the short flight of stairs one after the other. "I feel like they really like us!"

"It feels better when we're performing," grumbled Sirius. Despite his mood, he still put on a nice attitude, and smile disarmingly at the next fan who came towards him. "Hi there, what's your name?"

"Oh my God, I'm talking to Sirius Black! _OhmyGod_! You're even prettier in real life!" The girl screamed, putting her hands in front of her mouth, embarrassed. "I'm sorry— I'm Mary. Mary McDonald." She smiled sweetly to him.

"Nice to meet you, Mary," Sirius said charmingly as he signed the new album for her. "Do you have a favorite song in all our music?"

"Oh, I couldn't choose... your voice, it's so good, in _every_ song!"

"Why, thank you sweetheart," Sirius smiled as he thought, _Such a boring answer..._

"Thank _you_ , I'll cherish this forever!" She clutched the album and went to James, who was second in line for the signing.

Sirius was just rubbing his face with exhaustion when he heard a deep voice with a Welsh accent coming from the next person in line. "Hey, long time no see."

Sirius opened his eyes widely and felt like his stomach relocated in his feet.

"Oh Remus! What a surprise mate! How are you doing?" James stood up from his chair and shook Remus's hand, while Sirius was still too gobsmacked to make a move or say a word. "Is Lily with you by any chance?" James added hopefully.

"I'm right here, and it's Evans for you, Potter," said Lily, suddenly appearing from behind Remus's wide back. She was smiling beautifully. "Hi Sirius, Fabian, Gideon, Peter," she said, looking at them in turn. "I see everything is going well?"

"Yes yes, my lady, all is well! Except living for three weeks without your presence has been excruciating," said James, seemingly serious.

Remus and Sirius's eyes locked, and Sirius smiled knowingly while mouthing the words 'I told you' to him, which made Remus chuckle quietly, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and _what the hell is happening right now?_

"OI! WE'VE BEEN WAITING ALL AFTERNOON, COME ON!" screamed a fan a couple of meters behind Remus.

"Well, this is terrible attitude," said Lily with a pinched mouth.

Sirius laughed and took Remus's album from his hands, beginning to sign it. "You are disrupting the course of events," said Sirius, smiling up to him.

"My purpose in life," answered Remus sarcastically, his eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed. His frame looked out of place with tiny fans behind him waiting. It was quite funny to Sirius, really. Truly absurd.

_Is he even here or am I going mad?_

"Have you listened to it then?" Sirius said while he gave the freshly signed copy to Remus.

"Err, yeah, actually... it's, err, it's good." Remus looked down at his hands.

"It's not good, it's brilliant! I really like it! You did a great job, all of you," Lily said with a dazzling smile.

"My lady, yours is the most important opinion I've had the pleasure of hearing today. Thank you," said James as he took Remus's album to sign it. "Sirius," —he put the cover only inches from his face to read Sirius's writing— "why the hell did you write "To the best—"

"James! Would you shut up and get on with it? People are waiting," Sirius cut him, the words rushing out of his mouth, feeling suddenly sweaty all around.

James looked a him strangely, but with some miracle Sirius still doesn't understand, didn't ask anymore questions and signed the damned album without a word.

"Oh, hey! You lads are coming to our deaf show tomorrow?" Fabian addressed Remus and Lily excitedly as he signed their albums, sitting beside James. "Oh and you could come with us to France, that would be _epic_ —"

Sirius wanted to clap a hand on his forehead. No-no-no- _no_ —

"Don't call it a 'deaf show', Fabian, that's rude." Gideon added.

"Err... what?" Remus said, looking lost.

"Yeah, we got a show tomorrow afternoon in Oxford at the Deaf and Hard of Hearing centre, we will be blasting these vibration speakers, I tell you!" Fabian replied.

"And what about France?" Lily interjected, a note of hope in her voice.

"After our show, we take a plane from Heathrow and fly right to Paris for the weekend," Gideon supplied as Lily's eyes became bigger and bigger. "It would be ace if you could come with us. Dedalus, Kingsley, Hestia and Benjy said they could come too, with your agreement."

The four bodyguards nodded solemnly to Remus at that.

Remus turned to Lily with a glare. "You didn't tell me about—"

"Well, you did say I had to take care of all operations for this band, and nothing was set in stone yet," said Lily, sheepish. "I think it's more for fun traveling, right?" Lily turned to the group.

"Yeah, as celebration for the new album, you know. It will be our first time outside the country as a band, so Sirius will probably get very anxious about it—"

Sirius kicked James under the table, sending daggers with his eyes. _What the fuck is happening!_

"Err... well, we'll think about—"

"I've always wanted to go to France," Lily said a little timidly, interrupting Remus.

Remus looked at her with wide eyes. "You're not serious..."

"I am," Sirius supplied automatically, but somehow it was in the worst occasion he had ever said that wretched joke. Remus turned around and looked at him intently.

"CAN YOU GET ON WITH IT? YOU'RE SLOWER THAN SLUGS!" screamed the same fan behind them in line.

"YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, WE'RE DISCUSSING IMPORTANT TOPICS HERE!" yelled Lily in return, which made everyone jump. "All right, let's go to France! And to tomorrow's show too, obviously. An inclusive show? I'm in!" Lily added excitedly to their group.

"My lady has spoken. You are most welcome to be a part of our party." James said with a huge smile plastered on his face, still trying to talk in poetics.

"Urgh, Potter, I just want to see France, not you," she answered, but without malice. "Remus will be coming too, of course!"

" _Excuse me?_ " Remus seemed frozen in place. "I'm _not_ —"

"Yes yes, it's settled. We gotta flee before that fan bursts a blood vessel. See you all tomorrow then?" She took her album that Gideon had just signed, and pushed on Remus's back. Remus talked in hushered tones that the band couldn't hear as they left the shopping mall.

"Today is a _great_ day my friends," James cracked his fingers before taking his pen back, ready to sign more copies.

Sirius didn't get what just happened. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you picking up on the matchmaking?


	12. ODHHC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An inclusive show and a plane to catch!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warning here!
> 
> THANK YOU for all the Kudos and Comments! I've reached a 1000 hits, which makes me happy~

Remus was in a bad mood.

First of all, he had woken up with a seizure, which was always a terrible way to start a day. After that, he realized he forgot to go buy refills of his medication, since he had finished his last bottle the day before. And _then_ , he remembered he had to pack a suitcase because he was going to fucking France tonight for the weekend, above all things.

As he was searching for something to put on, he saw The Marauders' newest album on the floor near his clothes from yesterday, which he had thrown away unceremoniously as soon as he had gotten home. He picked it up against reason, seeing Sirius's perfect profile on the cover with the other bandmates, and opened it to see the members' signatures, which he hadn't checked until now.

_**To Remus, the best wingman for dreadful dates,** _  
_**Sirius Black** _

Oh look, they even had inside jokes now!

He closed the lid with more force than necessary, but still somehow placed the CD gently on his nightstand.

He grumbled all the way from breakfast, to the pharmacy, to back in his apartment again, during packing, and until he arrived in his office at work. He hadn't waited for Lily to take the tube, because yes, he was a bit angry at her.

He sighed as he sat in the chair in his office, putting a hand on his face. _What now?_

Padfoot whimpered from where he sat on his cushion, and looked at his master with soulful eyes, his gaze almost questioning.

"What mess did I put myself in, you think?" Remus asked him.

Padfoot cocked his head on the side.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

~~~

> (9:32)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Omg it worked! Just saw him with his suitcase!
> 
> (9:33)  
>  _**James**_ : Well, you pretty much forced his hand but yeah, it worked!
> 
> (9:35)  
>  _**Lily**_ : And I feel good about it! We have to force things a bit. They're so far up their arses, it's a wonder they can still walk straight
> 
> (9:36)  
>  _**James**_ : Well I hope they don't when they finally get together, if you know what I mean ;)
> 
> (9:36)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Ugh! I laughed, don't ask me why. Jesus
> 
> (9:37)  
>  _**James**_ : It's James, but thank you. And of course you laughed, it was funny.
> 
> (9:37)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Ur insufferable
> 
> (9:38)  
>  _**James**_ : Oh come on, you're going to France because of my ingenious plan! I deserve some recognition.
> 
> (9:39)  
>  _**Lily**_ : The City of Love better do its work, or it'll be my pleasure to wring your arrogant little neck
> 
> (9:41)  
>  _**James**_ : Gulp.

~~~

"They're ready, sir," Dorcas said with a smile.

Remus stood up and got out of his office, and pressed the number 2 in the lift, Padfoot on his heels.

"Dorcas," he turned to her unsure. "I, err... I'm going to France this weekend with Lily. We're leaving tonight."

"What?!" she answered, alarmed. "I mean, wow, that's great, sir," she recovered nervously, almost dropping her pile of papers.

"I'm not sure about that," he grumbled as they got out of the lift and turned to the right. "But I'll need you to take care of the operations for us when we'll be gone. Do you think you could do that?"

Remus almost wished she would say a loud and clear 'No', just so he could have an excuse to stay.

"Oh yes, of course... um, I'll try?" she said quickly, her eyes big. "Is there anything special going on this weekend?"

"Marlene has a show on Sunday, in Liverpool. I will arrange for the teams to be ready in advance, but you'll have to make sure everyone is doing their job and getting there and back safely..."

Dorcas blanched slightly, stuttering. "I-I'll t-try my best, sir."

They arrived at the door of one of the classrooms for prep and planning. He stopped before entering. "Dorcas..." he took her by the shoulders gently. "I'm sure you'll do great. And if anything is amiss, you can always call me. Anytime. Alright?"

She nodded, her brown hair hiding her face. "Okay."

Remus squeezed her shoulders once, and entered the room where six employees were waiting for instructions on the security planning for the Marauders show this afternoon.

~~~

The Oxford Deaf and Hard of Hearing centre, or ODHHC, had only a capacity of about 200 people, but the reach was not the goal anyway; they wanted to do a different show, something more inclusive, to connect with music lovers. They created a new way of delivering the lyrics as a visual at the same time Sirius would sing them, and changed their bass and drums to be more prominent in every song, so that the crowd could really _feel_ the music. Soundcheck was going well, albeit a bit weirdly for the band, since the sound was a bit off from what they were used to. Still, Sirius couldn't wait to see if it would work as well as he thought it would.

"Good job lads, it's going to be amazing!" James said, holding his guitar with one hand.

They had already packed their luggage for France before coming to the ODHHC, so they could leave immediately afterwards for Heathrow airport, their plane leaving at 8:40PM. Sirius still had a hard time believing Remus and Lily were coming with them for the weekend; he didn't know what to make of that.

Sirius sighed, not wanting to stress about something that had yet happened, and went to the makeshift greenroom to prepare for the show.

~~~

"You put me on the spot Lily, that's really not fair! And I had to work double the amount this morning, just to make sure everything would be alright for the weekend while we're gone. Dorcas almost had a heart attack," Remus crossed his arms, waiting for the train to arrive so they could go to the show. Padfoot was sitting beside him, waiting patiently.

France. Remus hadn't been there in _years_ , the last time being when he was a teenager and spent the summer at his maternal grandmother's house. He wondered if he could still speak the language decently after all this time.

"I know, but if I didn't do that from time to time, you'd never do anything. I know you, Rem. And the last few weeks have been hard on you for some reason, I can see it—"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I've been _great_ ," he said as they boarded the train.

"You've been moping, Remus. Silently moping, but it still is moping. You can't hide from me." Lily lifted an eyebrow.

"You're insufferable, you know that?" Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"But you love me anyway," she smiled.

~~~

Sirius had finished his makeup, hair and outfit in no time, and had started pacing back and forth. He thought that actively trying to forget about Remus coming to France with them would work, and that he'd stop thinking about it until the very last moment. Needless to say, it didn't.

"Oh no, Sirius, come on," said James suddenly, patting his hands up and down Sirius's frame. "We're going to perform for a crowd who's visual is very important. You got to give them something!"

"What's wrong with my outfit?!" Sirius said, insulted. He was wearing a nice long black coat over a holed up tank top with leather trousers, multiple necklaces dangling at his neck. "You always say I'm too flashy—"

"But I think today is the kind of day for the Goth Brawler to make an appearance..." James interrupted slyly.

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks. "No way..." he excitedly said, grinning.

"You have my permission to go all out, my friend."

Sirius didn't need to be told twice, and went to their portable wardrobe to assemble his favorite performance outfit.

He put it on quickly with the help of James, who was chuckling continually while the rest of their bandmates were shaking their heads, amused.

"I think there's a couple of hearts that'll stop beating tonight," said Fabian, snorting.

"We'll revive them with your bass and my drums, no worries," quipped Gideon.

~~~

The ODHHC was smaller than Remus expected, but it somehow made it better. There was a historical feeling to it as he looked at the white exterior walls merging with stone here and there.

Something was bothering him, though. "Aren't we stealing two places to people who deserve it more than us?" he asked to Lily.

"I think we're some kind of VIPs now, Remus. You know, like family." She smiled sweetly.

Remus scoffed. "Family? You're reaching."

"Well, we're all going on a weekend trip later today, so what would you call us then?"

"Acquaintances? Colleagues?"

"Friends?" She supplied next, still displaying that infuriating little smile.

Remus sighed. "Even _that_ is a stretch," he said as they entered the building.

~~~

"Sirius, sit down, you're giving me a headache," Fabian said, sitting in one of the few chairs of their green room.

Now that Sirius had finished putting his outfit on, he went back to not having anything to distract him, hence overthinking about Remus, and had resumed his pacing across the small room.

 _This is unbearable_ , thought Sirius decisively. And because he was an impulsive idiot with little patience, he got his phone out of his pocket, and texted Remus.

> (15:54)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Hey! Are you there yet?

_Jesus fucking hell, why did I do that?_

> (15:54)  
>  _**Remus**_ : Yeah, we're here.

Sirius huffed and plonked on a spare chair in their waiting room.

> (15:55)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Good. Hope you'll have a great time! Ready for France later?
> 
> (15:56)  
>  _**Remus**_ : Not really... Lily is nonstop talking about what she would like to see, and she keeps saying 'Bonjour' everytime she gets, it's tiring
> 
> (15:57)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Maybe you should teach her some other words, it would at least add a touch of variety
> 
> (15:57)  
>  _**Remus**_ : How did you know I could speak French?

Sirius smiled as he texted his answer.

> (15:58)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : You have French books in your office, I just made a guess. Did you learn it by yourself?
> 
> (15:59)  
>  _**Remus**_ : I spoke French with my mother. She was half French half English.

"Alright lads, you ready?" Peter said, his round face split in a grin.

> (15:59)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : Have to go. See you now!

~~~

"I think if we stand far away enough you'll be alright," said Lily as Remus locked his phone. "They'll have more visuals than usual, but nothing too flashy, and it's well lit in here. Do you reckon it could still trigger you?"

"I don't know... I guess we'll see. Maybe we could stay close to the door if you don't mind?" He said as the crowd began cheering loudly.

"Of course, of course," she waved her hand nonchalantly. "I'll be in front of you so nobody bothers Padfoot, yeah?"

"Thanks Lils," Remus said as he ordered Padfoot to sit in front of him, looking right at him from below.

They felt the bass more than they heard it. It was the kind of vibration that feels like it's making your heart beat for you, all your cells in your body shaking in unison.

"WHAT'S GOOD ODHHC!" Sirius said in the mic as an interpret signed the words to the crowd in a lively matter on the stage. The people cheered loudly, hands waving back and forth over their hands in a silent form of clap.

Sirius looked like a God from another world, his eyes circled with black makeup in an artful way, multiple earrings tangling from his ears, a dog collar tight around his throat, a black long sleeved see through shirt under some kind of harness with a bloody _corset_ making his waist smaller, and leather trousers hugging his lower body perfectly, leaving nothing for the imagination. Almost all his fingers had rings on them, making his hands delicate, but somehow still masculine. His hair was flowing down in beautiful waves, falling just under his shoulders.

"...right?"

Remus realised Lily had spoken to him, but he couldn't, for the life of him, remember what she had said.

"What?" He bent over to hear her better, incapable of diverting his eyes from Sirius's figure across the room.

"I said the guitar feels amazing, right?" Lily yelled over the music starting.

Now that she mentioned it, Remus noticed that James was playing, and they could _feel_ the notes, as if _they_ were the strings that he was pulling.

"Yeah..." Remus admitted, smiling for the first time today. "It's amazing."

~~~

The show ended in a frenzy, and Sirius felt drained as the adrenaline got down in his system. The effects and changes they had made to their sound had worked well; the crowd had been crazy, demanding more and more songs until they couldn't anymore, because they had a plane to catch.

So Sirius took off his makeup quickly, pulling his hair into a bun, and put comfortable clothes on for the trip. He got out of their room and almost fell on his arse as he stumbled upon his bodyguard's rock hard chest.

"Jesus, Kingsley!" he said, gaining back his balance with a step behind. "What the hell?"

"Mr Lupin and Miss Evans already left for the airport. We are to escort you there," he rumbled with a raised eyebrow.

Sirius scoffed. "Aw, King, you really make me feel like a such Queen sometimes," he mocked, putting a flirty hand on his bodyguard's huge biceps.

"Stop harrassing him, Sirius. Let's get moving!" Peter said as he got out of the room, too.

"Oh, but my dear King loves it," Sirius fluttered his lashes as he took hold of his suitcase.

Kingsley looked back at him with a stony face, unperturbed. "Move," he said calmly.

"Alright alright, no need to get your knickers in a twist!"

"Can't see a bloody thing with these," James got out of the room, behind Sirius, trying to wipe his glasses misty with sweat.

"Follow me then, James, if you will," Benjy said, giving his arm to him. "We have to leave now if we want to catch our plane."

"Fabian, I'm telling you, we're not stopping for pictures with fans," warned Hestia with a smile.

"Buzzkill," grumbled Fabian as he put his bag over his shoulder.

"This is going to be fun, I'm excited!" said Gideon to Dedalus as they got out last of the room.

"Yes, I can't wait to see the Louvre museum, I've been dreaming of it!" replied Dedalus.

"We won't see anything if we don't move faster," said Hestia impatiently behind Fabian.

Sirius sighed. He wondered how a weekend in close quarters with these people would be like.

~~~

> (20:12)  
>  _**James**_ : Did he appreciate the outfit? ;)
> 
> (20:13)  
>  _**Lily**_ : He was DROOLING. What WAS that tho, omg! Never seen a corset fit so well on a man b4!
> 
> (20:14)  
>  _**James**_ : It was Sirius's favorite outfit, though I usually never let him wear it, for fear of killing our dear fans by stopping their hearts.
> 
> (20:16)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Or for fear of taking away the attention from u?
> 
> (20:17)  
>  _**James**_ : That, too. But I sacrificed myself for a great cause today.
> 
> (20:18)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Good job Potter, it really worked. Remus couldn't tear his eyes off of him!
> 
> (20:18)  
>  _**James**_ : I live only to serve my lady.
> 
> (20:19)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Excuse me, I threw up in my mouth a little
> 
> (20:20)  
>  _**James**_ : Nothing can put me off from you, my flower. So don't even try!
> 
> (20:20)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Shut up, you're exhausting.
> 
> (20:21)  
>  _**James**_ : :D

~~~

Remus had been careful to take a seat near the toilets and on the alley side, just in case. The flight was barely two hours long, but episodes were unpredictable.

The problem with sitting on the alley side was his shoulders: they were bound to be larger than the tiny seat, and then bound to get bruised by a flight attendant's trolley.

Padfoot was lying at his feet, his intelligent eyes surveying Remus, checking on his master's wellbeing.

"I can't believe I'm finally going to France..." Lily said nervously, sitting beside Remus, but carefully avoiding looking out the window.

"You know it's overrated, right?" he said, trying to take her mind off the fact that they were about get 35,000 feet in the air.

"Oh shut up Remus, you don't mean that. It's _France_."

"Yes," nodded Remus, "It's France, full of posh people looking down on tourists like us, especially in Paris. You'll see."

"That's when you say stuff like that that I remember you're from Wales," she teased. "Well, we're not much better in London, aren't we?" she added, smiling.

Remus looked sideways at where Sirius was sitting beside James in another alley. "You've got a point."

She sighed, her body betraying her anxiety.

"Lily..." Remus extended a hand towards her, and she took it without hesitation. "Padfoot and I, we'll be right beside you. We're not leaving and you're not alone."

She nodded, her eyes big and breaths shallow. She layed her head on his shoulder, her eyes riveted on Padfoot. "Keep talking, please."

Remus put his cheek onto her hair. "D'you remember when we went to that field trip in Lake District when we were, what, fifteen?"

"Of course," she scoffed. "It's that time when Professor Slughorn fell into the lake trying to show us some seaweed," she cackled. "Funniest thing we saw on that trip."

"I didn't see it..."

Lily looked up to him, bewildered. " _What_? What d'you mean?"

"I, err... well," he started, scratching the back of his neck. "I was occupied elsewhere."

"You _lied_ to me! You said you saw it and thought it was funny!" she said, pointing a finger at him.

"Yeah, well..."

"What were you doing then, if you didn't see Slug's epic fall?" she asked imperiously, seemingly not noticing the plane had started moving.

"I was snogging Davey Gudgeon."

Lily's mouth fell open. "You were _not_ ," she said disbelievingly.

"I was..."

"But he was such an idiot and an arse, and you were closeted, how did you...?"

"I tutored him for a while in maths. And it's not like I had a line of people waiting for me," he said, a little defensive. "Still don't," he added quietly to himself.

"Remus!" Lily cried again, looking shocked. "I can't believe you lied to me! Why didn't you tell me?!" she added as she smacked his arm.

He smiled gently. "I was still closeted, remember? And honestly, there wasn't much to tell..." he said with a frown. "It was terrible. I would've prefered seeing Professor Slughorn falling in the lake, trust me."

She laughed as the plane gained speed. "What did you expect from that bloke, honestly? Of course it was going to be bad. He was so _stupid_ , it's a wonder he knew where to put his tongue."

"Well, that's the thing: he didn't..."

She cried laughing as the plane lifted off from the ground.

~~~

"I didn't know dogs could get on planes like that," said Fabian, scratching his beard. He was sitting near the window beside his brother, Sirius and James behind them.

"Service dogs can," replied Sirius.

"Hestia, why does Lupin need a service dog, mmh?"

"Fab, you can't just ask questions like that!" Gideon said in hushered tones.

"We are unable to disclose any personal informations about our superiors." Kingsley said solemnly, sitting behind Sirius.

"And Mr Lupin doesn't talk much about his private life anyway," added Dedalus, sitting beside Gideon, near the alley.

"So... you guys don't know what he has?" Fabian tried again.

"Not really, and even if we did, we wouldn't tell any of you," replied Benjy, just behind James.

"Do you reckon it's PTSD¹? He has scars, there must be some kind of story behind it—"

"Fabian, just drop it," James said while cleaning his glasses.

"Lads, maybe you should lower your voices a little? They're not that far away from us," said Peter, who was sitting near the alley beside James.

"Peter, for once, may be the voice of reason," James teased.

"Oi, what's that supposed to mean?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop : the city of love! (◔‿◔)
> 
> _______________
> 
> 1: PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.


	13. The City Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A walk in the park, and some art :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warning for this chapter!
> 
> • There's going to be some French words and dialogues here and there in this chapter and the next. I proceeded in writing the French part first, and then immediately followed by the English translation next, which will [appear like this] right after the French sentence. I hope it's clear enough? If it's not, please let me know!

They landed without any problems at Charles De Gaulle airport and took the RER train to their hotel for the weekend. Lily and Remus each took a separate bedroom, while Sirius, James, Fabian, Gideon and Peter took a two large beds bedroom with a futon bed. Kingsley, Hestia, Dedalus and Benjy took another similar room.

In the morning, Remus woke up early and decided to take a walk with Padfoot around the neighborhood. He had noticed their hotel to be near the Bois de Vincennes, a beautiful park in central Paris, so he took his key card, a coat, a scarf, a leash and left the hotel. Outside, the sun was barely up, but he could feel it was going to be a beautiful day, no clouds in view. The air was crisp as he stepped outside, making him close his eyes and inhale calmly.

"Early riser?" said a voice behind him. He turned around and saw Sirius, his hair high in a bun and wearing his leather jacket over a warm black hoodie, nonchalantly leaning on a wall outside the hotel's entrance, smoking a cigarette. Somehow, he looked like he belonged here, like he had always been a Parisian.

It was infuriating.

"Yeah," Remus said, crossing his arms. "You too?"

"Not always." He stomped his cigarette on the ground. "Going for a walk?" He nodded towards the leash, now clipped onto Padfoot's collar.

"Yeah, we're near a beautiful park. Care to join?" Remus said uncertainly, feeling something hot creeping up his neck.

"I wouldn't want to intrude..." Sirius answered politely.

"And I don't mind the company," Remus replied as he turned around and began walking. He heard Sirius trotting behind him until they were side by side.

"The park is Bois de Vincennes, right?" Sirius said with a decent French accent, which surprised Remus.

"Yeah, it is," he answered quietly, eyeing Sirius's profile. "Have you ever been to France before?" he asked next, his curiosity too strong.

Sirius nodded. "Multiple times when I was young. My dear parents used to bring us with them on their business trips," Sirius replied, his expression dark. "I hated it," he added quietly.

Sirius thought back on how tight his necktie had to be, how hot his child dinner jacket was during the meetings with other members of the high society, or how the polite formalities had been physically ingrained in him until he didn't have to think twice about doing them. He remembered his father's approving nod when Sirius would make a good impression on a future business partner, or how his mother's hand felt against his shoulder when she pretended to care about him while talking to the rich wives.

Just thinking about it all made Sirius want to run a hundred kilometers without stopping.

"Yes, I can imagine how stuffy meetings would clash with your rebellious streak," Remus said, a smile tugging at his lips.

Sirius turned to look at Remus in surprise. "Yeah, actually," he replied with a smile of his own. They took a path leading through trees. "I used to play pranks on the other families during dinners when I reached my golden pre-teen years."

"Now, you can't just say that and stop there," Remus said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "I need details."

Sirius grinned.

~~~

James woke up with a start when he heard someone banging on their bedroom door. He heard Fabian groan and Gideon yawn.

"Wha if fhappenin'?" said Peter in a drowsy voice.

"WAKE UP BOYS! We have a beautiful city to discover!" yelled Lily on the other side of the door.

James found his glasses and looked beside him to wake Sirius, but found out he wasn't there.

"Anybody seen Sirius?" he asked, a yawn spreading his lips.

"He left early for a smoke," answered Gideon.

"COME ON, UP UP!" continued Lily as she banged again.

James stood up on unsteady feet, and went to open the door. "Can you stop screaming please?"

Lily looked over his shoulder inside the room. "Is Sirius out?" she asked quietly, excitement apparent in her voice.

"Yeah, why?"

"Remus too," she replied simply, a triumphant smile on her lips. She turned around, adding, "Get ready, we eat breakfast in 10 minutes!"

James shook his head, smiling. This woman was mad. Wonderfully mad.

~~~

"Clingfilm? Really?" Remus said, trying to hide his smile with his hand.

"I was a master at it! I swear!" Sirius exclaimed. "I could put in on toilets in a way that it was almost impossible to see for the unknowing," he recalled. "As a result, there has been more than one old rich bloke pissing on their pants when I was present, I assure you."

Remus couldn't hold it anymore, and burst out. "I can't believe you," he said in between laughs. "I would pay to see that!"

Sirius grinned widely, his chest feeling somewhat tight as he watched Remus laugh, a shadow of a dimple visible on a cheek. "So Mr Proper has a mischievous tangent, I see?"

"Ah, yes. I wouldn't dare do it myself, but I can enjoy the genius behind it," he replied, smiling.

Sirius turned to him fully, a hand on his heart. "Now, that is probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me!" He teased.

"I didn't say _you_ were," Remus replied playfully.

"Don't deny it, Lupin, you're warming up to me," Sirius said jokingly, pushing him with his shoulder. "Admit it, you are endeared by my stories of painful childhood with the riches where all I had to keep me alive was the pranks I pulled on them."

Remus paused. "Can't say I enjoy that, no. I'm sorry you had to go through that," he said sincerely.

"Enough talking about me," replied Sirius suddenly, looking up at the sky. The sun was definitely up now, its light making the trees around them stand out in astonishing shades of green, reflecting against the water in ponds. It was truly a beautiful park. "How come you met Lily in highschool if you're from Wales? She is obviously a Londoner."

"My accent is that strong, mmh?"

"It is to me, I admit," Sirius said, feeling like he should add something. "But I like it," he blurted out, realising it was utterly and completely true as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

Remus scoffed. "I highly doubt that." He passed a hand through is curls timidly. "My parents wanted me to get the best education they could offer. I was, err... I did good in school, usually," he continued quickly. "So, they decided to enroll me at Pate's Grammar School. That's where I met Lily."

"Isn't that in Gloucestershire?"

"It is. I had to take two trains and two buses everyday for almost two hours each trip to get there from Cardiff and back," Remus said, his brows furrowed. "I hated that place. The only silver lining was meeting Lily," he admitted.

"Why go there then? You could have gone to Hogwarts like James and I, that would've been great. Your parents forced you?" Sirius asked knowingly.

"No... they didn't know," Remus said quietly. "My parents... well, we didn't have much money. My... err, treatments could get expensive. I was in hospitals a lot." Remus seemed embarrassed, avoiding Sirius's eyes. "They thought about Hogwarts, actually, and I was even accepted... but boarding school was too expensive, and they didn't like the fact that I'd be far and alone to deal with... with my illness." He took a deep breath, looking straight ahead. "But they still wanted a better life for me," he continued. "I couldn't tell them that all they did for me was for nothing. I couldn't tell them that sending me to a rich school with a patched up uniform was like a death sentence to a scarred, sick and lanky swot with a strong Welsh accent like me."

Sirius looked at Padfoot, who was walking calmly beside Remus, not even sniffing around. Always observing his master. "Did you get bullied a lot then?"

"Did I ever," sighed Remus. "Maybe a couple of pranks like yours would've helped." He smiled sadly.

"That sucks," Sirius said simply, feeling anger rising in his chest. "I would've got a million detentions by pranking these wankers. Would've been worth it if it made you feel better though," he said mischievously.

"You reckon we would've been friends, then?" Remus chortled skeptically.

"No doubt. I liked mysterious people even more than I do now, especially with a good sense of sarcasm."

Remus scoffed, his neck burning. "Mysterious, me?"

"Definitely," Sirius smiled disarmingly, his teeth flashing. "I don't understand a bloody thing about you."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" he asked teasingly.

Sirius shrugged. "You're smiling, so I'm guessing it works?" he answered, triumphant.

Remus shook his head, trying to hide his face from Sirius. "You're very confident in yourself, aren't you?"

"Not always, no. James could tell you how I am when we're in the recording studio," he looked at his feet. "He has to reassure me a hundred times before I begin to contemplate the fact that the song we're creating _might_ be good enough." He put his hands inside his leather jacket in embarrassment.

"Creating must be daunting. There must be a lot of pressure on you," Remus said gently.

"You have no idea," Sirius looked back at Remus, speaking fast. "Thousands of people are waiting to see what you're gonna do next, waiting to throw you stones if you don't keep up, if you make the slightest mistake. It can be tiring, but I think that's also why I like to do what I do."

"Let's be thankful for the Jameses of this world then," Remus said with a smile.

"And the Lilys, too. I'm glad she was there for you," Sirius replied softly. "I might not know you well, Remus, but I certainly know you didn't deserve all that shit you went through."

Remus didn't answer right away, not knowing how to react to that. "Thank you, Sirius. That's... nice of you to say," he replied after while, looking at Sirius's profile.

"Don't mention it," replied the black haired man kindly.

They walked in comfortable silence for a moment, admiring the view. It was starting to get more and more crowded as people woke up and gave in to the same idea as they had.

"We should head back, Lily's probably going ballistic right now," Remus said as he took out his phone from his trousers's pocket and unlocked it. Indeed, he saw three unread messages from her.

> (7:04)  
>  _**Lils**_ : Where r u? Waiting 4 u at breakfast in hotel
> 
> (7:37)  
>  _**Lils**_ : There won't be any pancakes left if u don't hurry~
> 
> (7:52)  
>  _**Lils**_ : R u 2 snogging yet?

Remus locked his phone quickly, feeling his cheeks get hot.

"Did she text you? What did she say?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Just wanted to know where I was," he partially lied, looking straight ahead. He began walking faster. "Come on, let's not make her wait."

~~~

"Do you have the Mobility and Inclusion card with your service dog's papers, sir?" said a man with a strong French accent at the entrance of the Louvre museum.

"Yes," replied Remus. "Here they are."

"Thank you, sir," the man took it from Remus's hands and nodded, giving them back. "I hope you enjoy your visit at the Musée du Louvre."

Remus thanked him and joined the others who were already inside. He took the time to readjust Padfoot's vest of the day, so that the "Do Not Pet/Ne Touchez Pas" writings was clearly visible.

He took a couple of maps of the museum near where he was standing, and approached the group.

"Oh, this is already so beautiful," Dedalus said in awe, looking at the ceiling.

"Well, you're not done wetting yourself, Diggle," Hestia chuckled.

Remus saw James holding a piece of paper about two inches from his face, trying to read.

"Err, James? I saw that they have a tour for visually-impaired and blind visitors. They have a tactile gallery where you can touch replicas of original statues, or we could have a tour guide who describes the works of art.¹ Would you like to know more about it?" Remus said amiably, as he looked down at a pamphlet in his hand.

"That sounds real nice!" James said, sparing a glance to Remus and smiling at him, before getting back to trying to read the map.

"And, err, here. There's a bigger map I found near the entrance," said Remus, giving it in his hands.

"Cheers mate! Oh, yeah, that's much better," James grinned as he looked.

Remus felt like he was being watched, so he turned his head around, and saw Sirius looking at him intently. As soon as their eyes met though, Sirius took James by the arm and said, "Let's discover then, shall we?"

Lily walked up to Remus excitingly. "Oh Rem, I love this, it's amazing!"

"We haven't even seen anything yet," he chuckled as she took his arm impatiently.

"Come on, let's go!"

~~~

"D'you reckon she was thinking of shagging when she was getting painted?" said Fabian as he looked at the Mona Lisa.

Hestia rolled her eyes with a smile as Benjy stifled a laugh. "You're incorrigible, Fabian."

"She does have a know-it-all look, like something kinky was happening in the room, something we, as onlookers with a limited point of view, can't perceive," Sirius added, his head cocked to the side.

James snorted. "Only you can make _that_ sound artful, Sirius."

"Oh yeah, he could be a tour guide who describes the art for you today," Benjy quipped.

"Only if James wants to hear who shags who in all the paintings," added Peter.

Remus had to hold back his laughter as he said, "This is all very blasphemous, I'm sure."

"Blasphemous is my middle name, I thought you knew that," replied Sirius with a proud smile.

"I can see that now."

"Sirius Blasphemous Black. Well, it actually sounds good," said Hestia, laughing as Kingsley nodded beside her, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"It's better than Sirius Orion Black, in any case," grumbled Sirius.

Lily cocked an eyebrow. "Orion?"

"My dearest father," Sirius said with a mocking bow.

"Are you all named after stars then?" asked Remus curiously.

Sirius turned around and smiled. "You've got some knowledge, Lupin." He sighed before continuing, "Nah, not all of us, but some of us. There's Cygnus, Alphard, Bellatrix, Andromeda, Regulus, my father Orion, and me, Sirius, the dog star, brightest one in the sky!" He spread his arms widely as James laughed. "My mother is Walburga, which is ugly as hell, just like her soul," finished Sirius candidly.

Lily gasped. "How can you talk like that about your mother?"

"Oh if you'd met her, which I certainly hope will never happen for your sake, you would understand," Sirius said knowingly.

"Yeah, she's no walk in the park," James added helpfully.

"But she's still family, she birthed you..." Lily continued.

"Family is who you choose. No blood nor kin can be more powerful than that," Sirius said firmly, James nodding beside him.

"I can see your point," said Lily with a pensive look as Remus put a hand on her arm, trying to convey telepathically how she should maybe just let this slide. It didn't work. "But she's your mother, she will always be—"

"Euphemia was my mother," Sirius interrupted. "Our mother," he looked to James in approbation.

James gripped his best friend's shoulder. "She was." He turned to look at Lily. "And anybody who says different doesn't know a thing about it."

Lily seemed gobsmacked, but recovered quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"It's fine, no worries. Let's continue, yeah?" said James swiftly, taking Sirius with him.

~~~

"That is the most beautiful almost kiss there is in here," Gideon said as he looked at a statue of an angel and a woman embracing.²

Remus, silently looking at it, was inclined to agree.

"You like Greek mythology."

He turned around to Sirius, surprised. "What makes you think that?"

Sirius shrugged. "Your expression right now," he smiled. "Oh, and ' _Cerberus'_ Security," he said simply.

Remus smiled slowly, looking back at the statue. "You're observant."

"Only when interested," Sirius blurted out, regretting it instantly. "It _is_ fascinating, though, the way he looks at her," he quickly added, nodding at the sculpture in front of them.

"There's something about her arms, too," said Remus, apparently oblivious to Sirius's flustered state. "Reaching, but not quite."

"She was just coming back to life, so that may help explain why."

"You know that story?"

Sirius smiled sadly. "Unfortunately. Literature and Greek mythology was part of my wonderful education."

Remus didn't answer right away, knowing this was a touchy subject. He, for once, wanted to say something nice to Sirius, so that maybe this dark look on his face would disappear, with a bit of chance.

He looked at the rest of their group getting ahead of them, already going on to the next work of art. "Well," he started quietly, "Your extensive knowledge certainly makes _you_ interesting, that's for sure."

Sirius snorted, surprised. He tried to hide the warmth he felt in his chest by using his most posh accent and replied, "Surely you jest!"

Remus huffed a laugh. "Well, sir, I learned to jest in good time; there's a time for all things."³

"Ah yes, you are too generous to trifle with me,"⁴ nodded Sirius, smiling.

"You were easy to convince, I see," Remus shook his head, amused. "But I must say, you would make a great Mr Darcy. You both have the same pride." He stifled a laugh.

" _My_ pride?" Sirius turned fully to him, a hand on his heart in feigned indignation.

"Well," said Remus, looking into Sirius's face. "I could easily forgive yours, if you had not mortified mine."5

Their gaze connected, and Sirius felt like something unsaid passed between them, just like when you know something important is happening without knowing what it really is about. He felt the warmth in his chest spread, creeping up to his neck and jaw, and hoped against all hopes that it stayed invisible to the naked eye. He didn't know if the warmth was from the embarrassment he felt at remembering how he had insulted Remus on the phone that one time, or if it was caused by something else.

"Um, Monsieur?" a high pitched voice said from below. "Pardon, mais votre chien est trop mignon! [Sorry, but your dog is so cute!]" said a little girl to Remus, holding the hand of her mother, and trying to reach Padfoot with the other.

"Lucie, on ne parle pas aux étrangers comme ça! [Lucie, don't talk to strangers like that!]" The mother pulled on her daughter's hand a bit and turned to Remus. "I'm sorry, she loves dogs," she added timidly in a broken English.

"Ça va, il n'y a pas de mal, [It's okay, no problem,]" Remus answered with, in Sirius's opinion, a near perfect French accent. "Bonjour Lucie," Remus said softly as he bent his knees to be levelled with the girl. "Mon chien s'appelle Padfoot, mais ce n'est pas un chien ordinaire. [My dog's name is Padfoot, but he's no ordinary dog.]"

"Ah bon? [Really?]" replied the little girl with wide eyes.

"C'est un chien qui a un travail important. Et pour qu'il puisse faire son travail, il ne faut pas le toucher. Tu vois, c'est écrit ici, [It's a dog with an important job. And to be able to do his job, we must not touch him. See, it's written here,]" he pointed to the writings on the vest.

"Ah non? Mais il n'a jamais de caresses alors? [Really? But he never gets petted then?]"

"Si, mais seulement de moi. Je suis son maître, et son travail est de s'occuper de moi. [He does, but only from me. I'm his master, and his job is to take care of me.]" Remus said patiently, smiling.

"Oh... d'accord, [Oh... alright,]" she shrugged, smiling toothily.

"Merci Monsieur... c'était très gentil de lui expliquer. Encore désolé... [Thank you sir... it was very kind of you to explain this to her. Sorry again...]" her mother said as Remus stood up again.

"Ce n'est rien madame. [You're welcome.]"

She pulled her girl with her as she began walking away, but turned a little at the last moment, saying, "Bonne journée à vous deux! Oh, et vous faites un très beau couple. Je vous souhaite beaucoup de bonheur, [Good day to you both! Oh, and you make a beautiful couple. I wish you happiness,]" she smiled and left with her child before Remus had time to correct her.

"She thought we were together, right?" Sirius said as Remus felt his cheeks getting warm.

"Err, yeah, sorry..."

"Your french is quite extraordinary, Remus," Sirius added. "There's something lovely about it," he finished quietly, almost like he was whispering it to himself.

Remus dared a look in Sirius's direction, who was observing him with interest, his cheeks a bit rosy and his head cocked to the side, as if Remus himself was part of the numerous works of art they had seen today, a part of this museum and worthy of being contemplated.

Which was a ridiculous thought, because if anything could fit beside the likes of Venus de Milo, the Winged Victory of Samothrace or the Mona Lisa, it would be Sirius, not him.

"We should join the others," Remus said uncomfortably, feeling suddenly too big for his own body. He seemed to keep hearing the word 'lovely' in Sirius's voice inside his head, like an echo, haunting him. "D'you reckon Fabian will try to hug a statue before we leave the museum?"

Sirius chortled. "I think he already tried to touch Venus De Milo's buttocks earlier," he said as they began walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All this slow burning will soon be getting somewhere... I promise!
> 
> ______________  
> 1\. The Louvre really does have this inclusive services for visually-impaired customers, which I think is awesome!
> 
> 2\. The sculpture is [Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss](http://musee.louvre.fr/oal/psyche/psyche_acc_en.html)
> 
> 3\. This is a quote from The Comedy Of Errors, Act II, Scene II, by Shakespeare, but slightly adapted.
> 
> 4\. Quote said by Mr Darcy to Miss Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen.
> 
> 5\. Also from Pride and Prejudice, adapted.


	14. I'll Be Coming For You Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flirting intensifies (◕ᴗ◕)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Some disdain for Paris (sorry!)
> 
> I am NOT a professional artist, I just like to draw for fun occasionally. That's why it might look weird... anyway, you'll know when you see it. I just couldn't *not* draw that scene!  
> 

So. Many. People.

Remus could barely walk a foot without risking knocking someone down. He sighed, looking at Lily's face. "I hope you're happy," he grumbled.

"Oh, Remus. This is _amazing_ ," she gushed, her eyes riveted on the Triumphal Arch standing in front of them.

"It is very impressive," added Kingsley, seemingly unperturbed even if he was way larger and taller than Remus. People seemed to go around him as if he was sprouting from earth, immovable like a tree, or perhaps a mountain.

Remus had to admit, the structure _was_ impressive. The details were intricate and beautiful, and reminded him of some wood pieces his mother had made throughout her life.

But there were _way too many people._

Somebody spit on the pavement right in front of his feet, and Remus jumped back. " _Achyfi_!"¹

"What was that?" He heard the laughter in Sirius's voice, standing just behind him.

"Huh?" Remus turned his head slightly to look at him, his expression betraying how annoyed he felt about the whole situation.

"You said something, didn't quite catch it." Sirius's face was, possibly, the exact opposite of Remus's: he was smiling broadly, a twinkle in his eyes. "It sounded foreign."

"It's Welsh," supplied Lily as she tried to take picture of the structure. "He says that when he's disgusted."

"Wait, you can speak Welsh too? Is there something you cannot do, Mr Lupin?" Sirius said, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips.

"I can't speak Welsh, actually," answered Remus dryly. "But I unknowingly took some expressions from my dad." He ducked on the side as a group of Asian looking tourists passed near him with bloody umbrellas open, a shield from the sun blasting high in the clear sky.

"I see," replied Sirius interestingly. "Where is he now? In Cardiff?"

"Yeah," Remus crossed his arms to shrink his frame as much as possible. "Still living and working there."

"As a lawyer, right?"

"Yeah, though more as a consultant now." Remus turned fully to Sirius, his arms still crossed. "How did you know that?"

Sirius looked sheepish. "Um, you mentioned it once. You said you were studying in uni to become a lawyer, just like your father, before founding Cerberus."

"Ah yes, I did, didn't I," Remus said distractingly, the sound of the people talking around him overloading his senses a bit. "You have a good memory."

Sirius didn't answer right away, looking into Remus's face instead, searching. "We should get somewhere else, I feel like you're about to pop a vessel if we stay here any longer." He looked around without waiting for Remus to answer, and yelled to Benjy, who was a couple of meters in front of them, an arm linked with James, near the rest of their group. "Hey Ben, we're getting out of here! Take your time, we can meet back there when you're finished!" he added, pointing behind him where they could see a patch of grass with trees providing shading, far away from the famous structure where all the people seemed to gather. "Lily, you'll be alright?"

"Yes yes, I'm perfectly fine," she waved distractingly, still taking pictures.

"Alright. Come on," Sirius added to Remus as he grabbed his hand and led him out of the crowd.

Remus, too dazed to protest, followed him, holding onto Padfoot's leash to bring him with them. As soon as they got to a more dispersed area, he could feel his mood lift almost instantly, and breathing seemed a bit easier.

Sirius walked up to one of the trees, his hand still holding Remus's. "Better?" he said as he turned to him, concern showing in his eyes.

"Yeah... thanks," Remus sighed, rubbing his forehead as Padfoot sat beside his feet.

"Here," Sirius dropped his hand and opened his small backpack, getting a bottle of water out. "Take some if you'd like."

Remus thanked him again as he accepted it and drank, the cool liquid feeling good as he swallowed. He sighed in satisfaction.

Sirius coughed. "So, you don't like crowds, I take it."

Remus screwed the bottle shut and gave it back to Sirius. "It depends. But this is a bit much, yeah. Too many people talking and walking and being general arses."

Sirius barked a surprised laugh. "I didn't peg you for a people hater," he teased.

"I'm not, it's just... too many stimulations here. And if I need to get out fast and I can't... well, I feel a bit trapped. It's just too much. Have I mentioned I don't like Paris? Because I don't like Paris. It's the most overrated city in the world with way too many people in it, the majority being posh French Parisians who will look down on anyone who doesn't speak proper Parisian french, claiming their city, their language, their food and even their bloody fashion is the best in the world, when in reality, Paris stinks of piss everywhere you go, overpriced restaurants are open only on some weird hours, pickpockets steal every idiot tourists they can, and their most prized monument, the Eiffel Tower, is just a fucking big ugly piece of metal standing. I don't like Paris," he finished vehemently.

Sirius looked at him with wide eyes, and then burst out laughing, unable to stop. "Amazing!" he said with hilarity. "Oh Remus, you held out on me!" He grabbed his shoulder, swiping mirth tears with the other hand.

Sirius's laugh, sounding a bit like a dog barking, was contagious. Remus smiled, shaking his head. "I'm not joking!" he said through bubbles of laughter getting out of his chest.

"Oh yes, I know!" Sirius nodded frantically, still laughing. "That was a very honest speech, indeed!"

They calmed down after a while, Sirius letting go of his shoulder. "So, your mother wasn't from Paris, I imagine."

"No, thank the Gods," Remus said, ruffling his curly hair. Now that they were away from the crowd and not laughing anymore, he felt a certain shyness he always seemed to have near Sirius coming back full force.

"Where was she from, then?"

"Err, Toulouse," Remus said, looking down at his feet and putting his hands in his pockets.

Sirius made a sound. "Now I get it. It explains a lot."

Remus looked up at that, expecting to see teasing in his expression, but only found curiosity instead. "What d'you mean?"

"Well, it certainly explains your hatred for Paris, but also your accent."²

"My accent?" Remus frowned.

"Yes, your accent in French. I couldn't pinpoint why it was so endearing. Now I can," Sirius said, cocking his head to the side and observing Remus once again, just like he had done back in the Louvre this morning. "You've got a lovely lyrical speech pattern, whether it be in English or French. How many other secrets like that are you hiding, I wonder?"

Remus had absolutely no idea how to answer that, and horribly realised he was blushing furiously.

"Uugh, let's get out of here, this is unbearable," said James as he approached them both, his arm linked with Benjy's, thankfully getting Sirius's attention on him rather than on Remus.

"Did you touch it at least?" Sirius asked his best mate with a smile, pulling him into a loose hug.

"Yeah, I did. I also touched the buttocks of probably 20 people," he answered, petting Sirius over the head gently.

"The greatest day of your life, I'm sure," Sirius laughed.

"Sod off, you wanker!" He groped Sirius blindly, trying to get him in a headlock.

"Are they already fighting?" Hestia said as she approached their group with the others.

"Everyday," replied Fabian and Gideon in a same voice.

"All the time," added Peter.

"Remus, you alright?" Lily whispered to him while the others were too preoccupied laughing as James tried to topple Sirius over with his head, like a charging stag.

"Err, yes? Why?" he answered, still looking at Sirius, his jacket and hoodie riding up as their fight continued, exposing white creamy skin and sharp hip bones, a flat abdomen with a trail of black hair going down and disappearing under low trousers.

"You're red all over, are you feeling hot?" She put her hand to his forehead without warning and he jumped, finally looking at her.

"Jesus, Lils. I'm fine," he said quickly, batting her hand away and feeling his cheeks grow even hotter.

She hummed, dubious. "If you say so."

"Anybody hungry?" asked Dedalus, shielding his eyes from the sun.

"Yeah, let's go eat!" exclaimed James, as they both immediately stopped fighting at the mention of food.

"Let's just hope something is open, eh?" Sirius said cheekily, looking at Remus conspirationally.

"What?" said James while straightening his clothes.

"Forget it James, you just missed the most amazing speech ever made while you were preoccupied by touching the Arch, and possibly buttocks."

"You never make any sense," said the messy haired man knowingly, taking his best mate's arm. "Let's EAT!"

~~~

It was 3PM, so naturally, every restaurant was closed.

Remus really hadn't been kidding.

"Well, that's a bother," said Sirius as they saw yet another closed sign above a cafe. "Remus, since you're our expert extraordinaire, when will the restaurants open again?" he asked teasingly.

"Probably around 7 or 8PM," the sandy blond answered, his voice distant.

Sirius soon realised that Remus had not looked at him since they had left their little patch of grass near the Arch. He wondered if, just maybe, he had put off the other man by flirting a bit with him. His impulsive arse had, yet again, blurted out words that he didn't know how to stop when Remus was near his vicinity, though the blush it had spread on him had been truly glorious, and made his own embarrassment worth it.

Sirius was beginning to enjoy more and more the company of that calm and surprising man everyday, which was quite a terrible thing really, because he didn't need to get along with his personality on top of already admiring his looks. The way Remus had helped James at the Louvre's entrance had made his heart clench a bit, and his sarcastic remarks never failed to amuse him. He kept thinking about Remus's hazel eyes crinkling at the corners when he made him smile, appearing almost amber or green depending on the light, and how his blond curls would fall nicely on his forehead when he looked at the ground with something akin to shyness.

This was getting a bit dangerous.

"I can't believe we have to wait that long to eat again! What is this country?!" Fabian said, offended.

"It's a culture of taking it slow, something you could probably learn a thing or two from," replied a feminine voice.

"Oh Hestia, how you love tormenting me." Fabian pressed a hand to his heart in feign dispair.

"What about cheese and wine tasting? That could be fun!" supplied Dedalus with a grin.

"I like where your mind is going, Dee," said Gideon.

"Where would that be?" asked Peter with a smile.

"There is one near the Pantheon, I think," supplied Kingsley as he looked at a map of Paris on his phone.

Lily's eyes were so bright, it seemed like the green in them was sparkling. "Oh, we have to go now! Wine tasting and Pantheon it is!"

~~~

Sirius was thankful for the bread and cheese, because these wines were exquisite, but would've been deadly on an empty stomach.

"This is paradise," Lily said, her cheeks rosy from the alcohol. They were all sitting at a long table, glass of wines and food in front of each of them, and nobody but them was inside the restaurant.

Remus snorted. "You won't say that later if you keep up that rhythm," he said teasingly, looking at how quick she drank her glass. He himself felt a bit buzzed, and Remus needed a lot of alcohol to make him feel even slightly tipsy.

"The lady can hold her liquor, I see," James said, his speech a bit slurred.

"More than you can, in any case," Sirius clapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh come on lads, we're only halfway there! More!" said Fabian a bit too loudly.

"Fabian, I swear if you barf on anything, I'm going to put your face in it," Hestia said, amused.

"Remus, why would you match me with this evil wench? She's clearly insane," Fabian added, looking at Hestia sideways.

"And you're not?" Remus replied with a raised eyebrow.

Fabian seemed to think for a moment. "You've got a point."

"We should slow down a bit, I think," Peter said, a bit green around the edges.

"Petey Pete, poor old chap. Here, have some water," Sirius gave his glass. "You're all just beginners. Where are the tough dispositions?"

"I'm sitting right here, Black," said Hestia as Benjy nodded and raised a hand.

"I don't feel any different," rumbled Kingsley.

"And I'm just getting started," Remus said with something akin to challenge in his voice.

Sirius grinned widely. "Let's take another round then, shall we?"

~~~

Remus was laughing so hard his stomach hurt. Fabian was in the loo probably vomitting, Peter was outside with Lily and James trying to get some fresh air, and Gideon and Dedalus could be heard singing merrily in a corner.

Hestia, Kingsley, Benjy, Remus and Sirius were the only ones left still tasting wine, though it was more just drinking at this point.

"I can't believe you tried to woo a teacher like that!" said Hestia to Sirius, laughing soundly, patches of red erupting on her face and neck from the drinking.³

"She was not only a teacher! My McGoo was our headmistress," Sirius said before finishing his glass. "The most amazing stern woman you'd ever meet, oh but she had a thing for me underneath all that wrath," he added knowingly.

"So let me get this clear: you're gay, but your first love was your headmistress?" Hestia chuckled.

"I'm gay," he nodded, "but Minerva McGonagall is a transcendent being," he half joked.

"She must really be beautiful then!" Benjy exclaimed.

"If you like 50 year old ladies with tight salt and pepper hair in a bun, straight glasses and a permanent exasperated look, sure."

"Somehow, I feel like the exasperated look was only in your presence," quipped Remus.

"Might have been," conceded Sirius. "But her attention was worth the trouble. OH! I love that song!" He added, turning to Gideon and Dedalus. His attention span was getting shorter by the minute.

"Sing it with us then!" Gideon cranked up the volume of his phone.⁴

"Wait wait, where's James?! I need him for this!"

Benjy laughed. "I'll fetch him for you, I want to see this," he added before standing up and tripping slightly, going outside.

The lyrics started.

_We're talking away_  
_I don't know what I'm to say_  
_I'll say it anyway_

Sirius had stood up and spread his arms theatrically, his singing still good even after all this wine. His voice was a beautiful deep baritone, with a nice rumble underneath.

_Today's another day to find you_  
_Shying away_  
_I'll be coming for your love, okay?_

The door opened widely with a bang, revealing James with a big smile. He started singing loudly with Sirius.

_Take on me! (Take on me)_  
_Take me on! (Take on me)_  
_I'll be gone_  
_In a day or two_

Sirius hit the highest note perfectly while James was struggling to keep up. Sirius took him by the hands and started dancing wildly with him, as if they were straight out of a 80's musical. Hestia got her phone out and started recording.

_So needless to say_  
_I'm odds and ends_  
_But that's me stumbling away_  
_Slowly learning that life is okay_  
_Say after me:_

James and Sirius looked at each other in the eye and gripped each other's shoulders for the next line:

_It's no better to be safe than sorry!_  
_Take on me! (Take on me)_  
_Take me on! (Take on me)_  
_I'll be gone_  
_In a day or two_

Sirius spinned and barked a laugh, now taking Gideon's hands to dance during the interlude.

"COME ON ALL OF YOU, stand up and dance!" James yelled, taking Hestia's hands and making her dance with him as she laughed widely, throwing her phone to Benjy.

Remus stayed sitting, amused by the scene. Even Kingsley was smiling broadly, still drinking his wine.

"Oh, it's _a-ha_ time, I see," Peter said, getting back inside and sitting at the table beside Remus.

"Do they do that a lot then?" Remus asked, still watching Sirius twirl, his long hair whipping the air.

"Feels like it sometimes," Peter answered with a smirk.

"What is happening here?" Remus heard Lily say behind him.

James whipped around and walked towards her voice. "LILY, my flower, come dance!"

"Oh no, I can't—" she tried to resist, but James was already grabbing her hands and twisting his body with practiced ease before she could react. She laughed and gave in, singing too when the verse started up again.

_Oh, the things that you say_  
_Is it life or just to play my worries away?_

Sirius looked at Remus. "Come on, Remus! Come dance with me," he said joyfully, extending his arms towards him.

Remus backed in his chair at much as possible. "Gods no, I won't!"

"Mr Proper is too shy to dance?"

"I'm not drunk enough, you mean," he answered, laughing.

Sirius resumed singing, still coming forward to Remus.

_You're all the things I've got to remember_  
_You're shying away_  
_I'll be coming for you anyway_

Remus shook his head with a smile as Sirius took one of his hand and twirled, dancing merrily even if Remus stayed firmly on his seat.

_Take on me! (Take on me)_  
_Take me on! (Take on me)_  
_I'll be gone_  
_In a day!_

Remus couldn't hide his smile at Sirius antics as the song finished. The singer let go of his hand as James grabbed him in a hug from behind.

"What a song, eh brother?" James said in a cheer.

"All of you! Stop this nonsense, pay me and get out of here!" grumbled the tenant, his face dark.

Remus stood up, still laughing, and realised he might have been more tipsy than he thought as he payed and stumbled out of the wine tasting restaurant with the others.

~~~

Sirius felt free, a cool breeze in his hair as they all walked, or at least tried to walk to the Pantheon. He was the last one behind, seeing the group strolling and chatting merrily. He got a cigarette out and put it between his lips loosely, lighting it. Just as we was taking his first drag, he saw Remus stumbling in front of him on the pavement, and felt bubbles of amusement expand in his chest.

He trotted messily until he was beside Remus, careful not to touch Padfoot and distract him by mistake. "Alright there?" he teased.

Remus turned to look at him, his expression open and inviting in a way Sirius had never seen on his face before. "It's 5PM and I'm pissed, so I'd say tha's a lush day, that is."

Sirius smiled brightly at Remus's accent getting out stronger than ever, perhaps because of all the alcohol they had ingested.

"It's a wonderful day," he agreed, grinning, the smoke getting out of his nose as he talked. "Drinking, dancing, singing and laughing with good company is always great. Which reminds me," he slurred a bit, "I don't think I've ever seen you laugh so much before."

"Well, you're funny," Remus admitted swiftly. "I'm sure you know that already."

"But I like hearing _you_ say it," said Sirius, which was entirely the truth. He felt his chest go tight.

"Why? Anything to do with my accent again?"

"Partly, yes. I could listen to you talk all day," he blurted out, not even embarrassed. "But no, that's not it."

"What is it then?" Remus said, smiling as he tried to keep a straight line while walking.

Sirius took a deep drag as he looked at Remus's profile before answering. "Well, I like to know what you think. Oh, and getting compliments by the best looking bloke around doesn't hurt, either."

As soon as Sirius realised he had said all this out loud, he felt dread and expected Remus to get withdrawn, as he seemed to usually do when praised.

Instead, he heard Remus's warm laugh. "Me, the best looking? You're nuts, Sirius."

"Oh no, don't pull that self-deprecating crap on me!" He pointed a finger in his direction. "Come on, you _must_ know you're gorgeous. You own a mirror, don't you?" His words came out a bit mumbled by the fag he was holding with his lips.

"If I'm so-called 'gorgeous', what does that make you then, mmh?" Remus replied easily, looking into Sirius's eyes.

Sirius felt like insects were crawling inside his belly. "I don't know, you tell me."

Remus didn't answer right away, his eyes searching him. Sirius felt something hot replacing the insects as he noticed Remus looking at his mouth, his gaze lingering, and then took Sirius's fag right out from his lips, took a long drag with hollowed cheeks, never leaving Sirius's eyes. "No," he finally said, smoke twirled in front of his face as he spoke, caressing it, making him look ethereal and possibly the hottest thing Sirius had ever seen. "Wouldn't want to get your head even bigger than it already is." He looked back in front of him with a smirk.

_I'm dreaming_ , thought Sirius in a daze. _Remus Lupin is flirting with me, and I'm so dreaming right now_.

Sirius decided to push his luck. "So I take it you find me aesthetically pleasing then. Am I charming? Stunning? Pretty? Attractive? You got to give me something, Remus."

Remus snorted as he gave the cigarette back to Sirius, their fingers touching briefly. "If you already know all of that, what difference does it make?"

"It makes me happy. Come on, Mr Proper! Are you getting shy on me again?" Sirius teased.

Remus didn't look at him as he answered. "I think 'alluring' fits you well."

Sirius swallowed. "Alluring, huh?" He said with difficulty. "That's a first, I think."

"Well, I'm glad I added to your list of adjectives describing your being."

"Not my being, only my looks," said Sirius, smiling softly.

"Who said I was only talking about your looks?" Remus turned his face towards him, a gentle smile on his lips, his eyes glazed a little by all the wine they had drank.

For once, Sirius felt speechless, trying to process what Remus had just told him.

"You're also insufferable," Remus added with a low chuckle, making Sirius blush slightly. He pushed Remus playfully as they heard Lily gasp in front of them.

"LOOK! This is majestic, innit!" She squealed, pointing to the Pantheon, while they could hear Fabian vomitting in the nearest garbage can.

~~~

It was only much later, when Remus was in bed all alone with Padfoot, that he realised the extent of how he had acted and what he had said to Sirius after the wine tasting.

Fucking wine.

He had been so blatantly obvious in that moment, it's a wonder Sirius hadn't gone and run for the hills. He even had the audacity of taking a drag from his cigarette, for crying out loud! Flirting had never been Remus's strong suit, but alcohol had definitely loosened his tongue and behavior, and he surprised himself at how easy their banter had been.

He turned around on his side, sighing.

Remus had let it go too far. Sirius was off limits, he knew that. He was his client, a young rockstar in the making, getting more and more famous everyday. He was healthy, free, and probably could have everyone or anyone he wanted. Maybe he even had a boyfriend or someone in his life that Remus didn't know about and just hadn't come up in conversations, though he somehow doubted it. Imagining Sirius with someone else made Remus frown, a sense of envy making its way and lodging somewhere around his ribcage, staying there.

It was alright when it had just been attraction in a purely physical way. Of course, Sirius Black, with his long luscious black hair, intelligent eyes, sharp cheekbones and pale skin, could make any man or woman turn their heads. Remus was just human, a very gay one at that, so it was natural that he would find him attractive. Completely involuntary.

The problem was that the more Remus got to know him, the more he realised it wasn't entirely _just_ physical, as he had hoped. Sirius was complex: sometimes generous, sometimes kind and sometimes mercurial, but always a hundred percent himself, unapologetically. Playful, charming, definitely attractive, and everything Remus was not. He was lovely and touchy and flirty, but that was just how he was, just his personality. It didn't _mean_ anything. Where Remus was cold and distant, Sirius was warm and mischievous, pulling him in. It would have been alright if Remus wasn't so stupid and didn't get all flustered by the smallest attention he got from the other man. But there he was, still thinking about him, even now.

This had to stop. It couldn't go on, not when it was obviously one-sided. It's not that Remus didn't think highly of himself: he knew he was a good person, attentive and generally kind, even funny sometimes, but come on now. There was just no way someone like Sirius could be interested in someone like him, what with his weird dry humor, his poor upbringing so far from Sirius's own, his scars, his illness that Sirius surely suspected by now. He was so far off his league it wasn't even funny.

And even if, maybe in a parallel universe, Sirius could be interested in him, there's nothing Remus would do about it. The risk of getting hurt was far too important to put aside. It was practically always the same story: his partners would discover that he has epilepsy, and then either leave him right then and there, or say they don't mind, but balk when they would see their first seizure, and avoid or leave him after.

People didn't know how epilepsy could affect his everyday life: how he couldn't take a shower without sitting on a bench just in case, how he had to respect a sleep schedule, how he could feel depressed or tired many hours after a seizure, how on some days he couldn't leave his apartment, or how he would never be able to drive, watch a movie at the theater or look at the telly for too many hours, see a live show at night... and there were embarrassing things too, like how he sometimes wouldn't get hard because of side effects of his anti-epileptic medication no matter how much he wanted to, or how he could wet himself during a bad episode, though that hadn't happen in a long time now, thankfully.

Sirius, healthy and free to do anything he wanted, wouldn't want all this shit. He'd be a lot better off with someone else, someone carefree and unrestrained like him.

No, this definitely needed to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, the burn is slow with this one. Didn't I warn you all though? But don't worry: there's going to be a liiittle bit of angst, and then...
> 
> Oh and just in case, I want to clarify: I do NOT think like Remus about Paris. I think Paris can be amazing, a city charged with history and beautiful things to see. I went once in France when I was very young and visited Paris, and I wish I could go back as an adult, because it's a magnificient city to discover, somehow a bit magical. But some of the things Remus said in his tirade are, I must admit, true.
> 
> I also do not think Sirius is far off Remus's league AT ALL, as Remus seems to think. That's so ridiculous!
> 
> _________________
> 
> 1\. Pronounced 'Ack-uh-vee'. It's a Welsh expression of disgust, like 'Yuck', 'Ugh' or 'Eww!', and honestly I just love how it sounds!
> 
> 2\. There is a rivalry between Paris and the south of France, especially with Marseilles and Toulouse. Toulouse's accent is very interesting: they pronounce every vowels and syllables clearly of every word, or almost, which makes it very sing-songy. It is considered one of the sexiest/most charming accents of France, except for Parisians, who sometimes think it sounds countryside-ish.
> 
> 3\. There's a condition called the 'Alcohol flush reaction', and even sometimes 'Asian flush' or 'Asian glow', which is when someone becomes red in the face, and sometimes shoulders and back, after drinking. It's caused by a deficiency in the enzyme aldehyde dehydrogenase 2. About 50% of Asians have that condition because they don't have the enzyme! Woohoo genetics! If you have that condition and keep on drinking a lot anyway, you have a greater risk of developing oesophagus cancer. The more you know :)
> 
> 4\. [This is the song](https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914) if you want to listen it! A classic!


	15. Playing Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Sexual reference, homophobic slurs, depiction of a road accident
> 
> Quite an angsty chapter... but it'll get better!

Sirius was leaning on the outside wall of their hotel, a cigarette between his fingers. Looking down at it, he had a flash of how Remus had taken one right out his mouth and smoked as he had stared, and he felt his knees go weak. He had spent what felt like the entire night dreaming about that, waking up painfully hard and in need of a wank like he was some kind of teenager.

He took a deep breath, and tried to empty his mind. He observed the few people walking by in this early morning, rejoicing in the quietness.

"Oh, are you Sirius Black?"

He turned his head, seeing a blond haired man standing a couple of feet away, wringing his hands.

"I am," Sirius replied with an easy smile.

"Amazing! I went to see you in Brighton last month. Didn't know you were coming to France," the man said with a strong accent, smiling.

"I'm only here for travel though. Getting back in England tomorrow."

"Oh," said the man, his smile faltering. "Are you liking it so far?"

"Yeah, it's been great," Sirius said before taking a drag.

The man didn't say anything for a while, only staring at Sirius. "Sorry," he said, seemingly getting a hold of himself. "It's just a bit surreal to be talking with you."

Sirius scoffed. "I'm just a human, you know," he said, taking another drag.

"Yeah, no, I know. It's just, euh..." the man leaned a shoulder on the wall, "I've looked up to you for many years now."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah..." the man said, looking embarrassed. "You, euh..." he looked down at his feet. "You made me realised I liked men a lot more than just platonically, you know," he finished, mumbling.

Sirius smiled, observing the man a bit more closely. He knew some other singers or actors would take advantage of their position to have anyone they wanted. You didn't even had to ask: most fans would probably throw themselves into his arms if he only opened them wide enough.

The man was cute, his cheeks getting red, contrasting with pale skin and blond hair, but it wasn't exactly the right shade of blond, the nose was small, perfectly straight and unblemished, and he looked like he was probably the same height as Sirius, maybe shorter.

Sirius subconsciously crossed his arms. "I'm glad I could be of help."

The man head's shot up. "Ah, yeah, euh... sorry, I'll go now... Thanks for talking with me," he said, turning around.

"I can sign something if you want?" Sirius offered, feeling somewhat guilty as he saw the man's slumped shoulders.

"No, it's fine, I don't want to bother you," he replied, waving. "Have a nice trip!" he said as he left.

Sirius resumed his people watching, his brows furrowed. After an hour of doing just that, he got back inside, trying to ignore the deception he felt of not seeing a different blond man with his black dog asking him to join him for a walk in the park this time.

~~~

"So, err, this is it then? That big blob I'm seeing?"

"Yes, it's the Eiffel Tower, all thousand feet of it," supplied Benjy as they were walking towards it.

"Is it really a thousand feet high?" asked Peter, shielding his eyes from the sun.

"1 063 feet, or 324 meters," Dedalus said, looking at a pamphlet of the monument. "Let's get up there!"

"You're going to go on top of _that_?" said Lily, horrified.

"Of course, it's part of the fun. You're not going?" Gideon asked, concerned.

"Oh no no no, I'm not going up there. Not in a million lifetimes."

"Afraid of heights?" Peter asked knowingly.

She nodded, her face pale.

Remus put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing. "I'll stay here with you, Lil. I'm not keen on being in a crowd again."

"I'll stay down too, I wouldn't see a damn thing up there anyway!" James added.

"It _is_ a big ugly piece of metal, now that you mentioned it," Sirius smiled to Remus, who didn't look back at him. "I'll stay here too."

"Alright, we leave you in good hands," rumbled Kingsley as he began walking to the base of the tower with the rest of the group.

"Text us if you go somewhere else!" said Hestia, waving.

"Well, what shall we do now?" Sirius asked to no one in particular.

James took him by the shoulders, standing side by side. "Let's take a selfie first!"

Sirius laughed and shook his head as he gave his phone to Remus. "Would you be so kind?"

Remus didn't answer, but took it anyway and waited for them to strike a pose. He took the picture and gave the phone back to Sirius without looking at him.

"Thank you," Sirius said, his brows furrowed by Remus's odd behavior.

"You're welcome," Remus said distantly. "There's the Hôtel des Invalides near, if any of you is interested. We could walk there," he added, looking at Lily and James amiably.

"Oh that's a great idea, let's do that!" Lily said excitedly, smiling up to Remus as she took his arms, and Remus returned her smile.

Sirius offered his arm to James wordlessly, his gaze riveted to Remus's back as they began walking behind them.

He couldn't understand this abrupt change of mood that Remus seemed to be in, but only with him. As he watched Lily and Remus talk, he noticed that the sandy blond was smiling easily, bantering with her like on any other normal day.

So why was he so cold to him then? Was it because of yesterday? Had Sirius pushed things too far? It had seemed alright at the time, Remus had even said very nice things to him instead of closing up like usual. What had happened in the meantime between yesterday and now?

Anyway, why was Sirius bothered with that? Lupin had always been a bit weird and distant, a complete mystery to Sirius, so he shouldn't be surprised. And in any case, it was probably better this way, since Sirius couldn't afford beginning to like the other man, even less starting to pine, which would be horrible and unnecessary. Sirius didn't need an unreliable source of affection in his life. That was the recipe for heartbreak that he avoided at all cost.

Really, it didn't matter. It was fine if Lupin suddenly decided to give him the cold shoulder again. Completely fine.

"Hey, regarde où tu vas, sale tapette! [Hey look where you're going, disgusting poof!]"

Sirius had been so lost in his thoughts, eyes burning holes on Remus's back, that he hadn't paid attention to where they were walking, and didn't escort James properly. A man had been sitting on the pavement, smoking a cigarette, and James quite literally walked over him, stumbling and almost falling face first.

"Oh my God James, are you okay?!" Sirius felt mortification take hold of his heart. In his flustered state, he didn't notice that the man just stood up from his spot and was glaring at them with a mean look.

"Hey, c'est à toi qu'je parle, putain d'Anglais, [Hey, I'm talking to you, fucking Englishman,]"

James seemed to come back from his surprise. "I'm very sorry! I didn't see—"

"Parles Français, mec. Ou alors t'es trop con c'est ça? [Speak French, man. Or you're too dumb, is that it?]"

Sirius understood most of what the guy was saying, and felt anger rise in his chest. He opened his mouth to tell that wanker to go fuck himself, but saw Remus step between them before he had the chance.

"Hey, c'était un accident et il s'est excusé. Continue de fumer ta clope et laisse nous tranquille, tu veux bien? [Hey, it was an accident and he apologized. Keep smoking your fag and leave us alone, will you?]"

"Oh oh, on a un petit accent du sud ici! Toulouse, non? [Oh oh, we have a little south accent here! From Toulouse, right?]"

Remus didn't answer, only putting his arms behind him to push James and Sirius away as the other man advanced to speak in Remus's face.

Lily was holding on Padfoot's leash, and took a step forward. "Remus—"

"Stay back Lil."

The man sneered. "C'est ta meuf? Elle est jolie. Au moins toi t'es pas un putain d'pédé comme les deux autres. [It's your girl? She's pretty. At least you're not a fucking faggot like the other two.]"

Remus seemed calm, but his voice betrayed a dangerosity that made Sirius recoil slightly, watching the exchange. "Je t'ai dis de nous laisser tranquille. J'veux pas te faire de mal, mais je le ferai si tu me laisses pas le choix. [I told you to leave us alone. I don't wanna hurt you, but I will if you don't leave me any choice.]"

The man laughed, his face distorted in an ugly way. "Le Toulousain veut se battre, alors? [The Toulousain wants to fight, then?]" He advanced until his chest was touching Remus's, almost nose to nose, and Sirius felt something in him snap.

"Ne le touches pas! [Don't touch him!]" Sirius said in the best French he could muster as he quickly pushed the man off of Remus.

The rest happened quickly: the man recovered swiftly from being pushed, and was raising a fist towards Sirius with the intention of striking him, so Sirius reflexively stepped back and banged his head against a street pole behind him. At the same time, Remus grabbed the attacker's arm while it was still in momentum, and tore it painfully behind his back, putting his other arm around the man's throat, squeezing.

"Tu ne vas frapper personne aujourd'hui, espèce d'enfoiré, [You won't hit anybody today, you fucker,]" Remus growled in his ear as he sputtered, trying to breathe through Remus's grip.

"Remus, don't choke him too hard," Lily said, seemingly unfazed by the scene.

Remus didn't acknowledge her. "Alors, tu vas te calmer et nous laisser tranquille maintenant? [So, you're going to calm down and leave us alone now?]" he continued, addressing the flailing man he was holding. "Ou alors tu vas te laisser être étranglé par un 'putain d'pédé', comme tu dis? [Or you'll let yourself get choked by a 'fucking faggot', as you say?]"

" _Remus_ ," Lily warned calmly. "He got it, let him go before he turns purple."

Remus seemed to finally hear her, lifting his gaze to them. His eyes almost seemed yellowish in today's light, fury apparent in them, making Sirius shiver.

Remus seemed to gather his senses enough to wrench the man out of his arms, pushing him down the pavement and onto the road in a forceful motion. The man scrambled on his knees trying to get up, coughing.

"Dégage avant que j'te casse ta gueule! [Bugger off before I fuck you up!]" Remus said dangerously as he marched towards the man threateningly, towering over him.

"T'es un malade! [You're a madman!]" coughed the man as he got up and ran away.

Lily walked up to Remus and put a hand on his back, between his shoulder blades. "It's fine, Remus. He's gone."

Remus shook her off, breathing heavily, and turned to Sirius, anger written on his face. "Are you fucking stupid?! Why did you do that!"

"I'm sorry?!" stammered Sirius, squaring his shoulders. "I was just trying to help!"

"Well you _didn't_ , now did you? I had it under control before you tried to play the hero!"

" _I'm_ playing the hero?!" Sirius said loudly, offended.

"Lads, let's calm down, yeah? We're all fine," James said, trying to put himself between Remus and Sirius. "Remus, thank you for taking care of it. I didn't mean for it to go this far."

"It wasn't your fault James, it was mine. I wasn't looking," Sirius said as he put a hand behind his head, feeling a tenderness on his scalp where he had hit it.

He heard Remus click his tongue and felt the heat of his body near him, his hands on his head, looking for any sign of wound. Sirius let him inspect him, still too angry to feel embarrassed about the situation. He looked up into Remus's eyes. "I'm alright, just banged it a bit," he said impatiently.

Remus stopped searching, but kept his hands in Sirius's hair, speaking to him closely. "You can't put yourself in danger for me like that. Understood? You _can't_ ," he said, anger still present in his voice, but his eyes seemed concerned as he looked everywhere at his face.

"And what about you, huh?"

"I can take care of myself."

Sirius huffed, feeling his anger subside as he realised the position they were in, Remus's hands soothing against his scalp.

But then, he remembered he was supposed to avoid these type of situations with Lupin from now on, and stepped back, letting his hands fall between them. He cleared his throat. "Let's see that Hotel or whatever, yeah?"

~~~

The rest of the day was spent without any problems, and it was now time to catch their plane back to London. James had finished packing and was waiting for the others in the lobby with Lily, Hestia, Benjy and Kingsley.

James approached Lily cautiously, speaking quietly. "Hey, what happened out there? When I tripped that man..."

"What d'you mean?"

"Well, Remus's reaction was a bit intense, no? I mean, I'm not complaining, that bloke really seemed like a tosser, but you know..."

Lily seemed to think for a moment. From up close like this, James could make out her expression, her beautiful green eyes lost in thought, her freckles moving as she scrunched up her nose before answering. "Remus is quite protective. And he dealt with bullies for many years, more than anybody deserves in a lifetime. That's actually why he started to pick up boxing, if you really wanna know. He wanted to be able to defend himself and the people around him instead of running away. He'd go boxing and learning krav-maga everyday after school, telling his parents he was studying with me," she shook her head fondly at the memories.

"I see," said James pensively, and added, "He got scared for Sirius today."

"I think he got scared for all of us, but yeah, you got the point."

"You sounded so calm back there, like you were used to it."

"It's because I am," she replied, turning her beautiful eyes to his brown ones. "It happened so many times during our last year of highschool, I stopped counting."

"You know," he paused, looking for the right words, "I think the more I learn about Remus, the more I realise he and Sirius are quite similar on many levels."

"How's that?"

"Well, Sirius is very protective too. Did you know he broke a guy's nose a couple of months ago? There was a crazy bloke who had been following us for days, and Sirius lost it when he tried to grab me to take an unwanted selfie and wouldn't let go. Sirius has a really mean right hook, I can tell you that."

"I'm sorry, that must have been awful," Lily said gently.

"It was alright. The awful part came after, when the guy pressed charges."

"But he dropped them, right? I read that somewhere when I was looking you lot up."

"Yeah, we never knew how it happened exactly, but we count our stars since that day."

Lily fell silent for a while. "D'you reckon they could balance each other? Remus and Sirius, I mean. Or would it be just one big giant ball of protective mess?"

"I don't know," replied James slowly. "I guess we'll see."

~~~

"Hey, we can drive you to your apartments, if you want," Fabian said to Remus and Lily as they got out of the airport in London. "There's enough place in that car of ours since Sirius is taking his bike to go back." He nodded toward the black haired man, who was already putting his helmet on.

"James, you take the bike or the car?" Sirius yelled to his best friend.

"I'll take the car, I'm tired of sitting on something uncomfortable," he replied while hopping on their band's black vehicle.

"Oi, Elvendork is the most comfortable mode of transportation, how dare you?"

Lily turned to Remus, shrugging her shoulders.

"Alright, why not! Thanks for the offer," Remus said with a smile, and motioned for Padfoot to get in the car and lay by his feet again.

Peter started the engine and followed Sirius out of the airport's parking lot.They took the main road, a large 4 way street, and started chatting about what they'd like most in Paris.

"I can't choose," said Lily reverently.

James smiled. "So, it was up to your expectations?"

"More than that."

"I liked the Louvre," said Dedalus dreamily as Gideon nodded enthusiastically beside him.

"What about the wine tasting? That was fun. Especially that dancing and singing," laughed Hestia.

"Ugh, let's not talk about that night," replied Fabian, a disgusted expression marring his face at the memory.

"What about you, Remus?" Lily turned to him, smiling.

Remus frowned, and unconsciously looked back forward where he could see Sirius's hair flowing behind him as he watched the bike gain some speed in front of them. "I—"

But then, something horrifying suddenly happened: Remus saw a car in the right lane deflect from its path and brush against the back of Sirius's bike, probably mere centimeters from his right leg. The motorcycle wobbled under the impact, and Sirius tried to regain control of it, in vain. His bike hit the car back against the left side of its hood.

Remus felt his limbs go numb as he saw Sirius get ejected from his bike, roll on the hood and fall unceremoniously in front of the car as a screeching sound emitted from its tires against the pavement in an attempt to break, getting the bike stuck under it.

"STOP THE CAR!" Remus yelled to Peter, but he didn't wait anyway, and opened the door to get out of it while it was still moving, leaving Padfoot behind.

He didn't care about safety, about what it would look like, about _anything_. All he knew is that he had to go in front of that car as soon as possible. He had to get to Sirius.

He ran like he probably never ran before, his long legs taking him where he wanted quickly. The horrified feeling amplified in his chest when he got to the front of the car, and saw that Sirius was halfway stuck under it.

Remus didn't think twice and pulled him out of there as he heard someone screaming behind him. He couldn't remember _how_ he did it, but suddenly Sirius was in his arms, unresponsive.

"SIRIUS! Come on, wake up!"

He took off the helmet, which was slightly cracked, to see him better. He took his face and cradled it close, speaking to him.

"Come on Sirius, stay with me..."

"...Remus?" he opened his eyes and looked up to him.

"Yeah," he sighed, relief flooding in him. "It's me. Stay with me, Sirius. Stay awake. You'll be okay," his voice cracked.

Sirius closed his eyes again, his body limp in Remus's arms.

"No-no-no, Sirius, hey," he swiped a thumb on his cheek, just under an eye. "Sirius, please stay with me... SOMEBODY CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE!" He screamed to no one in particular.

James arrived with Fabian and Gideon, all gobsmacked. Peter was pale as if he was about to get sick, and James kneeled beside Sirius as Fabian said, "We called it, it'll arrive soon... fucking hell."

"Brother," James put a hand where Sirius's heart lies. "Sirius, open your eyes," he turned to Remus. "Did he say something?!"

"Yeah, he was awake," Remus said with difficulty.

"Tell me he's alive! James?!" Peter shrieked, grabbing his own hair desperately.

"Hey Pete, calm down, we'll... we'll take care of him, of course he's alive," said Fabian uncertainly.

Somebody got out of the car that had caused the accident, and swore.

Lily gasped and kneeled beside Sirius too, taking his pulse at his throat. "His heartbeat is faint," she said, her face pinched in concentration. "Remus, let him breathe a little. You gotta let him breathe."

Remus, who hadn't realized he was holding Sirius too tightly, relaxed his grip. He heard someone getting sick on the pavement somewhere, and he didn't care at all. All that mattered was Sirius, limp in his arms, his face pale and eyes closed.

"No-no-no-no... Sirius, please..." he pleaded incessantly, his hands moving on their own accord and caressing his face, trying to wake him up.

And finally, they heard the sirens, and Remus held onto Sirius until a paramedic urged him to let go so they could take care of him. Once Sirius was out of his arms, feeling suddenly empty without the weight, Remus saw the driver that had caused all this shit, and he felt rage blowing in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, nobody's going to die! Sirius and Remus are endgame!


	16. Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : MATURE CONTENT, and hospitalisation with a short explaining of a medical procedure.

"Remus..."

Sirius could see bright light from behind his eyelids. He was lying on something much more comfortable than cold concrete. _Why would I be lying on concrete though?_

"He's waking up! Nurse!" someone said.

"Remus?"

"No, your knight in shining armour isn't here, Sirius," a voice replied. Sirius recognized it as being James's. "How are you feeling?"

Sirius opened his eyes. He saw a white ceiling, white walls, white curtains.

Hospital.

Now he remembered: he'd had an accident with—

"My bike!" Sirius's eyes widened as he looked at James.

"Is in ruins mate, I'm sorry."

Sirius sighed sadly. That bike had been his very first buy, as soon as he had got his license, and so much love and hardship had went into making it work.

"How are you feeling?" James repeated.

Sirius tried to do a survey of his body: a terrible headache, a strangely hard time to breathe normally, a burning sensation on his left arm, one hip hurting, and something felt stuck around his left torso. He looked down and saw in horror that some kind of big transparent tube was getting out of his side.

"What the fuck is this?"

"Mr Black, hi," what appeared to be a middle-aged nurse came into view, looking at Sirius. "I'm Poppy, I'm your nurse for the night. Do you know where we are?"

"Um, in a hospital?"

"Yes. Could you tell me today's date?"

 _What?_ "Err..." he thought for a moment. "February 23rd?"

"We're the 24th now, but close enough," the nurse wrote something on a pad in her hands. "Do you remember why you're here?" She said as she looked into his eyes with a light.

"I had a bike accident."

"Exactly. You suffered from a minor head trauma, a bruised left hip, a road rash on your left arm, and you have a pneumothorax on your left lung, which is why your doctor installed a draining system here during surgery," she pointed to the tube.

"What the hell is that pneumo-something?"

"It's when air is found between your lung and your thoracic cavity. It creates a pressure against your lung and makes it hard to breathe. It can happen during accidents like this, but yours is quite minor. Actually, Mr Black," —she smiled— "you were _very_ lucky."

"I don't really feel like it," answered Sirius as his head throbbed.

Poppy then proceeded in asking him about the pain, and went to prepare a pain killer for him.

"James?" He looked at the side and saw his best friend sitting in a chair, uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes shining. "James, what happened exactly?"

"You had a nasty blow at your head," said James after a while. "And were trapped under a car before Remus used his secret super strength and got you out."

"...What?" Sirius said, confused. _Secret super strength?_

"You don't remember?"

A fleeting image of Remus hovering over him took over. ' _Sirius, please, stay with me..._ '

"Not really," Sirius answered.

"Well... that's too bad. I'm pretty sure it could have fuelled your dreams for weeks, or so Fabian says," said James humorlessly.

"Sod off," Sirius said weakly.

"I heard it was really quite impressive, actually," James continued as if he hadn't heard Sirius. "When we saw the accident,"—James paused and ruffled his messy hair, his voice trembling a little— "well, _I_ didn't see anything, obviously, just heard Remus jumped out of the car and run to you before we had time to do anything, and Fabian told me he lifted the other car you ran into, and got you out from under it. You should have seen him... He was holding you like... like..."

James stopped suddenly, seemingly at loss for words.

"You gave us quite a fright, Sirius," he finished, smiling sadly.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius. "I didn't mean to—"

"I know. It wasn't your fault," said James seriously. "That fucking driver, man... the git was texting while driving, can you imagine... ah, but Remus took care of that too, probably put the terror of the Gods into the bloke. He's even scarier than you are when he's angry. Really, too bad you don't remember anything."

~~~

Remus was drumming his fingers on his knees, listening to Lily talk on the phone. He was sitting on an uncomfortable bench just outside the emergency room, everything around him was the color of sick green, a strong smell of antiseptic always present in his nostrils.

He hated hospitals.

"How is he? ...Mmh... I see... Yes, I'll tell the others... Thank you." She hung up and turned towards Remus.

He sighed impatiently. "So?"

"Potter said he woke up a couple of minutes ago, he's out of surgery. He's got a minor concussion, a bruised hip, a road rash on his arm, and something else that has to do with his lung, but he's fine, Rem. He'll be out of here in a couple of days probably."

Remus felt relief flooding him. He put his head down, exhaling shakily.

"You did good, Remus. It could have been worse." She paused, uncertain. It had been a long day, high in emotions. She had to be careful in her approach. "Maybe you could go see him?"

"No." His voice was firm, though muffled by his palms were his head was resting.

Lily sighed. "Why not? You're going to tear yourself apart until you see him. Remus—"

"Lily, I can't." He lifted his head to look at her with pleading eyes. "I can't. Back there, when I... when I saw him fly around like that..."

"Stop." She went to sit down beside him on the bench, a hand on his arm. "You have to get these images out of your head. He is _fine_. And seeing him awake and being his usual 'brat', as you call it, might help you a little with that."

"Lily..." He was on the verge of saying something, something he had buried deep since he met that intelligent, funny, astonishing, frustratingly charming man. Remus paused for a long time, searching for the right words. He needed Lily to understand. He toyed with something in his hands: it was Sirius's lighter that he had picked up on the road after the accident. It must have slipped from his jacket. "I'm scared," he finally admitted in a small voice.

"We all were, Remus, it's okay—"

"No," Remus interrupted, "I'm _scared_ , Lily. Like I haven't been in a long time."

He saw realisation dawn on his best friend's face. "Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'." Remus put his head in his hands again to avoid Lily's stare.

"Well... I mean, I can't say I'm really that surprised..." she said, smiling sweetly. "Everyone can see there's something going on between the two of you—"

"There's nothing going on _between_ us," Remus said suddenly. "It's only me. I'm alone in this."

"Oh, Remus," Lily pat his shoulder gently. "You can be so blind about these type of things."

"Whatever that means?" Remus sent a puzzled look to his best friend. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm not... gonna act on it."

"Why not?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" He lifted his head up, and motioned vaguely towards himself. "Apart from the obvious, do I need to remind you he's our _client_ , for Christ's sake."

"Well, if something turned wrong between you two, you would never really have to see each other again, even if he stayed our client," said Lily reasonably. "And if by 'the obvious' you mean your condition, I always told you it was ridiculous of you to act as a hermit because of it."

"Did you already forget about... about Caradoc? Because _I_ haven't," said Remus fiercely.

"Caradoc Dearborn was an idiot," Lily nodded. "That doesn't mean everyone you'll ever meet will be, too. Would it be so bad if you let yourself try and be happy for once? I feel like we already had this conversation a thousand times—"

Remus stood up suddenly, unable to talk about that subject for a moment longer. "I'm going home now. Thank you, Lily. I... I appreciate what you do for me. Really."

Lily looked like she wanted to argue, but seem to deflate a little bit. "Alright, I'll leave you to it."

She took her coat and waved to Padfoot, heading toward where the rest of their group was sitting, looking at them expectedly.

"Oh, Remus. Do me a favour?" she said, turning around one last time.

"Sure."

"Please think about it." She smiled sadly and left without another word.

~~~

Sirius was out of the hospital three days later, after they'd taken out his draining system thing, which had been one of the weirdest feeling he'd ever had. He felt like shit, but still happy to come home.

As he was in the shower in his apartment, careful not to wet his dressing on his left side, there was only one thing bugging him: he needed to see Remus.

He couldn't get over how broken Remus had sounded when he was holding him on the concrete. He didn't remember much, but he certainly remembered _that_ , and something was nagging at his mind incessantly. What if Remus was hiding something, just like Sirius was? What if he felt something more than he let on? Sirius was tired of the lies, the avoidance and half-truths, and if the accident made him learn anything, it was that every second of life was fragile, so what was he waiting for? He had always prided himself for being able to get what he wanted, no matter what. Why was this different?

He could lie to James, to Remus, to everybody else, but he couldn't lie to himself anymore.

He wanted Remus. _Badly_.

Lucky for him, he didn't have to look far, as he saw blond curls appear right in front of him, standing there in the middle of the hall just when Sirius was stepping outside of his flat on his way to Cerberus, 30 minutes later.

He felt his stomach fly behind his eyes.

"Hey..." Remus looked somewhat sheepish, barely meeting Sirius's eyes. He was wearing his damn green jumper again, the fabric taut across his shoulders, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Sirius swallowed, trying to concentrate on Remus's words. "I heard you got out and I... I'm sorry I didn't visit, err... I should have called, this is stupid, you're obviously going somewhere and I'm in the way—"

"No no, it's okay. I was on my way to see you, actually," Sirius blurted out. Why did his heart feel like it was about to rip itself out of him?

"You were?" Remus looked him in the eye, disbelief written across his face. "Anyway, I just wanted to know how you're feeling... and to give you this."

He extended his hand and opened his palm, revealing Sirius's lighter in it.

"You found it," Sirius's voice was full of reverence. "I thought I'd lost it..."

"It must have fallen from your jacket during, you know... and I know it's important to you, at least it seems like it is, I suppose, um..." Remus pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It was a gift from my brother." Sirius said quietly while taking it, caressing the embedded words. "Thank you," he said sincerely, looking up to meet hazel eyes.

Silence stretched. He saw Remus's eyes slowly drift to his lips, and felt his heartbeat quicken even more. His own eyes drifted down to the small scar on Remus's upper lip...

"And how are you feeling?" Remus suddenly asked, looking down at his feet.

"Um... I'm okay. Thanks to you? James told me you went super saiyan and saved me, or something." Sirius wasn't even listening to the words coming out of his own mouth, and he felt his cheeks grow hot.

"James is always a bit dramatic, isn't he?" Remus's lips quirked on the side, his smile crooked.

"And you're always a bit humble," Sirius replied quietly, observing Remus's cheeks getting rosy, mirroring Sirius's own.

They probably looked like a pair of teenage boys right now, all shuffling feet, red face and avoiding eye contact. _Come on Black, get a fucking grip and go for it!_ he thought decisively.

He opened his mouth, slowly lifting his hands to try and reach for Remus. "Look, I—"

"I should head back," Remus said at the same time, turning around. "I'm glad you're feeling okay. See you around?"

Sirius was stunned, his hands falling to his side. "Yeah..."

"Have a nice day, Sirius." And with that, he was gone.

Sirius stayed for a couple of minutes speechless, and went back inside his apartment. He even sat on the couch in a daze before he sprung back on his feet, took some money for the tube, and left again, a decisive spring to his step.

~~~

Remus couldn't stop chastising himself all the way back to his office. _What did you imagine, going there like that?! Stupid, fucking stupid..._

"So, did you see him?" Lily asked him as soon as he passed in front of her office to go to the elevator. She got in with him.

"Yes." He pressed the 5th floor button and searched for the key to his own office in his pocket.

"Well? How did it go? How was he?" she asked curiously, an edge of excitement in her voice.

"It went well. I gave him his lighter. He's good." He looked impatiently at the numbers going up until the door opened. He marched quickly to his office, and Padfoot strutted to his cushion beside the desk as soon as he opened the door.

"...That's it? That's _all_?"

"Yes. Now please excuse me, I've got work to do." He sit on his chair, feigning work by opening folders in front of him.

"Pfff. You're a terrible liar, Rem." Lily said while shaking her head, but she still left the room, closing the door behind her as he put his forehead on the desk with a bang.

~~~

Sirius ran like a crazy madman and didn't stop until he was into the building, the lift going way too slow for his taste, and walked fast until he was in front of Remus's office. He didn't think twice and opened the door forcefully, not even knocking, and closed it behind him with a bang.

Remus sighed and lifted his head. "Lily, I'm— Sirius?! Are you o—"

Sirius marched to Remus until he was standing beside him, took his jumper by the collar, and crashed their mouths together.

The position was far from ideal, Remus still sitting and Sirius standing, and also the element of surprise didn't help any, but Sirius couldn't help thinking, _finally_.

But as soon as he thought that, the moment was gone, and he found himself being pushed until his back hit the bookcase behind him. He gasped in surprise.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Remus's voice was deeper than ever, talking so close to Sirius's face that he could see a couple of washed out freckles sprawled across his nose and cheeks. Lovely.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Sirius felt bold, and free for the first time in ages.

He lifted his hands to put them back on Remus, but the taller man's reflexes were much quicker. He felt his arms being pinned down behind his back with the speed of light, but used that new position as leverage, which made Remus even closer to him than he was, the only thing stopping them from knocking their foreheads together being one of Remus's arm leaving its grip to support himself against the bookcase instead, just beside Sirius's head.

They were both breathing heavily now, their chests heaving against each other. Sirius licked his lips and saw Remus's eyes follow the movement, the pupils quickly blowing out. "Come on, Remus..."

As if these words had been a password, Remus let go of Sirius's arms, put a hand on his neck instead, and kissed him fiercely.

It was like a raging war, both their mouths trying to get the upper hand, until Remus licked Sirius's lower lip, and their tongues met. Sirius yielded, moaning deeply inside Remus's mouth at the feeling, and the sandy blond took his long wavy hair in his hand and pulled on it a little, extending his neck with the motion.

" _Fuck!_ " Remus growled against his mouth, swiftly going for Sirius's neck, licking, sucking and biting passionately every inches he could touch.

It was better than anything Sirius could have imagined, and hearing Remus swear like this did unspeakable things to him. He took Remus's hips with both of his hands and rolled his own against him, gasping at the feeling.

Remus growled again in the crook of his neck, dangerously low. Sirius had never been more turned on in his entire life. He put his hands back on Remus's neck and on his head, his fingers getting entwined with the blond curls.

Remus was kissing him on the mouth again, more and more frantic, his hands touching Sirius everywhere : his neck, his hair, his shoulders, and his hips where he joined Sirius and rolled back against him in a delicious rhythm, touching the sensitive skin where his shirt had ridden up. Sirius could register pain coming from his bruised hip, and he really couldn't give a flying fuck about it.

He felt almost overwhelmed by the sensations, his mind having a hard time believing this was really happening instead of being just another fantasy. Everything felt so good, from the way Remus's mouth moved against his, to his _fucking huge_ hands on his hips, to the feel of Remus's hard-on against his own. He just wanted more. _More-more-more..._

He was gripping the hem of that bloody jumper with the firm intention of taking it off, when suddenly, a ringtone cut through the air.

Remus pulled back first, looking at Sirius. His lips were red and a bit swollen, his eyes almost all black to the rim. "Shit!" He extirpated himself before Sirius had a chance to react, and went to answer the call, his cellphone on the desk.

"Yes?" Remus was definitely breathless as he looked back at Sirius with a longing expression. Sirius was just trying to keep on standing up. "What?! Yes, alright... I'll be there." He hung up, never leaving Sirius's eyes. "I've got to go. Emergency with a client."

"You're _shitting me_ ," Sirius pushed himself off the shelf, a couple of books falling behind him. He stepped towards Remus at the same time as Remus stepped backwards, getting away from him.

"I've got to go," he said again, touching his lips gingerly. He turned around and almost ran out of the office, Padfoot behind him.

Sirius supported himself by holding on Remus's desk for dear life, feeling his knees buckle, trying to get his breathing under control. _One hell of a kiss from Mr Proper..._ he thought a little hysterically, laughing.

~~~

The urgent call turned out to be not so urgent, which was a good thing because all Remus could think of was Sirius moaning in his mouth as he had kissed him desperately.

"Jesus fucking bloody hell, fuck!" Remus walked faster as he got out of the tube and went back in the direction of Cerberus's building, hoping Sirius was still there so they could fuck on his desk until he could think of something else again.

The call had been a cry of help from Marlene McKinnon's personal bodyguard, because he thought he had lost her when she was actually just shagging her wife in one of the hotel's public bathroom where they were staying in London, which was a story Remus would have found hilarious if it had happened on any other _motherfucking day_.

As Remus got nearer to Cerberus Security, Padfoot barked and circled around him. Remus slowed his steps marginally, his mind getting back online, feeling suddenly sobered. He found a quiet alley where he sit down, letting it happen, his body taking over and his conscience escaping him.

Remus opened his eyes after an unknown amount of time, feeling a bit lost, and sighed as he stood up again.

How could he be so stupid? How could he have forgotten? For a moment there, he had simply lived, letting all his well crafted walls tumble down under Sirius's lips. But he couldn't do that again. That kiss was never supposed to happen, and he had to file it in a 'unforgettable but unrepeatable' folder inside his brain before anyone got hurt. He had to keep his distance.

So, instead of going back, he turned around and took the tube home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. I want to take Remus by the shoulders and shake him, too. He'll get around eventually...


	17. Cinderella

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warning! :)
> 
> I want to say thank you all for the amazing response on this fic! I love reading your comments and seeing people enjoying this, makes me so happy ♥️

Sirius waited and waited in Remus's office until the sun set high in the sky, sitting in his chair, fidgeting. He wasn't even capable of concentrating enough to read a book, his mind by far preferring to replay the way Remus had kissed him instead of thinking about anything else, really.

But waiting had never been Sirius's strong suit, and the tick of the clock was making him antsy. _What the hell is taking so long?_

Just as he was pondering the mysteries of the universe, namely why ringtones had ever been invented and how perfect moments were ruined by them, he received a text from James: a blessed distraction.

> (13:24)  
>  _ **James**_ : Where are you? Need you in studio ASAP

Sirius sighed and got out of the office, only to run into Lily as soon as he got to the lift.

"Sirius?! What are you doing here?" She looked at him quizzically as she got out. "Is Remus in his office?"

"Ah, he went on a call a couple of hours ago. Gotta go now, bye!" he said as pressed the ground floor button quickly, not looking back.

"A couple of _hours_ ago?" Lily mused to herself, her gaze questioning. She got her phone out, and dialed Remus's number.

~~~

Remus had been under a very cold shower spray for the past thirty minutes when his phone rang, making him jump. He turned off the water, his teeth chattering but still feeling hot somehow, and unlocked his phone with a wet thumb.

He answered on speaker mode. "What?" he said more forcefully than necessary.

"Well hello to you too young man," Lily's voice echoed against the stalls. "I saw Sirius at—"

"Stop! I don't wanna know," he clenched his eyes shut as he began drying his head vigorously with a towel. He had a sudden flash of Sirius pressing his hips against his desperately, and groaned.

"Remus? Are you okay?"

 _No, I'm not. The world is upside down and Sirius is completely nuts and he kissed me and then I kissed him back and I—_ "Yes, perfectly fine!" he answered a bit hysterically, his voice higher than usual. "Gotta go now Lils, catch up later!" he said quickly before ending the call on her.

He took his phone, opened it and got the battery out before he even noticed what he was doing.

Remus finished drying off and put new clothes on at the same time as he tried to stop thinking about the feeling of Sirius's hair in his hand as he had pulled on it to suck on his neck, and how Sirius had sounded when he had moaned and—

His head somehow got stuck in his jumper for a while, and then his trousers were difficult to close with his hardness pressed painfully against the fabric, distorting it. The cold shower had been very unpleasant but completely pointless, clearly.

And then, amidst all the fucking mess that was his head right now, a solution appeared, like a lightbulb in the dark.

He quickly took his keys, a sport's bag and a leash for Padfoot, and got out, but not before rearranging his trousers.

~~~

"Mr Black," a voice boomed somewhere on his left as he marched out of the lift on the ground floor.

Sirius turned around quickly, his heart jumping. "I always forget you're following me everywhere."

"It is my job," Kingsley nodded.

"What is it then King? I'm kind of in a hurry..."

"Some people spotted you on the underground this morning. They shared the information on the World Wide Web. They are waiting there," he pointed a finger behind him, just outside Cerberus's building.

Only Kingsley could say 'the World Wide Web' in a sentence without sounding ridiculous.

Sirius sighed. "I need to go to the studio and my bike's in ruins somewhere. Would you, um, drive me?" he asked uncertainly, not used to depending so much on his bodyguard.

"That is the purpose of my presence. Follow me, if you will," he added before passing in front of Sirius and going to the right, which was not where the exit was.

"Um... is there a secret exit I don't know?" he said as he followed suit.

"Yes."

Sirius shook his shoulders, trusting the man. He was not in any position to think too long about anything right now anyway. Which reminded him... "Hey, King... have you seen Remus?" he said, feeling something flutter pleasantly in his chest at the name.

"Yes," he repeated, making Sirius's mind sharper with attention. "He left Cerberus Security about two hours ago." He looked down at his watch. "Two hours and sixteen minutes ago," he corrected himself.

"But did he... I mean, did he come back or...?"

"No."

Sirius tried to not feel any disappointment, and failed. "How did he look when you saw him?"

"He looked in a hurry."

"Aren't you gonna ask me what happened up there?" Sirius said as they took a flight of stairs and went, weirdly, underground in a tunnel.

"No. It is not my business," Kingsley answered, though he did spare a look at Sirius, his eyebrows raised. "But..."

"But?" Sirius said, intrigued. His bodyguard never hesitated to speak, although he was a man of few words.

"But whatever happened, Mr Lupin seemed... flustered. And as you know, I am not stupid."

"Um, yeah, no..."

"So, I wish you two a long and happy life. Mr Lupin deserves it. You both do."

Sirius sputtered, his eyes wide. "Jesus, King! Warn a bloke before dropping your wisdom on him next time!"

Kingsley lowered his head as the tunnel they were in was getting smaller. "You asked me questions. I answered."

Sirius scratched the back of his neck, undecided between feeling pleased or embarrassed. "Well..." he continued. "He didn't come back, so there's that."

"I'm not sure I'm the right person to talk about the mysteries of Mr Lupin's heart."

"Wait," said Sirius urgently. "What d'you mean? You don't think he just had something to do? He said he had an emergency with a client, maybe it's taking more time—"

"The emergency was settled under an hour."

Sirius felt dread take place in the bottom of his stomach. "There might be another reason... Another emergency or something..."

Kingsley didn't answer, but cocked an eyebrow to Sirius instead.

Sirius got his phone out to text Remus.

> (13:37)  
>  _ **Sirius**_ : Where are you? Are you alright?

He put his phone back in an inside pocket of his jacket, just beside his lighter, near his heart.

"Kingsley, I changed my mind. I need to go to Remus's apartment instead of the studio."

Kingsley looked at him sideways. "As you wish," he said, and added, "Here," pointing to one of the black trucks parked in an underground parking lot.

"What the hell," Sirius whispered, admittedly impressed.

Kingsley opened the back door. "We won't be followed. You're safe," he said unnecessarily.

Sirius hopped on, feeling a bit like Cinderella entering her carriage to get to her prince before midnight.

He promised himself right then and there that he would die and bring that thought to the grave with him before uttering a word of it to anyone.

He took his phone out, hoping he had somehow missed a notification, but he had no new text to look at.

~~~

The train ride from London to Bristol wasn't too long, and not too expensive, but it was the longest thing Remus had ever had to do in his life. All 1 hour and 42 minutes was spent sitting and looking out the window without really seeing the landscape, wringing his hands, trying not to think about Sirius and failing. It was horrible, and Remus felt so twitchy and frustrated, he must've look like a junkie in need of a fix.

Which was, all things considered, pretty accurate.

 _How_ was it even possible that Sirius, elegant and charming and attractive and fantasy inducing, could still surprise Remus by kissing him like _that_? He had spent countless days and nights trying to stop imagining the other man pressed in a bed under him, his long hair a mess on the pillow, his pale skin glistening and grey eyes glazed over as Remus would unravel him, and that had been _before_ Sirius went even more crazy and kissed him completely out of the blue.

But now... now that Remus _really_ knew what it was like to have a pliant and responding Sirius Black under his hands, he was amazed at how all his imaginings and fantasies fell so short from the actual reality. How was he supposed to go on now that he learned that truth? How in hell was he supposed to stop thinking about it?

~~~

Sirius climbed the stairs two by two and arrived in front of Remus's door, per Kingsley's instructions. He had been reluctant to give his boss' address, but when Sirius has told him he could make a man or two _very_ happy, he had obliged, grumbling that he was technically breaking confidentiality for the sake of love and happiness.

Sirius would have never known Kingsley to be such a softie.

He looked at the door for a moment, recollecting himself, and then knocked.

And knocked again.

And banged on it.

"Remus?! Open up, it's Sirius!"

No answer.

Sirius took his phone out and tried to call him, but it went straight to voicemail. _Fuck!_

Sirius paced back and forth as he thought. There were two plausible scenarios for the current situation: either Remus was in his flat but refused to acknowledge Sirius's presence, hence avoiding him, or he wasn't in there right now. And if Kingsley was right, there was no reason for Remus to be neither at his flat nor at work, except maybe if he was avoiding him.

Again.

Sirius felt anger and frustration rise inside of him. Was Remus really doing that withdrawal and distant thing again? After how he had kissed him back there, in his office? _How_ could he kiss and lick and bite Sirius in _that_ way and then disappear on him without a word? That was so Remus, but also so _not_ Remus, that Sirius didn't know what to think anymore.

And why was it always him running after the other man? Wouldn't it be great if, for once, it was Remus who came after him instead of the opposite? Sirius had never been the pining type, and he was getting fucking tired of chasing for scraps of his attention without any promises behind any of it. What was he even doing here, at Remus's doorstep, like a puppy looking for its master?

He turned around, disgusted and angry and alone, and left with a loud step.

~~~

Remus arrived in Bristol around 4PM and went directly to The Hut.

He hadn't come here in a while now, being too busy with training the teams back at Cerberus, but he felt a sense of relief as soon as he saw the big wooden doors of the gym that had probably saved his life, many years ago.

He entered, his sports bag on one shoulder and holding Padfoot's leash with the other hand, and grinned brightly as he saw the biggest, tallest and kindest man Remus ever knew.

"REMMY! Oh what er su'prise!" the giant said in a booming voice as he took Remus in his big arms and hugged him tightly.

"Hiya Hagrid," Remus said with difficulty, trying to breathe through the man's bushy hair, his ribs squeezing painfully.

"How long has it been, boy?" he continued, holding Remus's face with mirth in his eyes.

"Too long Hagrid, I'm sorry. I've been busy," Remus said, grinning widely.

"I know! Yer a big boss now, Remmy! So proud o' ye!" He clapped his shoulders with so much force, Remus felt like he got shorter. "Oh and ye brought Paddy!" He bent down to look at Padfoot, but didn't touch him. He looked back at Remus with a big smile. "Came here to train a bit?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind?"

"Never, son! Always welcomed here in my Hut, ye know that!" Hagrid said, his arms spread wide.

"Cheers," answered Remus gratefully as he walked to the changing rooms. "I'll be back in a sec."

"Take yer time boy! Ah, Remus Lupin, what er nice su'prise!" Remus heard him say as he closed the door behind him and started putting on his training clothes on.

~~~

"Oi, where were you all day?! Took you long enough to get here!"

"Yeah well I'm here now, am I not?" Sirius replied moodily to James as he entered their studio. He nodded to Frank, who was sitting at the mixer's board.

"I thought about something we could do for the next single," James said as he dragged Sirius inside the recording cubicle. He placed his hands on his guitar and started to play a new melody Sirius hadn't heard before. "What d'you say if I played that, and you could sing something in a key of C, or maybe some F sharp, and Gideon could harmonize with you in a breathy way, you know how he does, and then I could—"

"We kissed."

James stopped playing instantly, the guitar making a horrible screechy sound as he whipped his head towards Sirius. "...wait, I think I misunderstood—"

"You heard me. Remus and I, we snogged like there was no tomorrow, I almost came in my bloody pants, and then he left and never came back and I'm pretty sure he's avoiding me again, James, and I'm—"

"Wo-wo-wo-stop right there, back off a bit, walk me through this." James took off his guitar and placed it in a case unceremoniously before taking Sirius's shoulders. "You and Remus kissed."

"Yes," whispered Sirius, barely believing it himself.

"And it was, what, a nice long kiss or a quick peck or something?"

"I had his tongue in my mouth, and he pulled my hair and licked and bit me, he _bit me,_ and I dry humped his dick and— _James_ , I don't think you understand—"

"Err, guys? I'm gonna let you two talk alone for a while, just, err, text me when you're done?" Frank said through the stereo from where he was sitting on the other side of the window, his face red. He stood up and left without another word.

"Alright, so it was nice," James said, unperturbed by the interruption.

"Nice? _Nice_?! It was bloody brilliant, didn't you hear a single word I said?" Sirius said hysterically.

"I heard you, I heard you. You almost came in your knickers from a snog like some swotty teenager, I got that."

"He _growls_ , James, and curses, do you have any idea—"

"Alright alright, I got it! Blimey, I don't need that much details you know?" he ruffled his hair. "And then you said he left...?"

"For a fucking emergency with a client, and never came back, and no he's not still there doing that, Kingsley told me it was fixed under no time, but he never came back and he's not in his flat, or maybe he is and won't answer me, either way he's—"

"Sirius, you need to sit down and breathe. Jesus, I can barely keep up with you," he pushed Sirius to a corner and made him sat on the floor, sitting in front of him. "You think he's avoiding you?"

"I know he's avoiding me, that's what he does for whatever bloody reason—"

"But why? I mean, did he seem to enjoy the snogging?"

Sirius looked at his best mate with wide eyes. "He was as hard as I was, James, are you kidding? I know the difference between not enjoying it and completely fucking enjoying it, and he was 100% _enjoying it_ —"

"Alright, just making sure!" James lifted his hand in surrender. "So, we're not _sure_ he's avoiding you."

"He won't answer my texts, or my calls, he's nowhere to be found..."

"Okay, he's avoiding you," James sighed, scrubbing his eyes behind his glasses. "But why though?"

"I don't _know_ , why does he do anything he does, the man's a bloody mystery, he is nonsense walking..."

"That is quite true, yeah," James nodded. "But there must be a logical reason behind all this."

Sirius didn't say anything for a while, and spared a thought of gratefulness to have someone by his side who knew about the situation and tried to help him discover the mystery that is Remus Lupin. "It seemed like he wanted more when he left. He was looking at me like— I don't know, like I was already naked and he was about to fuck me right there, you know—"

"Aaah my poor hetero ears!" James clapped his hands on his head.

Sirius took them off absentely and held them firmly, still thinking as he spoke. "He wanted me, I know that much. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. So if he's avoiding me, it's something else, something about me or about him, something external, something like—"

He stopped, realization dawning on him.

"What if it's his illness?" James spoke before him, taking the words right out his mouth. "What if he doesn't wanna get involved with you because of it?"

Sirius clang to that idea like a lifeline, because all the others would hurt too much bear.

~~~

Remus was striking with all his might into Hagrid's boxing pads, trying to sweat all of his lasting frustration out.

He did a quick jab, and followed swiftly with a right uppercut and left hook, which made Hagrid step back marginally.

"Oi, yer gettin' even stronger! Look at that, ye made me move back!" Hagrid said, smiling proudly.

Remus shook his shoulders and head, flexing his neck and hopping on his feet. "I'm trying," he said, breathing heavily through his grin.

"I get ye need a bit more than that today," Hagrid said, motioning to the ring. "There's a lad lookin' for an opponent," he nodded to a big blond guy punching on a bag at the corner of the gym.

Remus's smile was predatory as he answered, "Bring him on then."

~~~

"I need to call someone," James suddenly stood up, leaving Sirius on the floor.

"What? No, James, what you need is to _tell me what to do_ —"

"I'm calling Evans, trying to get informations. Yeah?"

"Oh, alright, okay. Wait, how do you have her number—?"

But James had already left, composing a number hastily on his phone.

~~~

Remus put his headgear on and readjusted his open-fingered gloves, eyeing the other bloke getting ready. He was a bit taller than Remus, and bigger, which would be a nice challenge. He had never seen him in the gym before, so he didn't know how well he could fight, but it didn't make any difference to Remus, who was grinning with anticipation, sliding a tongue over his mouthpiece.

Hagrid approached the ring and waved at Padfoot, who was sitting calmly just behind Remus, outside of the ring. Hagrid climbed over the ropes easily and joined his two students, though they were both more than capable of handling themselves now without the need for his training. But Hagrid's pupils would always stay just that in his eyes, no matter what age they got to, how many people they'd knocked out or what titles they'd won. "No throat punches, no groin kicks and no breaking bones, my boys. The rest is up to ye," he said, smiling. "Come," he waved at them both to join him at the center.

Remus advanced, never leaving his opponent's eyes, but he could hear people from the gym gathering around them to watch. Remus and the blond guy knocked their right knuckles together in respect, and backed off before the whistle resounded, announcing the beginning of the fight.

~~~

"You don't know where he is?" James ruffled his hair nervously, holding his phone to his right ear.

"No! And I called him but he hung up on me, and never answered again," Lily answered, incredulous. "What happened? I saw Sirius on my way to Remus's office, and I thought he looked weird, well weirder than usual anyway."

"Err, yeah, there might be a reason for that," he said, unable to contain his excitement anymore. "Lily, _we did it._ "

"What? Wait... wait, do you mean—"

"I mean they finally snogged, Lil!" James said, never thinking he would be this happy to know Sirius had gotten off with another bloke.

He heard her scream and had to distance his phone from his ear if he didn't want to be blind _and_ deaf by tomorrow morning. "OHMYGOD, you're JOKING! I swear to _God_ James, if you're taking the piss right now, I'm gonna take the mop that is your ridiculous hair and wipe the floor with it—"¹

"I wouldn't joke about _that_!" said James, offended but also strangely giddy. "You should see Sirius right now, he's completely out of it! Your best mate really can snog like a champ from what I heard," he added, chuckling.

He heard a very high pitched squeal from the other end of the line. "JAMES, I can't believe it! Oooh, let's celebrate!"

"I'd like that, but Lil, I think you forgot a very important part of the situation..."

"What?"

"Remus disappeared. He fled or ran or whatever it is he does, and even _you_ don't know where he is—"

"Nonsense, he'll come back." She still had excitement in her voice, but James could hear uncertainty lying under it.

"But why did he leave in the first place? D'you reckon he's gonna get all distant again?"

"He better not, or I'll shove his face in the oven," she said dangerously. "I'm gonna make sure he doesn't, James. He's probably just in shock or something, maybe reflecting a bit, but I'll make sure he comes back. _He'll come back_. Trust me."

"Christ," James muttered, "These two are the worst people to play matchmaking with, d'you know that? They're so fucking stubborn—"

"But they're stuck with us, the two best matchmaking people. We got this, James. We can _do_ this! Now, I just have to think about where Remus could be..."

"Where does he go when he's just snogged someone senseless? All flustered and shit?"

"I don't _know_ , James! That never happens! And I mean _never_!" she said a tad hysterically. "Usually he trains when he's upset, but he's not at Cerberus, so—"

She stopped abruptly and fell silent, and James felt impatience starting to rise in him. "What? Did you get an idea?"

"I think I might know where he went... oh but I'm going to break his neck if he went that far away!"

"Where?!"

"I gotta go, I need to call someone. I'll keep you updated!" she said before hanging up.

James looked down at his phone, bewildered.

~~~

Hagrid tried to slide the 'Answer' button on his phone three times with his big thumb before succeeding. "Hello my sweet Lily! So glad ye called! Ye comin' to the Hut too?"

"I KNEW IT! Remus is with you innit? Oh and hello Hagrid, s'great to hear your voice!"

"He's here alright! Oh, I'm so happy to hear from both o' ye!"

"I'd talk to you more, but I really need to speak to Remus. Could you pass the phone?"

"Err well, he's kinda occupied right now, fightin' and winnin', ye know how he is," Hagrid said proudly, looking back at the ring just in time to see Remus land a perfect right hook to his opponent, making him stagger backwards.

Lily huffed impatiently. "Tell him to call me back as soon as he can, it's urgent. Tell him..." she seemed to think for moment, "Tell him it's about my sister."

"She troublin' ye again?" Hagrid asked protectively.

"No no, nothing like that, don't worry. It's just, I _really_ need to speak to Remus, so just tell him that, yeah?" She pleaded.

Hagrid put a hand on his other ear to try and hear Lily better with all the whooping and cheering going on around him. "I'll do it sweetie," he glanced at the ring and saw Remus elbowing his opponent right on the jaw, then swiftly grabbing the tall blond's left arm with one hand and under the armpit with the other, rotating on himself, and using his back to throw him over his shoulder in a beautiful arc, the other man falling on his back with a thud despite being bigger than him. "THAT'S MY BOY!" thundered Hagrid, making Lily wince at the other end of the line.

"He's gonna call back soon then I assume?" said Lily, amused. "I'll leave you to it."

"Come by some time sweetie, I miss ye," Hagrid said loudly as the crowd thundered.

"Miss you too Rub," she said before ending the call.

~~~

"She has an idea where he might be," said James as he got back inside the recording stall where Sirius was still sitting.

"Does she now," Sirius replied in a tired voice, which made James frown.

"Yeah, she didn't tell me though, but she's gonna take care of it."

Sirius sighed.

"What is it brother?" James sat back where he had been a couple of minutes ago.

"Nothing," Sirius crossed his arms and let his head lean on the wall behind him. "It's just, I'm tired of chasing him, James. As soon as I take one step forward, he takes two steps back..."

"He's just shy, you know that. Becomes red in the face as soon as you tell him 'Thank you' or 'Have a nice day'."

"It's not just that," Sirius looked into his brown eyes. "I can tell you he was far from being shy back there in his office. It's like he's conflicted, or confused, or both, and what am I doing? Following him like his damn dog?!"

"Hey, I'm sure that's not his intention," James tried to say, but Sirius continued.

"I was the one who flirted with him, I was the one who kissed him, and yeah maybe he flirted back and kissed me back, very briefly. But what does it matter if he gives me the cold shoulder afterwards every damn time?"

"Look, Sirius, I get it. It's all very frustrating. You two definitely need to talk, that's not even a question. But I don't think you should give up on him just yet," James ruffled his hair. "You two are good together, it's obvious. Just... give him time. Maybe he has a hard time with his illness, whatever it is..."

"Or maybe I'm doing all this for nothing."

James felt his heart clench at seeing his best mate looking so dejected and miserable. "No, that's not true," he said firmly, taking Sirius by the shoulders. "You're gonna talk to him, make him listen about how you feel when he does that hot and cold thing, and—"

He heard his phone beep as a notification came in.

"Hold on," he scrambled and pressed on the notification, a robotic voice reading the text out loud.

"Text MEssage from... LILY: He's in BRIStol. GonNA come back sOON," the voice said. "Text ooh LAter."

James turned around to Sirius. "See? It's gonna be fine. When he comes back, you'll go and talk to him, properly this time. Yeah?"

Sirius nodded slowly, frowning. "Bristol? Why the hell did he go there? His father's in Cardiff..."

"No idea. You can ask him later," James said with a smile.

Sirius sighed as a response.

~~~

Remus felt better than he had in days. His limbs were all wobbly and his breath ragged, but he felt a sense of calmness wash over him, his mind finally slowing down enough to let him think clearly.

"Remmy, Lily called and asked fer ye, said to call her back," Hagrid said as Remus got out of the changing room. "Very nice fight ye did there!" he added proudly.

"Thanks Hagrid," he replied, wiping an arm on his forehead. "Lily called you say?"

"Yeah, said it was about her sister," Hagrid said uncertainly.

" _What?_ Did she sound alright?!"

"Yeah yeah, just said to call her back."

Remus looked quickly into his sport's bag to find his phone and the battery, putting it back in and waited impatiently for it to reboot.

"Ye running from sumthin' boy?" asked Hagrid gently, his eyes concerned.

"Err... well..."

"I know ye, Remmy. Ye came in here with a purpose, and Lily's looking fer ye, just like old times."

"It's different this time though. I'm not running away from school or from bullies," Remus grumbled, seeing the screen finally come to life.

"What is it yer runnin' away from then?"

Remus looked up to Hagrid's face, and slowly replied, "Something much harder to avoid."

He looked down at his phone as it vibrated with multiple notifications coming in, two of them being from Sirius, which made his heart stutter a bit. He hastily called Lily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This quote is actually from one of the readers of this fic who gave me the idea, I thought it was so funny! Thank you [theFearTakesHold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theFearTakesHold/pseuds/theFearTakesHold) ♥️


	18. We Need To Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Graphic depiction of a tonic-clonic seizure, graphic depiction of a panic attack and dissociation, PTSD related to the death of a family member (mentioned).
> 
> I'm posting a day or two earlier than usual because I'm going to have an awfully busy week! (Actually, it's an awfully busy month...)
> 
> This chapter is angsty, so be warned!  
> Take care of yourselves ♥️

The ride back to London was much easier than it had been to Bristol. Remus felt sad that he left his training mentor so suddenly, but promised himself he'd go back soon and spend more time with him.

Lily had been very evasive on the phone, saying she had a row with her sister yet again, and Remus had taken the first train back. If she needed his support, he had to be there.

Feeling relaxed by the endorphins the training had given him, he petted Padfoot's head, which was gently laying on his knees, and allowed himself to think back on what he would do now about the whole 'Serious' situation, as he mentally dubbed it.

He knew it was a shit thing to do to run away like he had done today, but if he hadn't, he would've done something stupid and unforgivable, like having sex with Sirius on any and every surface available. Even the kissing had been crossing the line, however much pleasurable it had been.

They needed to talk, Remus knew that. Sirius would probably demand an explanation for all this, and Remus would have to let him down gently. It was the only way to go on. Which, all things considered, would probably be the hardest thing Remus would ever have to do in his life.

~~~

Sirius was sitting in their living room, looking at the ceiling, when he heard James's phone go off. He sit up, seeing his best mate scramble to answer.

"Yeah?...Good, good...Okay I'll tell him...How did you convince him—?... Alright, alright, I was just curious, damn...Of course he won't...Thank you...Bye..."

James turned to Sirius with a bright smile.

"Now it's your turn to act, Sirius."

~~~

Remus was puzzled. As soon as he had arrived in the block, he had went straight to Lily's flat, and she had said she was okay now, and that he could go back home. She had seemed perfectly normal, like she hadn't even cried a single tear.

He entered his flat and put his bag on the floor as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

> (22:07)  
>  _**Sirius**_ : We need to talk.

Remus sighed, feeling sorrow creep up his chest.

> (22:08)  
>  _**Remus**_ : I'm sorry for not answering earlier... yeah, we should talk. Tomorrow?

Sirius never answered back, and Remus shrugged, thinking he might have gone to sleep.

~~~

Remus heard a knock on his door as he was getting ready to go to bed. He put a long sleeved shirt on quickly and opened it without looking at the peep hole, thinking it would be Lily.

Grave mistake.

"Hey." Sirius was standing there, his hair down, soaked to the bone and dripping on the hall's carpet, his leather jacket shining.

Remus felt like his heart went straight to his throat.

"Did you _walk_ here?" he said, a bit louder than intended.

"Um... yeah," Sirius sent a look behind him, gripping his own shoulders, shivering. "I needed to talk to you." He looked sheepish, not quite meeting Remus's eyes. "Can I come in?"

Remus sighed, "Sirius—"

" _Please_... Please, let me in."

If he talked about coming in his flat or coming in his life, Remus couldn't tell.

"All right," he stepped aside. "Only to get you warm, and then you'll get a taxi and go home, I know you've got a rehearsal tomorrow. Understood?"

Sirius nodded slowly.

Remus went and picked up a dry towel and jumper to give to Sirius. "How did you know where I live?" he asked as he tried to forget the way their fingers brushed as he gave him his clothes.

"Kingsley," replied Sirius evasively as he went straight to the bathroom to change.

Remus frowned. Kingsley was not a man of gossip, nor the type of man who would interfere with this sort of thing. He shrugged, filing this questioning for later, and busied himself by making some tea, and tried to stop the tremor in his hands by putting Sirius's jacket on one of the chairs to dry.

Remus clearly hadn't think everything through, because as soon as Sirius got out to join him in the kitchen, he felt something coil in his belly. Sirius was wearing one of his deep red jumpers, slightly oversized on his frame, damp waves flowing around his face elegantly, his cheeks and lips red from the cold standing out even more.

He was mesmerizing.

"I get why you wear these now," said Sirius, snapping Remus back to reality. "I must admit, it's quite comfortable." He gave one sleeve an experimental tug.

Remus swallowed with difficulty. "Why are you here, Sirius? It's night time, you should sleep."

He saw grey eyes searching his face.

"You know why." Sirius sighed, taking the offered cup of tea in his hands, and sat down.

"I'm not sure I do."

"You're avoiding me," Sirius started. "You keep doing that, every damn time I try to— to get closer to you, and you're so... and I thought we were— you know... and you keep wanting to get away, but I'm still... and you're still..." he made a vague motion with his hands, looking at Remus expectedly, but Remus stayed silent, not knowing what to say. "You're... Jesus, you're gonna make me say it, innit?" He seemed flustered, searching for his words, which was so unlike Sirius, it made Remus's heart clench. He saw him take a deep breath, a sudden look of determination flashing across his features. "Look... you might just be the most incomprehensible person I've ever met, nothing you do makes any sense, but I like you, alright? You're... you're amazing, and I like you, and I want something more than just this, but you keep _avoiding me_. You're avoiding me because of something, and I think it might be because of whatever sickness you got, and I can't have it anymore, Remus, really, I _can't_."

"Maybe it's because of something else. Maybe I don't want to see you," tried Remus weakly, feeling lightheaded with Sirius's revelations.

"Now that's bollocks!" Sirius stood up, leaving his untouched tea behind, and started pacing. "You can't... you can't just snog people and leave them like that, Remus. You can't give me the best bloody kiss of my entire life and expect me to feel nothing about it."

"...That was a mist–"

"Don't you dare say it was a... a _mistake_." Sirius said with difficulty, looking into Remus's eyes. "It was the first, the only time we were completely honest to each other. That can't be a mistake."

Remus took Sirius in: his beautiful silver eyes, his long hair, his high cheekbones, his aristocratic nose, his pale skin, his plush mouth.

"I can't," he finally murmured.

"But _why_?" Sirius surged forward, standing right in front of Remus, a strange reminiscence of that crucial moment that occured merely a couple of hours ago.

Remus stood up slowly. "Because... we're not good for each other. I'm not... I'm not what you seem to think I am. I'm nothing special, Sirius." Remus's eyes were fierce. Sirius opened his mouth to talk, but Remus continued. "I'm really not. I'm just a bloke who— who likes to read and be alone and away from the centre of attention, and you're a rockstar, Sirius. You were practically born to be in the spotlight. I'm surprised you don't seem to think I'm boring or something." Remus took a quick breath, and continued. "But above all that, I'm sick. I have an illness. Untreatable. Sirius... What I have... It's not pretty, and it's not... it's not 'amazing'. It's ugly, it's terrifying, and it's embarrassing. You don't want that. You _won't_ want that—"

"Can I speak?" Sirius was boiling inside. "I think we would be _great_ for each other if you gave us a bloody chance. And give me some fucking credit instead of immediately thinking I'd leave because of whatever illness you got, which is not your fucking fault. Remus," he took the sandy blond's face in his hands gently, "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want this. Tell me I'm crazy and I'm alone in this, and I'll go. I swear, I'll never try to get to you again... But don't you dare lie to me," he finished in a trembling voice.

Remus looked back at him, trying to say something. He put his hands on Sirius's hips unconsciously. "I—"

Padfoot suddenly started pacing around them, barking loudly, his demeanour restless. _Shit!_

"You have to leave, now." Remus took a step back, taking advantage of the fact that Sirius was surprised and looking at Padfoot to get out of his grip.

"I bloody hell don't. We're getting to the bottom of this tonight."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Sirius, _leave now!_ " Remus stepped aways from him and tried to get to his bedroom, to get away, to keep him from seeing...

But he could feel it. It was already too late. There had been too much stress build-up and too little sleep in the last few days, and he knew this time would probably be a bad one.

Padfoot was getting in his way, trying to push Remus on the floor to make him lay down, barking madly. He had been trained perfectly for this, so perfectly that Remus was a bit mad at himself right now.

"What the fuck? Padfoot, calm down—" Sirius didn't touch the dog, but he couldn't understand why it was acting so crazy when he was usually the calmest dog he'd ever seen.

"Fuck!" Remus sounded frustrated as he suddenly let Padoof make him sit on the floor in the middle of his living room.

"Sirius, please..."

Sirius looked into Remus's pleading eyes just in time to see them go blank, as if life was getting out of them. Sirius felt horror seep into his body as Remus fell on his side, Padfoot placing himself beneath him just in time to break the fall, and saw Remus's hands twitch slightly, his eyes rolling on the side, his breaths shallow.

Sirius fell on his knees, scrambling to hold Remus's head as he saw all his limbs move to their own accord, trembling violently.

"No-no-no-no-no," repeated Sirius over and over, the horror filling him to the brim and panic taking over. A different scene came forward, like a veil over reality: black hair and empty eyes, a cold body in his arms, feeling life be drained from one of the people he loved most. _No-no-no-no..._

"No! Not you... PLEASE NO!" Sirius could barely see through his tears as he was holding Remus, trying to stop him from convulsing, trying to make him look at him, trying to bring the life back into his eyes.

"No-no-no, please... REMUS! Please don't leave me!" He barely noticed the fact that he was yelling. Nothing mattered.

The twitching didn't subside, and instead got worse. Sirius didn't register Padfoot leaving them.

"REMUS! PLEASE, NO!"

"Remus?" A voice suddenly cut through the air, a female voice.

Sirius didn't answer, too absorbed by the horror in front of him...

"Please don't leave me... Please..."

" _Sirius?_ Is that you?!"

Hearing his name sort of got him out of his trance a little bit, just enough to lift his head.

"Lily? Lily, please help us. Please help me... it's Remus... he—"

"Sirius, _calm down_. I'm coming over. Don't hold him too tight. Let him have his episode, you have to let the body do its—"

But Sirius was not listening. He didn't care about anything being said while this amazing, strong and capable, beautiful and gentle man was dying in his arms. Sirius couldn't feel his own arms anymore, and felt like he himself was about to die, barely able to breathe. It was like his body wasn't his anymore, like he was just observing himself holding onto Remus. He couldn't feel anything except horror seeping through every pore of his skin, shaking him to his core, freezing him.

He held onto Remus as much as he could, even though he couldn't feel the weight of his body in his arms. He held on and held on, even minutes later when the convulsing started to subside slightly, and when small hands tried to pull him back from him. He pushed the hands away: he would not leave him for anything.

"SIRIUS, GET OFF OF HIM!" Lily was trying to push Sirius aside without hurting both he and Remus, but he was holding Remus so tightly it was almost impossible.

She didn't have a choice. She called Potter and ordered him to come here as fast as he could, and hung up.

Then, she had to get to work, and fast.

She kicked Sirius in the ribs, creating an opening when he partially let go of Remus in surprise. She took advantage of it and used all the training she had to be able to get him as far from Remus as possible. She was able to pin him down, holding both his hands and getting his feet stuck under her.

"LET ME GO!" Sirius shouted, crying and trying to free himself violently, but she held on.

"Not until you're calm! Sirius, listen to me," she talked near his ear. "You are not in your right mind and you are a danger to Remus right now. Calm. DOWN!"

She saw Remus finally starting to twitch less and less as the time went by, but Sirius didn't back down one bit.

"REMUS! REMUS!!"

There was a bit foam coming out of Remus's mouth and his eyes were still glazed over, but he stopped convulsing, only twitching slightly from time to time, Padfoot licking his hands and arms to help bringing him back to consciousness.

Lily had to use all the self control she had to not run to Remus's aid herself. She knew that if she let go of Sirius, he wouldn't be of any help, making things even worse than they already were. She hadn't seen Remus in this state for a long, long time.

Sirius was crying uncontrollably, and it was the most heart-wrenching cries she had ever heard in her life, like he was mourning.

"Sirius, listen, Remus is okay, he's gonna be okay..."

Her words didn't seem to cut through his state, but she continued chanting them anyway. For his sake or hers, she didn't know. She had to believe her own words, too.

Finally, a knock could be heard.

"ENTER!"

The door opened and messy hair appeared in her view. "What in the bloody hell?"

"Shut up and take care of Sirius! Please talk to him, he won't listen to me."

James looked at Remus with wide eyes, and then seemed to realise Sirius was the one crying.

"Jesus fucking... Sirius, hey mate. I'm here," He crawled on the floor to be of level with his best mate. "Hey, look at me, brother. That's it." He looked up to Lily, "Can you bring him up?"

She changed position so Sirius could use his legs, but she kept a grip on his arms. She sit him up; he let himself be held like a ragdoll, like all forces had left him.

"Sirius, it's me. It's James."

"...James...?"

"Yeah brother, talk to me. I'm here."

"James... he... Remus..." Sirius started breathing unevenly through his tears.

"Sirius, calm down. Breathe. Remus is..." James looked at Lily with a question in his eyes. She nodded. "Remus is fine, mate."

"No... no... they died... they all die because of me..."

"Fucking... fuck! Sirius," He took Sirius's face in his hands. "Listen to me: Remus is fine, he's alive, okay? It's not your fault. Come on, calm down with me."

"It's MY fault!" Sirius finally looked right into James's eyes, his voice breaking horribly. "It's my fault... I'm not strong enough to stop it..."

"Hey, Sirius. Remus is FINE. He's breathing! Look! See?!"

James turned Sirius's head towards where Remus was laying on the ground, effectively breathing, his eyes blinking slowly.

"He's alive, okay?"

"Remus... he's okay?"

"Yeah mate," James nodded to Lily, mouthing the words 'Let him go'. She shot him a warning glare before loosening her grip. When Sirius didn't try anything, she let him go completely and crawled to Remus to finally, _finally_ take care of him. She used her sleeve to wipe off his mouth and she pushed him to his side like she was taught to do.

"He's okay, stop crying. Everyone is fine. We're all still here, mate. Everyone you love is still here." James hugged Sirius closely for a brief moment, and then looked into Sirius's eyes again. "Let's get you home, yeah? Benjy's waiting for us outside."

Lily brushed off a couple of curls aside from her best friend's face. "Remus? It's okay Remus, I'm here. It's Lily." She tried to connect his gaze with hers as she put a pillow from the couch under his head. She felt something slide onto her lips, and tasted something salty. She hadn't even realized she was crying.

"Sirius? Come on, brother. Let's get you up. You can see Remus later when he's feeling better, yeah?" James continued.

Sirius stood up with a lot of help from James, his eyes seemingly vacant. They stumbled to the door, where James rang Benjy to ask him for help. He couldn't see very well in the low-lighted hall of the building, and using the stairs with Sirius like this would be to dangerous for both of them.

Benjy climbed the stairs swiftly, assessing the situation. "You want me to take him?"

"Please," answered James, and Benjy took on of Sirius's arms to put it around his shoulders. "Sirius, we'll be going down the stairs together now, okay?"

Sirius didn't answer, his gaze blank, letting himself be held.

~~~

Everything hurt.

His left side hurt. His head hurt. His neck hurt like _hell_. Even his arms felt like they were bruised, which was weird. He was lying on a hard surface, but his head was resting on a plush pillow. _What the fuck?_

"Hey, Remus. It's Lily."

"Lils?" He blinked his eyes slowly.

"Yeah, it's me. You're okay." Her eyes were red around the edges, like she had been crying.

"Are y-you alright?" He asked her.

She laughed sadly. "Typical Remus. You're the one who's lying on the floor, and you're asking _me_ if I'm alright." She rolled her eyes. "How about _you_ tell me how you're feeling?"

"Yeah, a-about that... why do I f-feel shittier than usual?" He said as he sit up slowly. His neck and arms really fucking hurt.

"Ah... well... do you remember anything?"

Something was wrong. Lily wasn't looking at him in the eye, and her voice was trembling a little. What did he forget?

From the corner of his eyes, just behind Lily, he could see a leather jacket on one of his kitchen chairs.

Sirius's jacket.

Remus felt nauseous. Sirius had been here. _Did he see anything...?_

And suddenly, Sirius's confessions came back full force, and he tried to breathe normally.

"Where is Sirius?" He asked the question quietly, as if he didn't really want to know the answer.

"He went home with Potter."

"He was here too? Wait... does he... did they..."

"They saw, Remus. I'm sorry." She finally looked at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, I had to call Potter. I couldn't help, I couldn't do anything with Sirius being batshit _crazy_ , and you know Potter's the only one to be able to keep him in line, and—"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" he cut her with a shrill, panic starting to rise in his chest.

"Remus, it was horrible. I've never seen someone react so badly. It was like he was possessed, he almost suffocated you, he held you down so tightly I had to fucking kick him to get him away from you..." She was crying now, slow tears streaming down her face silently.

 _That would explain the bruises_ , thought Remus hysterically.

"I'm so sorry Remus... I came as fast as I could, as soon as I answered the alarm—"

"You're saying..." Remus began slowly, his voice blank, but feeling like his mind was slipping and his heart stopping. "You're saying he saw everything. And I had a... a bad episode."

"Yes... you had a grand mal seizure, Remus..."¹

"And he... what, tried to kill me, is what you're saying?"

"No... I mean, not intentionally anyway. He did think you were dying though, kept repeating that. Oh Remus, it was so bad..."

"So," he continued, voice still void of emotions. "So, he reacted badly."

"Ah... yeah, you could say that."

"Well..." He stood up slowly to go lie on the bed instead. "It was expected. It was only a matter of time, anyway. I knew this would happen."

"Remus—"

"I'm really tired now," his voice broke. "I'm going to sleep. See you tomorrow."

He closed the door, leaving his sniffling best friend behind him.

~~~

"Alright brother, we're home now."

Sirius saw their 'Welcome' carpet under his feet without really seeing it.

"Hey, look at me." James took his chin. "Let's sleep a little, yeah? We'll have a clearer head tomorrow." He took Sirius's hands and led him to his bedroom. "Wait here," he said, going to the bathroom quickly for their emergency meds, quickly finding the braille inscripted drug he was looking for. He took one small white pill in his hand, and filled a glass of water, getting back to the bedroom with hurried steps. "Here," he said to Sirius, who hadn't moved an inch. "Take this." He took his chin again, bringing it down, popped the medication in his mouth, and poured some water for Sirius to swallow, which he did without a fuss.

James then took the hem of a jumper he couldn't remember ever seeing on Sirius. "Put your arms up," he asked, but Sirius pushed his hands away.

"NO!"

James jumped in surprise, rising his hands in surrender.

Sirius crossed his arms around himself, looking down at the red fabric. "I want to keep it..."

"Okay, fine, you can keep it," James said gently. "Now go in bed. Come on." He pushed him a little towards it, and Sirius flopped on it.

"Stay with me?" Sirius asked, holding out a hand. They hadn't slept in the same bed for years now, only when Sirius used to have nightmares when he came back from summer or the holidays at home.

"Sure." James pushed Sirius a bit to the side so they could fit both on the bed, and lied down beside him. Sirius took his hand again.

"Thank you..." He closed his eyes as he felt James squeeze his hand back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case, I want to reiterate something: I do not necessarily agree with Remus's behavior, though it is arguably understandable. I don't think epilepsy is ugly or undeserving or anything like that! It is an unfortunate illness that can be hard to live with, but I really don't think the same way Remus does. I'm not saying his feelings or opinions on it aren't valid, but I'm definitely not on the same page as to how he approaches it. I hope I'm making sense?
> 
> ________________  
> 1\. There are many types of seizures with different onsets, ranging from absences, to atonic (falling down suddenly), to only clonic (shaking), to only tonic (tensing), or to both at the same time. It can be focal or generalized, and you can be aware of it occuring, or not at all, or somewhere in between. The range is vast, and Remus usually experiences short absences, some impaired awareness and some short tonic-clonic seizures. In this chapter, he has a long tonic-clonic seizure, or also sometimes called a 'grand mal' seizure, and it can be very upsetting the first time you see one: you can feel powerless and unable to help the person. The best thing to do is secure the area, so the person doesn't bang themself on anything, and just... let it happen. You should never force the head or hold the person tightly (which is exactly what Sirius did wrong, admittedly understandably), because you can hurt them really badly.


	19. Out Of Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Depiction of death by overdose, mentions of abuse and harrassment, beginning of a panic attack

Lily woke up with a start, hearing Remus rummaging in the kitchen. She had decided to stay here instead of going back to her own flat, and hence, had slept on the couch all night.

"Remus...?"

He didn't acknowledge her presence, continuing his morning routine like he was in a trance.

"Remus, are you okay?" She stood up with difficulty, her hip cracking and muscles sore, and went to him to touch his back.

He didn't turn around. "Hi Lily. I'm going to the office now, but help yourself for breakfast." His voice was void of any emotions, which is what frightened Lily the most.

"Remus, please..."

"Bye Lily, have a nice day." And at that, without even sparing a glance to her, he left with Padfoot.

~~~

James woke up startled when he heard a loud bang on their front door. He scrambled to his feet, took some time to find his glasses, spared a look at Sirius who seemed like he was still sleeping, and ran to the door where the banging continued, still wearing last night's clothes.

He opened to reveal none other than Lily Evans, looking like some kind of mythical creature ready to unveil its wrath against the world. James took an instinctive step back, and realised she was also wearing the same clothes as last night.

"Where is he?" She tried to enter, but James put his arm out by reflex, blocking her path.

"Sleeping."

"I need to see the fucking stupid posh brat motherfucker so I can skin him alive, and you're gonna let me pass if you don't want to suffer the same fate." She tried to push him inside, but James stood firmly.

"You're not going to do _anything._ You are way out of line." His voice was low, and Lily looked up to him furiously.

" _I'm_ out of line?!" She yelled.

"Keep your voice down!" He stepped forward and closed the door behind him, which locked automatically, effectively trapping them out. "You have no idea what he's been through—"

"And you have no idea what Remus is like right now! He won't even look at me!" Her beautiful green eyes were shining.

"Look, I can explain everything if you stop threatening my best mate long enough for me to do so!"

Lily took a deep breath. "Alright," she said, partially more calm. "I'm listening, and it better be good, Potter."

"Not here," James ruffled his hair, thinking. "There's a coffee shop across the road, it'll be better. We know the owner well, she won't talk even if she hears us. D'you have your phone?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Can I use it please? To call Benjy," he said, determined.

She looked at him skeptically, but nodded and gave it to him anyway.

James dialed the number. "Hey Ben, it's James... I'll be with Lily at the cafe downstairs, Sirius will be staying inside... Yeah, please... Thanks... Bye."

"Alright then, lead the way," Lily said impatiently as she took her phone back.

"Err... I don't— I mean, I got out quickly as you noticed..."

"Yeah, so? What, you wanted to brush your hair before going, s'that it?" she said sarcastically.

"No, I mean, I didn't take my cane or anything..."

"Oh," Lily said, embarrassed by her own behavior. "I'm sorry... Um, maybe you can take my arm? That's what you usually do, right?"

"Err, right, yeah," said James uncertainly as he took Lily's offered arm.

"Alright then."

~~~

Remus arrived in front of his office's wooden door without remembering the journey to work.

He entered the keys and unlocked the door slowly, the mechanism somehow making more noise than usual. He opened it.

The first thing his eyes landed on were his bookcase, and he felt sadness wash over him painfully. He shouldn't have come back here.

On the floor, he saw some books that must had fallen down when—

He saw his french copy of 'Le Fantôme de l'Opéra' lying there amongst two other unrelated books.

_Well, isn't that fitting..._

He slowly realized his vision was becoming more and more blurry, a prickling sensation behind his eyelids when he tried to blink it away.

He turned around, and left.

~~~

"You know, when I texted you so we could arrange them to meet again and hopefully get their heads out of their arses, this is _not_ what I had in mind," Lily said furiously as she added sugar in her tea.

"I know..." James answered quietly.

"You told me... you told me he would never hurt Remus. You lied to me!" she continued, her cheeks red in anger.

"I didn't _lie_! And you didn't disclose every details either, now did you?" exclaimed James, offended. "If you'd told me that he had a sickness like that—"

"His illness is not for me to talk about!"

"Well, if you did, we might not be in this shit we are now!"

"Why? Because you would have warned Sirius straight away and he would've left Remus earlier?!"

"No! But I could have prepared him—"

"Sirius is not a fucking BABY!" Lily yelled.

"His brother died in his arms," James murmured.

Lily startled, her eyes wide. "...What?"

"Regulus, his younger brother... he died of an overdose, on the doorstep at one of their cousins'. Sirius held him in his arms as he had a drug-induced seizure and died right there on the pavement." James looked fierce in that moment, his eyes blazing, his brotherly love and protectiveness taking over. Lily clasped a hand over her mouth in horror. "Do you have any idea what it's like to lose people you love? To hold them while they turn cold?"

Lily shook her head, too horrified to speak.

"Well, Sirius does. And I lost my parents, _we_ lost _our_ parents, only a month later," James continued. "Sirius had a fight with them. They were just trying to help, you know. They wanted him to be safe, to feel loved. He was getting more depressed and withdrawn everyday, I was scared for him, we all were... They suggested that he might need to see someone, maybe go in a hospital. Sirius became furious, and said some... some horrible things. He didn't mean any of it, you know... but it's the last time they spoke before the accident. And Sirius, being the fucking honorable twat he is, always thought everything was his fault, from his own brother's death to our parents'."

"...What? _Why?_ "

"You don't know anything about the Black family, do you?" James sighed as Lily shook her head again. He took a sip from his mug, searching for words. "They're the worst kind of people you'd ever meet. I can't count the number of times I've comforted him when we were younger after he had nightmares about them, or the number of times I worried during the summer when he didn't answer my texts. They used to lock him in a— a cellar, and... anyway, Sirius had to flee from them at 16 and came living at mine, because otherwise they would have probably killed him if he had stayed a minute longer..."

"James, what the _hell_ are you on about?"

"They're animals," James said so viciously, Lily was taken aback. "They treated Sirius like shit all his life, even more when they suspected he was gay. And when Reg died, they covered it up, saying it was a sudden unfortunate disease that had killed him, like a stroke or some other shit. But behind closed doors, they blamed Sirius for it, haunting him, following him, calling him from unknown numbers... I don't know what they expected," James continued, his anger clear on his face. "I think they thought he would come back and be a good puppy because of guilt, be the rightful heir of their fucking pharmaceutical empire, or something." He took another sip of tea. "That's not what happened though."

Lily felt sick in the stomach, but the question crossed her lips before she could take it back. "What happened?"

At that, James smiled for the first time since everything went to hell the day before. "He fought back," he said, admiration apparent in his voice. "Like he always has. He resisted, got away from them again, and we continued our lives, or tried to. It took time, but we came back from it stronger, or so I thought until yesterday..."

"Oh my God," Lily felt really sick now. "He saw Remus, held him..."

"Yeah, so now you get it," James said with a note of finality in his voice. "Now your turn."

"What do you want to know?" she asked sincerely, her voice small.

"Well, why was Remus on the floor unmoving, for starters."

"Epilepsy," Lily held her stomach, nausea still strong. "He's had it since he was 4 years old, got it from a brain injury he had in a car crash with his father. I'm his primary first responder, have been for years. When a seizure gets too strong, Padfoot is trained to press an alarm in his flat that calls directly on my phone so I can talk to Remus, see if he's alright. That's what happened yesterday... but instead of Remus, I heard Sirius's voice..."

"Fucking hell," James rubbed his face with his hands in defeat.

"I'm... I'm sorry," Lily said sincerely. "I didn't know..."

"I know," sighed James, looking at Lily bleary-eyed. "I know."

"Remus has a, um, history of people not reacting well to his illness. He even had a past boyfriend who treated him of a liar and of catfishing after Remus told him, above all things," she said angrily.

"What a wanker."

"Yeah... Remus never really trusted anyone after that." Lily impatiently rubbed away a tear that was falling on her cheek. "Never even put himself out there, not that he ever was the flirty type of bloke before, you know... but still, it seems like his walls went 50 feet higher than they already were."

"And now it's ruined, is what you're saying? What he and Sirius have?"

"Did they really ever had anything though?" Lily asked in sincerity. "I think they're so afraid of getting hurt that they keep holding back... James," she looked at him in the eye, "we've been trying for weeks to get them together, and it's now worse than ever—"

"What are you saying?" James furrowed his eyebrows.

"What I'm saying is, maybe it's not meant to be..."

"You're joking," James said, shocked.

"I'm afraid I'm not..."

"You're only saying that now because you want to protect Remus. And I get it, I do," James ruffled his hair nervously. "But you're wrong. Lily... I've never seen Sirius like that. He genuinely cares for Remus, maybe even more than just that... It's just a bump in the road, that's all—"

"You call that a _bump in the road_?"

"You know what I mean! They can go through it! Lily, come on..."

"I don't know anymore, James. All I know is, yes, I've got to protect Remus. And if he doesn't want to see Sirius again, I can't force him."

James sighed. "Please tell me you'll at least try to speak with him? I'll talk to Sirius on my end."

Silence stretched as Lily looked outside the window of the coffee shop, the sun now frankly set in the sky. "...I'll try," she turned to look at him, "But I can't promise anything."

~~~

Sirius opened his eyes, hearing his phone vibrating on the night stand. He saw that an unknown number was calling him, so he answered groggily.

"...Hello?"

"Sirius... err... could you get up and open the door for me?" James's voice said at the end of the line.

"What?" Sirius blinked, confused.

"Just do as I say, yeah?" James said before ending the call.

Surprised, Sirius got up and went to the front door, opening it and revealing James, alone in the middle of the hall, his shirt rumpled and his hair even messier than usual.

"Thanks," he said as he entered, looking dejected.

"What the hell were you doing out without your keys?" asked Sirius, perplexed.

"Doesn't matter. Sirius," he took him by the shoulders. "How are you feeling, brother?"

Sirius opened his mouth to answer, but a feeling of dread took over, suddenly remembering the events of the night before. He closed his mouth.

"Sirius... talk to me."

Sirius began trembling slightly, feeling lightheaded.

"Okay, alright. We'll talk when you're ready, yeah?" James said gently, his hands rubbing Sirius's arms.

Sirius began breathing heavily. Too heavily.

"Hey, hey... Sirius..." James took his best friend's face in his hands. "You're at the flat with me, alright? You're safe. _Everybody_ is safe."

Sirius exhaled shakily, his vision getting blurry. "James..." he tried to breathe normally. "James, something is wrong with me..."

"Stop, Sirius... there isn't anything—"

"There is." Sirius felt something wet slide down his cheek.

"For fuck's sake," James said before hugging him tightly, feeling Sirius sag in his arms. "I'm here, brother," he added quietly. "We're getting through this, _together_ , like all the other shit we went through before," he pulled away, putting a hand on the back of Sirius's neck in a protective gesture. "Let's try and eat something, yeah?"

Sirius nodded silently.

~~~

Lily walked quickly on the way back home, her mind spiralling with all this new information James had given her. She needed to get a hold of Remus, and make him see that there was an explanation for Sirius's behavior. The problem with that plan was first, getting a hold of Remus, and second, making him listen.

She sighed and dialed his number, but it went straight to voicemail. She texted him as she arrived at her own flat, changed clothes, brushed her hair and teeth, and got out again.

~~~

"Hey Pete... erm, we got a problem..."

James had waited for Sirius to start the shower before calling their manager.

"What's up, James?" replied Peter's voice nervously.

"Look, Sirius isn't well... something happened with, err, with Lupin... And I don't think he'll be able to rehearse today..."

"What? Oh... they, um, had a fight or sumthin'?" Peter asked uncertainly.

"Err yeah, something like that... anyway he's, you know, unavailable right now, so... could we postpone a bit? Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah yeah, sure, yeah... no problem," Peter sounded distant. "I'll tell Fab and Gid."

"Thanks, man. Talk to you tomorrow," James said before ending the call.

~~~

Lily felt panic starting to rise a little as she looked into Dorcas's eyes. "You don't know where he went?!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Evans... he didn't talk to me, he seemed in a hurry and... oh, can I be honest?" the assistant said, an edge to her voice.

Lily nodded impatiently. "Go on."

"Well, frankly, he looked like he might be... might be about to cry? He was a bit teary-eyed and... oh, Miss Evans, did something happen?" Dorcas said, her eyes wide.

"Remus was _crying_? Are you sure?"

Remus _never cried_. In all the years they've known each other, the one and only time she had seen him cry was at his mother's funeral. He hadn't cried when the other kids had bullied him, because he wouldn't show weakness. He hadn't cried when Severus had outed him to all the school, because he was still proud of who he was. He hadn't cried when his ex, that tosser Caradoc Dearborn, had dumped him horribly after finding out about his condition, because he wasn't worth the waste of time. And he hadn't cried when his mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer, because he had stayed hopeful.

He could become distant, cold, standoffish, angry, even enraged, but he wouldn't cry.

"Fuck!" Lily swore nervously. "Dorcas," she took the girl by the shoulders. "You call me straight away if he comes back, alright? You call me _immediately_ if he sets a foot in here. Got it?"

Dorcas nodded frenetically. "I will, Miss Evans. You can count on me." She had a determined look on her face.

~~~

James was looking at Sirius from the corner of his eyes. They were watching a funny movie, but neither of them were laughing. He noticed that Sirius seemed to be wearing that same red jumper from the night before, the sleeves burying his nose as he placed his head in the crook of his elbow. He looked like he was somewhere else, like James was only looking at a pale imitation of his best mate.

He sighed, and someone knocked at the door, making them both jump.

"I'll go, stay here," he said to Sirius, just in case it was Lily in wrath mode again.

He opened the door, effectively seeing red hair, just not on the head of the one he was expecting. "Hey mate, we heard about what's going on... we're here as a distraction!" Fabian said as Gideon held out packs of candies and uncooked popcorn in his hands.

James smiled. "Please enter then," he opened the door wider. "Oh," he said in a quiet voice as they were taking of their boots. "But don't ask any questions, and don't force him to talk, yeah?"

"Of course, of course. We're here to help," Gideon nodded.

"We're The Marauders, man." Fabian smiled as he tapped James's shoulders.

~~~

Lily banged on the door of Remus's flat. No answer.

She had a spare key, but she was supposed to use it only in emergencies. She tried to call him again on his phone, but it still went directly to voicemail.

"REMUS! OPEN UP!" she yelled to the door.

No answer.

"Alright, you leave me no choice," she grumbled as she unlocked the door with her spare key, and entered. "Remus?"

The flat seemed empty, but she had to make sure. She quickly swiped her eyes across the rooms, and saw that Sirius's leather jacket was still hanging on a chair in the kitchen.

She went to his bedroom, feeling a bit like she was violating his privacy. Nothing seemed out of place.

 _Where the hell are you, Remus_?

~~~

Remus felt like his lungs were on fire. He forced his thighs a bit more, making him run faster until he felt numb.

Padfoot was breathing heavily beside him, his tongue out, running with his master. He always loved going on hikes, his energy endless.

Surrey hills had many things to offer: a nice view, historical sites, but above all, it had kilometers over kilometers of running ground, which was exactly what Remus was looking for in this moment.

He wasn't dressed properly for running, and wasn't even wearing his trainers. It didn't matter. All he wanted was an escape to the feeling he couldn't tear away. The feeling of loneliness, helplessness, pity over his fucking illness that made everything go to waste, all the time. It had cost him his childhood, cost him his relationship with his father, cost his parents more money than they were able to give, cost him the ability to drive, to be the boss he wanted to be, to work properly, to let go and be free, even to love fully...

He stopped running, bending over, trying to slow down his ragged breathing. He felt beads of sweat trickle down his back and fall from his forehead to the ground below him.

After almost 10km of running, his thighs finally felt numb, but his mind still didn't.

~~~

"Star Trek is _definitely_ better than Star Wars!"

"You're nuts, bruv. It can't be! Nothing can beat the breakthrough for the world of cinema that Star Wars was back in the 1970's..."

Fabian and Gideon were arguing as they all watched the latest Star Wars movie on TV, stuffing their mouths with various candies they had brought with them.

Gideon scoffed. "Guns, lasers and explosions aren't all there is to a story! Star Trek's lore is much more developed—"

Fabian interrupted him, his mouth full of pink floss candy. "Nah, Ftar Warf'f lore haf countleff fpecief, very deve'oped—"

"But the basic of the story is always good against evil, which is _boring_. At least in Star Trek it has a political message—"

"Star Wars does too! It's anti-totalitarian!"

They heard James snort on the other side of the couch.

"But it's completely out of this world!" Gideon plunged his hand deep in the popcorn bowl. "Star Trek is set in a possible future, even probable—"

"Oh you're reaching! They're both western sci-fi, don't tell me any of them is realistic!" exclaimed Fabian. "And anyway, my point is, Star Wars is more fun—"

"And Star Trek is more metaphorical—"

"My brother, you are barking mad," Fabian said as he pushed him playfully. "What do you think, Sirius? Which one is the best?"

They all turned towards their friend, who was sitting in the loveseat, his arms around his legs, his chin on his knees.

Sirius didn't look at anyone, keeping his eyes riveted to the TV in front of them. Just as they all thought he wouldn't answer, he said, "I think Battlestar Galactica is the best."

James burst out laughing as Fabian and Gideon yelled, outraged.

~~~

Lily was sitting outside their flats' building and was wondering if she should go back inside when she saw a glimpse of blond curls in her peripheral vision.

She stood up quickly. "Remus!"

He jumped, as if he had been deep in his thoughts. "Hey, Lily," he replied quietly as he entered the building and began climbing the stairs with Padfoot behind him.

"Don't you 'Hey Lily' me! Where were you?! I called numerous times and—"

"I went for a run," he said softly. "Can you stop yelling please? I'm knackered."

"Sorry, I... Look, I was worried, you're not talking to me and you disappeared, and after what happened yesterday I—"

" _Don't_ ," he interrupted her firmly. "Please, don't..." he rubbed his head tiredly. "I'm going to sleep, alright?"

"Remus... please, let me help—"

He unlocked his door. "There is nothing you can do, Lily."

"You could _talk_ to me," she said, tears filling her eyes. "Or we wouldn't even need to talk, if you didn't want to. We could just sit down and watch something, or go somewhere else, or train together—"

Remus entered his flat, and turned around before closing the door. "I need time. Please, give me time. I promise I'll talk to you when I'm ready."

Lily looked at him for a while, and finally nodded. "...Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a side note, which is best : Star Wars, Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica? 😂


	20. Too Little Too Late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warnings!
> 
> Hey you, my beloved readers, I just wanted to say:  
> I hope everyone of you is safe out there, what with all that's going on in the world right now. Stay safe, hold your loved ones close, and remember: Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. 
> 
> We're all in this together, and we're going to be okay, and this too shall pass.
> 
> I hope my fic can bring you a bit of a distraction and something to do if you're in quarantine, or anxious about everything that's going on, or if you're just in need of getting away from it all in the space of a few minutes. I'd be honoured if it did.
> 
> Also... I know I don't talk about myself much here, but I am a registered nurse, and my life might become a lot more hectic as days go by. I'm sorry if posting becomes less regular in the future. I think it's going to be fine, as I have many chapters ready in queue, but we never know.
> 
> Thank you for following and commenting and reading this story, it really means a lot to me ♥️
> 
> Stay safe, folks!

Sirius woke up in the morning feeling overall empty regardless of all the junkfood still in his belly. He rolled over and saw James open his bedroom door slowly.

"Were you watching me sleep, you ponce?" Sirius said grumpily.

"Good morning to you too," smiled James. "We got rehearsal today and a music video to film in two days, you in for it?"

Sirius sighed. "Don't really have a choice, do I?"

"Get up then, or we'll be late." James let the door open as he left.

~~~

Lily was eating breakfast absentely when her phone rang. She was surprised to see Remus's name appear on her screen.

She scrambled with her phone to answer. "Remus?"

"Hi Lily, err... would it be okay with you if I took the rest of the week off? I already called Dorcas, but I just wanted to make sure—"

"Yeah, no, no problem Rem. I got you," she replied quickly.

"Thanks, Lily... I um... I appreciate it." he said before hanging up.

Lily looked down at her phone with a disheartened stare.

~~~

The day passed in a blur for Sirius. He felt his body move, his voice sing and his mouth form words, but he couldn't remember much else. It was like everything was foggy around the edges, a white smog heavy on his shoulders.

The only thing that seemed clear through it all was, ironically, when he would close his eyes and see Remus sprawled on the floor, shaking, eyes rolling on the side, foam at his mouth. In an instant, Sirius would be back there, holding him tightly, willing life to stay inside the body in his arms, pleading him to stay with him, to never leave him.

He _knew_ Remus wasn't dying. He had epilepsy, which seemed so fucking obvious now, and though epilepsy wasn't entirely safe, it wasn't a death sentence either. Logically, he knew that seizures were not always fatal, and that Remus had been living with it for many years. Theoretically, Sirius could understand that nothing really bad had happened to Remus, and that he was probably fine right now, going on with his life, breathing air in his lungs, walking with long strides and wide shoulders balancing, laughing his quiet laugh that makes his eyes crinkle at the corners, his cheeks rosy from embarrassment when praised. Sirius, hypothetically, knew all that by now.

But in reality, that vision of Remus lying on a wooden floor combined with Regulus lying on concrete just made it ten times, a hundred times worse. He didn't see black hair and empty grey eyes everytime he thought about Remus anymore, but the feeling of dread, of horror, of panic still remained the same. That terrifying sense of helplessness when you're not able to help the ones you love kept him awake at night.

Sirius also abstractly knew that it had taken him almost six weeks, three shows, a trip to France, awkward flirting, an accident, receiving the best kiss of his life, seeing a seizure and having countless dreams of hazel eyes, blond curls, gentle smiles, scars and big hands to realise that he was very highly probably in love, perhaps for the first time in the mess that was his life.

Which was, Sirius knew, too little too late.

~~~

They had just finished eating dinner in silence when James cornered Sirius outside on their balcony while he was smoking to calm his nerves.

"Sirius, we need to talk," said James without any preambule.

Sirius closed his eyes, sighing. He had dreaded this conversation for two days now, but he knew there was no way he would escape it.

"Where's Kingsley?" asked James.

"Around," said Sirius evasively.

"He'll come with us and I'll send Benjy home. We need to talk," repeated James.

Sirius sighed for the second time, putting out his cigarette. He dialed a number on his phone.

"Hey King... James and I will be going out, drive us?... Thanks," he said before ending the call.

"Good. Now let's get something to drink, yeah? Like old times," James pursued.

"James, I'm tired. Tired and not in the mood."

"I don't care. You're going to do as I say, because right now you feel like crap, and you'll probably still feel like crap after, but at least we'll be together in the front line. Don't push me out," said James.

Silence stretched out for an undetermined amount of time, until Sirius finally said:

"Alright."

~~~

Lily was walking in circles in her apartment, not knowing what to do or how to do it. She had told James she would try talking to Remus back at the cafe, but he was still hold up in his flat, not answering to any of her texts. She knew she had to let time do its work, as he had asked her, but it was getting more and more difficult to do that. To do _nothing_.

She plumped on her couch, sighing.

She couldn't help but feel sadness creep in again inside her heart just thinking about what James had told her the day before. She couldn't believe all the horrible things Sirius had endured, it was almost surreal. Even if they didn't really get along, just imagining her own sister dying in her arms made her feel sick, but to have your parents blame it on you? It was a chance that Sirius had James through it all.

Lily was beginning to understand how their relationship worked, and why they seemed so close, as if they were the different sides of the same coin. The pure honesty and loyalty James proved towards his best friend was, for lack of a better word, fascinating. Underneath all their friendly banter was a deep connection that can only be achieved through shared heartaches and years of companionship.

Lily knew that, because that's what she herself had with Remus. He had always been there for her, rooted for her, comforted her when she needed it, and vice-versa. If James was doing everything he could to fix the broken pieces of the shit situation they were in, then she had to do the same for Remus.

She had to try her best.

~~~

"Sirius, look at me, will you?" James sighed.

Sirius looked up slowly.

"You don't have anything to be embarrassed about with me. You're my brother," James gripped his shoulder.

They were sitting in a small private room in a pub, so they could talk in a relatively secluded space. There was only one other man, a waiter serving them drinks and food with efficient movements. Kingsley was just outside, making sure nobody would bother them.

"I know," said Sirius in a small voice, looking inside the bottle of beer in his hand with empty eyes.

"Why don't you start from the beginning, mmh? Tell me what happened."

"James... it won't change anything. I fucked up," Sirius finally looked at him. "And there's nothing I can do about it, because I fucking deserve it."

"You just overreacted a bit, Sirius, that's all. Which is pretty normal, considering. How is that fucking it up?"

"You don't get it," Sirius said impatiently. "I forced him to tell me, to show me. I arrived at his flat and didn't leave, even when he asked me to. I forced his hand..."

"Honestly, Sirius... yeah, it's a shitty thing to do. But from what Lily told me, he would've probably kept it hidden from you for another 100 years if you—"

"Since when you and Evans are that close, huh? You having her number, calling her by her name... You talk about us?" Sirius said, bewildered.

The waiter hovered around them to fill there glasses again silently.

"We, err, met for tea, sorta. She actually came to the flat with the firm intention of, if I remember her words correctly, 'skin you alive', so you're welcome for saving your life." James replied uncertainly.

"You should've let her," Sirius said, taking a swig of his beer.

"Stop the self-pitying, it's unbearable—"

"I don't deserve him, James," Sirius passed a hand through his hair in defeat. "I mean it!" He added as he heard James sigh. "He's the strongest person I know. And he's kind, and funny, loyal, humble... I don't care about his illness, and I don't care that he's frustratingly obstinate, probably even worse than I am, which you and I both thought was impossible. He has walls around him higher than the bloody Big Ben, but I pierced it James, I did, for a short moment. And it was magnificient." He paused, looking down at his hands. "But I can never have that again. Not after what I did. After what happened."

"You're so fucking dramatic," said James angrily. "You could fix it if you really liked him as much as you make it sound, instead of making up excuses!'

"You're right," Sirius said quietly, which shut James instantly. "I'm probably making up excuses. You know why James?" He looked right into his best friend's eyes. "Because when... when I saw him having a seizure, I lost my shit, I panicked. And I see him having that seizure everytime I close my fucking eyes James, every damn time. I feel like he's dying over and over again and I can't do nothing about it." He swiped at his wet eyes angrily. "He deserves someone who can be there for him, who cares for him, who helps him through it, not someone who becomes a nutjob everytime he has a damn episode—"

"You could be that person for him, Sirius," said James sincerely. "You could. I'm not saying it won't take any effort... but it would work, I'm sure of it."

"That man is not worth the trouble if you ask me," said a nasally voice behind them. James and Sirius turned around: it was the waiter, his eyes dark under long greasy hair and a big nose, his face contorted in a disgusted sneer.

"Well, good thing we didn't ask for your opinion then, mate. Now bugger off, will ya?" James said in warning.

"You might want to listen to it anyway. I know that freak Loony Lupin well..."

~~~

_Never give all the heart, for love_

_Will hardly seem worth thinking of_

_To passionate women if it seem_

_Certain, and they never dream_

_That it fades out from kiss to kiss;_

_For everything that’s lovely is_

_But a brief, dreamy, kind delight._

_O never give the heart outright,_

_For they, for all smooth lips can say,_

_Have given their hearts up to the play._

_And who could play it well enough_

_If deaf and dumb and blind with love?_

_He that made this knows all the cost,_

_For he gave all his heart and lost._ ¹

Remus closed the book firmly, barely noticing his hands shaking. He usually loved Yeats, and thought reading some poetry would change his mind and relax him, as it always did.

So why did he feel like he was about to get sick, insides twisting and mind blurred?

He put the offensive item on the floor, only marginally moving to extend an arm and light the telly on.

He was just about to start the latest episode of The Great British Bake Off when he heard a knock on his door. He stood up slowly from his couch, his muscles aching from being in the same position for too long. His heart felt like it was beating straight from his throat as he hesitated in front of the door, hovering.

"Remus, it's me... _Please_ open, it's important," came Lily's voice, muffled.

Remus sighed. Of dread or relief, he couldn't decide.

As he opened the door, Lily's eyes went wide.

"Jesus, Remus. You look like shit," she said, clapping a hand on her mouth.

A deprecated laugh escaped from Remus's mouth.

"Why, thank you." His voice felt gravelly, like he hadn't used it in days. Maybe he hadn't, he couldn't really remember. He cleared his throat. "Please come in, if my appearance doesn't scare you too much", he said, motioning inside.

"You know that's not what I meant", Lily said in a quiet voice upon entering his flat.

"Look", began Remus, "If you're here to talk about... about what happened, I don't want to hear it."

"It's not that. Well, not really," she said mysteriously. Remus cocked an eyebrow.

"I had to send Kingsley to the hospital," she continued.

"Is he alright?!" asked Remus, wondering what the hell could happen to a 6ft5in and 250 pounds man with combat training so that it would send him in a hospital.

"Oh, yes, he is there for work," said Lily, not looking at him.

"Wait... what?"

"Yeah... there has been a... an incident," she said, still not looking at him.

"...Is Sirius hurt?" asked Remus, his voice cracking on the last word.

"Not gravely, no. They think it's just a broken hand. He'll probably be out in a few hours, after they finish running tests," said Lily.

"What happened?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. He also had to know, since Sirius was still his client, and Remus was supposed to do everything he could to protect him. By contract, of course.

"Well, James told me... I mean, Mr Potter said they were out for a drink, when none other than our good old friend Severus Snape ran into them", said Lily, finally looking at Remus under her brown-reddish eyelashes.

"...You're joking," said Remus disbelievingly.

"I wish I was," replied Lily. "I know, what are the odds, huh? Well, I was told that he actually works there and he overheard them talking about... about you, and he joined in on the conversation, so to speak."

Remus felt the blood drain from his face. As soon as the desire to sit down made itself known, he realised he was already sitting in one of his kitchen chairs.

"He said some real bad stuff about you, as you can imagine, and well... now Sirius has a broken hand, and Severus has a broken jaw and nose. He would probably have his entire face made unrecognisable if James and Kingsley hadn't stepped in. And unfortunately, it'll probably be all over the news tomorrow."

His insides twisted again painfully, but he somehow managed on keeping a straight face.

"Is Snape going to press charges?" he asked.

Her voice sounded tired as she replied. "Somehow, I'm sure it'll be his pleasure to file a lawsuit, even if it's just to spite you."

"I have to call someone," said Remus suddenly, looking for his phone. He found it under the couch, where 17 missed calls appeared on the screen, the majority of them being from Lily and from work.

"Remus, it's 2AM. Can it wait tomorrow?"

"No," replied Remus simply. "I won't let... I won't let him have a second lawsuit and ruin his career and reputation for my sake. I'm not a damsel in distress he needs to save!" he said loudly, making Lily jump.

"Sorry, it's just... I have to make that call, do you mind?" he said, motioning to the door as he dialed a number.

"Alright... but please call me later. Don't push me out," she pleaded.

He nodded absentely, holding his phone close to his ear.

~~~

The hospital was currently at its calmest state: it was almost four in the morning, and most patients were asleep. The emergency room could be an exception to this rule, but for once, the nurses could sit down a bit and relax, as everybody seemed stable and no new patient had arrived under the last hour.

A tall man with long white hair entered the room slowly, his gait slightly uncoordinated, spasticity apparent in every movement he made. A long legged and athletic copper-red dog wearing a handle seemed to help the man walk to the nurses' desk.

"Ladies," the tall man said, his beard moving as he spoke. "I am looking for a Mr Severus Snape."

"And you are?" the nurse asked amiably, seemingly amused by the eccentricity of the man's clothes: he was wearing a flowing glittery purple coat.

"Albus Dumbledore," he replied gently. "I'm only visiting."

"Alright," the nurse answered with a raised eyebrow. "Mr Snape is in bed 14."

"Thank you dearie," Dumbledore said as he turned around and went slowly to the designated bed, his beautiful dog still by his side.

He knocked on the wall before opening the curtain. "Mr Snape?"

The patient's face looked painfully swollen as he opened his eyes slowly, the left one remaining closed. Dry blood was still apparent at the corners of his mouth. "Who are you?" he asked, the sound slightly muffled by his injuries.

"I am Professor Albus Perceval Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, pleasure to meet you," the tall man replied, leaning heavily on his dog's handle as he stood at the end of the bed.

"That's a mouthful," replied the young man with an attempted sneer.

"Yes, I agree, which I'm sure is the last thing you need at the moment," said the older man with a twinkle in his eyes. "You can call me Professor, or Albus, or Professor Dumbledore, any of them is fine. Just don't call me Dumblebee or Dumby or Dumbles, if you please."

Severus squinched his eyes dubiously. "You're weird," he said without any embarrassment. "Why are you here?"

"I was under the impression that you were in need of a lawyer to press charges."

Severus scoffed. "A lawyer, you?"

"Very much so. And I am here to offer my services."

"I haven't even wrote my statement for the police yet," said Snape incredulously.

"Yes, I am aware," replied the old man evasively.

"So... what are you doing here?"

Dumbledore motioned to an empty chair near the side if the bed. "Do you mind if I sit down?" he asked politely.

Snape was so intrigued that he nodded in agreement, waiting for the old man to continue. "I am here to help you," he said finally after sitting down with difficulty.

"Help me?" Severus snorted. "Help me make my statement?"

"Oh no, I very much hope you don't press charges against Mr Sirius Orion Black."

"What?!" He sat up straighter in his bed. "What does _that_ mean?"

"It means I'm offering you my services, for free, for any lawsuit you want to pursue. In exchange, you cannot, and will not, press charges against Mr Black."

Snape was laughing now, the sound dry with contempt. "Well, thank you for your visit, _Professor_ , but I won't require your services."

"Are you sure about that?" Dumbledore said patiently. "Is there really no situation you would wish to make it go away, no person in your life you wish to be saved?"

The young man was gobsmacked for a moment, but recovered quickly. "How do you know any of this? Who talked to you?" He pointed a finger accusingly. "Lupin is behind this, isn't he? Oh I know it's that freaky son of a—"

"Acquiring informations is my job, Mr Snape," Dumbledore interrupted firmly. "I would be a very bad lawyer if I couldn't do a simple research on someone. And I'm a very gifted lawyer, if I do say so myself."

"Are you?" Snape sneered. "What was your most important case won?

Dumbledore readjusted his thin glasses, smiling sadly. "I think most would say the case against Gellert Grindelwald, though it was much less glamorous than people seem to think."

Severus sputtered. " _You_ were the one to put Grindelwald behind bars? The most famous serial killer ever known in—"

"In the history of the United Kingdoms, yes. Very hard to catch, and hard to incarcerate, but both I did, fortunately for all of us."

Severus looked at him with wide eyes. "And now you want to help me...?"

"What I want is irrelevant. I am going to help you, yes, under the condition previously mentioned."

"But... but why?"

Dumbledore joined his hands on his lap. "Because I owed someone a favor, which will in turn could profit you greatly."

Snape fell silent for some time, thinking. "My mother," he said without looking at Dumbledore. "I want you to help my mother."

"I can only help if she agrees fully to an investigation, you understand."

"She will, once she learns we have the best lawyer in the UK for free," replied Severus quietly. "But you have to make sure she'll be safe—"

"She will be, and so will you. Your father could—"

"He's not my _father_ ," Severus seethed. "He lost the right to be called that when he..." he stopped, taking a deep breath. "Can you promise me you'll put that disgusting wretched abusive arsehole behind bars?"

Dumbledore sighed. "I can't make promises. But I can assure you that you will never have a better chance at it than with me now."

Severus looked at Dumbledore's blue eyes for some time, before answering, "Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This is a poem called 'Never Give All The Heart' by W. B. Yeats.


	21. Buried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Violence, parental abuse, slurs, taunting, insults, blaming, depiction of death of a loved one.

James couldn't see anything from a feet in front of him, the weather being foggy today, especially in this early morning light. He was sitting on a bench at a side entrance of the hospital, secluded, waiting for Lily to come to him. She had said she wanted to pick them up herself with Kingsley and Benjy as there would probably be reporters outside, waiting for Sirius to get out of the hospitals like sharks smelling blood in the sea.

"James!" he heard her voice on his right. "I'm here, Benjy and Kingsley are parking the car, they think they found a spot without too many reporters," she said as she finally came into view, her red hair slightly damp from the fog.

"Good, thanks."

"Are you, um... how are you feeling? And how is Sirius?"

"I'm fine. He's, err... well, it's been hell since Remus and him, err, you know... but he's fine, considering..." he answered hesitantly.

"I can only imagine," she sighed, sitting on the bench beside him.

"How is Remus?"

She shrugged sadly. "Terrible. Still won't talk to me. Oh, which reminds me," she turned to James fully. "Did Snape press charges?"

"Err, no, not yet anyway. Why?"

"Nothing," she said evasively, smiling a little.

James frowned. "That bloke," he started. "He knows you. Both of you."

"Yeah... we were in highschool together."

"He said some horrible things," James started. "Was talking about Remus like he was a lesser human. I can't really blame Sirius for reacting the way he did when I wanted to punch the git myself."

"He's always, um, been jealous of Remus. So he decided to make Remus's life as miserable as his. We used to be friends you know, all three of us," she admitted. "Needless to say, it didn't end well."

"What happened?"

"That's a story for another time, Potter. Don't we have big famous rock singer to pick up?" she said as she stood up and offered James her hand. He took it gently.

~~~

Sirius was trying to put his coat on, his injured hand restraining his movements a bit, when a big framed, short cropped blond man entered his private room. "Mr Black," the man said. "You are to follow me outside."

"Um, and you are?" Sirius eyed him carefully. He didn't remember ever seeing this man before.

"I'm a bodyguard from Cerberus Security. Mr Lupin sent me to fetch you. I am to drive you back at your home."

Sirius frowned. "I think there has been a mistake. There's already Lily, Kingsley and Benjy to escort—"

"There has been a change of plans. Follow me," he added before motioning towards the exit.

Sirius started walking, puzzled. But if it was Remus's plan, he trusted it.

~~~

Lily frowned as they arrived at Sirius's room. "Um, James? Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Of course, why?" he replied, holding onto her arm.

"He's gone."

"What?!" James sounded alarmed. "Nurse!" he yelled to the first person who passed near them.

"Yes, may I help you?" A young man in scrubs answered.

"Is the patient Sirius Black still here somewhere? I'm James Potter, his friend."

"No, Mr Black left a couple of minutes ago."

Lily's eyes widened. "Did he say where he was going?"

"No m'am, but he was being escorted by what seemed like a bodyguard. They left through that door," the nurse said, pointing behind him.

"What did the bodyguard look like?" asked Lily, incredulous.

"Tall and broad, blond hair. Is everything okay, m'am?"

"Thank you for your help," Lily dismissed him with a smile, and turned to James. "It's not Benjy nor Kingsley, and I didn't send for anyone else."

James seemed deep in thought, ruffling his hair nervously. "So Sirius left with someone who's not from Cerberus, is what you're saying? Could he be in danger?"

"I mean, it does sound pretty sketchy. Do you have any idea who it could be?"

James felt panic start to rise in his chest. "No, I don't know, who would make themself pass for a bodyguard like that? A reporter? A fan? Or—"

He stopped suddenly, his face blanching.

"Or what? James?!" Lily said anxiously.

"I think I know who's behind this," he said with a trembling voice.

~~~

"Err, mate? What's your name again?"

"I didn't say," replied the blond man as he took a corridor Sirius hadn't seen before. "Please enter here," he opened a rusty door.

Sirius looked at him dubiously, and went inside. What he saw turned his blood cold, his breath stopping.

"Greetings, son. It has been a while," said Orion Black.

~~~

"We have to find him. We have to find him _now_!" James was dragging Lily behind him, his other hand patting on the walls so he wouldn't knock on anything.

"James, tell me what's going on!"

"I think it might be his parents," he whispered in a low voice.

"What? You mean, his parents would go through all this trouble to see him?"

"No choice, Sirius would never let them see him otherwise," he said dangerously as they approached the security desk. "Excuse me," he said unceremoniously to a man sitting behind a thick glass. "We need to see the camera recordings to find someone."

A young blond man turned around in his chair, surprised. "That's not how— Oh my God, are you James Potter?!"

"I am. What's your name?" James asked impatiently.

"I'm Tiberius McLaggen, sir," the young man replied in a shaky voice.

"Look, Tiberius, mate," James advanced to the glass until he could make out the face of the man through it. "I'm going to sign you anything you want and give you two free VIP tickets to our next show if you let us take a look at the cameras. You just gotta give me your address."

The fan seemed to recoil slightly. "Um... I don't know if I can... I mean, we have rules..."

"It's to find my best mate Sirius Black, we lost him somewhere in here. Surely you'd like an autograph from Sirius too?"

"Sirius Black is _here_?!" the man said excitedly.

"He is, but you won't meet him if you don't help us find him, now will you? And you'd help save a famous rockstar from certain danger..." James added convincingly.

Lily stared at the scene with admiration.

"Oh, that's... well, okay. I'll let you look. But don't tell anyone, alright?" He stood up to open the locked door separating them.

"We'll take this secret to our grave," James said, his expression determined.

~~~

"What the fuck is this?" Sirius said, hearing the door click behind them. He was trapped.

He felt like he was boiling inside. Just seeing their faces looking down at him made him want to scream.

Walburga pinched her perfectly red lipsticked mouth, crossing her long and elegant arms, her fingers decorated with family heirlooms. "We needed to talk to you, and since you won't meet nor talk with us any longer—"

"There's a reason for that, Mother," he seethed. "It's because I don't want to see your ugly arses ever again—"

"You shall not speak to your mother this way, young man," Orion thundered, making Sirius recoil slightly. He felt like a child all over again, wearing shoes too big and a waistcoat too tight, waiting for punishment. He half expected the sound of a belt getting unbuckled.

Orion's chiseled jaw, which Sirius had inherited, flexed with anger. "We are here to ask you to put an end to this nonsense."

"We've had enough of your disrespect!" shrieked Walburga, her beautiful but dangerous grey eyes shining. "You have made the headlines again, tarnishing our name, dishonouring your family—"

"You are _not_ my family," spat Sirius, his hands closed in fists. He could feel his right hand throbbing, but didn't care. "I am already disinherited, remember?"

"You still bear the Black name, however treacherous to your blood you might be," Walburga advanced towards him, her wavy long black hair like silk on her shoulders as she walked. "But you keep testing our patience. First the mess that was that lawsuit six months ago that we had to clean up behind you, and now this?! What will it take for you to see reason, son?"

Sirius felt a question rise in him through his anger. "Wait, what? Cleaning my mess?!"

Walburga scoffed unkindly. "Of course, you ignorant child. Did you really think that man miraculously dropped the charges? Your stupidity has no limit!"

"You paid him," Sirius said, ignoring her insults. Everything made sense now. "You bought his silence."

"Obviously," she waved a hand impatiently. "We had to. We can't afford to see our name dragged in the middle of a scandal, especially right now," she turned to Orion at that, who nodded solemnly. "Times are changing son, something is coming. And when it does, it won't spare the filth walking this earth," she said in such a way that made Sirius flinch, like some kind of bad omen waiting to fall on him like the sword of Damocles. "So if you want to be safe, you need to stop that foolish lifestyle of yours and come back to us. We could forgive and forget everything, forgive your disgusting perversion, forgive how you killed our dear Reg—"

"You shut your fucking mouth!" Sirius could barely see anything through his rage. "You don't get to talk about him. You don't get to pronounce his _name_ —"

"Oh but you do?" Walburga sneered, still walking towards him slowly. Sirius stepped back. "You, his murderer?" She smiled sweetly, like a cat would before eating a mouse. "Regulus was better than you could have ever hoped to be, and he _died_ because of you—"

"That's a lie," he replied with difficulty, his breathing ragged. "That's a filthy _lie_ —"

"You know it's the truth, son. Deep down, you _know_. You were not strong enough, not fast enough to save him..." She took his face with one perfectly manicured hand, holding his chin painfully. "He took drugs because you had an argument, and he died choking on his own vomit because you were busy indulging in your dirty perversions at the other end of the city, weren't you boy?" She shook his face, her long nails almost breaking the skin on his cheeks, as Sirius looked at her with wide eyes. "What? You think we wouldn't know the truth of what happened to our dearest son, our rightful heir? We are _everywhere_ , Sirius. And we know _everything_ ," she paused, her eyes blazing. "Including how you apparently still indulge in this aberration, this disgusting debauchery with that penniless and disfigured crippled man—"

" _Don't you dare talk about him like that!_ " Sirius snarled, surging forward and making her stumble back in surprise, her hand previously holding his chin now splayed on his chest, pushing against him in reflex. "Remus is ten times, a hundred times what you could ever be—"

Orion stepped forward behind her with a growl, but she lift a hand, never leaving Sirius's eyes. "Would you look at that, Orion" she said sweetly, cocking her head to the side. "Our son still thinks he deserves _love_ after what he did." Sirius was breathing heavily, the sound echoing in the small room. "He thinks he can be forgiven by some country boy, and everything would be alright again, is that it?" She tutted. "Tell me, does that man know what you did? Does he know you killed your own brother?"

Sirius didn't answer, feeling tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

Walburga looked triumphant. "Of course not," she smiled horribly. "Well, what are you waiting for? Tell him what you did, and then we'll see what happens," she pushed against him until his back was against the wall again. "Only your kin can overlook what you did to your own brother, because only your kin really knows who you truly are."

Sirius couldn't see anything other than his mother, magnificient and terrible, seeping poison inside of him with each word she uttered in her perfectly pronounced accent. "It wasn't my fault," whispered Sirius. "I couldn't have known."

"Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?" she snickered, her face contorted in disgust. "Does it work?"

Sirius recovered enough to look into her eyes defiantly. "And what about you, Mother? What do you tell yourself to sleep at night when you know your favourite son was so miserable in the perfect life you designed for him, that he took his own life?"

He heard the slap of her hand across his cheek before registering the pain. It was always more painful when she was wearing rings like today. " _You filthy little blood traitor!_ " she yelled, taking a handful of his hair and pulling painfully. "You will do as we say, or you're going to regret it!"

Sirius was disoriented by the blow, but still managed to spit directly between her eyes.

She stepped back, surprised, and slowly wiped her face as he smiled with satisfaction. "Oh Mother," he laughed, tasting blood in his mouth. "I think the filth is seeping right through your skin."

He saw Orion marched to them over his mother's shoulder, and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain to come.

~~~

"Can you see anything?!" James asked impatiently, his face mere inches from the screens showing various parts of the hospital being recorded.

"No, I—" Lily squinched her eyes slightly. "Wait... This guy... he looks shifty..."

"Where?!"

She took James's head and dragged it to the screen she was looking at.

"Isn't he blond? Looks like a bodyguard, too. And just standing there, guarding that door..." he turned around to Tiberius. "Where is that?"

The fan answered quickly. "Underground, wing C, near the laundry."

"Let's go," said James, not loosing a second. He had to find Sirius as soon as possible.

"Hey, what about—"

"They'll sign your shit after we find him, alright?" Lily said with exasperation as they left the security desk, and stumbled right over Kingsley and Benjy. "Oh thank God," she whispered, taking their arms, their faces betraying their bewilderment. "Come on, I'll explain the situation to you on the way!"

~~~

Remus looked at the landscape flowing outside the window. As soon as Dumbledore had said that Snape had agreed to the deal and that he wouldn't press charges, Remus had taken the first train to Cardiff, texting Lily that he'd be gone for the weekend. He still hadn't slept since he'd heard about the incident, which was one of his worst triggers for seizures, but getting away from London was the best thing he could do for now.

He was scrubbing his eyes tiredly when he heard two women talking in the seat in front of him. "Oh Lord," one said, looking down at something on her phone. "I didn't know Sirius Black could be so violent!"

"Let me see," the other woman said excitingly, and Remus couldn't help but take a look, craning his neck a bit to see the screen over the seats.

It was a video recorded in a quiet pub, and Remus saw Sirius land a strong right hook on Snape's jaw, which made him fall on his back as Sirius took the front of his coat in his hand and continued hitting him repeatedly on the floor. James was pulling on Sirius, trying to get him to stop. Everybody was yelling, it was chaos, until Remus saw Kingsley enter and lift Sirius with an impressive headlock, getting him away from an unmoving Snape.

"LET ME GO!" Sirius was growling, his beautiful features contorted in such anger Remus had never seen on him before. "I'LL BREAK HIS FUCKING FACE!" He was thrashing against Kingsley, but the bodyguard wouldn't budge. James was trying to get in front of Sirius to calm him down, but the camera didn't pick up on what he was saying.

"He doesn't get to talk about— about Remus like that!" Sirius said in an enraged voice, now looking directly at James.

"Who's Remus? Boyfriend, you think?" the woman holding the phone asked to her friend as Remus felt a blush creep up his neck and reach his ears.

"Obviously, look at him! You don't hit people like that for no reason," replied the other girl.

"Well, we're talking about Sirius Black here, eternal bachelor. And didn't he break a fan's nose some time ago?"

"Yeah, but that was different. It was a stalker, and I don't think he lost his shit like that," she nodded to the video still playing. "Look at him," she added with a small voice, "He looks so hurt, makes me want to hug him."

"Hugging Sirius Black. Now if _that_ isn't _the_ dream," the girl whispered.

In the video, Remus could see Kingsley dragging Sirius out with James, leaving Snape behind them. Sirius's face was hidden by his hair, but his gait betrayed a dejected look.

Remus sat back in his seat, feeling disoriented. He knew the story, but somehow seeing it made it more real, and he couldn't get the image of Sirius's eyes flashing in anger on his behalf out of his mind, making him feel sorrowful.

The two girls were still talking about it, so he got a pair of headphones out, and plugged them in his phone, drowning out any temptation to look over again.

~~~

Sirius waited and waited, but the pain never came. Instead, he heard crashing just outside the room.

"What is happening?" Orion put a protective hand over Walburga's shoulder, taking a step back with her while looking at the door.

The sound of the door blasting open echoed in the room, making Sirius screw his eyes shut in reflex.

"SIRIUS?!" yelled James, looking for him, and Sirius had never been more grateful to see his messy mop of hair than in that moment.

"Potter," spat Walburga, her face dark. "For the last time, get away from my son, or you'll pay dearly."

Lily seemed to recover quickly at that. "Are you _threatening_ him?" she said, advancing until she was beside James, taking his arm and marching towards Sirius, placing herself between him and the Blacks.

"And you are?" the woman said, cocking a slim black eyebrow.

"Doesn't matter who I am. Let's go," she added to James and Sirius, pulling on James's arm.

"SIRIUS," Orion boomed, making them stop in reflex. "You leave us no choice, son."

Sirius turned around slowly. "I'm not your son."

"Oh, we know," said Walburga, surprising him. "And when you die, you won't be buried anywhere near our ancestors, and certainly not anywhere _near_ Regulus."

Lily felt a shiver run across her spine. "Come on," she pulled on them again, getting them out of that wretched room. Outside, Kingsley and Benjy were still wrestling with the guard. "We leave, NOW."

~~~

Remus felt his mind slip a couple of times, Padfoot alerting him everytime by putting a paw on his knee. He stopped counting the short absences after three.

He saw Cardiff's train station in his peripheral vision, and sighed with relief. He stood up with difficulty, and got out of the train to meet with his father, who was waiting for him on the platform, his brown curls bouncing in the cold breeze.

"Remus," he said, and hugged him close. "You look tired."

"I am. I'm sorry dad, I need to sleep..."

"Yes yes, of course. Come, I'll get you home."

~~~

"There are reporters outside, but you don't have to answer to any questions, alright?" Benjy said near the exit. "Ready?"

Sirius simply nodded as they opened the door to get out, feeling too disoriented to properly answer.

Outside, voices were yelling at him, throwing questions in a jumble of chaotic sounds, but something caught his attention. "Mr Black, who is 'Remus'?" Sirius turned to the voice, his eyes wide.

"Is Remus your boyfriend?" said another report, brandishing a mic in his face.

"Tell us more about Remus!"

He felt frozen in place, but Lily pushed him forward. "Don't look at them and hop on," she said forcefully, nodding to Kingsley who opened the car's door to let them in.


	22. Awareness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warnings!  
> _____________
> 
> Hey folks! I hope everyone is doing well, considering. I'm trying to keep up with all that is happening, and trying to keep on posting regularly, but I'm afraid I'll have to slow down a bit for the next few weeks or so. I'm about to get to a point in this story where I haven't exactly written everything out yet (though the end of the story is already written!). Sorry if I happen to post only once a week, or something. I'll try to not let that happen, but I really can't promise anything, especially because of the field in which I'm working (as previously said, I'm a nurse).
> 
> We're nearing the end of this story. I predict there's about 6 or 7 more chapters. I hope you enjoy it through these dark times we are facing. Stay safe! ❤️

"Sirius... hey," James said, taking Sirius's arm from across the seat in the car.

Sirius didn't answer, but squeezed his hand. He felt nauseous, as if all this was just a long never ending nightmare, and he was going to wake up sooner or later in his bed at their flat, his skin clammy with sweat.

"We're here, Sirius," said Lily unexpectedly, grabbing his arm too from behind him where she was sitting.

He turned to look at her, her green eyes shining. "So," he croaked, trying to keep the dark feelings from engulfing him, "you met my family. Charming, yes?" The sarcastic tone didn't quite got through, and he ended up sounding scared.

"This was _not_ your family. You were right," she responded fiercely. "They don't deserve to be called that." She took his chin, looking at his lip where he could feel blood drying.

James looked at her, an expression of adoration on his face.

Sirius tried to swallow the lump in his throat, feeling moisture gathering at the corners of his eyes. "Mother's work," he simply said as an explanation as Lily inspected him. "Always splits when she wears her rings."

"You're hurt?!" said James, lounging himself to Sirius, inches from his face so he could assess the damage. He huffed. "Busted lip?"

"Yeah, it's fine, don't worry," he pushed James gently back in his seat.

"It's not _fine_ ," Lily said, her voice trembling sightly. "What did she mean with that comment about burying you?" She crossed her arms, looking at both of them. "I didn't like that. I didn't like that at all."

"Well, I think none of us liked it," James said, his brows furrowed.

"No, I mean, that really sounded like a threat..."

"Threats are her favourite thing to do, after insults," said Sirius in a bland voice.

Lily frowned. "No..." she said slowly. "That's not it. That was real." She got her phone out of her pocket. "We've got to reinforce your security. I'm calling Remus—"

"NO!" Sirius said loudly, wincing at himself. "Please," he asked more softly. "It's nothing, it's always like that. She always says the craziest shit and then nothing really happens—"

"Apart from a split lip?" Lily interrupted.

Sirius put his hands on hers, keeping her from calling. "Lily," he pleaded, "it's nothing. You don't have to— to plague him with that kind of useless information—"

"It's not _useless_!"

"He probably doesn't even want to hear about me right now, you know..." Sirius said, clenching his hands on Lily's to keep them from shaking.

"Sirius... you're our client, your protection is our priority. And he... he cares about you, of course he would want to know—"

"Don't, please..." he said, his voice breaking.

She exhaled through her nose loudly. "You two are _identical_ , d'you know that? And both idiots, too."

Sirius didn't answer.

"Fine," she said, finally putting her phone away. "I won't tell him now, but I'm gonna tell him when he's back from Cardiff. I have to!" She added as Sirius sighed in defeat. "And until then," —she grabbed his hand— "I'm going to personally protect you, Sirius Black."

~~~

Remus's feet took him down the right path by reflex, his head elsewhere. He didn't even see properly, his mind's eye rewatching Sirius grabbing him by the collar and kissing him, what was fireworks of revelations now only a painful memory he had to learn to live with.

The path cleared, and his feet took him to the left.

He wondered how they would be able to talk again normally after that. Would it be awkward? Would Sirius say 'Sorry, but this is not working for me', like many had said before him? Or would they act as if nothing ever happened, talking about the weather and exchanging smiles like Remus didn't feel like his life had been ripped from under him like a rug? Or would it be better to never see each other again? Lily had said so herself, they could never meet again if he played his cards right.

But somehow, the thought of never seeing Sirius again was worse than having to endure awkwardness with him for the rest of their lives. He couldn't bear never seeing these grey eyes looking up at him with amusement, confident gait as he walked, black hair framing his high cheekbones, sending a disarming smile and barking a laugh when he found something Remus had said to be funny, and a softness to his eyes he sometimes had for unknown reasons when he thought Remus wasn't looking.

As much as Remus needed to, he didn't think he could willingly never see Sirius again.

His mind stopped long enough to let him look properly in front of him, his feet finally stopping their course.

_Here lies Hope Lupin,_   
_Beloved mother and wife,_   
_Never truly gone_

Remus kneeled in the grass in front of her tombstone, touching the engravings gently. "Maman, [Mum,]" he said quietly. "J'ai tellement de choses à te dire... [I have so many things to tell you...]"

~~~

"Sirius?! You're back!"

It seemed like the entire world was at their flat; Peter, Fabian, Gideon, Hestia, Dedalus... all looking at him carefully, almost like you would look at a ticking bomb. Kingsley did a security sweep of the flat, just in case, and Benjy went straight to the window, looking outside through the curtains.

"Don't sound so surprised, Pete. We did say we were gonna pick him up," James said.

"Do I wanna know what happened to your face?" said Hestia with furrowed brows.

"It's nothing," Sirius said quickly, plonking in a chair at the kitchen table.

"It's not nothing. Tia, Dee, I need to talk to you," Lily said pointedly, looking at them in turns, and they went in James's bedroom to talk.

"Clear," Kingsley said as he came back in the living room.

"Here too. We were not followed," Benjy added.

Sirius sighed, exasperated. "Christ. I'm not a bloody president!"

"No, but you might be in danger," replied Kingsley.

"What?! What the hell happened back there?" Fabian asked loudly.

"Altercation and threats," said Kingsley calmly, looking out the window in the kitchen.

"Threats?" Gideon said, nervous.

"My mother. It's nothing," Sirius repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Your _mother_ did _that_?" Fabian said, pointing to Sirius's mouth vaguely.

Sirius shrugged. "I've had worse."

Lily, Hestia and Dedalus came back from the bedroom. "Alright, we're settled. We'll all stay together today and sleep over tonight, no exception, and nobody leaves alone. Are we clear?"

"Oh come on! They don't have anything to do with this, no need to force them to—"

"We are not taking any chances, Sirius. I'm not," interrupted Lily. "That's what Remus would do."

Sirius stood up abruptly. "I'm not going to stay holed up in here—"

"I never said we had to stay here. I just said that we have to stick together. What do you want to do?"

That shut Sirius up. "Um, well..." he looked at his bandmates hesitantly. "We could go to the studio? We still have a song in recording, and tomorrow we have a music video to shoot."

"Studio it is, and tomorrow we'll go with you for the shooting," Lily said in a no nonsense way.

Sirius sighed and turned back to his group. "Alright with you?

They nodded.

~~~

Remus looked at his phone on the way back: no new messages. That probably meant everything was fine, no worries.

But somehow, he felt on edge.

Dinner with his father was spent in utter silence. It's not that they had nothing to say to each other, it's just that they didn't know how to.

Remus couldn't remember a time when it had been easy to talk to his father. Ever since the accident when Remus was four years old, his father had tried to make amends and gain back deserving love, although Remus stopped holding a grudge when he was around ten, when he realised his father had simply made a mistake, and the accident was just that: an accident.

His father never forgave himself, though. He never forgave how he put a four year old in the front seat of their car for a ride after a day spent fishing at a lake. He never forgave how he had insulted Fenrir Greyback, a criminal he had helped put behind bars, which had made him want to avenge himself by hurting Lyall Lupin in any way possible, a car crash being the best idea the man had at that time.

But Remus forgave him. Truly, he did. It was just not enough.

"Dad," Remus began, finding the silence suddenly unbearable. "I'm going to see Hagrid tomorrow, if that's okay with you."

"Of course, yes, anything you want..." Lyall said with a crooked smile. "I was surprised you even, err, came here."

"I needed to... to talk to mum," Remus said quietly, his shoulders a bit slumped.

"Is there, um... something amiss?" asked his father, uncharacteristically outspoken.

"Err..." Remus didn't know if he should tell him or not. "Yeah, well... it's a long story, you probably don't want to hear it..."

"Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm here..."

"Dad, listen," Remus started, tired of the unsaid things between them. "You don't have to— to pretend, you know..."

"I'm not! Remus," Lyall said with difficulty. "I care about you, you know that right? You're my _son_. And something is not right, I felt it since you got out of that train this morning... and if something's wrong, I want to know, you know. I can take care of you—"

"No, dad, it's nothing like that..." Remus said, his eyes wide. "I'm fine. It has nothing to do with, err, my illness. Well, no, that's not true... but it's not, you know, a problem with that or anything. I have it under control."

"Okay, good," Lyall nodded. "What is it then? You don't _have_ to tell me, it's just... I'm your dad, right? I'm there if you need me. Always. And... and that's what your mother would've wanted, too. For us to stick together."

Remus felt lightheaded with the curiosity and concern his father was showing. Not that Lyall Lupin wasn't an affectionate man: it's just that they had been so distant with each other through the years that it felt weird to talk like this.

Remus had always talked to Hope about the things he went through. She had always the right words, a certain calmness to her, and the patience for having such a hard headed son. Since his visit to her grave, Remus kept wondering what she would say about this whole situation he was in.

Now, he wondered what his father would say.

"I... I met someone," Remus started, feeling suddenly awkward.

"Oh, that's— I mean, it's been a while, no?"

"Yeah..." Remus continued, looking down at his hands.

"What is he like? How d'you two meet?"

Remus looked up, seeing his father's small smile for the first time since he had arrived in Cardiff for the weekend. "He's, um... well, he's a client, first off. Which is, you know, never a really good idea. But he's... he's incredible. Funny, and smart, and charming... That's not— that's not really the problem.'

"What's the problem, then?"

"Me," Remus said simply. "I'm the problem."

~~~

The afternoon at the studio had went well; it was even more fun than usual, with their bodyguards sharing their opinions or diffusing the tensions with jokes here and there, and Lily being surprisingly helpful with ideas about certain lyrics. They had a pizza delivered around dinner time, and Frank had gone out to buy some beers, merrily cheering for another great production day.

All in all, the day had ended way better than how it had started, and Sirius could almost forget the sting of his mother's hand on his face. Almost.

"Well, the Presidential option is not so bad, eh?" Fabian said, an arm thrown around Hestia's shoulders.

"I didn't know you were such a cuddly drunk," she replied, laughing.

"I'm not _drunk_ ," he answered.

Gideon whispered, "He's drunk."

"He's right, though," James said, following Benjy outside their studio's back entrance. "It was nice having you lot at the studio."

Benjy stopped them, and checked the surroundings with Kingsley as Lily, Dedalus and Hestia stayed with the group. "Well, the night isn't over!" said Fabian happily. "Who wants to watch a movie? We could put a couple of pillows on the floor and all sleep together in the living room—"

"Christ, Fab. We're not children," Sirius said, shaking his head with a smile.

"It's not a bad idea, though. All of us sleeping in the same room," Lily said with a pensive look.

"Clear," said Kingsley as Benjy took James's arm gently and guided him one of the two cars they used today.

"We could put the mattresses in the living room then," said Gideon, entering after James.

"Wait a minute, nobody's going to sleep in my bed—"

"Oh, we know. There's a special someone you want in your bed, innit?" Fabian said to Sirius, stumbling near him.

"Fab, not now, please," said James in a stern voice before entering the car.

"Yeah, I do," Sirius said defiantly, turning to Fabian fully. "And he's half the country away because of me, _again_. Thanks for the reminder."

Fabian seemed stunned. "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry Sirius. I, err, forgot about that."

"You can be so insensitive sometimes," said Gideon to his brother, taking him inside the car after James.

"Sirius, ride the other car with me, please?" Lily said gently as she motioned him to enter first. He nodded and sat down with her and Kingsley, Peter being the one driving.

"Don't worry, he'll come back," Lily murmured once the car had started. "You'll see him again soon."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know Remus," she said simply, smiling. "Once he knows you're in danger, he'll come right back running."

"I'm not in danger," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You were threatened, and when he sees your lip... oh, he's gonna be _livid_ ," she replied knowingly.

Sirius sighed. "That's not the kind of, of relationship I want," he cringed at the word. "I don't want him to avoid me except when he thinks I need help. I... I want him to be there. And I want to be there, too. I want to, I don't know..."

"To care for him?" Lily said as she put a hand on his arm. "I know. But Remus is a very hard man to care for. He doesn't let himself be vulnerable easily, as you noticed," she said quietly. "But, if anybody can achieve that with Remus, I think it would be you."

Sirius felt embarrassed at how much Lily's words affected him. He barked a derisive laugh. "Does that mean I have your blessing, then? I feel like I just met the in-laws or something."

She smiled, but didn't answer.

~~~

Remus had never seen his father looking at him like that. He shut his mouth abruptly with a click, and realised with a wave of embarrassment that he had just talked without interruption for the past 15 minutes.

Lyall smiled gently. "I was just like you once."

Remus hadn't expected that. "What?"

"Yes..." his father took a sip of his tea, and looked distantly at the ceiling in nostalgia. "I couldn't understand what your mother could possibly find interesting in me." He scoffed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Did you know she used to have purple hair?"

"What?!" repeated Remus, bewildered.

"She didn't have it for long, but she did when I met her. She was this quirky, charming, elegant, unique French speaking English woman, who could grow anything with a bit of soil and water, and who could carve wonderful pieces of furniture and art from fresh cut wood." He looked back at his son with soft eyes. "How could I, an uptight lawyer who had just started his career, be of any interest to a creative and fun person such as her?"

Remus didn't answer.

"She was the one who asked me out on our first date," he laughed quietly. "She said, 'I need a guide to hike Snowdon, care to be mine?' and that was it." He shook his head, smiling. "Of course she didn't need a guide. She was the one stopping every two steps to point out a different type of tree, or explain the origin of some plants to me."

"Why haven't I heard about this before?" Remus asked, his brows furrowed.

Lyall laughed. "Because she was embarrassed about it. She said she'd never been this forward ever before. Only with me. She said she had to, or else we would've never been together. She was probably right, though I must say, I'm the one who initiated our first kiss," he finished, grinning.

Remus sighed. "You did better than me, then."

"Well," Lyall looked at his son gently, "It's never too late to initiate the second one, you know."

Remus huffed, looking down at his hands in embarrassment. "I don't know... I don't think it's the same."

"What isn't, son?"

"Like you and mum," Remus answered, looking up. "It's not the same. We're not... we're not meant to be together, I don't think. He's not meant to be with someone like me."

"And in someone like you, you mean attentive, kind, generous and intelligent? You don't think he deserves that?"

"That's not..." Remus swiped a hand on his face tiredly. "I mean, he's a rich and famous _rockstar_ , dad, for Christ's sake. And you haven't seen him, either. It's not— I mean, he's..." He waved his hands vaguely. "You'd have to meet him to understand."

"Yes, well, I'll meet him when you'll introduce him to me as your partner."

Remus sputtered. " _Dad_ ," he said, his cheeks on fire. "I'm _not_... we just kissed _once_ , and then he panicked when he saw me having a seizure, and we haven't talked since. I mean, this isn't the greatest way of starting any kind of, of relationship, you know."

"Maybe give him some time?" said Lyall patiently. "It might have been a shock to him, Remus. That doesn't mean he stopped thinking you're, what was it... 'amazing'? That's the word he used, right?"

"That was _before_ he saw," Remus mumbled.

"Remus..." Lyall said carefully, seemingly choosing his words. "I know... I know that Dearborn fellow really did a number on you. He wasn't good for you," he continued, gripping his teacup firmly. "I don't know what happened exactly between you two, but it was obvious he was going to break your heart, son."

"He didn't— I mean, it's not like I was in _love_ or anything."

"And are you?"

Remus looked up, his eyes widening. "What?! No, I'm... that's, well, that would be presumptuous. I don't even know Sirius that well, you know! I mean, we've known each other for what, around a month and a half now? And I didn't see him for three whole weeks during that time, mind you," he said quickly, wringing his hands. "So all in all, I don't think I've had enough time to, to really get to know him. You can't love someone you don't know, right?"

"So, help me clear something out," Lyall said, joining his hands calmly, his elbows resting on the table. Remus could see why his father was such a renowned lawyer in his field. He could see it in the determined set of his mouth, the careful junctions of fingers entwined, the intelligent gleam in his eyes. "You say you don't know him enough to love him, but you also keep avoiding any situations to get to know him. Did you refrain from doing that for fear of, maybe, liking what you would find? Is that it?"

Remus didn't answer.

"You actively tried to avoid him for fear of falling in love with him. If you don't love the person, you can't get hurt. It's pretty easy, if you keep your distance. Am I making the correct assumptions?"

Remus still stayed quiet, apparently speechless.

"Well, there is an evident flaw in this scenario, Remus: I think it's already too late."

Remus swallowed. "Too late for what?"

Lyall smiled gently. "Whether you like it or not, I think you might already be at least a little in love with him, son."

~~~

They effectively slept all together in the living room, falling asleep one by one in front of the telly. James was sleeping with Sirius on his mattress, while Lily had taken James's mattress with Hestia. The rest were lying on pillows, a spare mattress, and the couch, which was all in all pretty comfortable.

Sirius was looking at the ceiling, having a hard time falling asleep. Fabian and Peter were snoring on different rhythms, for one, and his day had been quite the hassle. Seeing his folks again had upset him greatly, and his mother's voice kept echoing in his head. 'When you die, you won't be buried anywhere near Regulus...'

He crossed his arms around himself, and exhaled a shaky breath. The ghost of a feeling came forward, a certain warmth, a sense of security and calmness at being held by long arms and against a hard chest, and Sirius finally closed his eyes.


	23. Protocol 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Murder attempt.
> 
> _______________
> 
> Hey everyone! I just wanted to say thank you for all your nice comments and the kudos on this story. I never thought so many people would like it and follow it! We're such a nice fandom and you make everything better ❤️  
> Stay safe!

"...real danger?"

"I don't know, James... I'm not taking any chances. Remus would kill me if something happened to him."

Sirius's eyelids fluttered, but he kept his eyes closed, straining to hear the whispers and make sense of the words.

"Well, I'm not complaining," he heard James say, hearing the hint of a smile in his voice, and Sirius could imagine his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Having you around is always a pleasure."

Sirius expected Lily to scoff or told him off, and waited for it.

It never came.

"Stop it," he heard instead, and she _chuckled_. "It's not a bloody date."

"Obviously, I wouldn't have all these tossers around if it was."

"Where would we go, then?"

"Oh, you know, something disgustingly romantic, like a picnic followed by a walk on a beach, and ending it with star gazing. You'd probably hate it," said James, laughing quietly.

Lily snorted, and silence fell. Sirius had to restrain himself not to look at the scene, curiosity burning behind his eyelids. "I might not hate it completely, you know..."

And suddenly, Sirius couldn't take it anymore. As much as Sirius felt happy for his best mate, he also felt envy ten times stronger, and sit up soundly to wash away the feeling.

He saw James and Lily jump, sitting apart back at a respectable distance. "Morning," he said grumpily. He looked around, and saw empty sleeping bags around him. Peter was still snoring. "Where's everyone?"

"Went out to bring back breakfast," said James quickly, standing up. "How are—"

"I'm fine, James," Sirius answered more dryly than necessary. "What time is it?"

"7:50," replied Lily, looking at her watch. "We got two hours before heading out. Ready for filming today?" She asked, looking at Sirius with soft eyes.

"Yeah," Sirius said, irritation suddenly dropping. "I'm ready."

~~~

Remus pushed the wooden door open, and went straight to a small flight of stairs on the right leading to Hagrid's flat, right over the gym. Padfoot climbed the stairs quickly in front of him, and Remus could hear Fang, Hagrid's big goofy great dane, barking madly before he even knocked on the door.

"Remmy, good morning! Enter, enter!" Hagrid motioned him inside as Fang jumped on Remus, trying to lick his face. "Want some breakfast? Tea?"

"I already ate, thanks. But tea would be lovely." Remus let his bag down, and took Fang in his arms, smiling. "Hey, big boy," he said, trying to keep his face away from that big salivating mouth. "Missed me?" He petted him on his back, wrestling a bit. Padfoot was watching calmly, his tail wagging, looking at them as if they were children in need of supervision.

When Fang seemed satisfied with the attention, Remus went to sit at the round table in front of the chimney where a fire was crackling. Sitting here reminded him of another time, back when he used to come here and pour his heart out to the only man he knew who could really understand how alienating it was to be be different from the norm. The man who saved his life.

Remus would never understand what had came over him the day he entered The Hut for the first time. He had seen the sign of the gym everyday as he was changing trains in Bristol back and forth, but had never thought much of it.

Until one day, the prospect of going to school was too much to bear, making him breathless and his vision blurry as he had waited for the train that would lead him directly into the wolf's mouth, but The Hut's sign had shone through, and his feet had made him turn around, cross the road and enter the gym, skipping school entirely for that day.

Remus couldn't understand what had came over him, but he could certainly feel grateful about it, whatever it was.

"Seeing ye twice this month, what a nice su'prise!" said Hagrid as he busied himself with the kettle.

"Yeah, sorry about that," said Remus sheepishly. "I wish I could do this all the time."

"No need to apologize, boy. I understand ye have a life of yer own now!"

"Still," Remus looked at Hagrid's large back. "I miss this. Lily does, too."

"Well, the Hut's always open fer ye two, ye know that," Hagrid turned around and went to the fridge, getting a big piece of meat to Fang, smiling. "Is my flower coming over too?"

"Err, no... I um... I needed to come here alone. She stayed in London, taking care of business."

"Still running away then?"

Remus sighed, looking at the flames dancing against the rocks of the chimney. "Not for long, I suppose."

"Somebody bothering ye?" Hagrid said, his voice gruff.

"No no, it's nothing like that." He wringed his hands. "I... there's someone, err... someone that I like..."

Hagrid's eyes widened. "Never heard you say that before!"

Remus smiled sadly. "Yeah, I know."

"That's great news!" Hagrid said suddenly, grinning, and Remus was so surprised by this reaction that he momentarily forgot what they were talking about. "I'm happy for you, Remmy. You deserve it."

"Err, we're not... I mean, we're not together. I just... I just like him, that's all," he said, his cheeks getting warm.

"What are ye waiting for?"

"Err... I'm not really waiting. I'm running, remember?"

"Why? Doesn't he like you back?" Hagrid poured the hot water in two large mugs with tea bags, and went to sit at the table with Remus.

Remus looked down, the heat creeping up to his ears. "I... well, he said so. But then he saw me having a seizure, so there's that."

Hagrid nodded, and Remus was grateful for the understanding, the kind that only people with similar hardships could have. He didn't have to convince Hagrid of how affecting his illness could be on these kind of relationships. Hagrid understood, because he was an orphan with a neuroatypical tendency coming from a poor background without any education, and suffered from a mild form of gigantism, measuring over 7ft. Finding a partner was as hard for him as it was for Remus. Maybe even more.

"We didn't talk after. Haven't seen him in four days," Remus continued, looking back at the flames.

"Miss him?" The gentle giant asked softly.

Remus blinked. "Yeah... I do."

~~~

"Oh, um, we'll have to hide that, Mr. Black..." The makeup artist motioned towards his lip, her eyes wide. She put a hand on her chin, her perfectly manicured nails shining. "And we could probably do something about your hand, maybe with the costume department—"

"Your hair is unbelievable," gushed a hairdresser behind him as he played with long black locks. "I wish I had that kind of hair, life would be so easy."

Sirius closed his eyes, sighing.

"Pamper me, dear," he heard Fabian say somewhere behind him at another makeup station. "I live for this kind of treatment."

"You chose the right lifestyle then," Hestia replied dryly.

"That I did, that I did," agreed Fabian easily. "Did you?"

"Yes, before I started my contract with you, that is," she answered teasingly, a smile in her voice.

"Are we ready soon?" Peter said anxiously, checking the time on his phone.

"Not yet, Mr Pettigrew. We still have 20 minutes," said the makeup artist as she went to apply concealer on Sirius's lips.

"Wait," Sirius stopped her hand. "Leave it."

"What?" she said, bewildered.

"Leave the mark. I don't want to hide it."

She hesitated, looking at both his eyes alternatively, her eyebrows high on her forehead.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see James looking at him carefully. "You sure, Sirius? You might get questions about that..."

"And I'll answer truthfully if it comes to that. I'm tired of hiding," he added quietly. "They don't deserve my silence. I'm not gonna cover for them anymore."

James smiled slowly. "All right."

~~~

"D'you wanna stay fer a fight, son?" Hagrid said as Remus was picking up his bag from the floor.

They had finished their tea, and even had a second one after that, and Remus still felt like they had so many things to talk about.

"Sorry, Hagrid, not this time. I really got to go back," he answered with a sorry smile. "But thank you... for everything."

"Always a pleasure! Come back soon?" the gentle giant said as he opened the door of his flat and climbed down the stairs with Remus. It was early afternoon, and people had started arriving in the gym to get some training done.

"I'll try." Remus looked around one last time, taking a deep breath, admiring this safe haven. "Take care, Hagrid," he said, giving him a hug.

"Ye too, Remmy. Take good care of Paddy, too!" He replied, waving at the dog. "I hope ye can bring this boy of yours someday," he added with a wink.

Remus shook his head, smiling. "Don't expect nothing on that front, Hagrid."

"And don't give up easy," he said, pointing a big finger in his direction. "Remember what I taught ye!"

"Can't forget that." He waved, and left through the wooden door.

~~~

The filming was going well: the song they were shooting a music video for had a slower sound than most of their music, and the lyrics had a note of painful sorrow to it, which was perfect for Sirius's mood.

"Can we try something else for this last part?" asked Fabian, swiping fake snow from his costume. "I just wonder if we had the light in this corner instead, maybe the shadows would look better on the ground?"

"That's a great idea, bruv. And maybe a bit less intense, too? It's too bright for a sunrise feel," added Gideon, flipping his drumsticks in his hands.

"Didn't know these two were so artistically inclined," Sirius heard Hestia say at the back, and he snorted.

Having their bodyguards on the set added the same layer as when they had went to the studio together: their quips and comments certainly made the process more interesting.

Kingsley entered the room swiftly, advancing directly to Lily without a glance to the set. "Movement outside."

"Threat?" asked Lily, alarmed.

"Not sure," answered Kingsley somberly.

"I'll check it out with you," Lily quickly said. "Hestia, Dee, Ben, you stay here, yeah?"

"Understood," they all said in unison, and Sirius was so used to it by now he didn't even snort anymore.

"Are we in need of a break?" asked Peter hopefully, looking up from his phone.

"Nah, let's work on it a bit more, yeah?" James replied, looking at his bandmates for approval.

"Yeah, another hour maybe? We'll take a break then," said Gideon.

Sirius and Fabian nodded as the crew finished rearranging the lighting, and they continued filming.

~~~

Remus put the key in the lock of his flat, and entered. He saw, yet again, Sirius's jacket hanging from a chair in his kitchen, but for the first time, he didn't feel sorrow as he looked at it.

For the past few days, he had eaten while sitting on his couch, as he had avoided sitting at the table near the offensive piece of clothing.

But now, Remus felt drawn to it, and even dared take it in his hands, feeling the leather under his palm, listening to the characteristic squeaky sound the fabric made. He sighed.

What now? What would happen, now that Sirius knew about his condition; now that Remus realised he liked Sirius a lot more than he ought to; now that they were back to not talking again? Remus didn't know what Sirius was thinking. Maybe he never wanted to see him again. Maybe this was what he wanted, back at being strangers, no more than just someone you know.

Remus didn't know anything, and he wasn't sure if he really wanted the answers, or if he was even ready for them.

~~~

"All right, a break now would be nice," James said tiredly, flexing his neck. He went to sit on a bench beside Peter, who was still on his phone.

"New bird, Pete?" Fabian said teasingly.

"What?!"

"You've been texting nonstop since this morning," continued the redhead with a smirk. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"None of your business," replied Peter nervously, locking his phone. "Break time, yeah?"

"Yup," Gideon said, stretching his legs as he stood from his drumming set.

Sirius silently went to the restroom, and heard the door open behind him as he was washing his hands. "You gonna get out for a smoke?" asked Peter, busying himself at one of the stalls.

Sirius frowned. "Yeah, that's a good idea, actually."

"I saw a balcony on the second floor when we arrived, if you take the lift and turn to your right you'll get there, I went earlier. Maybe that would be better instead of risking yourself outside?"

Sirius turned around, puzzled. "Since when are you an expert on security?"

"I'm not," Peter replied, zipping his trousers. "M'just saying."

Sirius hummed, and stepped out. He saw James still sitting on the bench, talking with Benjy and Dedalus, and Fabian and Hestia were arguing about the feel of the fake snow as Gideon laughed. From the corner of his eye, he saw the lift Peter was just talking about, and decided that his idea was not bad at all.

He pressed the button for the second floor, turned right per Peter's instructions, and effectively saw a door leading to a balcony, the early evening light barely shining through thick and dark clouds he could see forming on the horizon.

He got out, the air crisp in his lungs, and lit a cigarette. It would be raining soon, but he had time to smoke before it would reach to them.

His mind, as it so often did these days, went back to Remus. He wondered what he was doing in this moment, what he was thinking, what he looked like. He was probably wearing some kind of jumper with a scarf, spending time with his father in Cardiff.

His thoughts were cut short as he heard the balcony door slide behind him. He turned around, and dropped his cigarette in surprise when a stranger suddenly approached him with a mean gleam in his eyes.

"Who the fuck—" Sirius started, but stopped when he saw something shine in the right hand of the intruder.

The man lounged at him with a stabbing motion, but was whirled back suddenly by the neck before he could succeed, dark skinned hands grabbing him from behind.

Sirius backed off until his back hit the railing behind him, and watched as Kingsley disarmed the attacker with swift and precise movements, and knocked him out cold with a mean uppercut.

"Mr Black? Are you hurt?" Kingsley asked urgently, his eyes almost blazing.

"I— No, I'm..."

"Get inside, stay behind me," ordered the bodyguard, taking his arm. "Level Two Threat on second floor, balcony," he continued, talking to his wrist, still putting himself in front of Sirius as they entered the lift to go back down.

Sirius was so shook by the situation, he felt horribly lightheaded and let Kingsley manoeuvre them. As soon as they got out of the lift on the first floor, he was took by the shoulders and directed to the rest of his bandmates, all gathered at a corner of the room.

"What the fuck is happening?" he heard James say loudly.

"Wait here," Benjy said, and released Sirius's shoulders. Hestia and Dedalus were forming a wall around the four Marauders, checking every angle around them.

Lily burst in from the door leading outside. "Report!"

"Attack on priority by knife, IC1 threat disarmed, priority unharmed," recited Kingsley quickly, advancing with Lily towards the lift as he did so.

"Ben, eyes on priority," she called back loudly before the door closed.

"Understood!"

Sirius felt Benjy near him more than he saw him, his vision getting blurry around the edges.

"Sirius?! What happened?!" James asked, taking his arm forcefully.

"I... I don't know, I— I was out for a smoke, and that bloke... he..."

"He _what_?"

"He attacked me," Sirius mumbled disbelievingly. "Tried to stab me with a knife."

James's face blanched, and looked like he was about to get ill.

"I'm alright though, James. I am," he said quickly. "Kingsley stopped him. Saved me..."

"How the _fuck_ did that happen?!" yelled Fabian anxiously.

"I don't know! He was already behind me when I got to the balcony. Like he was waiting for me..."

"Why did you go there?! We're supposed to stick together!" James said, fear contorting his feature.

"I just wanted a smoke, that's all. Pete said—"

But he was cut off by the elevator going back down, the doors opening on Lily. "We're getting out of here," she said fiercely. "Kingsley stays for the report, the police will arrive soon. You'll have to make a report too, Sirius, but later. Right now, I need you safe, and that means not here," she explained quickly before turning to the bodyguards. "Back to headquarters, presidential, protocol 21."

"Understood!" they replied, and motioned to the Marauders to follow them outside where their car was parked.

"Wait..." Lily stopped. "Where is Peter?"

~~~

Remus was sitting on the plastic bench in his shower, letting water slide down his back in a relaxing way. He took the time to let his mind slow down, trying to clear it as much as he could before having to go back to harsh reality.

He hadn't brought his phone with him in the bathroom, and hence, didn't hear it ring.

~~~

" _Fuck!_ " Lily swore, locking her phone angrily.

They were just arriving to Cerberus. Lily entered a code on the locked door, and it clicked open loudly.

Sirius could still feel the adrenaline, the palpable electricity in the air, crawling on his skin like a million nervous ants. Everything was going way too fast, and maybe he'd be able to think if everybody could just _stop_ and slow down for a bit.

His mind was whirling with possibilities of betrayal too grave to bear, of danger awaiting him, awaiting _them_ , and he looked at each of the people around him in turn. These were all people he trusted, or at least thought he did, but then again if the possibilities were true, maybe he wasn't such a good judge of character after all.

"Clear," Hestia said, and advanced forward to the group. They took a turn to the left, and Sirius recognized the corridor. They passed a door that Sirius knew led to the hidden underground tunnel, the one he had taken with Kingsley merely days ago, and slowed his steps. He was the last one in line, and looked at the back of James's messy hair, bouncing with his firm steps.

It was enough to make him turned around quietly, and leave through the secret door.

~~~

Rain was pouring outside when Remus left the bathroom, the sound reverberating against the big windows. He sat on his couch with a satisfied sigh just as his phone rang.

~~~

Sirius could finally start thinking more clearly, now that he was riding the train alone.

That _fucking rat_. It was obvious now that Peter had betrayed him, what with his sudden instructions and disappearance after the fact. His parents had probably bought him too, like they did for everything, but since when? Had Peter been in their good grace all this time? Was this why his parents knew about Remus at all? What else did he tell them?

He was boiling with anger, but also a deep sadness seated near his heart, because he now _knew_.

He knew he would never be free of them.

~~~

Remus ran as fast as he could, dodging people in the busy street, umbrellas almost poking him in the eyes. He could barely make out the back of the black hoodie in front of him through the heavy rain; he had to get to him, and _fast_.

His heart was beating wildly against his ribcage, but he kept the pace, unwilling to lose sight of Sirius.

"Blimey, young boy, be careful!" an old woman said as he dodged her quickly to the left, her little dog getting startled. Remus didn't even turn back to apologize.

He was gaining on the distance, able to see Sirius's shoulders slumped, a dejected note to his gait.

"SIRIUS!"

He didn't seem to hear, and turned a corner to a less crowded street, where the entrance of Black Industries could be seen from afar. Remus was able to speed up, and closed the distance until they were only feets away.

"Sirius! Stop!"

Finally, the figure whipped around, revealing somber grey eyes wide in surprise. "Remus?!"

And because Sirius was finally all flesh and existing in front of him, and because hearing Sirius's voice again as he said his name made him lightheaded, and because Sirius had almost _died_ barely an hour ago, Remus couldn't stop himself from grabbing him, burying his face in the crook of his neck over his hoodie, holding him tight, both of them shaking from the cold, drenched from all the rain still pouring over them. "What the fuck are you doing?" he said, but it came out weak with his voice trembling, muffled by the fabric. "You're gonna get yourself killed, you stupid—"

"Remus... you're back... you're here..." Sirius said simply, a hand gripping the back of Remus's coat, his voice quiet with a note of interrogation, like he couldn't believe his own words.

Remus gained back some modicum of sense that made him release Sirius and drag him to a darker and more secluded alley. He pushed his wet hair out of his eyes so he could see better. "Wait here," he ordered before doing a quick sweep of the surroundings. No threat in view.

He got his phone out and sent a text to Lily quickly, then turned around, feeling anger seep in now that he knew Sirius was safe. "Do you have a death wish or something?"

Sirius was still looking at Remus with surprise, his long hair straight from the weight of droplets, framing his face. "I'm—"

"Did you sneak out from Lily? _How_ did you sneak out?!" Remus started pacing in front of Sirius, his eyes never leaving him.

"I sneaked out of my parent's house years ago where I was supposed to be locked in. Sneaking out from people who wish me well is way easier."

Remus growled. "And _why_ , exactly, do you think that's a good idea right now?!"

"I'm leaving."

"No _shit_. Tell me something I don't know! I had to jump in the first train and run here when Lily called me completely panicked!" He exhaled loudly, his breathing heavy.

"How did you know I would be here?" Sirius asked quietly, his head cocked to the side.

Remus waved a hand impatiently. "I was at my flat when Lily called, she told me something about the Blacks, she barely made any sense but I thought you would try to get to them somehow. Anyway, it doesn't matter! We're going back, now."

"I'm leaving, and you can't stop me, Remus."

"The hell I can't!" Remus advanced towards him, trying to tower over him. "You're going to come back with me, that is an _order_."

"I'm not putting anyone else in danger!" cried Sirius suddenly, marching forward to Remus too, their chests almost touching. "If it's me they want, then they're gonna get it. But they're not gonna get James, or Lily, or Kingsley, or you or _anyone_. I won't let that happen, Remus. I _can't_ let that happen. Don't you understand that?"

"And don't you understand that _I_ can't let you be a sacrificial lamb, you frustrating honorable idiot!" He took Sirius's shoulders. "I'm going to protect you, and we'll be going to the bottom of this—"

Sirius shook his head. "You don't know them, Remus. They have power, money, relations. I can't escape... I thought I did for a time, but clearly I was wrong. It's time to face it. I can't let anyone get hurt on my behalf."

"Okay," Remus said unexpectedly, making Sirius frown. "We'll face them. We'll set a trap, and we'll face them, and we'll have enough proof to put them behind bars where they belong _for the rest of their bloody lives_. But I'm not letting you go alone. I'll be right there with you the whole time."

Sirius sighed. Raindrops were falling freely over his face, and he licked his lips absentely, looking dejected.

The anger was still there, but dissipated enough to make Remus see that Sirius was _hurt_ , his lower lip split and bruised. He hissed as he took Sirius's chin and softly swiped around the wound with a thumb to assess the damage. "What happened?" he demanded, a sudden urge to beat the shit out of anyone who did that to Sirius.

"Doesn't matter—"

"It matters to _me_ ," Remus replied fiercely.

Sirius sighed. "My mother, that's what happened. Came the day I got out of the hospital. That's when all this shite started to go down."

"What? Why didn't I know anything about this?!"

"Asked Lily not to tell you..." mumbled Sirius sheepishly.

" _Why?_ That's fucking stupid, Sirius. I'm in charge of keeping you safe, I _have_ to know—"

"Look, you were clearly in need of— of a break from me, alright! You were 200 kilometers away, I didn't want to intrude."

"That's not—" Remus felt heat creep up his neck. Now that they were broaching _that_ subject, he felt uneasiness come back to him. He carded his fingers through Sirius's hair without noticing. "I was visiting my mother's grave."

"Well, even more reasons to not bother you with my shitty life, Remus."

"Sirius..." he started, looking for the right words. "Whatever happened, you know, between us... it doesn't impact on how I'm supposed to protect you. And if you never want to see me again, I'd understand, and I won't bother you. But I'm still bound to you by contract. I still have to protect you."

"What— I _never_... I never said I never wanted to see you again! Were you going to avoid me for eternity?!"

"No, that's not— I mean, I don't _know_ , Sirius, you— well, it would depend on what you wanted, I mean— I'm not presuming, I can't— You _know_ now, you _saw_ , and as I heard it was too much for you, which I totally get, hell it's too much for _me_ , can't imagine putting anybody else through it with me you know, that's why I—"

"Christ Remus, I never heard you babble like this. Slow down!" Sirius said, flustered. He put his injured hand on Remus's chest and another on his arm, squeezing slightly, his thumb swiping against his wrist. "It's not... there's a reason why I reacted the way I did. It has nothing to do with you, per se. It's my own shit I've got to go through, that's all. That doesn't mean I... Remus, I don't think never seeing you again would do me any good, honestly. Quite the opposite."

"Okay," Remus replied softly, relief making him feel dizzy. "Good. That's... that's good."

They were still standing near each other. Remus's hand had migrated from the long hair to cup the back of his neck absently, and he quickly retreated it. They were merely a couple of minutes into meeting again, and he was already loosing his self-control.

"Come on," he said, taking Sirius by the arm gently. "Let's get back to Cerberus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY reunited, amirite? 😁


	24. The Feeling of Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No particular warning!
> 
> I think this is the longest chapter I've written for this story so far. Does it substitute the fact that I'll post only once this week? 😬  
> I'm currently in the process of writing the next chapter. It'll be a bit more action-oriented than this one 😁
> 
> Enjoy! ❤️ And stay safe!

Seeing Remus work was, for a lack of a better word, mesmerizing. Sirius watched as hazel eyes calculated their path, sweeping around every now and then with a certain state of alert to his demeanour, always calm but ready. He could see why Remus was the one training the teams: he was obviously the best at it. He saw it in his controlled but precise movements, always knowing where Sirius was at all times, as if they were linked by an invisible thread.

Nobody came anywhere nearer than two feet from Sirius, which was an amazing feat since they were planning on boarding a train to get back to Cerberus. He was used to seeing Benjy, Dedalus, Hestia or even Kingsley work, and they were obviously all more than efficient at their job, but this was different. Remus was in his element, completely in control, but in a way that felt natural. Sirius firmly believed nothing could ever happen to him as long as Remus was in this sort of protective mode. It's as if he had a knack for it, like he was born to do this, which was a ridiculous thought since Sirius knew he'd had to work hard to be where he was now, building and managing a company from scratch, training and learning and practicing self-defense, pushing his limits, all the while battling with epilepsy everyday.

Remus had said he was nothing special, and that epilepsy was ugly, terrifying, far from amazing, and though Sirius would never understand the hardships of loosing control of your body, brain scattering and firing aimlessly, his admiration for the man had just multiplied exponentially since he found out about it, though he hadn't thought that could be possible.

Absolutely nothing about Remus was ugly but everything was special, and Sirius pondered if, maybe someday, there would be a time when he'd be able to express that thought without sounding too forward, or weird, or both. He wondered if it would ever be received and accepted, too.

"Wait," Remus pushed a hand gently on Sirius's chest as they were getting to the platform, warmth spreading from his palm through the sticky layers of wet clothes. Sirius had no idea why they were stopping, but he did as he was told, trusting him completely.

"Sorry, no autographs today," Remus said calmly, and for a moment, Sirius thought he was talking to him, but saw that he wasn't looking in his direction, his head turned to the left instead. "We're just passing through."

"Oh, okay, sorry..." a man Sirius hadn't even noticed said sheepishly.

"Thank you for your understanding," Remus said to the fan before nodding to Sirius. "Come on."

They went to the end of the platform, waiting. Remus motioned to the wall, telling Sirius he could relax. "Nobody's going to approach you while I'm here, I'll make sure of it. Okay?"

"I know," Sirius replied, looking at Remus calmly. "I'm not afraid."

"You'd have reasons to be," countered Remus, looking around, his back a shield where Sirius could hide behind, away from any onlookers.

"Not right now. Not with you."

Remus turned back to him at that, his brows furrowed. "I'm not infallible, Sirius. I could... I could have a seizure at the worst moment. And even if I don't, miscalculations or errors of judgment can still happen, especially when..."

Sirius waited, curious, but Remus didn't finish. "Especially when what?"

The train arrived at that moment, the doors opening to let people in and out. "Come on," said Remus again, a determined set to his mouth. "Stay close to me."

~~~

"Remus found him?!"

"Yes," Lily breathed, feeling disoriented by all the anxiety dropping down. "He's alright. They're coming back here right now."

"What the fuck was he doing? Where was he going?!" Fabian said, his eyes blazing.

"He was going to them to end this," replied James, who was sitting on a spare chair in the middle of the room. They all had entered inside a locked bunker hidden in Cerberus's building when they'd noticed Sirius was gone. "He was going to make them stop. I told you," James continued, his hair in disarray, his voice tired as he directed his gaze towards Lily. "Sirius's protective trait can be a blessing and a curse. That is _exactly_ what I meant."

"He could've died," Gideon murmured. "Almost did today."

"Stop it, all of you! We're all okay. Mr Lupin is going to bring him back without a scratch," Dedalus said determinatedly, squeezing Gideon's shoulder.

"Isn't it dangerous though? Shouldn't we pick them up somewhere instead of letting them come to us?" Fabian asked, pacing the room.

"No," replied Lily with a sad smile. "It would draw the attention on where we are. With Remus, they won't be followed, and Sirius is entirely safe. Trust me on this. Nobody could do a better job of it right now, I assure you."

"Right," James sighed. "So we just wait?"

"We just wait," agreed Lily. "Try to wind down a bit, yeah? There are two beds and four futons available in here, a bathroom and a fridge. Everything we need to keep people safe in case of an emergency such as this," Lily added, looking around.

"You created this bunker for that purpose?"

"Yes," Lily replied to Gideon. "But we barely ever used it."

"Great, we're special," Fabian said sarcastically.

"Dangerously so," Lily nodded grimly.

~~~

"Remus?"

The blond turned around, but kept his eyes fixed on their surrounding as he answered, his feet firmly planted on the floor to balance himself as the train started moving. "Yeah?"

"Where's Padfoot?" Sirius asked, a bit worried.

"I didn't bring him. Let him at my flat," Remus answered, sparing a glance down where Sirius was sitting. "I knew I had to run to get to you, and bringing him would've only slowed me down."

"But... isn't it dangerous for you?"

Remus shrugged. "I prefer having him, yeah. But I had to get to you fast," he finished, like he hadn't even needed to think about it, like it was obvious.

Sirius felt guilt simmering in his chest, but curiosity was much stronger, and he suddenly had a million questions he wanted to ask. "Can you— do you know when you're going to have one? Can you feel it? Or is it only because Padfoot alerts you that you know?"

Remus didn't answer immediately, looking down at Sirius with wide eyes. "Err... I can feel it, usually. But Padfoot gives me more time to act." Sirius was still looking up at him expectingly, so he continued, eyeing him carefully. "When I'm alone... sometimes, I become sort of out of it, so I don't— I _can't_ react, even if I feel it coming. Padfoot prevents that by alerting me earlier."

"What does it feel like? Does it... does it hurt?"

Remus wrenched his eyes away from Sirius, doing a sweep of the surrounding again. "That's— I mean..." he sighed. "Could we... Maybe we could talk about this another time?" he finally asked, looking at the people around them.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Sirius said as he looked down at his hands, embarrassed. "It's just... I have so many questions..."

"Why?"

Sirius lifted his head again, and saw Remus looking at him intently, a crease between his eyebrows. "Because I want to know what it's like for you," he answered sincerely. "I want to... to understand."

Remus was still looking at him with a bewildered expression as the train stopped at their station.

~~~

Nobody was speaking. They could've heard a pin drop, flies fly, or whatever the expression was.

James was looking at his hands intently, trying to will his heart to slow down. And he waited.

And waited.

~~~

Sirius was debating if he should say what was on his mind or not when they entered the underground tunnel leading to Cerberus. He knew the next few days would be spent living in close quarters with all the others, and he would probably not be able to talk to Remus one on one like this. This was his last chance before things would _really_ go to shit.

Remus's shoulders were balancing in front of him, his back slightly bent to fit in the short space.

"You can talk, you know," said Remus quietly, making Sirius jump all the same. "I'm not gonna bite."

Sirius had a flash of Remus doing _exactly_ that on his neck a few days ago, and almost laughed hysterically, but caught himself just in time and started coughing instead.

Remus turned his head around, looking at him worriedly. "Sorry," Sirius gasped, and made a vague motion.

"Did you catch a cold?" asked Remus, still oblivious to Sirius's flustered state.

"Um, no, I don't think so," he replied, a smile tugging at his lips.

Remus frowned. "We'll have to change your clothes, you're drenched," he said, eyeing him. "I'll go to your flat and grab some things for you and James later."

"Err, alright," Sirius replied, feeling somewhat agitated by thinking Remus would be in his room alone, though he knew the man would never snoop, and Sirius had nothing to hide anyway.

Well, nothing tangible, in any case.

Remus turned around and started to resume his steps. "Wait!" Sirius extended an arm and grabbed him.

The blond turned back to face him, his eyes wide. "Yeah?"

"I..." Sirius kept his hand on Remus's arm. He had grabbed him reflexively, words burning the back of his throat. He wanted to tell him so many things, mainly how he still wanted Remus more than anything he'd ever wanted, still thought he was the most puzzling and incredible person he'd ever met, still wished they could try something together. He wanted to say that nothing had changed regarding to how he felt, except from the fact that he was scared shitless that he might not be good enough, that his life was too messy, that he was too fucked up, and that his family was batshit crazy and too dangerous.

He opened his mouth. "Thank you... you know, for today..." he said instead dejectedly.

"It's nothing," Remus replied softly.

~~~

The door clicking open made them all jump in unison. James was up to his feet before he even registered he had stood up. "Sirius?!"

"...yeah, mate. I'm here," he heard him answer in a sheepish voice.

He heard Sirius step closer, and saw the outline of him clearer as he came forward.

"I'm... I just..."

"I know," James croaked.

Sirius stopped, and James could finally make out his face through the fog that was his eyesight. "I just... I couldn't..."

"I know," repeated James. "But still..."

"Yeah... it wasn't..." Sirius's voice trembled.

James sighed, and extended an arm to grab Sirius and hug him fiercely. "Last time... Never again?"

"Never again," promised Sirius, hugging him back tightly.

As James was about to comment on Sirius's wet state, he heard Fabian's voice loudly. "Is it just me, or what they just said didn't make any sense?!"

~~~

"Hey," Remus said softly to Lily as the others were busy making a group hug, Sirius stuck in the middle. He noticed she hadn't said anything to him since they'd arrived five minutes ago.

"Hey." Her voice was shaking.

"Need to talk to you," he motioned to the makeshift bedroom.

"Okay..." she replied, her head down. She followed him diligently to the room, closing the door behind her and leaning her back against it.

"Lily, look at me."

He saw green eyes look up, the ceiling light of the bunker's bedroom reflecting in them.

"I'm so sorry," she gushed out, putting her hands to her mouth.

"Why?"

"I—" she wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "I failed—"

"No, you didn't. You did good, Lil," Remus said firmly. "I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?" She replied, hope present in her voice.

"Of course not," he murmured, and took her in his arms. He heard her sigh and felt her sag against him. "Sirius is fine, Lil. If it wasn't for you, he'd..." he paused, swallowing. "He'd be dead by now."

She sniffed, tightening her arms around him. "It was Kingsley," she said, her voice muffled. "He saved him."

"And you were the one deciding to reinforce his security," he countered. "I would've done the same thing. You did your job, all the team did." He paused, needing to add something. "I'm proud of you."

She sniffed again. "I'm so glad you're back," she said quietly, distancing herself marginally to be able to look at him. "I missed you... we all did, you know."

Remus took a deep breath. "I did too."

"Did it help? Going to Wales," she specified.

"Yeah, actually... it really did."

She nodded, a small smile making its way through her tears. "Are you two...? Is everything okay?"

Remus almost went back to his usual ignoring or dismissing response, but caught himself just in time. "We haven't really talked yet," he replied honestly. "This is not the time to, you know... but, err," he paused, not use to talking this much. It seemed like that was all he had been doing since that conversation with his father, as if years of bottling everything up had began to overflow, and he just couldn't stop it anymore. "He seems to, weirdly, have questions... and he said he didn't want to never see me again, so I guess that's good?"

"Remus, of course he doesn't," she shook her head. "You should've seen him these last few days, it was like watching a ghost impersonating a human."

"I don't— it's just... I don't want to, you know, expect something and then... well..."

"No, I know, I get it," she replied, squeezing his shoulders. "And you're right, maybe this is not the time. We've got a job to do," she nodded. "But promise me you'll both try to talk when this is all over—"

"I can't— I don't know what will happen... I can't hope..."

"Hope?" she said, a glint in her eyes. "Are you finally ready to admit you are completely smitten with him, and want to grow old together and have his babies?"

"Ugh, Lil!" His cheeks felt like fire. "In case you haven't noticed, I physically can't achieve that."

She smiled more frankly now. "That wasn't a denial."

Remus took a deep breath again. "No," he said, the fire spreading down his chest. "No, it wasn't." He held her gaze firmly, and since he was already at the edge of a precipice, he decided that jumping was the only rational thing to do. "I like him," he whispered, feeling like he had just screamed it in a church.

She grinned. "I know."

"I mean, I really like him. I... I want to be with him."

"I _know_ ," she chuckled. "Does it feel good to finally say it?"

Remus exhaled a shaky breath. "I feel like I'm about to throw up, so make what you want of it."

"It's the feeling of letting go, Remus," she said knowingly, putting a hand on his cheek. "You'll get used to it, you'll see."

"Yeah, well, no time for that now," Remus sighed, smiling. "What I need right now is a report. Think you could do that? I'm not sure I understand everything that has happened. And where the hell is Peter?"

Lily distanced herself completely from him with a professional nod, her face taut with anger, and opened her mouth.

~~~

"Anyone heard about that fucking rat?"

"Nah, he disappeared like the coward he is."

"I knew there was something weird with him recently..."

"Oh come on! You're just saying that now, but you were as clueless as the rest of us," said Fabian.

Gideon shook his head. "No, I swear, I thought he was acting weird."

"We don't know how long he's been with them," quipped James. "Might have been recent, or might have been for a very long time..."

"You mean ever since we met him?!"

"I don't know," replied James, adjusting his glasses. "I'm just saying."

Sirius felt ill. It's not like him and Peter had ever been that close, but he still trusted him. He was their manager, for God's sake! How could he betray the band like that?

Were his wretched family really able to buy anyone and everyone they wanted then? Maybe they were really all mighty and powerful and unstoppable. It surely felt like it, anyway.

Sirius looked at James, his best mate in the whole wide world, his brother from another mother, and calmed down a bit. If all failed, James would never abandon him. He'd never betray him.

But what about the others?

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and jerked around. "Sorry," Remus said, his hands held in surrender. "I didn't mean to startle you. It's just, you seemed... are you okay?"

Sirius felt like a fish out of the water, mouth working without forming words. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine..."

Remus stayed silent for a while, observing him. Sirius tried to stop trembling under his gaze, but mostly failed. "You're not alone, you know," Remus finally murmured. "We're all with you."

Sirius exhaled. "I know... it's just..."

"You're scared others will betray you," Remus finished.

Sirius looked at him with wide eyes, and nodded slowly.

"Look," the blond passed a hand through his hair. "What Pettigrew did... I'm as surprised as you, and I'm supposed to have enough instinct on that sort of thing to manage a security business. It's not your fault," he paused, taking a deep breath. "And I know nothing I'll say can make you trust me, but I would _never_ —"

"I trust you," Sirius blurted out. "You wouldn't... I know you would never do something like that. I trust you," he repeated, realising he believed his own words 100%.

"Oh... okay, well, good. Because I won't," he smiled slowly, making Sirius's heart clench a bit. "I'm, err... going to your flat to pick up a few things, want something in particular? D'you have your lighter?"

Sirius palmed the front pocket of his wet sweater. "Yeah," he answered, surprised Remus would think about his lighter first and foremost. Curiously, Sirius's mind hadn't went to it at first: instead, the image of a red jumper neatly folded on his desk had popped, but he had discarded the thought quickly. That would be awkward. "It's fine, take whatever."

"Alright. I'll make sure to bring back some fags then, yours must be ruined," he said before turning around and going to James, probably to ask him the same question. Sirius watched the back of Remus's neck as he stepped away, and felt calmer now then he had mere minutes ago.

Everything might not be alright, but as Remus said, at least he wasn't alone.

~~~

Padfoot looked hectic as Remus opened the door of his flat. This had been the longest time they weren't together since he had adopted him as a pup, years ago.

Padfoot licked his hands anxiously as Remus bent down and shushed to calm him down. "I'm here, big boy. I'm fine," he said quietly. He entered the flat, and took a few things for himself and Padfoot, just enough to get by for the next two or three days.

Just as he was leaving, he saw Sirius's jacket at the corner of his eyes. Without a second thought, he took it and put it in his duffel bag, bringing it with him.

He put on the leash on Padfoot, and stepped back outside, walking in the direction of the nearest station to go to James and Sirius's flat. Walking there was out of the question since it would take about an hour, and time was precious right now. Leaving Sirius's side for too long was making him uneasy, even though he knew he was in good hands and unlikely to pull the same stupid stunt he had today.

He accelerated his steps and swallowed with difficulty, feeling nauseous again.

Admitting his feelings about Sirius to Lily had been surprisingly easy, even though he had felt like running again, or perhaps bend down in a ball and close his eyes tightly in denial. Remus didn't know why he had been able to say what he'd said, how he could talk to Sirius normally again, how he even took him in his arms and had been able to protect him from a shady alley all the way down to Cerberus. He wanted to wring Sirius's neck for being so reckless and honorable and stupid, or maybe he wanted to kiss him senseless and mold his body to his, it was hard to tell which one he wanted to do first.

This was not the time though, Remus knew. He had to put all these feelings and hopes and questions aside. They had bigger things to take care of, namely the fucking horrible parents Sirius had, and Remus had to think of how he could get them out of the way. Trying to get Sirius killed was unforgivable, and Remus would do everything in his power to make them pay in whatever way would be available to him.

~~~

Lily was just finishing her inventory of the fridge when she heard Hestia behind her. "Tell me we're going for a beer after all this is over."

Lily smiled as she turned around. "Sure," she said. "Or, we could bring the beer here."

Hestia grinned. "Special delivery? I'm all for it."

"I bet you are," Lily retorted, smiling mischievously. "Come on then! We'll stop at mine, yours, Fab and Gid's, and then groceries it is."

"Or bottle shop," Hestia countered, going straight to the exit door with Lily tailing behind her.

"Wait wait wait, _you'll_ be going through _my_ stuff?" said Fabian to Hestia, alarmed.

"Don't worry Fab, I won't snoop. D'you have any special requests?"

Fabian looked at Gideon, who shook his shoulders. "Nah, just be safe, yeah?"

Hestia scoffed. "Since when do you care?"

"Since there's people out there trying to stab us?"

"And what did you think our job was, exactly?" Hestia replied, rolling her eyes. "That's what we're here _for_."

Fabian scratched the back of his head. "I don't know, I just thought it would be backing off crazy groupies, nothing more. Didn't expect this."

"We care about you guys," Gideon added.

"We know, and we do you," Lily said gently. "But you gotta let us do the work, yeah?"

The door closed behind the two girls as they left, and the sound reverberated against the walls in the quiet room.

~~~

Remus entered James and Sirius's flat, and was surprised to see the amount of pillows lying around in the living room. Lily had mentioned during her report that they'd all slept together here for safety, but somehow, seeing it like this made Remus smile softly.

He didn't know when it all happened, but the relationships between his own employees and the members of this band had grown exponentially in the span of a few weeks. Remus had never seen members of his team so close to another group before. He could see it in the way Dedalus would grip Gideon's shoulder as a reassurance, or how Hestia bantered with Fabian, how Benjy would always take James's poor eyesight into account when moving around, how Kingsley would show the hint of a smile at Sirius's antics when he was sure the singer would not notice, and also how Lily had suddenly seemed much more amiable to James, which was a detail Remus would have to come back on later, his mind curious.

He thought all this trust and affection would be a negative thing, personal attachement usually being a hindrance in their field, but was pleasantly surprised at how the team had reacted and protected the Marauders quickly and efficiently without his input. Affection hadn't been a nuisance to their work.

And so Remus couldn't help thinking, if his team could do it, maybe he could, too.

Remus walked up to Sirius's bedroom, and felt frozen right at the doorframe. ' _He's just another client that I have to keep safe_ ', he told himself for good measure, but he knew it was as far from the truth as it could be.

He took a deep breath, and entered.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen Sirius's room: he had once before, back when he thought Sirius was just another attractive brainless spoiled rockstar who had it easy. He'd since learned he had been so, so wrong.

Sirius's bedroom was clean and tidy, nothing was lying around, and for some reasons, Remus hadn't expected that at all. He hadn't even started gathering personal items yet, and he already felt like he was committing an invasion of privacy.

Something red caught the corner of his eyes, and they widen as he looked at it head on. He had completely forgotten about the fact that Sirius had been wearing _his_ clothes that dreadful night, and he felt his heart constrict.

This was going to be difficult.

~~~

Sirius was trying to dry his hair as much as possible with the available white towel, the waves forming by themselves as time went on.

He knew the others wanted to take a shower too, and tried to be done quickly. He looked down at the heap of wet clothes on the floor, and sighed. He had no intention of putting these back on in that state, how cold and clammy would that be? Thankfully, the towel seemed big enough to cover certain lower parts that needed to be covered, but his back would be on full display for anyone to see, and that was a _big_ no-no.

He was still debating on what to do, naked in front of the sink, when a knock could be heard on the door. "Yeah?" he answered loudly, his voice trembling a little.

"It's Remus. I've got your clothes?" he heard him say, and could imagine hazel eyes looking down at the ground in shyness.

Sirius quickly put the towel around his hips, and opened the door just enough to effectively see Remus's head hanging down, but his eyes were on him, looking at him through blond curls falling on his forehead.

"Here," Remus said, giving him an entire bag of clothes.

Sirius slipped a hand through the small space and grabbed it gently. "Cheers," he said quietly, very aware of his state of undress. "Woah, you gave me lots of choices," he added as he took the bag and felt its weight.

"Yeah, I just... I don't know for how long we'll stay here..."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, no, it's good. Thanks," he repeated, and waited for Remus to leave before closing the door.

Remus didn't leave. "Look," he started, "I know it's going to be hard on you, being holed up in here for God knows how long... But you know it's necessary, right?"

Sirius's eyes widened. "Yeah, I know. For my protection, yeah?"

"Yes," Remus said, and something in his voice made Sirius frown. "And if... if you're thinking about doing another stupid move like you did today, I swear I'll—" Remus huffed, finally looking off to the side before looking back at Sirius again. "Please don't."

"I'm not... and I won't." Sirius said honestly. "I know it was a dumb shit to do."

"It was _such_ a dumb shit to do," Remus agreed, a corner of his lips going up, the shadow of a dimple making Sirius's heart speed up, and fucking hell he was still only wearing a fucking towel.

"I know... I'm sorry."

"Okay," Remus said, seemingly satisfied. Sirius saw his eyes trail down to his chest on their own accord before coming back up quickly. "I'll let you get dressed now." Remus turned around stiffly, and left.

Sirius shook his head with a smile as he closed the door, and looked down in the bag: his leather jacket was right there, with a pack of his usual type of cigarettes lying on top of it.

' _Jesus_ ,' he thought eloquently. ' _I'm so fucking gone on him._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still slow burning 😅


	25. A Cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Threats, ableism, insults, mentions of attempted murder, mentions of death of a loved one, beginning of a panic attack.
> 
> ________________
> 
> Hi everybody ❤️
> 
> This got written more quickly than I anticipated! As usual, the characters told me what to do, and so this is way longer than I first thought, so excuse me for saying this would be more action-oriented. The next chapter is going to be the action one (for sure this time!). I just had to cut it in half because the characters had too much to say and too much to do, so here's the first half of it. 😬  
> See you next week! Stay safe ❤️
> 
> P.S: Sorry if there's any mistakes, I don't have the help of a beta reader, so I'm all alone trying to juggle this story, my life, and my work in this craziness we're going through right now. Some mistakes may have escaped my attention! If you see anything wrong, just let me know and I'll fix it 😊

Sirius was smoking under the kitchen's hood vent, careful to blow the smoke right into it so the others wouldn't be troubled by the smell. There were no windows in the bunker, and certainly no way of getting out for a fag without Lily or Remus popping a vessel, so the vent was the only option. He would've done it under the bathroom's vent, but James was currently in there taking a shower, and though both him and Sirius didn't care less about seeing him naked, he knew James would be whining about the smell of smoke in his hair for days on end.

His lungs filled with fumes and carbon, tickling and prickling his throat and his chest, and then he let it all swirl right back out, ash falling around his fingers. Sirius knew it was a terrible habit, and he really needed to quit smoking, but these were not the right times to do such a thing. It's not that he was addicted, per se. It's just that it relaxed him. And right now, that is exactly what he needed.

The steel door clicked open, revealing Lily and Hestia carrying huge bags with what seemed like food inside. Sirius saw Fabian's head perk up in interest where he was lying on the couch.

"Back already?"

"Oh, so I see your little worry trip from earlier didn't last long," replied Hestia with a smile as she put the heavy bag down on the table.

Fabian stood up and stretched his freckled arms as he stepped forward with a hungry smile. "Food always goes first," he joked, and Hestia rolled her eyes in her typical fashion.

"Sirius, don't burn anything down, will you?" Lily said in a warning tone, nodding to his cigarette. "And the fire alarm is quite sensitive here, be careful to blow in the vent."

"Yes mum," Sirius replied, smiling as he saw her flash her eyes at him in return.

"Where's Remus?" she asked, looking around.

"He went up a while ago, said he had a couple of things to take care of," James replied as he got out of the bathroom, his hair a wet mess and glasses foggy. "Everything went well?" he added, a crease of worry present between his eyes, his hands palming the walls as he walked in the room.

Sirius was just about to put his fag away and lift his arms from the counter where he was leaning to help James and, hopefully, erase the worry, but Lily was faster. "Yeah, we're good," she answered, and she put her hand on his shoulder absently as he approached the table.

James seemed to relax a little under the touch. "Okay," he murmured, nodding, as if to convince himself. "Good." He lifted a hand, and Sirius saw it hover near her hips, making contact only when Lily leaned into him just slightly so as she got the food out from the bags.

Sirius expected to be envious again, and though he felt a small pang in his chest at how easy it looked for them, he also felt his lips curl up into a small smile, and leaned back on the counter, his help clearly not needed.

"So," asked Fabian loudly, oblivious to the scene as he got fresh strawberries out of a package. "Who's hungry?"

~~~

Remus was sitting at his desk, trying to concentrate on the papers in front of him. He had to think about The Marauders' security more than ever now, but he also had the rest of the company to take care of, and some teams were in need of training. He was just planning on the next schedule for the week when he heard a commotion outside his office.

He heard Dorcas's voice, muffled. "Sir, you need an appointment—"

"Get out of my way silly girl, or you _will_ regret it," replied a deep posh voice, making Remus's skin crawl. He stood up quickly and opened the door, not wanting anything to happen to his kind and gentle assistant.

"Get away from her," he said calmly as he saw a middle-aged man with short and well groomed black hair, a chiseled jaw and an aristocratic nose towering over Dorcas. Remus didn't need to be told: this man was so evidently similar to Sirius, it was almost painful to see the same smile, so charming on the young man, appear all distorted on such a cold and conceited face.

Dorcas turned to him, "I'm so sorry, Mr Lupin, I tried—"

"It's okay Dorcas, I'll take care of this," he replied firmly, never leaving the other man's eyes. They were brown and not the same shape as Sirius, which somehow procured him a certain sense of relief.

"Mr Lupin," the man began. "I am—"

"I know who you are, Mr Black," Remus interrupted with a low voice, "And you have no business being here."

"My reputation precedes me, I see," the man said haughtily, managing to look down on Remus even though they were the same height. His presence felt overbearing, like a heavy cloak, and Remus felt a spike of anxiety run through him, as if he was back in highschool again, facing bullies. "I'll get straight to the point then: give me my son."

Remus couldn't stop himself, and snorted. "Really? That's it?" he laughed humourlessly. "You come in here, harass my assistant and ask for your estranged son, who is my client and under my protection and who you just tried to get _killed_ , and expect me to, what, bend the knee to Your Highness?" Remus took a second to feel surprised about his own impertinence and audacity to dare speak in such a way to one of the most powerful man of this country.

Or maybe that's exactly the reason _why_ he dared.

"If you know what's good for you, you will. I can make your life a living hell," Orion took a step forward menacingly. "I could tear down this little business of yours, destroy you reputation and end your father's career in a heartbeat. You have no idea of the connections I have. But nobody has to get hurt, if you only tell me where my son is. Otherwise, you'll leave me no choice but to destroy anyone who dares cross my path."

"I'd like to see you try," replied Remus, his eyes flashing. "I have enough staff to throw you out of here on your arse, right now. Oh, I'm sure the press would _love_ it, seeing the great Mr Black scrambling on the pavement, beaten by some lower class scum like me," he smiled dangerously. "So I suggest you walk out by yourself on your own two feet before I change my mind."

Orion seemed somewhat surprised, but recovered quickly. "Is it money you want then? A poor country man like you probably dreamt of riches all his life," he squinched his eyes. "I could give you more money than you'd ever need. Or," he paused, his eyes glinting unkindly. "I could give you a cure."

Remus didn't answer, puzzled.

"Yes," Orion continued, "a cure for your illness. What is the price to become seizure free, I wonder?" he smiled. "Black Industries is the biggest pharmaceutical company in Europe. We could put an entire team working on a cure for epilepsy. Not only would you become normal again, but you could also contribute in saving countless other lives..."

Remus flinched at the way he said 'Normal', as if he was a monster, a freak. As if having epilepsy was an abhorrence, nature's error in need of disappearing.

He couldn't believe people like this man really existed. He always thought evil could only be found in the books he read, maybe in some criminals hopefully behind bars, but never in a perfectly tailored suit with a smooth and honeyed voice, poisoning everything it touches under carefully veiled fallacies.

"Clearly you have misunderstood me," Remus started slowly, feeling strangely calm. "There is no money, no threats, no lies, no _power_ in this world that could make me give Sirius to you," he said, now practically chest to chest with the other man. "So you can save your breath and stop trying to deal with me, because that is _never going to happen_."

Orion smiled dangerously. "I see," he said sweetly. "You care about him, is that it?" he huffed. "But do you really know who he is, who you are defending? Do you know how he killed his own brother?"

Remus frowned, disgusted. "What we talk about is none of your business. I never pretended knowing everything about Sirius, but I sure as hell won't learn any truth from you."

"Well," Orion backed off slightly, his eyes flashing, "If you are so inclined on not complying, I know how to make you regret ever being born, boy."

"We'll see about that. Now, as you noticed," Remus spread his arms, feeling bold with anger, "We are in Cerberus Security, not Black Industries. So if you would be amiable enough to kindly get the fuck out of here, it would be truly lovely," he said as a last warning, and felt relief when Black stepped back, his face contorted in a sneer.

"We'll meet again," Black said ominously, and left.

Dorcas, who had watched the exchange with shaky legs, came forward. "What now, sir? Do you think he knows...?"

"No," replied Remus, thoughtful. "He's searching for him, or else he wouldn't have come all this way just to talk to me." Remus turned to face her. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

"No, no, I'm fine," she answered, nodding. "Um, sir? Can I share an opinion?"

"Of course, Dorcas," Remus replied as he went back inside his office to look out of the window from the balcony, waiting to see black hair appear from below.

"I think we should contact the police and file a lawsuit," she supplied quietly, playing with her phone in her hands.

"I thought about that, too," Remus answered as he finally saw black hair being swept by the wind, the man leaving in a bloody limousine, above all things. "But the police and lawyers won't be able to do anything. We have no proofs against the Blacks, and the bloke they hired to kill Sirius is pleading guilty for attempted murder as I heard from Kingsley's report, so we're not going to win anything." He turned back to Dorcas when he couldn't see the back of the black limo from a distance anymore. "I need two people to sweep every floor and see if Mr Black has put any bugs in our building. Think you could assign this task?"

"Yes sir," she replied immediately. "But sir, please, if you may. I might have something to help us filing a solid complaint for the police."

Remus's eyebrows shot up. "Is that so? What is it?"

Dorcas smiled, and tapped something on the screen of her cellphone.

" _...know what's good for you, you will. I can make your life a living hell. I could tear down this little business of yours, destroy you reputation and end your father's career in a heartbeat..._ "

"You've got it all on tape?" Remus asked in wonder as she pressed paused.

Dorcas smiled mischievously. "I do, sir. Down to the last words."

"That could be of great help, indeed," Remus smiled. "Good work, Dorcas. May I?" He extended his hands, and she put it in his palm without any hesitation. "I'll send myself a copy. I just... I have to ask someone if it's alright to use this first."

"No problem, sir. I'll assign the task in the meantime," Dorcas said seriously, but she still had a small but proud smile on her face.

"You're the best, Dorcas. Thank you," Remus said before leaving with Padfoot on his heels.

~~~

"He came _here_?" Sirius turned around, leaving whatever was cooking on the stove behind him. His eyes were wide as he advanced towards Remus. "Did he... are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Remus replied as he closed the door, the heavenly delicious smell reaching his nostrils. "But he's a nasty piece of work, I admit."

Lily looked up from where she was sitting at the table beside James and Benjy. "What happened? What did he say? Does he _know—"_

"No, he's looking for Sirius. He did try to buy his way into knowing, though," Remus walked up past Sirius and looked at what was cooking in the pan, and realized there was also something baking in the oven. Spices of curry was omnipresent as he stood over the stove. "What's in the oven?" he asked, his eyes closing on their own as his mouth watered. "Are you making all this?" He turned back to Sirius.

"Naan bread, and yes," Sirius replied impatiently. "Remus—"

"I didn't know you could cook," Remus said, unable to stop himself.

"Because it doesn't _matter_ ," Sirius answered, becoming agitated.

"Oh Sirius, you just found out one of Remus's weaknesses," they heard Lily supply. "Curry."

"Or just homemade food in general," added Benjy, smiling.

"Can we focus on what's important here?" Sirius asked loudly. "Remus, what the fuck did Orion fucking say?!"

"Err, a couple of things... actually, I need you for that."

"He offered you money, didn't he?" asked Sirius with a dejected voice.

"Among other things," Remus said vaguely. "But that's not why I need you. Could we, err, go somewhere to talk? I want to check something with you before putting a plan into action."

"Alright," Sirius replied after a while, eyeing him carefully. "Um, Gid? You can take my place for dinner? It's almost done anyway. Get the naan out in five if I'm not back."

"No problem," Gideon stood from the couch and took Sirius's place at the stove.

Remus nodded to Sirius towards the bedroom, and felt him follow behind. He closed the door when they were both inside. "I think we could file a complaint, maybe even a lawsuit if we're lucky," Remus said quietly, looking into Sirius's eyes. "But I won't do it without your approval."

"What do you mean?" Sirius replied, curious.

"He, err... well, he kind of threatened me," Remus said quietly, looking back down at his feet.

"What?! What kind of threats?" Sirius asked quickly.

"We have it on tape," Remus said as he held Dorcas's phone in his hand. "I want you to listen to it, if you will, and tell me if you approve of using it against them or not."

"Of course I approve, why wouldn't I?"

"He doesn't talk only about me," Remus continued slowly. "You're mentioned, too."

Sirius fell silent for a moment, feeling bile rising up in his throat. He took a deep breath. "He told you about my brother, didn't he?"

"Nothing he says is of any significance to me, Sirius," Remus replied as a burning desire to card his fingers through Sirius's hair in a soothing motion came forward. He stopped himself just in time. "But I still need your approval. Are you ready to hear what he said?"

Sirius looked into his eyes, and nodded.

Remus tapped on the phone, and Orion's voice came forward, making Sirius's skin crawl. He was spewing threats as usual, but hearing it directed towards Remus instead of himself made him so angry he could barely see anything in front of him.

Sirius started pacing back in forth in the room, still listening.

" _...could give you more money than you'd ever need. Or... I could give you a cure_."

Sirius huffed. "That fucking—" he started, not knowing what insult was best to describe Orion, and felt his right hand throb. He looked down and noticed he had formed a fist with his injured hand.

"Hey," Remus stood close, and closed his fingers around Sirius's wrist, his thumb resting against the quick pulse.

Sirius looked up, incapable of staying in such a state of anger when Remus was looking at him this way, like he mattered, like he wasn't some kind of fucked up kid who's father just insulted him and threatened him beyond measure.

How could Remus still look at him this way after all this?

Sirius broke from his reverie as he heard Remus's voice answering to Orion. " _...misunderstood me. There is no money, no threats, no lies, no **power** in this world that could make me give Sirius to you_."

Remus averted his eyes, his cheeks rosy, but he kept his hand on his wrist, and Sirius felt his heart expand in his chest.

"You know it's true, right?" mumbled Remus, his head down. "I wasn't bluffing."

Sirius swallowed. He was lifting a hand towards Remus—to do what, he wasn't sure yet—but heard something that made him stop dead in his tracks.

" _...how he killed his own brother?_ "

Sirius tried to breathe normally. Really, he did. It's just that trying to breathe normally when you're losing sensations of your body, your vision becoming blurry, and all you're hearing is a deep rumble in your ear like blood gushing in, is pretty fucking hard.

"Sirius, it's okay," he heard through the fog. "Stay with me."

He felt something rhythmically pressing and releasing against his wrist where he knew Remus was still holding him. The pressure felt grounding, and Sirius was able to make out Remus's concerned expression, and he could hear his voice speaking up again from the phone.

" _...Cerberus Security, not Black Industries. So if you would be amiable enough to kindly get the fuck out of here, it would be truly lovely_."

And that, more than anything, brought Sirius right back in the present, and he laughed.

"Did you just—" he tried, but stopped, incapable of stopping his laughter. He tried again. "Did you just politely tell Orion Black to _fuck off_?" he managed to say between two barks of laughter, tears of mirth collecting at the corner of his eyes.

"Yeah..." replied Remus, grinning, Sirius's laugh always infectious. "I did. It wasn't so polite though."

Sirius unconsciously leaned into Remus, pressing his forehead down on his shoulder, still laughing. "You're amazing." He shook his head in disbelief, feeling Remus's jumper slide across his nose and cheeks. "You're fucking amazing, Remus."

Sirius expected Remus to scoff, or snort, or protest. He expected to feel him distancing himself, or stiffen.

Instead, Remus took a deep breath, and he felt him press his cheek in his hair ever so slightly, like he was afraid Sirius would run away like a wild animal, or perhaps disappear like a ghost.

Sirius had no intention of doing either of those things, though.

He let out a sigh of relief. _That's_ where he was supposed to be. He was supposed to be like this, close to Remus, breathing together, feeling his warmth spreading through him, his presence enveloping him. Sirius felt safe and relaxed, just like every time Remus would be close enough, everytime he was in his arms.

"I'll find a way to put them out of our sight," he heard Remus whisper near his ear, like a prayer. "They'll pay for all the things they've done to you. I swear it," Remus finished, fierceness and loyalty encompassed in these last three words, and Sirius wanted to cry.

"It's not on you, Remus," he said, looking up to gentle hazel eyes that have been taking hold of his dreams for weeks now. "I'm so sorry for the threats—"

"Stop, it doesn't matter. I'm not scared of that man."

"Still... this is all my—"

"Don't you dare say it's your fault," Remus interrupted. "You didn't choose to be born in such an environment, Sirius. Whatever happens now, we'll be in this together. D'you hear me?" Remus looked at him right in the eyes. "All of us. We'll end this."

Sirius swallowed. "I don't know how..." he whispered. "They've always been unstoppable."

"Not this time," Remus said firmly, and unfortunately, distanced himself from Sirius. "This time, they'll get what they deserve." Remus looked down at Dorcas's phone still in his hand. "What do you think? Do you approve of using this?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied slowly. "Let's fucking get them."

~~~

"Well, that's good and all, but some threats on tape aren't going to put them behind bars, you know," Fabian said between two mouthful of naan dipped in curry. They were all eating dinner while sitting at the table or the couch, or standing up in the kitchen. "We need more than that."

"I agree," Lily said as Remus only nodded, too preoccupied by enjoying that wonderful homemade chicken butter curry to be talking at the same time. "We need something else, like a witness, or a confession from someone that knows them."

"Nobody's going to betray them like that," Sirius said, sighing. "People are loyal to their money, you've seen it. Even that wanker who tried to kill me won't talk." He looked at Kingsley, who was eating while leaning on the kitchen counter, and saw him nod solemnly.

"So nobody's gonna say anything? Not even an employee or something?" asked Gideon, dejected.

"I don't think so," Sirius replied, his head hanging down. "We have to find another way."

Silence reigned for a while, all of them thinking.

"Wait," James suddenly said, making them jump. "What about Kreacher?"

"Who?" Hestia said, her nose scrunched up.

"What about him?" Sirius said, disgust apparent on his face.

"Sirius," James extended a hand over Fabian to grab one of Sirius's arms. "We could make him talk."

Sirius barked a derisive laugh. "Kreacher? He'll never talk. He's bent for them for eternity, you _know_ that."

"I remember you saying he was bent for Reg, not them," James countered, his grip firm. "And he knows more than anyone ever will."

"James, that is just wishful and delusional thinking," Sirius continued. "Kreacher's been serving the family since forever, and he loves it. Why would he betray everything he holds dear?"

"I don't know..." replied James, unsure. "But if we can make him see that Reg—" he stopped, looking around, as if realising they were not alone and others were listening. "If we can make him see it was all their fault... Sirius, we've _got_ to try."

"It wasn't all their—" Sirius started, but stopped suddenly, not wanting to talk about this. "He won't believe anything I'll say."

James huffed. "At least try, yeah?"

"And how would I do that? He's always holed up in there like a hermit, he never goes out."

"So we'll go in there."

Sirius blanched. "You're not serious."

"No, you are," James said automatically.

Nobody laughed. "James, I can't... I can't go back there."

"You can, because we'll be with you. It's not gonna be like before, brother. Never again," James said fiercely. "We'll go when they're not there, when he's all alone, and we'll talk, that's all."

"I don't know..." Sirius said with difficulty. "Sounds like a hell of a trouble for nothing."

"Not for nothing. It's our best chance, Sirius. We can't stay in this fucking bunker all our lives, no offense," James added as he looked at Lily and Remus in turns.

Sirius huffed. "I'll think about it, alright?" He rubbed as his eyes tiredly. "Can we just spend the rest of the night not talking about any of this shite?"

James looked at him behind his thick glasses, and nodded. "Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Sirius will agree to convince Kreacher to betray Walburga and Orion? Or is it just a waste of time? 🤔


	26. Code Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS : Fire, blood, threats, vague allusion to cannibalism (you might not even notice it, but I'm putting a warning anyway).
> 
> _________________
> 
> Hey my fandom family! I hope everyone is good and safe ❤️
> 
> I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to post last week. I've had the HARDEST TIME with this chapter. I'm actually quite anxious about posting this, because I kinda don't like it? Anyway, I hope y'all still like it at least a bit 😩 I realised I'm not very good at writing action scenes haha... oh well.
> 
> Also, this is the longest chapter I've ever written so far (more than 6,000 words!). I hope it serves as a replacement for not posting last week! 😬
> 
> Stay safe ❤️

Sirius was staring at the ceiling. He didn't know what time it was, and the fact that there were no windows didn't help any, but he had to be awake since at least three in the morning, for sure. His cellphone, which had been soaked under the rain the day before when he had tried to escape, was currently deep into a bowl of rice in the kitchen to try to salvage it.

And so, Sirius didn't know the time, not that he really cared anyway. Since James had planted the idea of talking to Kreacher in his mind, he couldn't stop thinking about it, though he had tried his damnedest. The only thing that seemed to make him pause and stop thinking about anything was when he would concentrate on Remus's breathing.

It seemed that Remus was taking his protection role to the utmost importance, and hadn't wanted to go back to his flat for the night. Instead, he had sent Hestia and Kingsley home, keeping Dedalus, Benjy and Lily with him to sleep in the bunker with the Marauders. The group was separated in two for the sleeping arrangement: Lily, Dedalus, Benjy, Fabian and Gideon in the living room on futons, and James, Sirius and Remus in the bedroom, with Sirius sharing a bed with James, and Remus taking the last single bed beside them.

Sirius closed his eyes and tried to make out Remus's breathing again, which wasn't a simple task with James's soft snore going right in his ear. But suddenly, he heard a crumple of fabric, and a sigh.

Sirius turned his head to the left. He could see Padfoot sleeping at his master's feet on the bed, a big mass of black in the shadows. He could also see Remus's half hidden face as he had apparently changed sleep position and was lying on his stomach now, his arms under the pillow, his back lifting and falling in rhythm with his regular breathing.

Sirius wasn't used to being able to watch Remus at leisure, as he was always doing it so that Remus wouldn't notice, and that man could see everything around him like he had eyes at the back of his head, so he had to avert his eyes so he wouldn't catch him staring. And when Remus did notice, he'd look down with red cheeks or turn around or ask what was wrong, and really, any of these outcomes would break Sirius's contemplation.

But nothing could break his contemplation now.

Blond curls were sprawled on the pillow, and Sirius could see a chipped eyebrow over a closed eye, which seemed to be moving slightly under the eyelid as he was probably deep in a dream. His lips were only slightly parted, letting puffs of soft breaths in and out, and would they ever curl up if Sirius pressed his lips on the back of his neck? How would the hard planes of Remus's back feel against his chest if he pressed himself to him, burying his nose right at the connection between neck and shoulder, breathing with him?

Sirius wrenched his eyes away and turned his head back to the ceiling, feeling a sense of emptiness take over him. He couldn't think about this now. He had other more pressing matters to fix, and really, he didn't deserve any of the Remus-centric fantasies his stupid brain and treacherous body came up with.

Sirius closed his eyes tightly shut, just to reopen them immediately and sit up straight before he even registered what was happening.

A high and loud sound was coming from somewhere, making his heart beat madly in surprise, and he saw Remus jump off from the bed swiftly, take two steps to cross the distance between them, and put a splayed hand on Sirius's chest before he had even opened his eyes completely.

Sirius saw hazel eyes look at him wildly from up close, clearly not awake enough to understand what was happening either. He could feel a startle coming from James's body against him on his right before he heard him shout, "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Remus was breathing heavily, barely sparing a look at James. "Are you all right?" he asked Sirius loudly, trying to cover the blaring sound still going off.

Sirius nodded, incapable of response with the force of his surprise and the weight of Remus's eyes on him.

"SIRIUS!"

The three of them looked at the door, and a red head woman burst it wide open, her face furious. "Sirius, for _God's sake_ , I told you to smoke under the vent!"

"It's not me!" responded Sirius, indignation making him suddenly aware of what the sound was.

He heard Remus curse, which was always an important event on its own, as rare as it was, and felt his hand close in a fist on his chest, crumpling his night shirt. "Come with me!"

Sirius got up quickly, taking James's arm and trailing him behind him, and they stumbled together out of the bedroom, Padfoot following closely. Lily was looking at Remus for guidance, her face still contorted in anger. "What the fuck is it then?!"

Remus did a quick sweep of the bunker with his eyes, seeing the rest of their group standing and covering their ears in the living room. He was definitely awake and alert now, his hand still closed in a vice grip on Sirius. "Ben, eyes on James!" he barked, and Benjy marched up to James and took his arm. "Lily, scout!" he continued, and Lily nodded as she went to the wall near the steel door and grabbed a pair of two-way radios, throwing one to Remus, who caught it right away. She opened the bunker's door and left without another word, closing it behind her.

"Dedalus, bags!" Remus asked, and turned to Sirius. "You stay right beside me, _at all fucking times_ , got it?"

Sirius could only nod again, and watch as Remus let go of his shirt to open the channel on the walkie talkie. "Lily, report."

Nothing came out of the radio, so Remus tried again more urgently, until she finally answered, making Sirius feel dread seep into his bones. "OH MY GOD!" she was screaming, and cursing. "REMUS, WE HAVE TO LEAVE _NOW_."

"Lily, tell me what's going on!"

"CODE RED SCALE 2 ON FIRST FLOOR WEST! REMUS—"

But Sirius couldn't concentrate on what she was saying, because Remus had suddenly turned to Dedalus. "Bags?!"

"Ready!" Dedalus screamed back, and Sirius felt him put his backpack, the one Remus had so carefully made for him, into his hands roughly.

"Let's go! One-two P-line formation, underground!" Remus ordered, and took a leash off a hook near the door to put it on Padfoot's collar, just at the same time as Sirius extended his free hand and took his phone right out from the rice bowl and secured it in his bag.

"Yes sir!"

"Stay behind me and hold unto my shirt," Remus said to Sirius, and he complied. "Yank if something's wrong." Sirius nodded, and Remus turned around to open the door.

Sirius felt James do the same thing at his back, his hand closing on his night shirt in a hard grip, and they began walking.

As soon as Remus opened the door, the blaring sound of the alarm made Sirius scowl, his ears having a hard time getting accustomed to it. It was at least twice as loud as it had been inside.

He saw more than he heard Remus say something to Lily on the radio, and they took a turn right in the direction of the underground tunnel leading outside Cerberus. Sirius could feel James stumbling behind him, and turned his head around to see that his best mate didn't have his glasses on.

Sirius put the bag on his shoulder and extended his free and injured hand behind him to grip James's hand, and squeezed a series of long and short bursts of pressure. 'G-L-A-S-S-E-S?'

Sirius felt a series of squeezes answer him back, his hand throbbing in pain each time. 'N-O T-I-M-E.'

'U O-K?'

'S-C-A-R-E-D. U?'

Before Sirius had time to answer, Remus took a turn left, and stopped dead in his tracks, making everyone stumble behind him, and Sirius felt trapped between Remus's back and James's front. ' _This is not what I meant when I thought about pressing myself against Remus,_ ' he thought hysterically, and then he felt it.

The heat.

Remus's body was covering most of it, but Sirius could still see flames dancing on the walls at the other end of the corridor they were about to take, and Remus made the group back off and take another route to reach the tunnel. He was walking more quickly now, and Sirius had a hard time following him, his legs being a bit shorter than Remus's, and James's hand on his back pulling him as he wobbled.

Everything was a mess, and Sirius knew it was all his fault, really, but Remus kept saying it wasn't, and James kept saying it wasn't, and now Cerberus Security was burning, fucking _burning down_ , and would Remus still say it wasn't his fault if all that would be left of his company would be ashes? Everything in here, the training grounds on the first floor, the preparation rooms, the bunker, what would he say if all this would burn down under the flames? What would he say if his office, his book case, his plants, his—

Sirius gasped, inaudible in all that was happening and with the alarm still blaring, and he yanked on Remus's shirt at the same time he was turning around to Sirius, lowering his head to talk into his ear directly. "GO IN THERE!" Remus pointed to a door he kicked open, leading to the underground tunnel exit. "STAY WITH THEM! I'LL CATCH UP LATER," He nodded to the rest of the group, but Sirius didn't budge.

"I'M GOING WITH YOU," Sirius yelled, making Remus frown, his face only inches apart from his own.

"NO! YOU'RE LEAVING!"

"I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING, AND YOU'LL NEED HELP!" Sirius continued, never leaving Remus's eyes. "I'M GOING WITH YOU," he repeated, his left hand somehow wounding up around Remus's neck, and his injured hand gripping James's again at the same time. 'G-O N-O-W,' he coded quickly, hoping James would pay enough attention to understand.

Remus was looking at them curiously, and Sirius felt James leave behind him, following his instructions and taking the exit. Benjy, who was the one behind James, seemed confused at James's sudden move forward, and looked at Remus for guidance.

Remus made a short series of gestures with his hands, which probably meant something to Benjy and Dedalus, since Dedalus took Padfoot's leash as he passed, and they all left along with Fabian and Gideon to the tunnel, letting Sirius and Remus behind.

"STAY BEHIND ME!" Remus said, his eyes hard, and Sirius nodded as they began walking in the direction of Remus's office.

Lily had said the fire was West, or at least that's what Sirius had understood despite all their security style language, and if he remembered correctly, Remus's office was East. They'd have to take the stairs to go to the fifth floor, and how the hell will they be able to carry it from up there to down to the underground, Sirius still didn't know.

Remus was running now, but he always made sure Sirius was following. He took a sharp turn right and kicked open a door leading to a staircase. He climbed the steps two by two, while Sirius was just trying to keep up.

His lungs were burning, his ears hurting, his head throbbing, but Sirius kept on, and kept on, and why the _hell_ would he put his office on the top floor, really, what was the point?

They arrived at the top floor after what seemed like an eternity to Sirius, who couldn't feel his legs anymore, and Remus stopped just enough to feel the handle of the door, and seemed satisfied with the temperature as he opened it up.

As soon as they crossed it and stumbled onto the fifth floor, Sirius put a hand on his nose, smoke making him cough.

"GET DOWN!" he heard Remus say, and he crouched immediately to breathe better. He followed him to the office's wooden door and saw Remus open it and close it behind him after Sirius had entered, muffling the sound of the alarm at least a little bit, making it easier to think.

Smoke hadn't reached this room yet, but as Sirius looked at the object of their mission, he wondered again how they would achieve it.

He saw Remus run to his desk, pushing everything he owned off of it in a frenzy, and tried to lift it, and Jesus fuck, Sirius had forgotten how big the thing was.

Remus turned back to Sirius. "Come on, help me!"

Sirius had to think, and fast. There was _no way_ this fucking huge desk would fit the staircase they'd just climbed, and the lift was out of the question with the fire alarm still going off. They just couldn't bring it back, but they couldn't risk letting it burn, either. Remus had said this was the last piece his mother had ever made before passing away. This was Remus's last gift from her.

"Sirius, please!" Remus said loudly, and Sirius saw desperation and panic on his face for the first time since he had met the man, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Remus," he approached, putting a hand on the taller man's shoulder. "We can't."

Remus didn't answer, still lifting the damn thing, and Sirius pushed him gently, making him lose his grip. "What the fuck are you doing?!" Remus turned to him, his eyes angry, but Sirius knew it wasn't directed at him. Not really. "You're supposed to _help_ me!"

"Remus, think about it! How can we bring it back down?! It's way too big and heavy for the stairs!"

"I'll find a way!" he answered stubbornly, and bent down again to lift the desk.

Sirius saw the balcony's glass door behind Remus as he crouched, and suddenly, he had an idea.

"The balcony!" he yelled to Remus, who looked at him with confusion and irritation. "We can put it outside and take it back later! It could be enough to save it from the fire—"

"No!" Remus yelled back. "Too risky, and it'll take too long!"

"We have no choice!" Sirius pressed. "It's taking too long _now_ , and it'll be even longer to try to bring it back down and all the way to the exit," he tried to reason, but noticed Remus was barely listening. He had to make Remus _listen_. "You're supposed to protect me, Remus! Are we going to die for a desk?"

 _That_ made Remus whip his head around, his eyes blazing. Sirius felt an urge to step back, but didn't. "I didn't ask you to come with me!"

"BUT I'M HERE NOW!" Sirius exploded, and surged forward, making Remus stumble back. "You're gonna do as I say, or we're leaving your mother's work right here to BURN! YOUR choice!"

Remus seemed speechless, his eyes wide. He looked at the desk, and back at Sirius, and back at the desk. "Balcony, you said?" he responded after a while, and turned his head around to the glass door leading out. "You think it'll fit?"

"It'll fit," Sirius said firmly as he passed beside Remus to open the sliding door, and went to the other side of the desk to get ready for the lifting.

"One, two, three!" They lifted, and fucking hell it was heavy, but they were able to put it outside on the balcony with some difficulty, flipping it on the side.

"Right, that should buy us some time," Sirius said, his voice trembling as he saw smoke and flames coming from below, a certain distance from them.

Remus didn't answer, and Sirius turned around to see him still holding onto the desk. "Remus, we need to leave," Sirius said, taking one of his hands as he head back inside. "Come on, look at me." He took Remus's face and made him look at him in the eye. "You have to do your job now. You have to put me back to safety, yeah?"

Remus seemed to gain back some sense of rationality, and nodded. "There's a fire exit at the end of the corridor," he said, about to open his office's door. "Hold onto me like earlier, okay?"

"Okay," Sirius answered, his face determined. "Let's—"

"Remus, where the FUCK are you?!" Lily's voice came out from the radio at Remus's hips.

He took it and pressed the button to answer. "Heading out from fifth floor!"

"What the _hell_ are you doing there?! GET DOWN NOW! The fire is spreading fast!"

"Lily," Remus said, looking back at Sirius intently. "You gotta leave."

"WHAT?!"

"Take a car and leave now with the others, and call Kingsley and Hestia. Emergency protocol. You know what to do."

"But what about you and Sirius?!" she said, sounding unsure.

"We'll join you later. We've got something to do first."

There was a pause, and she answered. "All right. But be _safe_. The fire brigade should be here soon."

"You too," he said, putting the radio back at his hip, and grabbed the doorknob. "Okay, let's get out of here."

He opened the door, and the heat wave made Sirius squinch his eyes shut. He couldn't see any fire yet, but he certainly could feel it. They didn't have much time. He grabbed Remus's shirt, and they walked fast to the end of the corridor where an emergency exit door could be seen from afar. Remus opened it, and they climbed down the exit stairs all the way to the the ground, out of the building.

As soon as his feet touched the cement, Sirius felt a wave of relief crash into him.

It didn't last long.

"STAY BACK!" he heard Remus tell him loudly, and he turned around. What he saw made his blood chill in his veins.

Someone he didn't know was holding a knife to Remus's throat from behind, a mean gleam in his eye. He was bigger than Remus, so big it was almost unnatural. His grey streaked hair were long and disgusting, and his voice sounded like gravel when he spoke. "Hello, Remus," he said sweetly into the blond's ear, sharp yellow teeth uncovering in a predator smile, and Sirius felt horrified. "Remember me?"

~~~

The sun was up now, blasting from the sky, and you could tell it was going to be a nice day for March, clearly smelling of spring that was soon to come. A nice day for celebrating a birthday.

Hagrid was looking down at his phone, wondering if 7:16 in the morning was considered too early to call someone and sing them 'Happy Birthday', when the phone vibrated with an incoming call, making him jump.

He read the name appearing on the screen and swiped the button to answer. "Lily?"

"Hagrid! I'm sorry to call so early—"

"Lily! That's funny, I was just thinking about—"

"Hagrid, listen, we need help. _Emergency_ help."

Hagrid's eyes widened. "Oh, err, yes," he said uncertainly, caught off-guard, but recovered quickly. "How many?"

"We'll be nine people... I'm sorry, it's a lot..."

"No worries, there's plenty of space here! How many need protection?"

"Four, but really, we all need it at this point..."

"I won't let ye down," Hagrid said determinatedly. "What happened? Everyone okay?"

"We're okay. I'll tell you everything when we arrive, it's too long to explain over the phone..."

"All right then, come quick! I'll prepare the Hut fer yer arrival."

"Thank you Rub. I mean it," Lily said sincerely, and hung up.

~~~

"Sirius—"

"No no no, I'm talking to you, Remus. It's not polite to interrupt," the man said somewhat sarcastically, his hand still holding a knife to Remus's neck.

But Remus was not paying him any attention. Instead, he was looking at Sirius like he was begging him to leave, his eyes wide and pleading.

Sirius felt his feet pull him forward on their own accord, trying to reach for him.

"Ah ah, you stop right there young boy," the man said, and Sirius saw him press the knife more firmly against Remus's throat. He stopped dead in his tracks. "You're gonna be a nice puppy and come with me to your masters, won't you dear?" he continued, still looking at Sirius. "Because if you don't... well,"—he put his cheek on Remus's head—"Sweet Remus here knows what I'm capable of, don't you darling?"

"I have no idea who you are," Remus said, but never lost Sirius from his sight as he spoke. "And frankly, I don't give a shit. Sirius, please—"

"Now, that's not nice," the man said, shaking his head like a dog, his long hair swaying around him and falling over Remus's shoulder. "I thought I made a more lasting impression than that! Though I admit, you were barely out of nappies last time we met.'

At that, Remus frowned. "What?"

"Still, I'm a bit offended," the man continued, as if uninterrupted. "I practically made you. It's a shame you don't remember your creator." He sighed dramatically. "Oh well, time to go. Come on puppy, walk forward!" He said in a sing-songy voice, which managed to sound morbid.

"Who are you?" Remus asked, trying to look at the man holding him.

"Oh, now you wanna know?" The man said, looking down at him, smiling deviously. "Well, too late for that sweetie, we've lost enough time already. The puppy's masters are gonna be impatient."

Sirius was looking at the man's disgusting hair, his holed up clothes and yellow teeth, and tried to think. He still had a knife pressed against Remus's throat, which was truly horrifying, but he had to try and do _something_ , anything.

Lily had said the firefighters were coming, and maybe if he bought them enough time...

Sirius took a deep breath, and let all his hated years of ingrained sense of aristocracy and cold aura kick in. "You know," he drawled in his best posh accent, and both men looked up. "It is truly amusing to me how you keep calling me a 'puppy', when _you_ are the one looking like a rabid dog. Are you the latest stray pet my parents adopted?" Sirius cocked his head to the side, letting haughtiness emanate from him in waves. "They've lowered their standards, I see."

The man's face contorted in anger. "You shut your fucking mouth!" he spat, making Remus swagger in his hold. "Or I'll kill your sweet little boyfriend here," he pressed the knife harder than ever, and Sirius saw blood fall from the fresh wound and unto Remus's neck, disappearing under his shirt.

It almost undid him, but against all odds, he managed to keep on his cold and detached mask. He lifted his eyes back up to the man's almost yellow ones, and mustered all the boredom he could in one gaze. " _That_ man, my... boyfriend?" he scoffed unkindly. "You've seen him, and you've seen _me_ , right?"

The stranger didn't answer, but seemed caught off guard.

Sirius sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Did you really think I would lower myself enough to care about a subclass like him? Give me a break. You're even more stupid than you look if you think a Black would ever settle for _that_." He crossed his arms. "Go ahead, kill him. It won't help you bring me back, and what will my parents say if you come back empty-handed?"

"Maybe I'll kill him, and _then_ my hands will be available to take you," the man replied viciously.

"Mmh, you could try, yes," Sirius replied, looking at his nails nonchalantly. "But I can imagine my parents wouldn't be very happy about that, leaving a body behind you inexplicably like this. It'd be on them to cover it up." He tutted before adding, "What a mess for the Black family. And they _don't_ like mess."

Sirius could feel his heart beat madly in his chest as the man seemed to think for a moment. Remus was looking at Sirius strangely, like he didn't understand what was happening, but Sirius averted his eyes quickly, careful not to blow up the act. "So... what are you going to do?" Sirius taunted. "This thoughtful look really doesn't suit you."

The man growled, and turned his head again to look at Remus. "You might care about him, or you might not. Either way, killing him would give me great pleasure," he said, licking his lips. "And I _never_ leave a body behind. That's my... special secret."

A shrill of disgust sped through Sirius's spine, and he could feel cold sweat breaking unto his skin.

"Remus and I go from a long way back. He's my only exception," the man continued. "I'm about to rectify that."

Sirius looked into Remus's eyes, at loss of an idea, when he suddenly heard it.

"Oh really?" Sirius drawled again. "Do you think you have enough time?"

The man blinked. "What?"

Sirius broke into a grin. "Well for a dog, you certainly don't have good hearing. Can't you hear the sirens?"

And then, everything happened all at once.

The man lifted his head to hear better, loosening his grip slightly on Remus.

Big mistake.

Remus threw his head back hard, knocking the man's chin, and gripped him from under an armpit, throwing him over his shoulder in a perfect arc, like it was easy. He never let go of the man's right hand where he was holding the knife, and as soon as he fell and thumped on the ground, Remus twisted his wrist painfully, making the knife fall, and stamped one foot down on his shoulder at the exact same time he twisted and pulled on the arm he was still holding.

Sirius could hear the bones break and shoulder dislocate as if they were resonating in his head. The man howled in pain, but it seemed like Remus wasn't finished.

He let go of the limp arm, and spined swiftly in a half circle, kicking down the man's right knee hard, and a crack could be heard again.

Remus bent down and took the knife before walking up to Sirius, like he would on any normal day, ignoring the cries of pain and curses he left behind him. "Let's go," he said, taking Sirius by the shoulder and making him follow beside him. "He won't be able to follow us for a while."

"Rem—"

"Let's _go_."

Instead of going towards the entrance of Cerberus, where trucks of the fire brigade were starting to arrive, Remus dragged Sirius along to the nearest busy street, and hailed a taxi that was passing by. They entered quickly inside.

"Sirius, the Blacks' address," Remus asked quickly, motioning to the taxi driver. "Where do they live?"

Sirius, startled, looked at him wide-eyed. "What the fuck, Remus?! We should be talking to the firefighters and the police—"

"No time for that, and we can't trust anyone going there," Remus replied impatiently. " _What's the Blacks' house's address?_ "

"Why? We can't—"

"We're going there, _now_. They're out at Black Industries, and they won't be expecting us to go in their home. They expect us to run away and hide. We're doing what James said: talk to that man."

"Kreacher?" Sirius spat the name with a scowl. "It's a waste of time—"

"Might be, but it's our only chance," Remus took him by the shoulders urgently. "We have to try, and we have to try now. Now or never."

"Err, no offense, but I don't want no trouble... so... you stayin', or leavin'?" the taxi driver asked, but neither of them answered right away.

Sirius frowned, about to tell him they were leaving, but something in Remus's eyes made him stop. He turned his head and saw the taxi driver looking at them curiously through the rear mirror, and made his choice in a split second. "12 Grimmauld Place, London," he told him, and the driver nodded, starting up the car. Sirius turned his attention back to Remus, who was still holding him by the shoulders, and saw blood still trickling down on his neck from that fucking knife earlier. "Jesus fuck," Sirius cursed, and opened his bag, searching for a cloth, anything. He took the first thing he grabbed, which was a white shirt, and applied it to Remus's neck. "You're bleeding—"

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Sirius said a tad hysterically, fear gripping him and limbs going all weak from the down of the adrenaline rush. He dabbed, and pressed the cloth harder on Remus. "You're not _fine_ —"

"Sirius," Remus took his wrist gently. "I'm okay. We're okay."

"Well _I'm_ not okay," Sirius exploded. "Remus, Cerberus is fucking _burning down_ , and you almost got killed—"

"But I didn't, and the fire wasn't that big. It was clearly meant to draw us out, and it worked too." He pressed his fingers firmly on Sirius's wrist, like an anchor. "Good thinking on your part, buying us time like that. Enabled me to incapacitate that nutter."

"Who was he anyway? Acted like he knew shit about you..."

"I've no idea," Remus said, thoughtful. He took the cloth from Sirius's hands, and dabbed on his wound carefully. "Didn't even tell his name." He looked down at the shirt, now bloodied beyond repair, and sighed. "I feel like I remember him, though. I just don't know from where." Remus looked back up. "Anyway, it doesn't matter now. How are you going to convince—what's his name again?"

"Kreacher... he's been the Blacks' butler for forever. I've no idea how to convince him of anything!" Sirius said, frustrated. "He's always hated me, and I've always hated him."

"But he liked your brother?" Remus asked gently.

Sirius shook his head. "He didn't _like_ Regulus, he _worshipped_ him." He sighed, and snatched the cloth back from Remus's hands and pressed it against his neck again, just do occupy his hands. "But I'm not Reg. He probably won't even let me in the house to talk."

"We'll see about that." Remus became silent for a moment as Sirius continued to fuss about his wound. "I'm sorry," he whispered, but Sirius's head snapped up as if he had screamed it.

"What? Why?!"

"It's all my fault. I shouldn't have went for my mother's desk like that... It was stupid," he lowered his gaze, feeling guilty. "We should have all left together with Lily and the rest. I made a mistake."

"It was stupid," Sirius agreed slowly. "But I get it. I know what it means to you."

"Still... your safety should be more important than a bloody desk," Remus replied, irritated.

"Remus," Sirius said, sighing. He took Remus's chin with one hand to make him look up. "You're human. And I was the one deciding to come and help you. And though I don't feel okay, I'm safe now, at least. So you did your job, yeah?"

"Thank you for that," Remus murmured, his voice carrying a certain reverence. "For helping me saving it from the flames."

"Don't mention it," Sirius replied, breaking the contact before doing anything stupid. "Hey man, do you have a first aid kit in there by any chance?" he asked the driver, who nodded and passed them a white box with a red cross on it.

Sirius searched inside it and found some cleansing wipes, sterile gauze dressings, rolled bandages, and transparent tape. He started by cleaning the wound from all that dried up blood: it wasn't too deep, but it had been enough to bleed quite a bit, and pressure was needed to help it stop. He put one the gauze and applied the rolled bandages around Remus's neck, careful not to pull to tightly, and finally secured it with some tape.

He moved back to admire his work, and Remus touched it gingerly with a finger. "You're good at this," he said with something akin to curiousity.

Sirius attempted to sound casual. "It's just some basic dressing," he shrugged. When he saw Remus's sceptical expression, he caved in. "Okay, yeah, I've had some practice. I, um... I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Remus said slowly, and looked out the window. "How long until we get there?"

Sirius looked out the window too. "Soon, I think," he replied, closing the first aid kit and giving it back to the driver. "Haven't been there in years. I'd always avoid the area," he admitted. "Guess there's no avoiding today."

"When was the last time you've been there? You mentioned you... err, escaped?"

"Over 10 years ago," Sirius nodded. "Left when I was 16."

"Where did you go?" Remus asked gently.

"To James's, of course," Sirius smiled. "Took me in like a stray," he scoffed.

"I'd say more like a brother."

Sirius looked up quickly, surprised. "Yeah, I guess so." He blinked, and looked away, seeing the city's landscape flowing as the car moved. "He saved my life. I would of died there, one way or another."

He felt Remus take his hand shakily, and squeezed back, his heart beating madly in his chest.

After some time, Remus spoke again. "Was that morse code you did back there? With James."

"Yeah," Sirius smiled, and did a series of pressure on Remus's hand without looking at him. "We used to do that in class. It was better than passing notes, in any case. We tried them and got caught immediately, because James would raise them to his nose to be able to read what I wrote," he scoffed at the memory. "So instead, we held hands under the desk. I think that's when everyone began thinking we were a couple," he laughed, but it died in his throat, and his face blanched.

"Sirius? What's wrong?"

"We're here," he nodded to an old house lodged right between two normal looking flats. "Welcome to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black," Sirius said dejectedly, finally looking back at Remus and retracting his hand. "The worst place and worst family in the world."

"That's..." Remus started, at loss of words as he looked at the dark house.

"Not what you expected?" Sirius supplied.

"I thought it'd be a manor, or something," Remus admitted.

"It's just hiding in plain sight. You should see the inside, that's were the riches are," Sirius said, putting his bag on his back shakily. "And it's kind of like a family heirloom of some sort. All very stupid and batshit crazy." He opened the door as the taxi stopped, and got out at the same time Remus did. He heard him ask the driver to wait for them, and felt him stand beside him, both looking at the house. "You can't come in," Sirius said softly, turning to Remus. "Kreacher would never let you."

"Because I'm a subclass?" Remus supplied, and Sirius cringed.

"Look," he sighed. "What I said back there—when that wanker was threatening us—I didn't mean any of it. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know... it's just... you were very convincing," Remus said uncertainly, looking down at the ground.

"I had to be," Sirius pressed. "He had to believe me, and I spent half of my life lying just to survive, pretending to be like them. It's like second nature to me." He needed Remus to understand, but finding the right words were hard. "Sometimes, telling the truth is harder, actually," he murmured, looking back at the house. "The thing is, Remus, you're worth a thousands of basically all my relatives. Hell, you're not even in the same category. You'll always be way above any of us." He began walking towards the house.

Remus stretched a hand and took his shoulder to stop him. "Wait!" Sirius stopped, and turned his head to Remus without looking directly at him. "Be careful," Remus said. "And if you're not back in ten, I'm breaking in."

"I know," Sirius smiled, and walked off, letting Remus's hand fall. "I won't be long."

He climbed the three stairs at the entrance slowly, the black door of the house—probably an accurate representation of the door leading to Hell—looming in front of him like a bad omen, making his skin crawl. The door knocker was big and heavy, carved into a silver crow looking right back at him.

He knocked two times, and for a while, heard only his heart beating against his ribcage furiously.

But then, Sirius heard shuffling, and someone was talking to themselves on the other side of the door. A small speakeasy peephole opened with a screechy sound, as if they were in the bloody Middle Ages, and Sirius saw mean looking eyes glance up at him.

"Hey, Kreacher," Sirius said, feeling wary. "Long time no see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I swear I hadn't planned on Fenrir Greyback making an appearance! It was a total surprise to me. Ugh, that man is so vile!
> 
> Also, please PLEASE never go back for furniture during a fire, no matter what it means to you. Nothing is more meaningful and important than life. Don't put yourself at risk!


	27. The Hut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Blaming, speaking of a deceased loved one.  
> ______________
> 
> Hello everyone!
> 
> Okay first off, let me say... THANK YOU SO MUCH for everybody who asked if I was all right since I last updated, and I'm SO SORRY for the late posting and wonky schedule. My Gosh life is hectic right now! You readers are so amazing and sweet and I love you all so much 😭 Thank you for sticking with this story through thick and thin! You're the best!
> 
> Fun fact, I was writing this chapter, and wrote and wrote and realized... it had more than 10,000 words 😂 So I decided to cut it in half. So, the good news is, you'll have FOR SURE another chapter ready in a couple of days 😁 Oh, and you might want to read the end of the last chapter before starting this one, I updated it and changed a thing or two, nothing major though.
> 
> It seems like this story keeps having things to say, and I keep adding more chapters than I originally thought there would be. Now, I think there will be about 32~33 chapters. The last three chapters are already written, or at least almost done, so all in all, only one or maybe two chapters are left to write. We're nearing the end and I don't know how I feel about it ending so soon yet...! We're almost at 100,000 words for this story... isn't it crazy?!
> 
> Stay safe and I love you all ❤️
> 
> Enjoy!

"Lily! Sweet flower," Hagrid said as he took her in his arms and spin her around, making her laugh brightly. "I missed ye so much!"

"Me too, Rub," she replied as he planted her feet back on the ground, unaware of the stares coming from the rest of the group getting inside the gym. "I'm sorry it's been so long."

"Oh, Paddy is here too!" Hagrid added, waving to the black dog waving his tail behind Lily. "And where is my Remmy?" he asked, finally looking around and seeing wide-eyed strangers looking at him curiously. "Oh, hi," he welcomed shyly, his arms balancing on his sides. "You must be Lily's friends, then."

"They're my _clients_ —" Lily tried to supply, but James beat her to it.

"Hi, I'm James Potter," he said, extending a hand blindly. He could only see a big mob of brown where the voice was coming from, but the person sounded nice and sincere. "Nice to meet you."

"James Potter?" Hagrid exclaimed, making Lily frown in surprise. " _The_ James Potter?!"

"Err, yeah?"

"Oh, what a day! I'm glad to meet ye," Hagrid took his hand and shook it roughly, almost dislocating James's shoulder, or at least it felt like it. "I would've dressed up if I'd known!"

"Oh don't worry, I can't see anything, so I don't mind. And I'm technically still in my pajamas," James said with a grin, making Hagrid laugh.

"Oh, I like ye," he said, and then, "I like him," he told to Lily, who blushed. "Please please, enter. It'll be safer to talk inside."

~~~

"Master Sirius...?"

The door didn't budge, but the eyes got bigger and bigger on the tiny man behind the speakeasy space, so much it seemed to take half of his face.

"Still looking so much like Master Regulus... oh what a suffering it is..." he mumbled, looking at Sirius up and down. "Cut the hair, and it would be a perfect reflection."

"Kreacher," Sirius interrupted, already getting angry and uneasy. "I need to talk to you. Let me in?"

The little bald man stopped mumbling, his hairless eyebrows shooting up on his forehead. "Master and Mistress are not home," he said.

"I know," Sirius answered, impatient. "I said I need to talk to _you_."

There was a pause. "Master Sirius wants to talk to Kreacher... after years of disappearance. The disinherited son of Black, traitor to his own blood—"

"Will you shut up, for Christ's sake!" Sirius sighed. "You haven't change a bit, haven't you?"

"Neither has Master Sirius," spat Kreacher. "Still speaking like a filthy lower class scum, still likes danger, even has a split lip... ooh, Mistress would be horrified."

"Well, that's Mother's work, by the way," Sirius replied irritatingly, pointing to his still visibly bruised lip. "She was the one who struck me."

"Master Sirius probably deserved it, as he always did."

Sirius felt rage, injustice, hurt grow in his chest. He looked back at where Remus was standing near the cab, looking all worried, and took a deep breath. He could do this.

Even if it cost him everything.

"Kreacher," Sirius started again, slowly. "I just want to talk. I don't want to fight with you."

"Master Sirius has nothing to say of importance to Kreacher. He can go away now." Kreacher was about to close the small space, but Sirius was faster.

"It's about Regulus."

The butler stopped dead in his tracks. "Master Regulus?"

"Yes," Sirius nodded. "Come on, let me in, and we can talk a bit."

Kreacher seemed to debate something in his mind. "Master and Mistress wouldn't want Master Sirius to enter the noble house," he mumbled quickly. "And Kreacher knows Master Sirius. This is just another one of his pranks."

"It's not a stupid prank. I'm not thirteen anymore!" Sirius said, exasperated.

This was going exactly like he thought it would. It was a fucking waste of time trying to talk to this stupid little—

"Kreacher misses Master Regulus," he heard him whisper. "Master Regulus was always so good to Kreacher. Oh, his death was the worst thing that's ever happened to Kreacher, dying so young..."

"I miss him too," Sirius said softly, and Kreacher snapped his head up. "That's the reason why I'm here. I want justice for him."

"Justice...?"

"I want to put the culprits behind bars," Sirius nodded.

"So Master Sirius should start with himself, then."

 _That_ made Sirius's chest hurt more than anything, and when he spoke again, his voice was trembling. "Probably," he admitted, and Kreacher frowned. "But I'm not the only one at fault."

Kreacher stayed silent, not even mumbling to himself.

"You know Walburga and Orion aren't saints. You _must_ know they're partly responsible for Regulus's death."

"Filthy _lies_!" Kreacher screamed in a high voice, taking Sirius aback. "Master Regulus was loved!"

"Loved?" Sirius scoffed. "That was never love, Kreacher. They wouldn't know what it is even if we put their nose in it. But you and I know," he continued. " _We_ loved Regulus."

"Mistress loved him too," Kreacher repeated, seemingly trying to convince himself. "She was so happy with Master Regulus."

"But was _he_ happy?" Sirius countered.

"Master Regulus never said he wasn't!"

"He said it to _me_ ," Sirius replied, and searched inside his bag. "I have proof." He found his phone, and tried to open. ' _Please, please work!_ ' he thought, waiting for the screen to come to life, and sighed in relief when it did. "Here," he said, giving the phone to Kreacher through the small space. "You can look at all our text conversations... I... I kept them all."

Kreacher looked at Sirius skeptically, and finally took the phone with two fingers, as if it was the most disgusting thing in the world.

"But Kreacher... you have to promise me not to breathe a word to Walburga and Orion about this," Sirius said warningly. "Not to any of their employees or friends or family or acquaintances either, so don't try to find a breach in what I'm asking of you. They can't know about any of this. Understood?"

"Master Sirius has no power over Kreacher anymore," the butler said, smirking. "Kreacher doesn't have to promise anything."

"No, you're right. But then, you'll be the reason Regulus never gets the justice he deserves," Sirius started, getting closer to talk to him. "I'm counting on you. I'm counting on the fact that if someday the police comes knocking on this door and starts asking you questions, you'll answer truthfully. You'll stop covering for all their crimes and mess they did for all these years. You'll think of Regulus, and you'll finally tell the truth. Can you do that for him?"

"Master Sirius is asking Kreacher to betray Mistress?!" the butler screeched, horrified. "Never!"

"I'm asking you to betray them in memory of Regulus," he nodded. "If you don't, aren't you betraying _him_?"

"Master Sirius is talking nonsense!" Kreacher spat, getting agitated. "Master Sirius needs to leave now!"

"All right, all right, I'm leaving," he replied, drained. Sirius looked down to close his backpack, and saw something shiny catch his eye.

He took the beloved lighter in his hands, feeling the familiar weight, and looked up again to Kreacher, still yelling at him to go. "Here," he said softly, and extended his hand to Kreacher, the lighter in it. The 'Always Black, Always Together' silver engravings almost seemed to glow in the bright morning light. The butler stopped talking immediately. "It was a gift from Reg. Take it."

"From Master Regulus?"

"Yes. Look," he flipped the lighter so that the underside was visible, where a small and slightly erased 'From R.A.B' engraving could still be seen. "I want you to have it."

Kreacher, his eyes wide like saucers, delicately took the object in his hands, holding it like the most precious thing in the world, and started crying.

"Master Regulus..." he wailed, and Sirius scowled. "Oh, Master Regulus..."

"Read the texts, and make up your mind. But at least promise me you won't tell Walburga and Orion."

After a while, Kreacher seemed to calm down slightly, and nodded. "I will not tell them about the cellphone and this gift. But Kreacher can't promise anything more."

"Okay, all right," Sirius said, somewhat satisfied. "Um, thank you," he added awkwardly.

Kreacher looked at him like he had grown a second head. "Master Sirius should leave now."

"Yes yes, all right, I got it. I'm leaving."

"Master Sirius should leave _very quickly_ and _very far away_ ," Kreacher added pointedly.

"What? What does that mean?" Sirius asked, fear taking hold of him, and realisation dawned on him suddenly. " _You alerted them?_ "

Kreacher only nodded once, and repeated, "Leave."

"Fuck!" Sirius spun around and ran to the cab where Remus was still waiting. "We've got to leave, _now_! They're coming!"

"Okay, all right. Let's go," they entered, and Remus gave an address Sirius didn't know about, somewhere in Bristol.

The cab driver looked at Remus with wide eyes. "Um, this is goin' to be quite expensive—"

"Yes, it's fine, please go!" Remus replied back urgently, and they rolled away from the house.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere safe. Get your head down," Remus answered, crouching in the backseat. "They won't know it's us if they can't see us. There a thousands of cabs in this city."

"Yeah," Sirius exhaled shakily.

"How did it go? Were you able to convince him?"

"I don't know," Sirius answered truthfully. "He didn't even let me in. Not that I really wanted to see the place again, mind you. Just seeing that damned black door made me feel wobbly," he babbled, unable to stop. "And talking to Kreacher was as pleasant as banging my head against a wall. He's such a little shit," he continued vehemently, his long hair forming a canopy around his face as he bowed his head.

"Hey," he heard Remus say softly, and felt his fingers brush through his hair, putting a strand behind his ear, and saw his worried expression in his peripheral vision. Sirius suppressed a shiver as Remus continued. "You tried, and that's more than enough. If it works, good. If it doesn't, we'll find another way. Okay?"

Sirius lifted his head slightly, looking back at Remus, but averted his eyes again, unable to maintain his gaze without succumbing to some kind of 'I'm going to cry because I'm so glad you're here' type of emotional shit. "Yeah, okay..." he said instead, trying to concentrate on the innocent and emotionless carpet under his feet. "So... going somewhere safe, you said?"

"The safest place in the world," Remus replied, the hint of a smile in his voice.

"I thought that was Cerberus."

"Evidently not," the blond said with a sigh. "We're going to the man who saved my life."

Sirius startled at that. "I don't know that story."

Remus smiled softly. "Without him, I wouldn't be what I am today. I owe him everything."

Sirius felt something similar to envy in his chest, and recoiled. Another fucking stupid emotion.

He brushed it away, and smiled. "Can't wait to meet him then."

"Hey, you blokes mind if I put some music on? It's goin' to be a long ride," the driver asked, hopeful.

"Knock yourself out," Sirius answered, and tried to empty his mind.

~~~

"So, this is like a dōjō or something?"

"We're not in an anime, Fabian," James shook his head.

"Dōjō exist outside of animes though. It could be one if it was martial arts that were taught here," supplied Hestia, smiling at the fighting ring at the center of the gym.

"We do mixed martial arts and boxing, so call it whatever ye want. The Hut is fer everyone!" said Hagrid joyfully, his arms spreading and almost knocking Benjy over. "Are ye all trained by Remmy then?"

"Err, who's 'Remmy'?" asked Fabian, cocking his head to the side.

"Oh, haha, sorry. Err, Mr Lupin?"

"Ah, Remus." James nodded knowingly.

"We are, but not entirely," said Benjy, talking a safe distance away from the giant. "I was already a black belt in karate before I started working at Cerberus."

"And I was already a black belt in Taekwondo," added Hestia.

"I already had good basics of boxing," said Kingsley.

"Well, he thought _me_ everything!" supplied Dedalus, smiling. "Don't know why he hired me in the first place. I didn't have any clue how to fight..."

"He saw something in ye then," Hagrid said, nodding. "That's my Remmy."

"Did _you_ train him?" asked James, curious.

Hagrid smiled proudly. "That I did, that I did. He had a lot of willpower, that one," he recalled. "One of the best pupils I ever had. Very dedicated."

"Is that so?" James asked conversationally.

"Oh yes, he had good reasons to be!" Hagrid said, nodding. "Was bullied a lot, poor Remmy. They would pick on him and beat him up everyday at school—"

"Hagrid..." said Lily warningly while the other were all listening in attentively.

Hagrid looked back at her, and startled. "Oh! I shouldn't have said that..."

"Let's do a tour of the place, shall we?" Lily said joyfully, and took James's arm. "Come on."

~~~

They were on a highway and buildings were getting scarce when Remus said he felt like they could lift their head and sit normally in the car safely. "I have to call my father," he said suddenly, getting his phone out of one of his pocket.

"Oh my God," breathed Sirius. In all the whirlwind of everything that's happened since they'd woken up, he had completely forgot that Remus's father could be in danger, too. Orion _did_ threaten him, after all. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think—"

"Don't, it's okay," Remus held a hand up, pressing the call button with the other. "I didn't think about it either until now, to be honest," he said, his voice carrying an urgency that made Sirius feel uneasy.

They waited as it rang.

And waited.

When Sirius saw Remus's features relax and when he said, "Hey dad," he felt like he could breathe again, and sighed in relief.

"Err, no..." Sirius heard Remus say, but he couldn't hear the man on the other side of the line. "No, dad, please... that's not why I'm calling—oh _please_ stop singing!"

Sirius frowned, curious. Singing?

He watched as Remus turned redder each second that passed, his head bowed down, sighing. "Are you finished?... Alrigh', _diolch_ ¹... No, I'm not—I don't have any plans, that's not... Err, yeah, I am..." Remus looked at Sirius, but averted his eyes quickly when he saw that he was watching him. "Please, dad, this is _not_ why I'm calling. This is serious. I mean—not _serious_... oh, for Christ's sake!" he said impatiently, and Sirius was getting more and more curious, leaning in to try and hear Remus's dad's side of the conversation, but to no avail, what with that strange beat coming off from the cab's speakers and Remus leaning away and pressing himself against the window. "Look, I was threatened, and you were too. You have to be careful... Yeah, I'm fine, but... a fire was started at Cerberus this morning, and... well, you should stay inside and not open to anyone today... No no no, certainly _not._ Stay right where you are... we're coming up to Wales anyway, going to Hagrid's... yeah, she'll be there too... We're just out of London, we'll be there now in a bit... Okay, alrigh'," Remus nodded, and Sirius felt the corners of his lips pull up for the first time today at hearing Remus's Welsh lilt getting stronger as he spoke to his father, a hint of rolled 'R's and a up and down rhythm flowing swiftly. "Bye now, yeah? Stay safe," he finished before hanging up. "He's fine, didn't know anything about it," Remus said, turning to Sirius.

"Good, good... and umm, what was the singing part about?" Sirius asked, curiosity still strong.

"Oh, nothing of importance," Remus answered, waving his hand, his cheeks getting red again.

"Uh-huh," Sirius said, dubious. "Well, I guess I shouldn't expect a proper answer from the most private and mysterious man in the UK. My bad," he teased, starting to feeling a bit better.

They were not out of danger by a long shot, but here and now, in this cab alone with the driver listening to his techno music and with Remus looking at him with soft hazel eyes, he felt like he could let go a bit.

"And you're the most noisy," Remus teased back, smiling. "I saw you trying to listen in."

"What else am I to do in this small vehicle, I wonder? I couldn't plug my ears either."

Remus snorted. "Maybe we should," he said, and then pointed to the cabbie, lowering his voice. "What's _that_ music?"

Sirius barked a laugh. "Not to your taste?"

"Am I that obvious?" Remus smiled, but he frowned almost immediately after, and worry came back to Sirius full force. He saw Remus put a shaky hand on his forehead, like he was trying to solve a very difficult puzzle that was giving him a headache.

"Are you all right?" he asked, and Remus looked up to him, looking right through him as if he wasn't there. Where humour and mischief had been merely seconds ago, there was now a void in his gaze, like a body without a soul. "Remus? Are you all right?" he asked again urgently, panic somewhere near at the back of his head, ready to take over at a moment's notice.

After some time that seemed like an eternity, he saw Remus blink twice, and with a wave of relief, saw life come back in his eyes slowly. "S-Sirius?"

"Yeah Remus, it's me..." Sirius answered earnestly, and was surprised when Remus extended an arm and slid a hand on his cheek, cupping his face, his thumb swiping on his lips only once, making them tingle under the touch.

But as soon as it happened, the moment was gone, and Remus had already retracted his hand before Sirius could react. "S-sorry... ah..."—Remus swiped at his forehead, and looked around—"Where are we?"

"In a cab. Going to Wales?" Sirius supplied, still a bit shook.

"Ah, yeah... sorry... I l-lost track of time."

"No worries... it was only a couple of seconds," Sirius said, hoping it would reassure him.

"Did I..." Remus began, but stopped, seemingly searching for the words. "Was I...?"

"You were just, umm... vacant?" Sirius answered, not needing to hear what Remus was referring to. They both remembered last time all too well.

"Okay..." Remus sighed, putting his head back on the seat and looking up at the roof. "Sorry, I... I expected to have one soon," he said with difficulty without glancing back at Sirius.

"Why is that?"

"Because I'm stupid," Remus said, startling Sirius. "With all that's happened since we woke up... I forgot to take my meds with me. Left them in the bunker."

"Wait..." Sirius said, frowning. "Isn't it dangerous to miss a dose?"

"Not dangerous per se, just bothersome," Remus finally looked back at Sirius. "Don't worry, I'll go buy some as soon as I know you're safe."

"Remus, I don't care about me. We should go buy some right now!"

"No. After," Remus replied firmly. "It's already too late to take today's dose anyway."

Sirius huffed, wanting to argue, but he didn't. He didn't know anything about Remus's medication, and wasn't about to lecture him about something he didn't know.

Instead, he wanted to know more about it all. "What meds are you on? Does it help?"

Remus frowned, like everytime Sirius asked something even mildly personal, like he didn't understand why Sirius would want to know about something like this. "Err... I'm currently trying out a new antiepileptic medication. I've been on it for about two months now. It helps reducing the seizures."

"You didn't have that kind of medication before that?"

"I did," Remus said vaguely, and as Sirius kept waiting for him to continue, he looked back at the roof. "I was on Keppra. It worked for a while, but... I was, err... it made me depressed a lot," he took a deep breath, and continued. "I didn't want to do anything, could barely get up on bad days. It wasn't ideal."

Sirius nodded in understanding, though Remus wasn't looking. "And the new medication is better?"

"It's better for my mood, but not really for the seizures. It's... it's complicated," he said, and closed his eyes. "I should try to get some sleep. I'm going to have more of these if I don't."

"I probably should, too," Sirius replied, knowing Remus had probably reached his maximum level of sharing for this conversation. He turned to the cabbie. "Hey, do you mind if you turn it down a bit for a while? We'll try to get some rest."

"No problem!" the man answered, switching the music for a low volume talking radio podcast instead. "That okay?"

"Yeah, cheers," Sirius said, turning back to Remus, only to notice he already had closed his eyes.

Sirius closed his only a minute later, completely knackered.

~~~

"You've got to place your hands higher, Fab. You're not going to be blocking blows that low."

As soon as they had finished the tour of the gym and the flat upstairs, they all dropped their bags and took on Hagrid's offer of learning a trick or two about self-defense.

Hagrid had closed the gym for the duration of their stay on a whim in the name of their emergency protocol they had established together years ago, but Lily was still grateful for him to do such a thing. How they deserved such a loving, caring and helpful mentor and friend, she will never know.

Lily looked back at Fabian and Hestia, all dressed up in fighting gear, and she thought somehow, this was all becoming like a big family, or something along those lines.

"I never said I wanted to block lower blows," Fabian leered at Hestia, wagging his eyebrows.

"Ugh, that was disgusting," Hestia said, only seconds before she kicked Fabian right in the shin, making him bow down and howl in pain. "Here, you deserved it."

"You... horrible... woman," Fabian panted as the others laughed. "You just... proved that I... need to block low..."

"Nope, not with your hands anyway," she replied easily, hopping on her feet. "Come on, get back up! Or are you already calling it quits?"

"Never!" the redhead cried, charging forward, with all his might, only to get thrown right back on the floor as Hestia stepped aside swiftly and kicked him on the back to encourage the fall.

Fabian looked up with a scowl. "This is not fun," he grumbled, lifting himself into a sitting position on the mat. "I want to try boxing."

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Hestia smirked, motioning to the ring where Kingsley and Dedalus were in a full fight, Hagrid watching and describing the movements to James beside him. "Join them."

"Err," Fabian said uncertainly as Dedalus failed to block a very hard looking right hook and staggered, apparently slightly disoriented. "Maybe I'll stick with making music then."

Hestia snorted. "Right," she turned to Lily, who was still watching them in amusement. "What about you Lil? Care to be my opponent?" she replied, grinning as she readjusted her gloves, circling around Lily.

Lily smiled widely. "We haven't competed against each other in yonks. But you know I never get bored of seeing you trapped on the ground..."

Hestia smirked. "Show me what you got then, Evans."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. 'Diolch' means 'Thank you' in Welsh, and it's pronounced something like 'Dee-ol-khh'.


	28. Stubbornness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: anxiety, mentions of nausea and vomit, allusions to an eating disorder, suicide, detailed depiction of an overdose, detailed death of a loved one...
> 
> ...this one is heavy, especially at the end. Stay safe!
> 
> ___________
> 
> Hi my loves! ❤️
> 
> We are officially busting the 100,000 words for this story with this chapter (the longest to date)! Isn't it crazy? All these words written on a app on my phone, and then posted here for anybody to read... how amazing is technology, am I right?
> 
> This chapter is one of the main reasons why this story is called 'Forgiven', though I didn't know it at the time I gave that title.
> 
> Thank you again for all the comments and kudos, it means so much to me! You're all the sweetest ever and I hope every last one of you are safe and loved out there, you deserve it ❤️
> 
> Be careful and try enjoy the ride~ (an angsty one at that!)

'... _Minister Riddle has asked to reinforce the borders and recommended yet again to reduce the flow of immigrants coming in the UK..._ '

Sirius slowly woke up to the sound of the radio, and looked to his left. Remus seemed to still be fast asleep, his arms crossed, his head lolling to the side and breath going in and out slowly.

He just now noticed that Remus was only wearing a simple t-shirt instead of his usual jumpers or long sleeved shirts. He realized he had never seen Remus's arms completely uncovered before, and saw fine scars starting from his elbow and going up under the shirt towards the shoulders. He also seemed to have a scatter of pale freckles starting from the biceps and back of his arms, trailing and probably expanding on his back.

"Um, hey..." Sirius heard the cabbie whisper, looking at him through the rear mirror, breaking his reverie. "We're gonna arrive soon."

Sirius nodded, and went back to look at Remus, extending a hand towards him. He touched one arm gently. "Remus..."

The blond groaned softly, turning his head towards him, curls falling onto his closed eyes. Sirius couldn't help himself and brushed his fingers gently into his hair, making Remus breathe in deeply. "Remus... wake up..." Sirius continued, his fingers sliding across Remus's cheek on their own accord, feeling the scar lying underneath.

Sirius's breath hitched as Remus lifted an arm slowly and took his hand, held it in his, and turned his head in it, pressing his lips against the palm, his eyes still closed.

It wasn't quite a kiss, more like a contact of skin against skin, something akin to reverence, and it made Sirius dizzy.

The feeling of dizziness only amplified when Remus finally opened his eyes slowly, his irises looking almost gold in the light filtering through the cab's window, pupils dilated from sleep looking right back at him in a sleepy haze, and Sirius had the scary, stupid, completely _crazy_ thought that he wouldn't mind seeing these every morning for the rest of his life.

"S-sorry..." Remus mumbled against his skin before retracting his hand and pushing himself to the corner of the vehicle, far from Sirius, seemingly embarrassed. "I was... I didn't... Sorry," he repeated, not making any sense.

"It's fine. Um, we'll be arriving soon," Sirius said, trying to defuse the tension and will his heart to stop beating directly in his throat.

"We're here," the cabbie said as if on cue, stopping the car. "It'll be quite expensive, as I previously mentioned..."

"No problem," Remus answered, faster than Sirius at giving the money.

"We could share, you know," Sirius ventured.

"We could," Remus nodded as he gave the money to the driver and telling him to keep the tip. "But it was my idea."

"It was a good idea that I agreed to," Sirius mumbled, sullen.

Remus ignored him pointedly. "Cheers drive," he said to the cab driver as he got out.

"Oh yeah, now I know I'm definitely in Bristol!" the cabbie answered with a smile and a salute, before taking off, leaving Sirius with his bag in one hand, Remus beside him, both looking at a big wooden door of what looked like a gym.

"This is it then?" Sirius asked, not knowing what to say. "We stay here until all this mess is over and we all go our separate ways?"

Remus turned to him, looking at him strangely with an unrecognizable emotion passing on his face. "Look," he sighed, and looked down on the ground as he put his hands in his pockets, the perfect image of a shy schoolboy about to admit his deepest secret, except he was a grown man, even taller than Sirius, and probably not about to spill any secrets at all, so Sirius was obviously thinking nonsense. "I thought about... well, you said..." Remus sighed again, and looked up to the sky. "I'd like if we could keep in contact after all this is over, you know? Just—I mean, we could all get back from the start, just go somewhere and talk and... I don't know... I just don't want to never see you again, you know? That'd be—well, that'd be regrettable."

Sirius was stunned, but amidst the haze, felt a bubble of laughter crawl up his throat, and managed to talk without sounding too pleased. "Regrettable, mmh?"

"Oh, you know what I mean," Remus finally looked at him, annoyed. "Same goes for James and all the others, by the way. I—well... I like your lot."

"Yeah yeah I get it, I'm nothing special, you just like us all. Got it," Sirius continued, still teasing, though he felt there was a bit of truth behind his words.

Just a bit.

He almost didn't hear Remus whisper, "That's not what I meant either..."

But before Sirius could answer, the door of the gym burst open in a blur of red and black hair tangled into each other, yelling and howling curses, while a giant, truly a real _giant_ , stood right behind them, trying to hush them back inside. "Ladies, please, keep to the mat—"

"TAP OUT!" Lily screamed, holding Hestia down after a particularly painful looking stumble, the half Korean looking at her with fire in her eyes, red all over from exertion.

"NEVER!" Hestia screamed back, trying to wiggle her way out of her position.

"Hestia, use your legs as leverage," Remus said almost as a routine, walking passed them, leaving Sirius flabbergasted in front of the mop of fighting women on the harsh ground.

Lily was the first to react, followed closely by the giant. "Remus! You took your time!" she said happily, letting go of Hestia immediately to run towards her best friend.

"REMMY! Me birthday boy!" the giant said, and Sirius didn't understand a single thing that was going on. He saw the man take Remus in his arms and crush him against his chest like he was a simple toy, or perhaps a small teddy bear. "Happy birthday!"

"It's your _birthday_?" Sirius exclaimed mostly to himself, shocked.

At that, the giant let go of Remus completely, turning around to Sirius, who felt smaller than he probably ever had. "Oh my," the man breathed, his eyes sparkling. "Ye're _Sirius Black_!" he said, advancing towards him, and Sirius had to fight off the urge to step back. "I'm so happy to finally meet ye!" the man continued, making Remus frown.

Sirius expected to get bodily crushed, but instead got his arm torn apart in a vigorous handshake. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr...?"

"Rubeus Hagrid! Keeper of The Hut, this wonderful haven ye can see behind me," the man said jovialy, still shaking Sirius's hand. "Oh, Mr Sirius Black, I've heard so much about ye—"

"Oh please, just Sirius is fine, Mr Hagrid."

"And just Hagrid is fine!" the man replied, finally letting go of Sirius. "Lily, sweetie, ye didn't tell me I'd be receiving such fine people today!"

"They're just normal people, Rub," the redhead answered, also surprised by her friend's reaction.

"They're the _Marauders_ ," Hagrid replied with emphasis. "That counts as something!"

"Wait... you listen to their music?" Lily asked, perplexed.

"Of course! Who doesn't? Come on in, come on in. Ye had a harsh morning, I'd say," Hagrid said, leading them inside the gym. "Remmy, I'm so sorry for Cerberus... Lily told me about what happened... bad business, bad business."

"It's all right. I think the reparations won't be too bad," Remus replied, looking up at Hagrid with a sad smile. "Thank you, Hagrid. I never thought we'd have to use the emergency protocol, but... here we are."

"No worries, no worries at all. Come come, yer friends are already trying ta learn a couple of things from yer good ol' teacher here," Hagrid said, pointing to himself.

"Already taking new pupils in, huh? You didn't lose time," Remus teased, smirking, and Sirius was amazed at how easy-going their relationship, whatever it was, seemed to be.

"They're eager ta learn! What can a man do?"

Remus snorted. "Right."

"Oh, I almost forgot! Stay here," Hagrid said urgently as they entered the gym, and disappeared upstairs.

A bark came from nowhere, and Remus was swamped by black fur. "Hey boy," he smiled gently to Padfoot, kneeling down to pet him. "I'm here."

"Sirius?" A voice from his left said, and he turned around to see James looking in their direction, still sans glasses.

"Yeah brother, I'm here," he walked up to him, and took his shoulder.

"What happened? Are you all right?"

"We—"

"Remus!" exclaimed Lily, making them jump. "What the hell is _this_?!" she said, taking her fighting gear off and pointing to Remus's neck where the white dressing Sirius had made was visible.

"Err... just a cut, it's fine," Remus replied, suddenly aware of all the attention he was getting.

"Fine?!" Lily screeched, making Remus scowl. "Remus John Lupin, you better tell me what happened _right now_ —"

"We were ambushed while exiting Cerberus," Remus answered slowly, recoiling under his friend's fierce gaze. "Sirius saved my life."

Sirius sputtered as Lily turned to look at him. "I did no such thing!" he said, throwing his hands up in the air, alarmed. "You were the one putting him on the ground!"

"If you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have been able to," Remus countered.

"If I hadn't been there, none of this shit would've _happened at all_ —"

"Oh stop it already, both of you!" James said, effectively shutting them up. "Is that why it took you so long to get here? And who ambushed you?!"

"We don't know who it was," Sirius supplied. He didn't mention the possible link between the man and Remus. "And I went to see Kreacher."

James, his eyes a bit crossed, looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "You talked to him?"

"Yeah... don't know if it's going to make any difference though."

"But it was worth the try," Remus said, checking the time on his phone. "I've got to go to the police station to file a report and press charges."

Sirius snapped up his head fast. "I can come with—"

" _No_ , you stay right here," Remus said firmly, putting a leash to Padfoot's collar. "I won't be long," he said, and left, just like that.

Hagrid came down the stairs with a box in his hands just as the door of the gym was closing. "Haaappy biiirthdaaay, Reeemuuus!" he started singing.

"Ah... Hagrid. Remus just left..." Lily said sadly, putting a hand on his arm. "We'll celebrate later, yeah?"

"What?! He left?" the man answered, looking around. "But I bought him a cake..."

Sirius looked in the box and saw 'Happee Birthdae Remmy' written in icing with a 2 and a 8 candles lit on a big chocolate cake.

"Put it in the fridge and we'll eat it when he comes back," Lily said gently.

"28 years old, huh?" Fabian said, looking over Hagrid's arm into the box. "You're older than him," he added to Sirius.

"By a couple of months, it seems," Sirius agreed, still shocked that Remus hadn't said a thing about today being his birthday. He heard Lily snicker, and turned to her, his eyebrows raised. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," Lily answered, holding a hand to her mouth. "It's just... he always thought you were younger."

"He said that?"

"More or less," Lily said, still chuckling. "He even called you a 'brat' once or twice," she added before she could stop herself.

"A _what_?" Sirius said as James started laughing.

"Oh, that's _perfect_!" James guffawed. "Just spot on."

Sirius pushed him playfully. "You should watch your tongue, Potter. Or you might trip on something when you least expect it..."

"You _wouldn't_..."

"Who knows what a 'brat' has up in his sleeves," Sirius said nonchalantly, a smirk on his lips.

James squinched his eyes, forcing his smile down. "You know, I learned a trick or two about boxing by the time you got here. Care to be my punching bag?"

"Now now, that's not good sport!" Hagrid intervened, putting the cake into Lily's hands. "I have ta teach the basics ta Sirius too!"

~~~

As Remus walked to the police station with Padfoot, uneasiness showed its head. He had been here before, many many years ago, and bad memories came flooding back. He just hoped against all odds that the same police officer from that time was still there.

He entered the building, and went straight to the front desk where a woman with a high ponytail and a stern face was tapping on a keyboard. "Excuse me, hi," Remus said. "I was wondering if Officer Arthur Weasley still worked here?"

The woman looked up, her icy blue eyes sharp. "Who's asking?"

"Remus Lupin."

She looked at him up and down dubiously, and eyed Padfoot with his service dog's vest on. "He still works here, yes," she finally answered.

"Good. I'd like to file a report and press charges for a crime, and I'd like it to be screened by Officer Weasley, if that's not an inconvenience," he continued.

"It should be possible, he just came off a case of fraudulent transactions of damaged houses sold full price," the woman said with a smirk. "He'll decide if he takes your case or not." She grabbed a form behind her, and gave it to Remus. "Please file this and sit in the waiting room, I'll see if he's available."

"Thank you," Remus said, hopeful. "Oh, I almost forgot," he got the knife that man had used against him out of one of his trouser's pockets, and showed it to the woman. "This is evidence. Should I—?"

"Oh my Jesus, you scared me!" she shrieked, a hand on her heart. "Don't wield something like that in a police station! Are you crazy?!"

"Sorry, err... I had to bring it for the case."

"D'you have any other weapons on you?"

"No no, I don't!"

"God," she breathed, and took a plastic bag from underneath her desk. "Put it in there," she said, motioning to the bag, and Remus let it fall inside. "I'll give it to Officer Weasley. Please sit in the waiting room in the meantime," she said, and left through a door leading to the offices.

Merely minutes later, as he was finishing filing the form with all his basic informations, Remus heard a door burst open and saw orange hair come into view behind the woman. "Remus Lupin! Now _that's_ someone I didn't expect to see today!"

"Hi, Mr Weasley," Remus stood up, walking towards the man with his hand outstretched. "It's been a long time."

"A long time indeed! I would've barely recognized you! Look at you," the police man said, smiling as they shook hands. "You've grown inches since the last time I saw you! I'm also talking about those biceps by the way, wow... do you train?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Remus answered, feeling shy. "I'm surprised you remember me. I wasn't sure..."

"Of course I remember you. That report of yours was the first intervention of my career. How could I forget that?"

Remus nodded. "Well, I could need your help again... I'm sorry to interrupt—"

"No no no, not at all," Weasley said, clapping Remus on the back. "I was waiting for something interesting to come up. You've got a report for me?"

"I do," Remus nodded as they walked to his office.

"Tell me it's something I can work on. Last time was... not my best intervention."

"It wasn't your fault," Remus ventured. "I was the one putting my nose where I shouldn't have."

Arthur opened the door to the office, and they sat on chairs opposite to each other, Padfoot at Remus's feet. "You did the right thing, Remus. The kid was going to die," the officer said grimly. "He barely had any meat left on him. He had to be sectioned¹, though these interventions usually always turn ugly, as I learned the harsh way." He sighed, his expression betraying a certain sadness. "I never heard of him after that. Are you still in contact?"

"No, he made sure of that," Remus murmured, looking down at his hands. "He's still alive, though. He was in a hospital last week, for a whole other reason than anything psychiatric. His mother is still living with his father."

"Terrible," Arthur shook his head. "Horrible man."

"Yeah, but she and her son are both finally getting the help they truly needed all this time," Remus continued, looking up. "Anyway, that's not the purpose of my visit today."

"No, I imagine not," Arthur replied, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Anything hard to face?"

"You could say that. It's about the Black family."

" _The_ Blacks?" Arthur exclaimed, alarmed. "You mean the richest and most notably detestable family in the UK? Remus, what kind of mess did you put yourself in, talking to people like _that_?"

"They're not _all_ bad," Remus countered, willing his cheeks to stay as white as possible.

"Let me doubt that," Arthur continued gently. "Apart from my own mother, I never met a Black who cared about anything other than their own self."

"Your mother is a Black?" Remus said, surprised.

"She was," Arthur corrected. "Cedrella Weasley, née Black. She got kicked out of the Black's family for marrying my father."

"What? Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Arthur smiled. "My father's family wasn't rich, and had not interest in conspiring and plotting to get higher in society."

"That's... really stupid."

"You don't say!" Arthur laughed. "But it was good riddance, I'd say. Better to be out than in if you ask me."

"Well, I know of another 'out'," Remus started.

"What's the name? Might know of them."

"Sirius Black. His parents are Orion and... Walburga, I think?"

Arthur visibly recoiled, his face dark. "Oh, I know of them. I think they're both my second cousins, or something along those lines. Our grandparents are siblings. Is that second cousins?"

"That's inbreeding," Remus couldn't help saying.

Arthur nodded, laughing. "Not far off, yes. But marrying your second cousin isn't illegal. It's considered far enough, though I think Walburga didn't have to change her last name. Aren't they at the head of Black Industries?"

"They are," Remus licked his lips, taking a deep breath. "I, err... got on their wrong side. Sirius... well, he's not like the rest of his family. He was kicked out too for not supporting their ideas, but they're still after him, and now they're after me, and I just... they're truly a horrible bunch, and I know, I _know_ we could get them out of the way if we could only get them in court—"

"That might never even happen," Arthur cut in, his brows furrowed. "Whatever they did, or do, or plan to do... they have the funds to hide it well."

"They tried to kill Sirius," Remus said vehemently, letting go of his anger. "I can't—I can't just let that slide."

"Did they try something on you too?" Arthur asked gently, nodding to the dressing Remus was wearing at his neck.

"Oh, yeah. That was this morning. They threatened my father and burned my company, too. I have tapes, fingerprints on the knife of someone they hired, and we may have an inside witness for other crimes."

"Okay, this is getting interesting," the officer said, opening a drawer of his desk and getting a stack of paper out. He took a pen, and looked up with passion in his eyes. "Tell me everything from the beginning."

~~~

Sirius was almost forgetting the shitty mess they were all in because of him.

He felt beads of sweat roll out between his shoulder blades, which probably should've felt disgusting, but somehow made him grin as he struck another left jab into Hagrid's gloved hands.

"Good! Again!" Hagrid said, smiling widely.

Sirius had never really thought about picking up a sport like self defense. He was used to breaking people with words, acidic and well placed, and never had the need to bring things into the physical world. That, or people just didn't try anything as soon as they heard his last name.

The only times where he could've thought about it were when his parents would punish him, but even then, fighting back felt futile.

But now that he was doing this just for fun, he saw the charm behind it, the burning feeling of the push and pulling of muscle fibers, the quieted mind swarmed by dopamine, the single focus on a task. Bow down, get back up, swing, jab, hook, block, repeat.

"Yer a natural," he heard Hagrid comment, and looked up to him. "I'mma show ye other moves, if ye want to."

"I want to," Sirius replied, swiping at his forehead.

"Ye remind me of Remmy."

"Remus?" Sirius asked, cocking his head to the side. "How so?"

"Ye both seem to have the same drive," the teacher said knowingly.

"Some people call it being pig-headed."

"Hah!" exclaimed Hagrid, laughing. "Yes, definitely. But it can be a good thing! Abandoning doesn't seem to be an option, very useful in this sport."

"Never thought of it that way," Sirius said, looking down at his hands, covered by boxing gloves. He smiled. "Remus is worse than I am, though. Or should I say better, in this case."

"Remmy is unique. But so are ye, Sirius Black."

Sirius looked back up, surprised. "That a good thing too?"

"A good thing indeed," the man said, and changed his stance. "Now, let me show ye this move..."

~~~

Sirius was just out of one of the gym's showers and putting on new clothes from his backpack when he heard people laughing and a female voice, most likely Lily's, exclaim something along the lines of 'Mr Lupin!'.

Thinking Remus was probably back—and how weird it was to hear Lily call him that—he got out of the changing room, smiling. He couldn't wait to tell him how much he had liked training with Hagrid. "Remus...?"

Instead of a tall curly blond man he was expecting, he saw a tall brown haired man with equally brown eyes turn around and look at him.

"I'm Lyall, actually," the man said, and his voice was so similar to Remus's, it was almost eerie. The only difference seem to be the accent: it was way stronger. "And you must be Sirius."

Sirius blinked, stunned. "I'm sorry, I thought... nevermind," he said quickly, trying to regain control, and felt politeness kick in instantly. His back straightened. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir." Sirius extended his hand and looked at none other than Remus's father in the eyes, as formal etiquette instructed, and expected to hear James snort somewhere near.

He didn't hear anything.

"Oh, I see," Lyall said mysteriously, his eyes twinkling as they shook hands. "I get it now."

Sirius blinked again. "I apologize, sir, but I cannot seem to understand. Did I miss something?"

The man—Lyall Lupin, Remus's bloody _father_ —laughed. "Oh no, don't worry. I'm just an old fool talking to myself," he smiled gently, and Sirius saw the hint of dimples on his cheeks, and Jesus _Christ_ is this even happening—

"All right," Sirius said awkwardly, cringing. "I, um... I heard great things about you."

Sirius spared a thought on how scornful Orion would have been if he had heard his son say 'um', and cast it aside.

"Did you now?" Lyall said jovialy. "I'm sure not as much as I did you."

"Um..." Sirius repeated, his mind seemingly short-circuiting.

"Remus told me many interesting things," the man said, and Sirius felt panicky all of a sudden. ' _Is he going to strangle me for being a failure and abandoning his son after a seizure?_ ' "Which reminds me," Lyall continued, apparently unaware of Sirius's growing alarmed state. "Would you know where my son went?"

' _Good, a safe question._ ' "He went to a police station to file a report." Sirius didn't mention how everything was his fault.

"We have time to talk then," Lyall said as he took his shoulder, and Sirius died a little inside.

~~~

"I see," Arthur sit back in his chair, sighing. "Well, I can't say this is going to be easy."

"Yeah..."

The redhead smiled slowly. "But we should try, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Remus nodded, determined. "How do we... How should we proceed?"

"We have to issue a warrant for their arrest first," Arthur said, opening a laptop. "I'll talk to a colleague in London, they'll have a team ready for investigation in no time. We'll have to give them all the evidence; the tapes you got, the knife you took from that man who assaulted you, the report your employee filed against the attempted murder on Sirius, your company burned by the fire, the camera surveillance at that hospital... they'll have to investigate all of these. We have to act fast, or the Blacks might slip away, flee to another country even."

"You think we have enough to issue a warrant for suspects?"

"I think so, yeah," Arthur said grimly. "We could charge them for criminal damage, and even common assault, under high suspicions. You said their son got a busted lip?"

"From his mother, yes," Remus answered, his hands gripping his thighs.

"If you can get him to talk to us—"

"No, we can't," Remus interrupted. "Sorry, but I'm not putting Sirius in danger. We can't be out for too long, not until they are convicted, or at least detained."

"Okay, all right," Arthur conceded. "He'll probably be summoned as a witness at the magistrates' court for the preliminary hearing, though."

"That'll be manageable. I'll be there with him, make sure he's safe." Remus took a deep breath. "And after that?"

"After that, it'll be ruled as a indictable offence if we're lucky enough."

"Crown court," Remus nodded.

"Yes. But that's still a long way from now, Remus. I wouldn't count too much on it. We don't have enough evidence for the good Old Bailey just yet," Arthur said, eyeing him curiously. "How come you know so much about criminal justice?"

"I studied law for two years," Remus shrugged. "And my father's a lawyer."

"I see. You are full of surprises!" the officer said, smiling. "All right, let's not waste any more time. You say you don't need us to keep you safe?"

"We're fine now. In hiding."

"Okay," Arthur cracked his knuckles. "I really hope this works. We'll be all right for the arrest and detaining for the hearing, but after that, we'll need good proofs—better than the ones you already have—and a good, _very_ good CPS attorney."

"I know of one. I'm not sure he'll take this case, though. I already asked him for a favor a couple of days ago..."

"We'll see when we get there. That's still in a few days, at least."

"How long until their arrest?" Remus asked.

"I'll do as quick as I can," Arthur assured him. "The sooner the better."

~~~

"Relax, Sirius. I'm not going to bite, you know?" Lyall said, leaning against the handrail at the top of the stairs leading to Hagrid's flat. They had a good view of the gym from up here, the rest of the group talking and practicing below them.

Sirius was petrified. He didn't know exactly what Mr Lupin wanted to talk about, but he had a hunch, and he was dreading the remontrance like a two year old getting caught being naughty.

"This place," started Lyall, and Sirius could breathe a little better. "It means a lot to my son. Without Hagrid and without Lily... I don't know what would've happened to him."

"He said—" Sirius croaked, and started again. "He said Hagrid saved his life."

"Yes, I believe so," Lyall answered sadly. "I didn't even know anything was wrong at the time. We—my wife and I—we thought he was staying after school at Lily's to study."

"He hid it from you," Sirius said slowly. "He didn't want you to worry. He saw what you were sacrificing for sending him to that school, so he took it upon him to deal with it." Sirius sighed. "That's not your fault."

"It partly is," Lyall said after a pause, and Sirius could feel his eyes on him, but he kept looking down at Lily and James talking quietly in a corner. "It's our education that made him this way."

"You mean selfless, strong, brave and clever? One cannot blame themself for encouraging such traits in their child," Sirius murmured, almost as a whisper. "Pair that with stubbornness, and you've got a Remus," he finished with a smile, bowing his head down.

There was a pause, and Sirius felt his heart beating faster in his chest.

"You love him," Lyall said unexpectedly, not even formed as a question. Just stating a fact.

Sirius looked back up quickly, searching the man's face, and found only gentleness. "I do," he said, determinatedly deciding to tell the truth, even if he felt like he was about to be sick. "What gave me away?" he asked, half joking, half hysterical.

Lyall smiled again. "Mostly the way you say his name." Sirius didn't answer, speechless, so he continued. "His mother gave it to him. She liked mythology, and the wolf was her favourite animal."

"Remus and Romulus," Sirius added quietly, nodding. "The founders of Rome."

"Yes, though there was never an evil twin brother in our own story." Lyall straightened his back. "Sirius, I'm not here to put fear into you, or act as a big bad parent who thinks it's okay to try and approve of their child's choice of partner," he said, and Sirius choked. "I just want to know if Remus's epilepsy is going to be a problem or not."

Sirius swallowed as he looked up into the man's eyes. He heard a door open distantly, but couldn't focus on anything other than the man in front of him as he answered. "Nothing about Remus is a problem, sir. The problem... the problem is me."

"That's funny," Lyall said, and Sirius was surprised to see him smile. "He said exactly the same thing about you and himself."

Sirius opened his mouth to answer that that was ridiculous, that Remus had never been the problem here, that everything was his fault and Remus had nothing to do with anything—

"Dad?!" he heard, and saw Remus climbing the stairs to them, Padfoot on his heels. "What are you doing here? I told you to stay home!"

Lyall turned to him with a grin, and took his son in an embrace. "Happy birthday, Remus. You think I would miss my son's 28th birthday when we're both in Wales?"

Remus looked at Sirius over his father's shoulder, his gaze questioning. Sirius only managed to smile reassuringly in response, still stunned from their conversation. "What were you two doing up here?"

"Just talking. Sirius is a very interesting young man, I'm sure you'd agree," Lyall said, a hint of a laugh in his voice, and Sirius was considering his escape by jumping over the handrail and go twelve feet down from the stairs to the ground below.

Remus's face was starting to get red as he left the embrace. His voice carried a warning as he spoke. " _Dad..._ "

"What happened to your neck?" Lyall interrupted, touching the bandages gingerly.

"It's a long story," Remus batted his hand, "Dad, I _told_ you not to come here—"

"Stubbornness has to come from somewhere," Lyall replied, looking back at Sirius and bloody _winked_. "Am I not safer here with you and Hagrid than alone at my house?"

"I... I mean, I guess so, but—"

"It's settled then," Lyall finished, walking past his son and going down the stairs to join the others. Remus looked back at Sirius in despair, and Sirius couldn't help but chuckle. "Now, I heard there is a cake? Why don't you tell me what's going on over a piece?"

~~~

All in all, it took eight hours.

From the moment Remus had stepped out of Officer Weasley's office, to right now as he was answering his phone with trembling hands. Eight long hours where everyone tried to enjoy talking together, eating cake, watching a movie, listen to music and forget the gloom surrounding them.

Officer Weasley had just call him personally to tell him the news.

"Remus...?"

Remus turned around, his smile the biggest Sirius had ever seen on him. "They got arrested."

Silence.

James was the first to speak again. "Wait, you mean—"

"They got arrested at the border as they were trying to flee to Slovenia," Remus said, triumphant. "We did it."

"It's over?" Lily asked, her voice trembling.

Remus turned to her. "Well, we still have all the law process to go through, but—yeah, we're getting there."

Sirius closed his eyes and bowed his head as the others roared, everybody cheering like they were on New Year's Eve, screaming and laughing.

Happiness was certainly present in Sirius. Happiness and relief and the feeling of stepping from a high place and never touching the ground.

He put a hand to his mouth, a sudden nausea taking him by the throat, and turned around to breathe air outside the suddenly too small and overcrowded room in Hagrid's flat.

Remus saw black hair leave through the door swiftly over James and Lily's shoulder as they were embracing him, and felt a hand on his shoulder. "Go to him. He needs you," he heard his father say gently. Remus obeyed silently without even looking back, and stepped out of the room after Sirius.

He found him standing downstairs, looking at the boxing ring, his back turned to Remus. He could see that he was playing with something in his hands, and as Remus approached, he saw that it was an unlit cigarette. "You can smoke under the showers' vent, if you want to."

"I don't have anything to light it."

Remus frowned, puzzled. "Where's your lighter?"

"Gave it to Kreacher," Sirius murmured, looking down at his hands.

"Oh, that's—" Remus didn't know what to say. "It must have been difficult to do that."

Sirius sighed. "It shouldn't be, though. It's just a damn lighter." He looked back up at the ring, burying the fag in one of his pockets, and wrapped his arms around himself.

"Well, if it's of any consolation... I think it worked. The officer told me they had an insider that helped them find the Blacks before they could leave the country. He didn't say a name, but... I think it was him."

"Good."

Remus tried to meet Sirius's eyes, but couldn't, as he was clearly avoiding his gaze. "Sirius—"

"Thank you, Remus," he interrupted in a quiet tone, bowing his head down again. "Nothing would've happened if it wasn't for you."

"Sirius," Remus repeated, daring a step forward. "Will you look at me?"

Sirius's head moved a bit, but he didn't lift it, nor did he turn around. 

"Remus... I'm..." Sirius hesitated, feeling his heart beating in his throat, like he was about to vomit right then and there. He finally turned around, his head still bowed. "I need to tell you something..."

"Okay..." Remus answered gently, his eyes concerned. "You want to sit down?"

"No, I... No." His arms were still wrapped around himself, as if in need of protection, his knuckles white. Remus felt the urge to embrace him, but stopped himself just in time, letting Sirius gather his thoughts. "Remus, there's something you need to know about me," he said quietly, his hair a canopy hiding his face. "Something... something that—that might change how you see me."

"Sirius—"

"No, please, I will never say it if you talk," Sirius interrupted him, his hands clenching on his own shoulders. "Remus, you think you know me... but, you don't know _this_ , and it's bad, it's the worst thing about me, but I... I want you to know me. And you said I could be forgiven, but there are things that _can't_ be, and if we're gonna keep staying in each other's lives after all this, you've got to know..."

Remus didn't answer, which Sirius felt grateful for. He took a deep breath, and plunged. "I killed my brother," he said, his voice cracking. He didn't wait for an answer. "Regulus... he died because of me, because I was fucking _stupid_ and weak. I couldn't save him."

He opened his eyes, not remembering closing them, and saw Remus's jumper through his hair.

And suddenly, he couldn't stop blurting the words.

"He was like a good puppy, always doing what father and mother wanted, always being the better son, the favourite, but I never envied him. Truly, I never did. We were in good terms. I loved him," he paused, inhaling a shaky breath. "I loved him. He was my baby brother, and I wanted to protect him. But he was _still_ with them, still listening to their lies, doing what he was told, getting into a gang of fucked up right-wing extremists, beginning a life of crime behind the scenes. He was always the best to keep up appearances, which was the trait our dear parents loved most about him. But he was so _young_ , and so _naive_."

Sirius closed his eyes again. "We had so many fights about this, I stopped counting. It was always the same story: I'd tell him to come live with me, to stop being their little lapdog, to stop this crazy shit and free himself, just like I did. And he would always answer the same thing: that he couldn't, that it was too late, that they had control over him, over everything. That even I wasn't really free. And that night... the night he died..."

Sirius felt a prickling sensation behind his eyelids, his mind's eye going back to that crucial moment, four years ago. "We fought again about it, and he said something about being unable to do anything, and I... I told him... I told him he was worthless. I told him a real Black would do something, anything, even at the price of his own life."

He felt tears rolling on his cheeks freely, but kept on. "I went out after that, just to distract myself from it all. I needed a break, something to keep me from _thinking_ , and I did it in the worst way possible: going to the farthest gay bar, and shagging the first bloke who crossed my path. And I didn't hear my phone ring, didn't feel it buzzing. I saw his text only fifteen minutes later... but fifteen minutes was enough..."

Sirius swallowed thickly, his voice shaking. "The text only said 'I hope I'll make you proud.' Only that. That was it. I started panicking, and I received a call from—from Bellatrix, our cousin... She..."

He couldn't feel his arms anymore as he continued. "She said Reg was at hers, at the front door, unresponsive and, and... I took my bike, and went there as fast as I could, speeding to the other end of the city, and she wouldn't call a _fucking ambulance_ , kept saying it would tarnish our name, would make the headlines, and I never hated my fucking family this much in my entire life, and I tried calling the ambulance myself, but I didn't know her exact address, I just knew _where_ it was, and I had to drive there fast and..."

He paused, his voice hoarse. "I arrived and saw him lying there on the pavement, alone, and Bella... that fucking bitch got out and told me to take him away and hide him, like he was a waste of space, something to get rid of like some kind of fucking _disease_. And I ran and I saw him move, and I thought, for a brief second... I thought he would be all right."

Sirius felt his throat close up, and had to fight for the sounds to pass through and form words. "But he started— started sh-shaking, convulsing, vomitting everywhere, and I h-held him on his side so he wouldn't choke, like you're supposed to—to do, and that's supposed to save people, right? It's supposed to work, but it _didn't_ , and I tried to s-stop it, I tried... I really did. Remus, I swear, I could... I could feel life being _drained_ from him. He was leaving, he was leaving _me_ , and I couldn't do anything about it. Nothing was working, and when the ambulance finally arrived he was already... he was already _cold_."

He saw movement behind his hair, like an arm raising, but didn't feel anything.

He continued. "Later... I found out he... he had overdosed himself voluntarily, and his last message was his text to me, and maybe if I had answered... maybe I could've ch-change his mind..." He paused, his breathing ragged. "And my fucking parents covered everything up, bought their way into saying it was a fucking stroke that killed him. A _stroke_."

He wiped at his nose angrily, seeing tears falling on the ground beneath him. "But really, it was all my fault. I told him he was worthless," he whispered. "I told him he should do something, and something he did, offing himself like that. And then, a month later..."

He stopped, trying to take deep breaths, and failing. He felt heat near him, and hands on his shoulders, and it was just enough to keep him going.

"It was like darkness," he started. "An infinite amount of it. I didn't want to live anymore, didn't want to eat, couldn't sleep, could barely talk. My parents—James's parents, Effie and Monty—they wanted me to... they told me I should go and check myself in a hospital, and I felt so fucking _betrayed_ , but also so undeserving, and I t-told them to go fuck themselves, that they were the worst people I'd ever met, that I'd just came to them for their roof and food when I was sixteen, and that I didn't n-need them anymore."

His voice broke, putting his hands over his face, speaking through them with a muffled voice. "It was all a lie. I _loved_ them, more than I could ever love my own damned parents, they were everything to me. James, Effie, Monty... they were my real f-family, and Regulus was dead, and my adopted parents had an a-accident, right after we argued, right after I told them these horrible things, and they d-died too—"

He felt hands squeezing his shoulders tightly. "They all died because of me, Remus. I was the cause of death of three people I loved, and I know I can never be forgiven for _that_."

He fell silent, weeping like a fucking child, his breath ragged. The hands on his shoulders migrated to his neck after a while, and stayed there.

"Sirius..." he heard Remus say, his voice quiet and full of an unnamed emotion. "Sirius, you're going to listen to me very carefully. Can you do that for me?"

Sirius didn't answer, but nodded, still unwilling to look at Remus's face.

"Okay," Remus sighed shakily. "Sirius, I don't know if anything I'll say can ever change your mind... but you're not a murderer. You didn't kill anyone, and it wasn't your fault. It _wasn't_ ," he said firmly as Sirius sighed in disagreement.

"It was."

He heard Remus sigh in turn. "Did you want them to die?"

"Of course not!" Sirius opened his eyes and let his hands down, looking up at his face in anger.

Remus's hazel eyes were shining with unshed tears, and nothing in his expression betrayed any sign of disgust. "Were their deaths caused by you physically hurting them?"

"No!"

"Did you want to hurt them on purpose?"

"I... no, I didn't."

"Then you didn't kill them, Sirius. You didn't." Remus caressed his cheek with one hand, the other resting at the base of his neck. "We cannot control everything in life. We cannot control how a person will react to something we say, or what will happen in the future. We cannot know someone will make the grave decision to end their life, and we cannot control accidents. We cannot control illness," he added quietly. "Do you think I'm a killer?"

"What?!" Sirius said, alarmed. "No!"

"Why? My mother died, I couldn't save her."

"She had _cancer_ , Remus."

"Yes, and I couldn't find a cure. I couldn't keep her from developing a sickness, just like you couldn't keep your brother from overdosing, or your parents from driving that night."  
  
"That's— that's not... it is not _remotely_ the same thing!"

"Is it not?" Remus asked calmly. "They are all uncontrollable outcomes. I couldn't fight off cancer from my mother. You couldn't fight off the decision made by a grown man, couldn't fight off the horrible odds that are road accidents."

Sirius stayed silent, clinging unto Remus's words.

"We can regret," Remus continued, his voice breaking slightly. "I regret not spending more time with my mother before she died. I threw myself into work after I learned about her diagnosis, thinking it would distract me and make life easier. I regret not being there for every second of it. These are the things we have to live with, but they don't make us bad... they just make us humans. What Regulus did..." he took a deep breath, "It was a decision _he_ thought was the only answer. Do you think he did that so you would blame yourself afterwards?"

Sirius swallowed. "No," he replied, his throat dry. "He did it because he couldn't bear living like this anymore..."

"Do you think your parents really believed what you told them and loved you any less on the night they died?"

"...I don't think so. Monty always said words had no meaning when— when uttered in anger."

"Do you think they, or Regulus, would've ever labeled you as a killer?"

Sirius couldn't look away from Remus's eyes as he answered, "...No."

"Do you feel like I see you any differently? I'm right here, still with you. Do you think I could hold a cold-blooded murderer in my arms like this?" Remus said softly, fingers carding through black hair, another arm enveloping Sirius around the back of his neck, the hand squeezing his shoulder lightly. Their chests were resting against each other's, breathing together. Alive.

"No..." Sirius unconsciously put his arms around Remus's back, leaning into him. "No."

Remus smiled, and pressed his nose into Sirius's hair gently. "You're not a killer, Sirius," he murmured, puffs of breaths dancing on his skin. "You're human, just like me. And we all have to learn how to live with regrets. With grief." Remus distanced himself just enough to look into Sirius's eyes. "You are not forgiven, Sirius, simply because there is nothing to forgive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it weird that I cried with Sirius when I wrote this last part? I had all the feelings and even had to take a break from writing it for a moment...
> 
> Here is a [link](https://www.cdc.gov/drugoverdose/prevention/help.html) about overdosing with a list of resources and informations. Overdosing is one of the leading cause of deaths in the world, and sharing knowledge about it is important to prevent it. Stay safe ❤️
> 
> Also, disclaimer: I know absolutely nothing about how pressing charges and law and investigation and warrants work, and if this doesn't make any sense, please say so! Wiki was a great friend for this 🙃
> 
> ________  
> 1\. Sectioned, in this context, means someone was taken to a hospital for a forced stay because their health was at risk. We'll have more information about it in the next chapters...


	29. Domesticity in the Face of Adversity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦ WARNINGS: Mentions of attempted murder, mentions of death.
> 
> _____________
> 
> Hello lovelies ❤️
> 
> First of all... Thank you so much for waiting (again!) on this chapter! The next one will be coming sooner, as it is already halfway written. Thank you for your patience, it really means a lot to me.
> 
> For all that is happening in the world right now, I need to say this: you are ALL precious to me. Whether you skin is light or dark or anything in between, you are all VALID and IMPORTANT. I can't stress enough how what's going on makes my stomach lurch and heart break, and it's been going on for forever, and it's long overdue that we do something about it. To any BIPOC readers here, I want to say that I see you and I stand with you, and this is a safe place. And for those who think this is a political post and has nothing to do on this page... this is about HUMAN RIGHTS, not politics, and this is MY space that I decided to share, and if you don't agree with it, I invite you to close the tab and never come back. I'm not joking. I'll NEVER accept racism in any shape or form here, as well as I would never accept bigotry, misogyny, ableism and anti-LGBTQIA+ comments. You have been warned.
> 
> Thankfully, I feel like all of you are amazing and I haven't had a single bad comment here as of yet, and I'm glad ❤️ Thank you again for being such an incredible group of people.
> 
> For now, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter with a bit of fluff to brighten your day. As of myself, I'm going to keep on marching peacefully and do everything I can as an ally to change this world for the better.
> 
> Stay safe as much as you can ❤️

"D'you reckon we could all stay together a bit longer? I know they're being detained for now and technically it's safe to go out, but..."

"But you're going to miss me," Lily replied to James, smiling.

They were sitting in front of the fire in Hagrid's flat, hours after Remus had delivered the news that the Blacks had been caught. Fang was lying at their feet, snoring with his four paws up. The rest of the group was probably sleeping, scattered downstairs on bunker beds and big couches Hagrid had provided.

The orange and yellow light was flickering against James's skin, his messy brown hair almost gold, his eyes sweet. "Lily," he started. "I want us to go on a date after this. You know that, right?"

"I know," she nodded. "I want that too."

"Perfect," James murmured, moving his hand blindly to grab hers. She lifted it just a bit so they could meet halfway. "Now that it's settled, what about the twats we call our best mates?"

Lily frowned. "What about them?"

"Did Remus say anything to you? What's going on with them?"

"I'm not sure..." she said pensively. "He somewhat admitted his feelings for Sirius to me, though, so that's a good start."

"Sirius did too. So what's taking so bloody long?"

"I think, with all that's going on... they're just taking their time, y'know."

"We aren't," James countered, squeezing her hand.

"But my parents didn't try to kill me and my friends. Didn't hire someone to cut your throat," she said sternly, and James shivered. "And you're not the one being paid to protect me. I think it might be very confusing for them."

James sighed. "Yeah, I get what you mean. I just... I hope everything's going to be all right, you know? I feel like Sirius is starting to get in a bad place, and I really don't want us to go back there."

"What do you mean?"

He paused. "In the past, Sirius had a depressive episode so strong I couldn't do anything but watch and wait. It was—well, it's not something I want him—or me—to go through again."

"You think it's going to get worse?"

"I don't know," James whispered, looking at the flames. "I just hope not."

~~~

The rising sun was barely filtering through the vertical blinds, and Sirius heard shuffling near him.

He opened his eyes to see that Remus was already up, his blond curls messy, stretching his limbs on a bunker bed near him, Padfoot at his feet. "You don't sleep enough," Sirius commented in a whisper, making Remus turn his head to look at him. The others seemed to still be fast asleep, a safe distance away so they could talk without waking them.

"Neither do you," Remus countered, his whisper doing funny things to Sirius's spinal cord.

He was reminded of last night's event, how Remus had yet again made everything better, how he had said Sirius wasn't to blame and didn't even need to be granted forgiveness, how he had held him close...

"Have a lot on my mind," he replied with difficulty, turning to lie on his back and look at the ceiling, trying to focus on something other than how incredible Remus was. "What's going to happen from now on?"

"Preliminary hearing," Remus stated. "The Blacks are going to pass in front of three magistrates, and a crown prosecutor attorney is going to show them all the evidence. They will decide if the case should be brought to Crown court as a more grave criminal offense, or if only a penalty of less than twelve months is enough."

"It's not enough!" Sirius said, a bit louder than intended.

Remus nodded sternly. "I know. They deserve life sentence. But that will all depend on what evidence we bring to the hearing."

"That's where Kreacher should talk?"

"Yes, and he should talk at the Crown court too, if we're lucky enough to get there."

Sirius sighed. "D'you reckon we have a chance?"

"I do," Remus answered firmly. "I told you: they'll pay for what they did."

"I wish I had the same faith."

"It's partly faith, but it's also partly will," Remus got up, taking a white paper bag with him from under the bunker bed.

"Meds?" Sirius asked, yet again curious.

Remus, to his surprise, smiled. "Yeah. I remembered to buy them yesterday." He paused, like he was about to say something, and seemingly decided not to. "I'll go see if Hagrid's up, and then we'll eat breakfast, yeah?" He said instead.

At that, Sirius felt his stomach growl. "Yeah."

~~~

"Ye're already going back?" Hagrid said dejectedly.

"You'll be able to open the Hut again to the public, Rub. People must miss you and this place too," Lily supplied as she clipped the sangles of her backpack.

"I really liked it here. There's a peaceful aura," Gideon said, rolling the sleeping bag Hagrid had lent him for the night. "Can we come back someday?"

"Of course ye can, anytime!" Hagrid replied, clapping the redhead on the back.

Remus smiled, watching the scene while sitting close to the ring. He was ready, the sleeping bag already rolled, and didn't have much clothes to pack since he hadn't brought his bag when the fire alarm had woken them up in Cerberus. He was wearing a shirt Hagrid had lent him, which was obviously way too big for him, but it was better than running around with a flimsy night shirt with his arms showing.

It seemed like nobody had really noticed the scars on the top part of his arms though, as there had been more important things to deal with at the time.

Or if someone did, they hadn't said anything.

"Remus, can we talk?" he heard his father say from behind him.

"Yeah. What is it?"

"I mean privately," Lyall, motioned his head towards the exit door.

"All right," Remus replied, getting up and following his father outside with concern.

"Remus," Lyall started when they stood near the entrance, the air smelling of rain. "You'll have to be very careful."

"What do you mean?"

Lyall sighed. "This case, the court process... it's going to wear down on Sirius. You know I've seen it countless times before. He'll be summoned to share his personal life in front of strangers, maybe details he wouldn't want to say otherwise. And being in the same vicinity as the people who were supposed to protect you and care for you and who have tried to get you killed..." Lyall sighed again. "You understand it won't be easy."

Remus nodded sadly. "I know. But... isn't it the only way?"

"It is, but it might be too much. You'll have to be careful to see the signs if he doesn't."

"I'm not sure I follow..." Remus said, frowning.

"I don't know Sirius much, but he strikes me as the type of man who puts others' needs before his own on things that really matter. Not so unlike yourself," Lyall added with a small smile. "That means he could sacrifice his mental and physical wellness for the sake of this case."

"I won't let that happen," Remus said firmly.

"There are things that are out of our control, Remus... as you know very well," Lyall replied, his eyes sad. "What's important is how we react to them."

Remus fell silent for a while. "I think I get what you mean," he finally said. "I'll do my best."

"And be careful of yourself, too, yeah? Though I know Sirius will take care of you, too."

"How..." Remus hesitated, turning a bit pink in the cheeks. "You two were talking yesterday when I arrived. How did you find him?" he finally dared asking, curious.

Lyall smiled. "You don't need my approval, Remus."

"That's not—" he sputtered, embarrassed. "I just want to know what you think of him, is all."

Lyall seemed to think for a moment. "Your mother would've loved him," he said after a beat. "She would've dragged him across her workshop and marvel upon his good manners."

"I know..." Remus answered with a smile of his own, hiding it by looking at the ground. "She'd probably call him her 'Rebel Angel', or something."

Lyall laughed out loud, throwing his head back. "That does sound like my Hope!"

They laughed for a few seconds, and Remus spoke again. "It's not mum's thoughts that I'm asking for though."

"Well," Lyall looked softly at his son. "I think he's charming, and intelligent, and just exactly as you described him, and it makes me wonder why you two are not properly together already."

~~~

"We're getting back today, Dorcas, so you can stop being panicky."

" _I'm sorry Miss Evans, it's just—the area is completely closed now, it's considered as a crime scene in need of investigation..._ "

"Ah, yeah... I hadn't thought of that," Lily frowned, holding her cellphone close to her ear. "D'you happen to know when we'll be able to open up again?"

" _I'm sorry to say that I don't,_ " Dorcas replied dejectedly.

"Did you see the damage? Is it bad?"

" _It's not too bad, no. It's only limited to a specific part on the West side, but it reached to the second floor, so the ceiling collapsed in some places. And um... if Mr Lupin wishes to know, they found his desk on the balcony, intact and untouched._ "

"On the balcony?" Lily asked, cocking an eyebrow as she looked where Remus was standing a couple of meters from her, talking to Benjy. "I see. He'll be happy to hear that," she said, filing the questions for later. "And is everything okay for the rest of our clients? We quite neglected most of them in the past two weeks."

" _No complaints,_ " the assistant supplied. " _I wonder if some even noticed._ "

"Well that's it Dorcas, you've officially made us obsolete," Lily joked. "We shall call you Miss Meadows, CEO of Cerberus Security."

" _Oh please, that's ridiculous! The employees keep asking me when Mr Lupin is supposed to come back. I think they're getting antsy._ "

"We'll calm them soon enough. Thank you Dorcas, for everything."

" _Only doing my job!_ " the assistant replied before they hung up.

"Everything all right?" Remus asked as he walked towards Lily.

"Cerberus is a crime scene," Lily supplied without preamble. "We can't go back there."

"I was expecting that, yes," Remus answered, rubbing his face deceptively with a hand. "The prelims are probably going to be tomorrow. We should continue protecting them until that's over. What do you think?"

Lily paused, looking back at their group getting ready to leave. "We need to protect them," she agreed. "One to each?"

Remus nodded. "Hestia and Dedalus with Fabian and Gideon, you and I with James and Sirius?"

"Sounds good to me," she shrugged. "Could go live at theirs for a couple of days."

"It's a plan then," Remus said, and they took off.

~~~

Hestia and Lily volunteered to get back to London by train, letting Remus and Sirius take their place in the company's black van with the other six.

The road back was easy, bantering being at the forefront now that everybody could relax a little. They were not entirely out of danger, as the Blacks could've still hired people before getting arrested, but it was a step in the right direction.

Remus wasn't letting his guard down, though.

He looked sideways at Sirius's profile, his father's words resonating in his mind. He could see the apprehension in the slight downturn of Sirius's lips, the worry in the small frown between his eyebrows.

Something in Remus's chest clenched as he remembered what Sirius had told him just the night before. The pain, the hurt, the sadness had been almost too overwhelming to see, and he'd had to channel every ounce of restrain he had not to take Sirius and make him stop saying such horrible things about himself. He had wanted to bury him in his arms, protect him, make him forget how awful the world can be just for a moment, tell him how much he cared for him... It had all been bubbling near the surface, but Remus had pushed it down at least halfway successfully. For now.

And for all that Sirius had been through in his life, Remus wondered how the man could still trust others, be kind and generous, be affectionate. How was it even possible?

Sirius seemed to sense he was being watched, and looked back at Remus, and there was uneasiness hiding in there, too.

But the silver eyes fell back into something soft as they looked upon him, and blinked. "Are you okay?"

Sirius had parents trying to kill him, had to be a witness to their trial, had lost his brother and felt him die in his arms, had lost the only real parents he had truly loved, and he was still asking _Remus_ if he was _okay_.

Remus took a deep breath, his arms empty and palms tingling with the need to touch the man sitting beside him.

He crossed them onto his chest, and mustered a wavy smile. "I'm okay."

"What the fuck is this?!"

Remus whirled around at Fabian's voice, and saw a mob surrounding the path leading to James and Sirius's flat. "Kingsley, turn back around," he said loudly to the driver, but the mob seemed to notice the black car, and suddenly, journalists seemed everywhere. "Go backwards, I'll steer you!" Remus went to the back of the car, pushing Gideon a bit to the side in the process.

After a couple of minutes manoeuvring in the crowd, they succeeded in getting out and back unto safe road.

"Jesus..." sighed Gideon, shaking his head. "I bet our flat is just the same."

"What now?" asked James with a shrill. "We can't even go home in peace!"

"This trial is going to be the main talk in media for a while. It's probably only going to get worse," Remus explained as he got his phone out to text Lily. "Kingsley, take the main to the East."

"Got it, sir."

> (10:36)  
>  _**Remus**_ : Forget the Marauders' flats, it's swarming. We take them 1/1.
> 
> (10:37)  
>  _**Lily**_ : Gotcha. I'll be waiting.

Remus looked up from his phone to check on Sirius, who had been uncharacteristically quiet for the past minutes. He was still looking out the window, just like he had for most of the ride. "Sirius?"

The black haired man turned his head. "Yeah?"

"We're gonna have to stick together a bit longer. I, err... I'm taking you to mine."

At that, grey eyes widened up. "You mean...?"

"James, Lily's going to take you at hers," Remus addresses the messy haired man. "Hestia and Dedalus...?"

"I can take the mutt," Hestia said, pushing Fabian's shoulder playfully.

"And I will continue to protect Mr Gideon here," Dedalus added, winding an arm around the man's shoulders loosely. "I can take him in."

"It's settled then," Remus said, but Sirius didn't seemed finished.

"Wait wait wait," he waved his hands. "I'm going to live with you?"

"Only for a couple of days, maybe. Is that—I mean, I could arrange for Kingsley to take you in, but he has two young daughters, so I thought—"

"You have _daughters_?!" exclaimed James excitedly.

"Evangelica and Lorelia Shacklebolt," Kingsley said, and added with a secretive smile, "They're two little tornadoes."

"No, it's okay, I wasn't—I mean, I can go with you. I was just surprised, is all," Sirius mumbled to Remus, his hands fumbling absently in his leather jacket's pockets, a habit Remus noticed he had back when Sirius still had his lighter in one of them.

"All right," Remus nodded uncertainly. "Kingsley, let's go to Hestia's first."

"Right on."

~~~

Lily was waiting outside their flats' building, as promised. Thankfully, no press seemed to know where they lived, and Remus hoped to keep it that way.

Kingsley dropped them off, and James went to Lily's flat to get settled in as Remus and Sirius continued climbing the stairs to the third floor.

Padfoot was the first to enter when Remus opened the door, and went straight to his water bowl as Remus did a sweep of the flat, just in case. "I'll open up the couch, it's a sofa bed. I can also lend you a towel if you wish to shower now," he said, and noticed Sirius was still standing at the entrance. "Err... please come in?"

Sirius seemed to wake up from a spell, and Remus had the sudden realization that he was so fucking _stupid_.

"Oh my God," Remus whispered. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think about—last time you were here, I was— and you were—"

"It's fine, I'm okay," Sirius assured, his eyes wide. "I wasn't—"

"You can stay elsewhere, if it's too much for you. We could—"

"Remus..."

"You could stay at Lily's with James. It might be a bit crowded, but it's better than being reminded of—well, I know it wasn't—I mean, it must be horrible for you—"

" _Remus_ ," Sirius said firmly, and distantly felt him putting a hand to his chest. "I wasn't even thinking about that, to be honest."

"Oh," Remus breathed, and felt lost. "Okay then." He looked down at the hand still pressed against him, and realized Sirius was much closer than he had been only seconds before. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"You worry too much," Sirius murmured, his hand making a fist into Remus's shirt, or more accurately Hagrid's. "And you apologize for things that aren't your fault," he continued, and the hand smoothed back against him before falling between them. "A sofa bed, you said? Sounds good to me," he said before dumping his bag beside the couch, and Remus was able to regain control of his breathing again.

"Yeah, and it's quite comfortable, too. You might find some dog hairs, though. I'm warning you."

"Fair enough," Sirius smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You hungry?"

"Err..." He shot a look at the fridge, and tried to remember the last time he had went for groceries. "We might need to order something."

"Can I take a look beforehand?"

"Go ahead," Remus nodded, and felt Padfoot pawing at his feet. "I'll, err, change clothes," he said hurriedly, and went straight to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

He let his back slide against the door, and looked into Padfoot eyes before darkness took over.

~~~

There was definitely enough to make some kind of minestrone soup, so Sirius rolled up his sleeves and started making lunch. He was just about to cut an onion when he heard the bedroom door open.

"Hey," he said to Remus, who looked a bit bleary-eyed, still wearing Hagrid's clothes. "We'll be all right without ordering."

Remus looked at him like he didn't know what he was talking about. "...what?"

"Um... I uh, took the liberty of checking in the fridge and pantry, and I found enough stuff to make a homemade soup. Is that all right?"

Remus slowly looked down to the cutting board and the knife Sirius was still holding, and something seemed to click. "Oh," Sirius heard him breathe, and was surprise to see him smile softly. "It's all right. T-Thank you."

The barely-there stutter made sudden sense, and Sirius sighed. "Remus..."

"Yeah?" the man said innocently, and it took all of Sirius's willpower not to drop the knife and embrace him tightly, onions be damned.

"You don't have to hide like that," Sirius started. "I mean, I might not be ready to see another big seizure directly, but... you don't have to hide them from me either," he explained softly to a wide-eyed Remus. "Am I making any sense?"

"How did you—" Remus gaped, but gained back control quickly enough. "I thought I was good at hiding it."

"You are," Sirius assured him, and turned back to his onions to hide his smile. "Maybe not from me anymore?" he ventured.

"Hmm," he heard Remus say dubiously, half a sigh and half a mumble, and something electric shot up in Sirius's spine. "D'you need help with that?"

"Oh no, it's fine," Sirius replied, perhaps a tad too quickly. "Please relax? You're overworked because of me," he joked.

"Sirius..." Remus said with a warning. "You know that's—"

"Your job, yes, I know," Sirius interrupted him, and sniffed.

"That's not what I was about to say," Remus said quietly, and approached him from behind. "Are you all right?"

Sirius looked to the side at Remus, his eyes on fire. "I'm literally crying because I'm cutting onions, Remus. Apart from that, I'm good," he joked again, smiling.

"Are you though? I know this won't be easy," Remus continued. "Look... I'm going to be right by your side the whole time, and I mean it. I'll be right there if you need me."

Sirius had his eyes closed, trying to stop the aggressive tingling behind his eyelids. "I know... I'm not scared. Just... apprehensive, is all."

"Okay," Remus replied, seemingly satisfied with his answer. "I'll let you cry in peace then," he joked, and Sirius barked a laugh. "I'll be in the shower, just holler if you need me."

"Will do."

~~~

"Well, my wish was granted," James took a hold of Lily's hips, putting his head in the crook of her neck from behind.

"This is all very domestic," Lily answered as she finished texting Dorcas. "But need I remind you we haven't gone to a proper date yet?"

"How about tonight?"

She turned around with one eyebrow raised. James could see her eyes clearly from this short distance, though everything around her was out of focus.

But that was usually the case, anyway.

"What, you'll make me dinner?"

"Err, I can't really cook, actually. Sirius is always the one feeding us," James said sheepishly, putting a red thread of hair behind her ear carefully.

"Oh my God, I so hope he'll be cooking for Remus. D'you reckon he would?"

"Probably already is," James replied thoughtfully. "He always does when he's at a loss."

"Remus is going to melt," Lily grinned. "Okay, enough talk about them. Wanna watch a movie and cuddle?"

"Sure. But I'm more likely to be listening to the movie than watching it," he said, pointing at his eyes.

"Oh," Lily breathed. "We should get you glasses quickly. Maybe Dorcas can find them..."

"Well, if you keep holding my hand, I guess I don't really need them," James smiled, taking Lily's hand in his.

"Ugh, you're so _romantic_ ," Lily replied with a fake scowl, getting her phone out to text Dorcas again.

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

Lily lifted her head, smiling sweetly up to James. "No," she murmured. "It's not."

~~~

Sirius was satisfied with the scent, and closed the lid on the broth, letting it simmer.

"Smells like heaven," he heard behind him, and really, he should've thought about how Remus would look freshly out of the shower.

His curls were darker and longer, falling into his eyes with the weight of the water still trapped in them, and his jumper seemed to hug his body more closely than usual, probably from the dampness of his skin against the fabric.

"It'll be ready in about 30 minutes," Sirius managed to say, though he had no idea how.

Remus nodded. "I, err... need your help with this," he pointed to his neck where the cut from the knife was still visible. "Do you think you could do another one?" he asked, holding a first aid kit in one hand.

"Yeah, sure," Sirius said more surely than how he felt, and washed his hands before proceeding in making the bandage.

He cleaned the area gently just like he had the day before and tried to concentrate on the task, but Remus's broad shoulders lifting up and down calmly and hazel eyes looking down at him were, to say the least, very distracting. "Here," he said and finished wrapping up the bandage with shaky fingers.

"Thanks," Remus murmured. "There's a towel ready for you if you want to take a shower too. You can use my stuff, if you want."

Sirius thanked him, grabbed his backpack, and escaped to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. However, being in there didn't help any, since he couldn't stop thinking about how Remus had been naked in here only minutes before. ' _I'm not a fucking teenager,_ ' he thought angrily, throwing his clothes on the floor and getting fresh ones out of his bag. ' _I can do this without being a bloody pervert._ ' He opened the water. ' _This is not the time to think about such things._ ' He sat down on a convenient bench placed in the shower, and let the water roll on his back blissfully. A sudden memory came forward, hands gripping at his hips and the hard planes of a body rolling against him, and Sirius sighed as he put his head against the tiles with a pitiful whine. ' _Fuck._ '

~~~

Remus was reading distractingly, trying to think about anything other than the fact that Sirius was currently naked and showering only feets away in his bathroom, when his cellphone rang. Padfoot's head perked up at the sound from where it had been resting between his paws calmly.

"Yes, this is Remus?" he answered without looking at the ID, closing the book carefully and putting it aside.

"Mr Lupin, hello," a man responded, and Remus felt surprised. "I was hoping we could meet later on today, if you are available."

"You're taking the case?" Remus asked excitedly.

"I am," Dumbledore answered with a hint of a smile in his voice. "Can you and Mr Sirius Black come to my office at, say, 1:00PM this afternoon?"

"Yes, we will," Remus replied. "Thank you, Professor."

"I should be the one thanking you," Dumbledore answered mysteriously before hanging up.

"We're going out?" he heard Sirius say as he came out of the bathroom, and Remus saw him flexing his right hand.

"Are you in pain?" Remus asked, standing up from the couch and marching up to Sirius, taking his hand and inspecting it closely.

"Um, yeah, a bit. Maybe I shouldn't have gone so hard at boxing with Hagrid yesterday."

"You practiced boxing?" Remus said surprised. "Did you like it?"

"Loved it," Sirius smiled. "Hagrid's a great teacher."

"Yeah..." Remus agreed, and realised he was still holding Sirius's hand in his, and let it drop. "I have some medication for the pain, hang on," he said before going to the bathroom's pharmacy, and came back with a bottle of meds. "Here, it's an anti-inflammatory. You should eat something before taking it though, it can be hard on the stomach."

"You seem to know a lot about that," Sirius said curiously.

Remus smiled. "I've had my fair share of broken bones and bruises." He dropped two pills into Sirius's outstretched hand. "The soup's probably ready, yeah? You could eat that before taking them."

"All right."

As Sirius went to the stove, Remus had to take a deep and controlling breath. He had not been ready for Sirius smelling like his own shower products, and it flared something inexplicable in his belly. "I had a call from a crown prosecutor attorney," he said, trying to distract himself. "It's a _very_ good attorney. He was one of my teachers back at uni." He went to take two bowls in one of the kitchen cabinets, giving them silently to Sirius.

"Is it your mentor? The one who encouraged you to work in the security business?"

Remus turned, surprised that Sirius remembered that. "Yeah. He asked for us to meet him. You up to the task?"

"Of course," replied Sirius easily, but Remus could see he was bluffing. "We've got to do this, yeah?"

"Yeah," said Remus slowly, watching Sirius use a large spoon and putting the soup he'd made for them in their bowls. "And we have a good chance with this CP," he added encouragingly.

"Good," Sirius nodded, and smiled up to Remus. "Now sit down and eat, please," he added, pushing a hot bowl into Remus's hands. "And stop fussing over me."

"I'm not—" He was about to argue, but the aroma going up from the bowl he was holding reached his nostrils, and he felt his indignation falter. "All right."

Sirius scoffed, grinning. "If I'd known it only took homemade cooking to have the last word in a conversation with you, I would've done it a long time ago."

"Shut up," Remus answered without malice, trying to hide his smile. "It looks good, and I don't want to argue."

"Mmh-hmm," Sirius said dubiously, still teasing. "Bon appétit, then."

Remus looked at him in surprise. "That was actually a really good pronunciation of the expression."

Sirius winked. "I know."

~~~

"Please enter," a voice said, and Remus opened the door.

He hadn't seen his previous mentor in quite a while, but Dumbledore was exactly as he had always been. White long hair and beard, flashy clothes, and piercing blue eyes that could unveil any secrets.

"Ah, Mr Lupin. What a pleasure," Dumbledore said, and Remus stepped forward in a stride to shake his hand, conscious not to make the man feel like he had to stand up.

"Professor," he acknowledged. "It's been a long time. How's Fawkes?"

"He's doing good," Dumbledore replied, petting his dog's head, silently sitting right beside him. The man lifted his eyes, and looked at something past Remus's shoulder. "And you must be Mr Sirius Black."

Sirius nodded, and stepped forward in turn to greet the man. "It's a pleasure, sir. I've heard a great deal about your exploits," he added, making Remus turn to him, perplexed. "Convicting Grindelwald must have been arduous."

"It was," the older man smiled. "But convicting Mr and Mrs Black might prove to be even more a tedious task."

"You don't sound very encouraging," Sirius grumbled before he could stop himself, and Remus shot him a warning look.

Dumbledore laughed lightly. "I've been waiting for this case for years," he said, and Sirius frowned in surprise. "You were the missing piece."

"Sir, I'm... not sure I'm following," Sirius said, and Remus was inclined to agree.

"Please sit," he motioned to two plush chairs in front of his desk instead of answering, and grabbed a box beside him. "Biscuits?"

Sirius looked sideways to Remus, who looked back, and only slightly shrugged his shoulders, as if saying 'I have no idea what's going on either.'

Sirius felt satisfied that he wasn't the only one, and turned back to the attorney. "No, thank you. Sir, I'm—"

"I prefer lemon drops myself, but my assistant insists on giving me these," Dumbledore said before closing the lid of the box, and putting it beside him. "He says it's more elegant. Who says I need elegant? What I need is to feel like my tongue is about to fall off from the sourness of a lemon candy. Oh, but he is still giving me free food, so who am I to complain?" He shrugged. "Sometimes, people judge what we need from how we look and what they understand of us. Wouldn't you agree, Sirius?"

"Um..." Sirius shook off the surprise of being addressed by his first name so suddenly, and tried to remember what was the question. "I think I'd agree," he looked at Remus again, who was looking down at his feet with a barely hidden smile.

"Yes," Dumbledore continued, apparently satisfied. "If only Mr and Mrs Black had understood what it is you really needed, we wouldn't be here."

Sirius squinched his eyes, eyeing the man in front of him. "And what do you know of what I need? You don't know me," he asked abruptly, and felt Remus place a hand to his right shoulder firmly, as if to calm him.

"I don't know you," Dumbledore agreed, still smiling. "But I know of you. And I have been waiting a long time for you. Please, sit down."

Sirius realized they hadn't moved since they had greeted the man, and sat down soundly in one of the chairs, wary of that strange man.

"Err, Professor? Should I—?" Remus asked, motioning to the door, and Sirius eyes got wide, urging him to stay, to not leave him alone with the stranger.

"No no, please sit down, Mr Lupin. We all need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only one who finds it weird that people hug or shake hands in stories now? I've became so used to the social distancing that I found it weird to write close proximity exchanges... Oh well.


	30. The Two Of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Depiction of an eating disorder (anorexia).
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Hey lovelies!
> 
> I honestly don't have much of an excuse for the late posting this time... 
> 
> I... um... played and finished The Last Of Us Part II for three days in a row without stopping, and wasn't in the mood to post this at all. I'm so sorry! 😩 That game totally wrecked me and I was honestly feeling depressed afterwards. Gosh, that was hard. Also, I was so so surprised when the main character started playing 'Take On Me' on a guitar at some point in the game (the same song that Sirius sang and danced on in Chapter 14 of this story.) I was like... what are the odds?? Life is so weird sometimes.
> 
> Anyways, I'm not here to make an essay about TLOU2 (though I really could talk about that game for hours). I'm just saying I've been a lazy ass for the past few days, playing 6~7 hours per day and not posting because of it. I apologize.
> 
> Also, I was, yet again, put off by J.K. Rowling's transphobic tweets. I'm one of those who think we should be able to separate the art from the person, but it still pains me everytime she goes out with that sort of ignorant statements. I still love Harry Potter, obviously, and this fanfic belongs to me, but I also don't condone anything the Harry Potter's universe author says about transgender and non-binary people. That shit is unacceptable.
> 
> I've actually been in the process of writing my next fanfic whenever I was stuck with this one, and from the start I decided Sirius would be gender fluid in that fanfic I'm writing. I was writing it even before Rowling wrote these new tweets, but I guess now I'm really gonna post it someday as some sort of rebellion, too. 😂
> 
> So yeah, anyway... here's a chapter a little bit more light at the end, because I'm warning you... next chapter is going to be heavy and brutal. We deserve a bit of comfort beforehand, yeah? Oh, and there's gonna be comfort after, too, don't you worry 😁
> 
> Thank you all so much as usual ❤️ And stay safe!

"Are you familiar with the process of charges and the technicalities of the courtroom?"

Sirius looked sideways at Remus, sitting calmly beside him, before looking back to Dumbledore. "Um, well... I've had charges pressed against me once, but it was dropped before I even had to go to the courtroom. Remus filled me in for the rest, mostly."

"I see," Dumbledore said, joining his hands on the desk, and Sirius just noticed a tremor passing through them. "Are you aware you'll have to make a statement and testify?"

"I knew I was going to be summoned as a witness, yes."

"Not only summoned, but scrutinized," Dumbledore started, somber. "The defense attorney is going to cross-examine you, trying to undermine your input to the case."

"I can take it," Sirius answered, his head held high. "I've been marginalized by my family my whole life. This is just another one of those times."

Dumbledore didn't answer immediately, eyeing him with his piercing gaze over his thin glasses. "Your bravery is admirable. What I'm wondering about is your response to the situation. You'll have to be very careful about what you answer to the defense, regardless of how you feel. The comments made _will_ be unjust and offensive, and any slip on your part will be turned against you. Do you understand?"

Sirius took a deep breath, steadying himself. He saw one of Remus's hand twitch in his peripheral vision. "I understand."

"You can prepare a statement, or improvise. Your choice. The preliminary hearing is going to start tomorrow morning, but you are only scheduled to testify at 1PM," he said, giving Sirius an official looking piece of paper where the information was written.

"Wait... how long is the trial going to last?" Sirius asked.

"Probably around four days," he said, and Sirius gasped. "You'll have to sit outside the courtroom and wait to be called before going to the witness box. Your testimony could last for hours on end. As for you, Remus, you are summoned to testify right after Sirius, if there is still time." Dumbledore gave the same official paper to Remus before getting a device out of one of his desk's drawers. "Now," he added, turning his full attention to Sirius, "I would like you to recount everything you can remember about Mr and Mrs Black and possible illegal activities they might have undertaken, from your earliest memory to right now. I will use this to record our conversation. Is that okay with you?"

"Every memory? That's probably going to take a while," Sirius said, snorting.

"We have..."—Dumbledore looked at a clock hung on a wall—"about two hours. Is that enough?"

Sirius shrugged. "I reckon it is. What do you wish me to start with?"

"The business trips your parents took you on as a child, for example."

Sirius blinked in surprise. "Is that..." He looked at Remus again for reassurance, but saw that he was also frowning in incomprehension. "Is that really relevant to the case at hand?"

"Oh, it is. More so than you can imagine. But if something becomes too personal, Mr Lupin could wait outside. However, I'd like if he could be here and provide informations concordant to the recent events you'll be recounting."

"He can stay for all of it. I have nothing to hide." ' _Anymore_ ,' Sirius added internally, and couldn't help but feel relieved and grateful.

He didn't dare look at Remus this time.

"Good," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling mysteriously. "Then I'm all ears," he added, and pressed a button on the device.

~~~

After almost two hours of talking and answering obscure questions about his family, their ties, their political affiliation, their values, and even some questions about Black Industries that Sirius almost didn't know anything about, he felt drained and still had questions of his own left unanswered.

"Sir? May I ask you something?"

"You already did, but yes, you may ask away some more," Dumbledore answered, smiling as he petted his dog's head absently.

"It's just... I thought this whole trial would be about the fact that my... _parents_ tried to get me killed. I now feel like I was wrong. You said I was the 'missing piece'."

Dumbledore stayed silent.

"Sir...?"

"There was no question in your statement, Sirius. What do you wish to know?"

Sirius sighed impatiently, getting tired of the games this old man kept playing at. His patience was wearing thin. "Are they being charged for something more than just trying to kill me?"

"Yes," Dumbledore replied easily. "Or at least, I am strongly attempting to."

"What kind of charges?" Sirius pressed, barely noticing he was now sitting at the edge of his seat.

"I cannot disclose that information, unfortunately. It could undermine your own testimony. You are also forbidden to talk to other witnesses or listen to their testimonies in the courtroom. You'll only be allowed in after your own statement is made, and only then can you go to the courtroom to hear what others have to say. Everybody can be present when the magistrates decide if the case is to be taken to Crown court or not."

Sirius huffed, but it was Remus who took over. "Professor... do the other charges have good chances on bringing this case to Crown court?"

"Almost definitely, yes. If everything goes as planned, that is."

Remus seemed satisfied with the answer, and stood up, ignoring Sirius's wide-eyed expression. "Thank you, Professor. We'll meet again tomorrow?"

"Certainly. You'll excuse me for not escorting you back to the exit, I'm sure."

"Of course," Remus answered, and motioned for Sirius to stand up and follow him. "Let's go," he said to Padfoot, and went to open the door.

As they opened it to get out of the attorney's office, they stumbled upon another man waiting outside, and Remus felt a spike of apprehension rise up in him at the recognition.

"Mr Snape, we were supposed to meet at 4PM, not half past three," Dumbledore said behind them.

" _You_ —" Sirius advanced towards the man in front of them, trying to subconsciously place himself between Remus and the slimy git, but he felt a hand holding him back.

"Hello, Severus," Remus said calmly, his grip firm on Sirius's shoulder. "It's been a while."

"I knew you would take the case!" Snape spat at Dumbledore.

"It doesn't concern you in the slightest," the attorney answered sternly from where he was still sitting at his desk.

"It does if you spend time with them instead of convicting my—" he stopped, looking back at Sirius and Remus.

"It won't impact negatively on your case, I promise you that. I can perfectly well prosecute on multiple cases at once, I assure you," the old man replied calmly. "Now, Messers Lupin and Black, if you please, be on you way and let Mr Snape pass. We'll be in contact tomorrow."

Remus instantly moved aside, taking Sirius with him. "Sev—"

"I've got nothing to say to you, Loony Lupin. In fact, I hope to never see your fucking know-it-all ugly face ever again," Snape interrupted viciously, his eyes ablaze, and jutted his still bruised chin towards Sirius before adding, "And you better keep a tight leash on that new guard dog of yours."

Sirius made a move to lunge forward, but Remus kept him back by circling an arm around his torso from behind. "Stop, it's not worth it," he said to Sirius as he struggled against him to get to Snape, who recoiled in fear and entered the office, closing the door behind him.

Sirius was breathing heavily, his vision blurred but eyes riveted to the door, and Remus kept his arm around him for some time until he felt like he could let go safely. "Sirius, it's okay," he murmured near his ear. "It's fine."

Sirius shook Remus off of him with force, and the blond threw his hands in the air in a peacemaking gesture.

Sirius huffed and turned on his heels, marching to the exit with heavy steps, Remus sighing behind him.

~~~

It was not until they were back at the flat that Sirius exploded.

"What the fuck was that?!" he said loudly, pointing his finger towards nothing in particular, standing in the middle of the living room. "Why the hell do you let him treat you like this?!"

"Because he has a right to be angry," Remus replied tiredly, hanging the dripping umbrella to dry and joining Sirius warily. "We have a... a history."

"No shit!" Sirius started to pace around in front of Remus. "What's the story then? What justifies this in your mind, is what I wanna know!"

"It's... it's complicated."

Sirius growled. "Good thing I have all the time in the world then! You two were together or something?!"

"No, not at all!" Remus recoiled, frowning. "I never had any interest in Severus in that regard."

"Okay, so what was it? Was he part of the bullies who ruined your life in highschool? Because if so I swear to God I'm going back there and—"

"We were friends," Remus interrupted, and Sirius stopped pacing suddenly. "Me, Lily, Sev... we were friends. Close friends. My... my only friends at the time."

Sirius looked at him with wide eyes, and said nothing, so Remus continued.

"I met them both in highschool, as you know. But Lily and Severus knew each other from before. They were already close friends, but it was Lily who started talking to me first. I'll never understand why she did it, but I'll always be eternally grateful she did," he smiled sadly. "She started talking to me, and with time, Severus opened up to me too, and they both took me in, so to speak. We were inseparable," Remus said, looking out the window in the living room, trying to recollect the memories correctly. "They, as much as Hagrid, saved my life in a way. And so, when I got to know them more, and started to notice that Severus had problems too... I wanted to return the favor."

There was a silence before Sirius broke it, much more calmly this time. "What problems?"

Remus hesitated, looking back at Sirius. "His father was abusive. He kept on being violent with his wife, and eventually the violence transferred to his son, too. I wasn't the only one coming in class with inexplicable bruises. But whilst mine were inflicted by my illness and by other kids my age, Severus's were inflicted by his own father. His own _father_."

Remus saw Sirius become uneasy, circling his arms around himself, but still continued telling the story. He wanted Sirius to understand. "And because of that, he started skipping meals. He barely ate in a day, but tried hiding it from us, saying he had already eaten when we were not looking, or that he wasn't feeling like eating that day, or that he had developed food allergies. We knew these were all lies, but he closed up immediately if we brought up the subject," Remus said shakily, scrubbing a hand to his face with tiredness. "I think he did it because he felt like it was the only control he had in his life. The one thing his father couldn't touch. It lasted three years before we decided to react."

"What happened?"

Remus looked back out the window, big droplets of rain falling on the city. "It was like he was disappearing. Literally disappearing out of thin air. He was getting dangerously underweight and... he would lose consciousness out of nowhere, almost as often as my seizures. And so... I went to the police, filed a report on domestic abuse against his father, and asked for a sectioning for Severus."

"You mean..." Sirius said in a low voice. "You mean, like, force him to be admitted in a hospital?"

"Yes," Remus breathed. "I... I had no other choice. I couldn't watch him die. I couldn't stay silent. And... and I'd do it all over again if I had to. It was the only thing we could do to make sure he'd stay alive and safe."

"But that's..." Sirius walked backwards until his back hit the wall, and Remus felt a pang of sadness in seeing Sirius looking at him in such a state of alarm. "That's..."

"I know. I wish I didn't have to do it. But he would've _died_ , Sirius, and what was I supposed to do? Watch and wait? Be a silent enabler?!"

Sirius said nothing, looking at him in way he had never done before.

"They had saved _me_ ," Remus said forcefully, his voice breaking slightly on the last word. "Who was I if I couldn't protect them, save them back when I had the chance?"

"I... I get what you mean," Sirius murmured finally. "I would do the same for James. It's just... It's so _violating_ , is it not?"

"It is," Remus agreed sadly.

There was a silence for a while, both reflecting, but Sirius spoke again first. "And then, what happened?"

Remus sighed. "Well... he got sectioned. Spent six months in a psychiatric ward under therapy. Gained back some weight... And in these six months, he had time to hate me. Time to think about what I did and why I did it," Remus licked his lips, and continued. "He'd always had a crush on Lily. Hell, I think at this point, he actually really loved her. And so he thought... he thought I loved her too, and wanted to have her for myself."

"But that's ridiculous!" Sirius had disbelief written all across his face. "I mean, aren't you gay?"

"I am, but he didn't know that. I was still closeted at the time, even to Lily."

"I see..." Sirius nodded in understanding. "Did you tell him?"

"I told him. I outed myself to him so he would understand it wasn't for that reason. It... it backfired."

"What d'you mean?"

"He came back to school after his sectioning, and outed me publicly," Remus said, feeling anger and pain at the memory. "Said it was payback for telling people about what his father did to him. He outed me to everyone at school, and then the other kids just had more reasons to beat me up."

"Fuck, Remus..." Sirius breathed, taking a step towards him, shortening the distance. "I'm so sorry."

"It was a long time ago," Remus said softly, sighing. "And I learned to defend myself. I had already started training at Hagrid's even before Severus was hospitalized. And then we finally graduated from that wretched place, and my life became a whole lot better. But... it didn't for Severus. It never did for him. His father's still with his mother, and Severus had to leave her there to save himself."

"And now Dumbledore's helping him?"

"I asked him to help Severus, yes."

Sirius frowned. "Wait... how? When?"

"Shortly after you met him at that restaurant with James," Remus replied simply. "Professor Dumbledore had a sort of debt towards me, and I asked him to help Severus and prevent him from pressing charges against you as payment to that debt."

"You... it was _you_?" Sirius asked, not knowing how to feel at this point. "You wasted an IOU from the greatest crown prosecutor of England on me," he continued in disbelief. "I don't know if that's honorable, patronizing, or plain stupid."

"It's not any of the three," Remus argued. "It's logical. I helped three people at once: you, me, and Severus."

Sirius huffed. "Jesus, Rem. You can't keep on doing things on my behalf like that and hide them from me," he said, the nickname suddenly slipping without even noticing. "You can't keep on trying to _save_ people."

"It's my—"

" _No_ , it's not your fucking job!" Sirius exclaimed, not in anger, but in exasperation. He took another two steps towards Remus, looking up at him in the eyes. "Not everything is resting on your shoulders! God, I've never seen someone with such a savior complex."

"You're one to talk," Remus replied gruffly, crossing his arms on his chest. "Mr 'I'm-Going-To-Surrender-Myself-And-Get-Killed-Because-I'm-Too-Impulsive'!"

Sirius squinched his eyes. "That's low... but you've got a point."

"Thank you," Remus said, surprised, but satisfied.

Sirius huffed again, but looked at Remus softly, shaking his head. "You're something else, Remus Lupin."

And at that, Remus didn't know what to say.

"I have one last question for you," Sirius added after a while, and Remus nodded at him to continue. "What did you do so that Dumbledore owed you?"

A bit of color went to Remus's cheeks. "I... Err..."

"Let me guess. You saved him," Sirius deadpanned.

"Well, yeah."

Sirius turned around, barking a laugh. "I can't believe you sometimes," he said without malice. He turned back to Remus when he felt like he could look at him without laughing again. "You, what, plunged into deep waters and did CPR on him?"

"I defended him against a group of three students that had cornered him late at night after school," Remus said with an insulted look. "I never thought he owed me anything for that. It was just common sense to defend anyone who's getting assaulted, but he insisted on returning the favor someday. That's also when he recommended I started my own security company and— _why are you laughing?_ "

"Oh Remus, I can't with you," Sirius said, trying to contain bubbles of laughter from spilling out completely. He put a hand on Remus's shoulder without noticing to stabilize himself. "Anybody would've screamed and called the police, but I bet you just went all in and smacked them down, didn't you?"

"I did, and it was very satisfying," Remus said proudly, his lips starting to curl upwards.

"No doubt," Sirius barked a last laugh, and let his hand fall between them. "And now, here we are."

"Here we are."

A silence. "Thank you for telling me all that," Sirius murmured after a while. "You didn't have to. I'm sorry for how I reacted earlier—"

"It's fine," Remus cut in gently. "I get it. And I... I wanted to tell you. About that. I just, I didn't know how."

Sirius nodded, and smiled. "After all this is over, I'd very much like to know more about the Wondrous Life of Our Savior Remus Lupin over a pint or two, if that's not too much to ask."

Remus snorted, and turned around, going to put food into Padfoot's bowl. "You'll be very disappointed."

"Allow me to doubt that," Sirius said with a smile Remus couldn't see.

Remus's neck seemed slightly red as he bent to open the bag of dog food, a stark contrast against the blond curls. "Are you going to write a statement tonight? Or you'll just wing it tomorrow?" he asked, definitely changing the subject to something focusing on Sirius instead of himself.

Sirius snorted. "I'm sure you've figured I'd wing it," he said, more confident than he felt. "I wouldn't really know what to write in a statement anyway." He looked at Remus nodding as he hummed, the dog food making a characteristic sound against the metal bowl as he poured it in. "What do you think are the other charges Dumbledore was talking about?"

"I'm not sure," Remus petted the head of Padfoot as he ate. "Might has to do with politics, or theft, or undisclosed problems with the company. Hard to say."

"Politics? Like lobbying?"

"Something like that, yeah," Remus stood up and turned back to Sirius, leaning on the kitchen counter behind him, his cheeks back at their usual colour. "He asked a lot of questions that were leading in that direction."

"Kreacher would know more about that than me," Sirius said, frowning. "I've been out for too long to know."

"Your input is still valuable. And whatever they did, if it brings them behind bars for more than 25 years, well... I'm not the one who's gonna complain about it," Remus added with a wry smile. "A good thing we can pile up the charges if it's possible."

"Yeah, no, I know. I just didn't expect that." Sirius bit at a hangnail, but stopped immediately as he noticed he was doing it. "Isn't Dumbledore a bit, um..." he made a vague gesture with his hand.

"He has multiple sclerosis," Remus supplied.

"Oh," Sirius said stupidly. "That explains some things, but that's actually not what I was talking about. Is that why he has a service dog?"

"It is," Remus replied as looked down at Padfoot eating. "His dog's of Viszla breed, very affectionate and loyal, perfect height for being a walking support, and known for their good retrieving skills. He came from the same training center where I got Padfoot," he looked back at Sirius. "It was Professor Dumbledore that told me about service dogs, actually. I didn't think it possible for my condition, but I was proved wrong."

"I see," Sirius smiled. "But I meant, Dumbledore is... peculiar."

Remus huffed a laugh. "He's the most intelligent man I've ever met, and I trust him completely. But... he does have a way of doing things that's not entirely conventional."

"Well, conventional might've not been able to convict Grindelwald."

"Exactly," Remus nodded. "But still... I also wonder why this case seems so important to him. He said he'd been waiting for years..." Remus murmured thoughtfully.

"You have no idea what he means by that?"

"I don't," Remus shrugged and walked towards his bookcase. "You can relax a bit now, if you want. You can watch a movie or read anything you'd like here. Just... stay inside. I don't think it's safe for you to go alone out there yet, and I'm knackered."

"Yeah, no, I get it. I think I'll read something too. It's been a while," Sirius answered, standing beside Remus and looking at different book bindings. "Anything you'd recommend?"

Remus looked at him, and smiled. "It depends. What do you feel like reading?"

Sirius thought about it for a while. "Something psychological. Maybe thrilling, suspensful. Or horror."

"Recent or old?" Remus asked, browsing through different books with a finger.

"Recent," Sirius answered, looking at Remus curiously. "How come you didn't decide to work in the literature field?" he dared asking.

"I was afraid to turn a hobby into a job, and end up not liking it anymore. Actually, I..." Remus trailed, seemingly hesitating.

"Actually you... what?"

Remus replied without looking at Sirius. "I always wanted to be a teacher," he said quietly, as if he hoped Sirius wouldn't hear.

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, I could see that. Why didn't you?"

"It wasn't viable with my condition," Remus answered with a blank voice. "Owning a company with Lily grants me a more flexible schedule. And I avoid being a bodyguard myself for that reason. I only train the teams," he took a book, turning it in his hands, still not looking at Sirius. "Can you imagine, having a seizure while teaching in class in front of kids?" he murmured. "I've had too much of a bad experience at school to allow myself to do that."

Sirius nodded. "But it's part of why you would be such a great teacher. You would be fair, and intolerant of bad behaviors," Sirius said softly, hoping he wasn't overstepping any boundaries. The deep breath Remus took in encouraged him. "You would be a model and mentor to many."

"It doesn't matter now," Remus replied after a while. "I like the life I live. And I can always go back to literature on my free time."

"And you still teach, in a way. Training the teams, isn't it a bit the same?"

Remus finally turned around, and smiled softly at Sirius. "Yeah," he breathed. "I guess it is." He extended the book he was holding to Sirius. "Here."

Sirius took it gently, reading 'Bird Box: A Novel' as the title, with the cover art being birds apparently falling into the 'O' of 'Box', and the words 'Don't Open Your Eyes' written underneath it.

"It has some inconsistencies, but if you can oversee them, I think you'll find it an enjoyable read," Remus added after a beat. "I must warn you though... the subject of suicide is central to the story. I can find you something else if—"

"It should be fine. Thank you, Remus," Sirius answered with honesty, and then looked at the cover again, his eyes lingering on the author's name. "Wait a minute... Josh Malerman... isn't he the lead singer of The High Strung?"

"What's that?" Remus asked, curious.

"It's an American rock band of the early 2000's," Sirius said excitedly. "I didn't know he'd written a book!"

"And it got adapted as a movie, too. The bloke's rich," Remus joked.

"Probably. Well, that's most intriguing! Thank you," he repeated.

Remus turned back towards the bookcase, but Sirius could hear the next words very clearly. "I should be the one thanking you, for what you said earlier."

"It was only the truth," Sirius shrugged, and went to sit on the couch, passing in front of Padfoot who had finished eating. "What are you going to read?"

"I think I'm going in the same post-apocalyptic-book-turned-into-a-movie vein as yours," he said, before showing the red cover of a book called 'World War Z'. "Though this one is quite different from its movie adaptation."

"Oh yeah, I saw that one. It's super fast zombies, right?"

"It's zombies and how each country reacts to it. It's actually a really good book, if you like the genre of course," Remus said lightly, and was about to sit beside Sirius, but instead said, "Oh, d'you want a cuppa? I could boil some water."

"I never say no to that," Sirius smiled, and turned the first page of the book he was holding.

~~~

The sun was already setting when Sirius finished the last page of the book. He closed it, looking back at the cover with a mixture of awe and disbelief.

"Did you like it then?" Remus asked softly from where he was sitting beside him on the couch, his legs up on a foot rest, placing a bookmark delicately between two pages of his own book.

"I... yeah, I think so. It was a rollercoaster, for sure. I like how the creatures are never clearly described. Makes it more scary."

"Yes. Everyone has a different fear, and I think the author wanted to tap into that."

Sirius nodded, smiling. "Well, that was a nice read. I'll probably be thinking about it for days, especially the end. Bloody hell, that was _dark_."

Remus laughed quietly, and put his book aside, picking up his cellphone instead. "Speaking of dark, it's almost 8PM. Hungry?"

Sirius nodded again, and Remus started looking at some restaurant to order from, and saw from the corner of his eyes that Sirius had this far away expression on his face again now that the distraction was over. "You can put on music, if you want, but I don't have much choices I'm afraid," Remus answered apologetically. "There's an old CD player there," he pointed in front of them.

"You're the CEO of a security company that's protecting bands, and you don't listen to music?" Sirius said teasingly, getting up to see the CD shelf under the telly.

"I do listen to music! I just prefer to read, and decided to spend my money on the latter," Remus shrugged. "I actually used to do both at the same time, back when I was a kid living at my parents' house. My father had a record player. He would put on some Bowie or The Beatles or something, and I would read poets like John Keats or Lord Byron while listening to experimental artists trying to reinvent the 70s world of music."

Sirius smiled, looking at different albums in his hands, and sat down on the floor in front of the sound system. "A right swot."

"No wonder I got bullied," Remus agreed.

"No," Sirius turned his head around, frowning. "That was bollocks. You didn't deserve that. They were probably some ableist homophobic clueless kids with a shitty life."

"They were so dumb," Remus sighed.

"And picked on you because you were smart. Never apologize for that. They were in the wrong, not you," Sirius said, looking back at the CDs in his hands.

"I know..." Remus trailed, looking at Sirius's shoulders. "It still hurt, though."

"Of course it did, and if I could go back and punch them all in the face, I would."

"I already did that in my senior year," Remus smiled.

Sirius barked a laugh. "Good," he said without any remorse. "Let them rot in hell. Speaking of which," he added, showing a CD of AC/DC to Remus. "Rock?"

"Haven't listened to that one in ages," Remus replied. "Yeah, why not. You want a beer? I think I've got some stashed in the fridge."

"My my, Mr Lupin, you are full of surprises!" Sirius said with a fake shocked look that made Remus snort.

"D'you want one or not?" The blond stood up from the couch as the first notes of 'Hell Bells' reverberated against the walls. Remus might not have a big collection of music, but the sound system wasn't bad at all.

"Hell yeah, I want one," Sirius answered, making Remus roll his eyes. "No way in hell I would say no to a beer! When hell freezes over, then we shall see."

"Are you going to make puns with 'Hell' in them all night?" Remus said with an exasperated voice, trying to hide his smile.

"Maybe. Thing is, you can't throw me out. So what are you gonna do about it, mmh?" Sirius stood up from the floor and joined Remus in the kitchen.

Remus got two beers out of the fridge, opening one and giving it to Sirius without a word. "I could make you sleep on the floor. Or better yet, in Padfoot's cage that I haven't used in years."

"Well well well, Mr Proper, no need to be so vicious!" Sirius said with his shit eating grin, and Remus was just glad that he was able to distract him enough to see it.

"Don't test me," he replied playfully, clinking their beers together and taking a swig. "What d'you wanna eat?"

"I'd be hell bent for some pad thai," Sirius said innocently, and Remus groaned.

"Get the hell out," he replied, and Sirius laughed until he couldn't stand straight anymore.

~~~

Evidently, Remus didn't make Sirius sleep in Padfoot's cage, and instead opened the sofa bed like he said he would, and put clean sheets on it. The pad thai had been good and the beer perfect, and Sirius wondered when was the last time he had felt so safe since shit hit the fan a couple of days ago.

He went to the CD player and turned it off, both of them getting ready to go to sleep. Tomorrow was a big day, after all. "Tell me we didn't keep your neighbours from sleeping with all this devil music?"

"The flat is soundproof, no worries," Remus assured, putting a comfortable looking pillow unto the sofa. "Here you go. Your royal bed awaits you."

Sirius snorted. "You'll have to braid my hair and call me 'My Lord' if you keep talking like that."

"In your dreams," Remus responded, and crossed his arms. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to wake me up, okay? I mean it."

"All right."

"Good. Well... see you tomorrow?"

Sirius nodded, patting on the pillow to feel its softness. "Good night."

And just like that, Remus disappeared in the bedroom, and all the anxiety that seemed to evaporate in his presence came back little by little, making it hard for Sirius to even close his eyes.

He tried to think about Remus's smile and their playful banter, and finally evaded awareness in exchange for uneasiness as he dreamed of a courtroom so full of people he could barely draw breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting so long, and I'm kinda sorry for that but kinda not sorry, too. I feel like it's so important to show the development of Remus and Sirius's relationship through small chapters such as this one. Hope you all like it ❤️
> 
> On a side note, I actually never read Bird Box, only saw the movie. BUT I absolutely LOVE the book World War Z, and I recommend it if you love the zombies genre like I do. 😁


	31. The Sacred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNINGS: Dissociation and amnesia episode, panic attack, talks of a deceased loved one, brief mention of cannibalism (non graphic)
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Hello lovelies!
> 
> First of all.. I'm so, so, so sorry for that unexpected hiatus! My life is a bit crazy at the moment and this chapter was the hardest to write for me as of yet, for some reasons. I want to take the time and say thank you to all of you who sent me messages asking if I was okay, and saying they missed this story. You are all so precious, so loving and wonderful ❤️ Thank you thank you thank you!
> 
> I want to reassure everyone: this story WILL be finished and complete someday. We're almost at the end of the line, and most of it is already written, so no worries.
> 
> This chapter took FOREVER to write, and I actually realised it was more than 15,000 words long, so I decided to cut it in half. Which is a good news for y'all: you're gonna get the second part probably sometime next week 😁
> 
> I had to watch dozens of videos on Youtube and read countless articles about the trial system in the UK, as I knew nothing about it firsthand.
> 
> Also, I still don't have a Beta reader, so I'm very sorry if you see any mistakes.
> 
> Enjoy~

**_LATEST NEWS_ **  
**_BLACK SCANDAL: Trial to begin today_ **  
_by Rita Skeeter_

_It is still unknown what really happened, but one thing is sure: the Black family, one of the richest and—thanks to **Sirius Black** , singer of the beloved band **The Marauders** —most famous families in the United Kingdom, is under the spotlight once again._

_It has come under The Daily Prophet's attention that the Black matriarch and patriarch, namely Mr **Orion** and Mrs **Walburga Black** , both respectively CEO and CFO of the pharmaceutical company **Black Industries** , were arrested in the late afternoon on March 10th at the border of the United Kingdom in an incredible feat from the London's police department and their K9 team._

_"They were about to leave," a worker at the Heathrow airport, who asked to remain anonymous for their safety, confided in us. "They were buying tickets for outside the country when the alert went off and cops started pouring out from everywhere. It was crazy."_

_**But what did the Blacks do?** That's the question on everyone's lips, and though theories have started to emerge, mainly from forums on internet and viral tweets, nothing seems to be conclusive from our sources. Many think it has to do with their only son, Sirius Black, who has been estranged from his family ever since he became a well known singer of a rock band. Sirius Black, himself used to his own scandals, has been seen acting out and become violent towards another man merely a week ago, mentioning a certain 'Remus', which until recently, had remained a mystery to us all. After all, it would seem this 'Remus' could be none other than _ **_Remus Lupi_** _ **n** , member of **Cerberus Security,** and apparently a new bodyguard protecting The Marauders. Coincidentally, a fire has spread through this very same security company only two days ago, where an individual has been apprehended and who the police refused to disclose their identity to the press._

_Now that Mr and Mrs Black are under custody, what happens to the billion-pounds worth that their company represents? In the meantime, Mr **Rodolphus Lestrange** seems to have taken the reign of the industry in their absence. Mr Lestrange was reached by the Daily Prophet, sadly unsuccessfully, as he denied any comment on the matter._

_A trial is to be held today at the courthouse, but a huis-clos has been called upon, preventing The Daily Prophet from entering and answering all the questions the public still has._

~~~

Sirius took a deep and steadying breath.

They could still hear the reporters huddled right outside the court house, cameras going off and questions screamed as people started entering for the awaited trial. All the news had been talking about it since it had been made public that the Blacks were held under custody. Sirius had felt like his lungs had been caged just by seeing the mass of people Remus and him had went through just to be here right now, safe inside the court house. It was _madness_ , and Sirius was supposed to be used to reporters and people following him around.

Well, at least he had the best bodyguard at his side.

Sirius lifted his head, and noticed Remus was already looking at him with concern, his expression all soft and worried, and Sirius averted his eyes as he felt his heart somehow expand in his chest.

His eyes landed on a big lettered sign pinned to the main door of the courtroom.

_**All persons not connected to this matter will need to leave the court and the hearing of this court. This is now a closed court.** _

Sirius looked at the sign, and felt his anxiety spike again. "Does that mean you can't be there?" he asked to Remus.

"Err... well..." Sirius looked closely at him, and didn't understand why he was getting shy now, above all things. "I could stay, if you wanted to..." Remus finished, his cheeks red.

"Of course I want to!" Sirius said, a bit too loudly.

"I could stay as... as the support person to the witness," Remus explained as he looked at the ground. "But there can only be one. Wouldn't you prefer James to be there?"

Sirius thought for a moment. A year before now, hell, even just three months ago, he would've said yes immediately. He would've taken James over anyone in his life in a blink of an eye.

When did Remus had become so important? When had he become _the most_ important?

"No," Sirius mumbled, feeling like it was his turn to look down at his feet in shyness, and did so. "I'd like it to be you. I mean, if you want."

"Of course," he heard Remus reply. "I told you, I'll stay right by your side as long as you need me."

' _You're saying it like I'll stop needing you someday,_ ' Sirius wanted to say, but had the decency to keep his mouth shut.

They startled at the sound of a door opening, revealing a short and bald man with a severe air around him. "Sirius Black?" he barked without any preamble.

"Yeah...?"

"Wait in the witness corridor, just right at the corner," he pointed on the right, "And don't talk to anyone," he added sternly before looking back at Remus. "Who are you?"

"Support to the witness," Remus replied swiftly without looking at Sirius.

"And what is this?" the man said, pointing at Padfoot standing at Remus's feet, his tongue out.

"My service dog."

The man grunted. "Fill this then," he replied, pointing to what seemed like a list resting on a low table beside them. "We'll call on you when we're ready. _Be there_." And just like that, the man went back inside, closing the door behind him loudly.

"Charming," Sirius said, and Remus breathed a laugh.

~~~

The front door clicked opened, and James saw a blur of red hair appear at the flat's main door. "Lily?"

"Yeah, it's me," she answered, smiling. "Thanks Benjy," she nodded to the bodyguard, who nodded back.

"No trouble."

"Yeah, thanks for the babysitting," James grumbled, trying to count the Monopoly money in his hands, the paper as close as two inches from his face.

"James—" Lily started in a warning.

"And you're late," James cut in, still not looking at her.

"I'll, uh, get going," Benjy tried, but Lily didn't acknowledge him, having her full attention on James.

"Yeah, I'm late. So? You had Benjy with you, nothing bad could've happened."

James put the money down more fiercely than necessary. "Nothing bad? Nothing _bad_?"

"See you... around," Benjy mumbled, leaving the flat with hurried steps.

Neither James nor Lily turned around to see him leave.

"What's it with you?" Lily squinched her eyes. "Look, I know you wanted to come with me at the court house, but—"

"But I would've only been an hindrance, yeah yeah," James replied, scattering the Monopoly pieces inside the box. "D'you know how long it takes to play Monopoly with only two players?" he asked suddenly, and Lily was almost dizzy with the change of subject.

"No...?"

"It's pretty fucking long. And this,"—James held the board with two fingers before throwing it with the rest in the box—"was our second game," he deadpanned.

Lily frowned. "Well, I reckon you both should've played something else then."

"That's not the point!" James exclaimed. "You're _late_."

Lily sighed. "I _know_. I went at Dorcas's flat to pick up this," she said, wanting to smash the small glasses box on the table in frustration, but had the right mind not to, and layed it down softly in James's hands instead. "You're _welcome_."

James gaped. "Are these...?"

"Your glasses, yes. But apparently, they're not as important as the fact of me being late," she replied, mocking.

James fell silent for a while, then looked up at her, the glasses still in his hands. "No, they're not."

"...What?" Lily said, confused.

"They're not." James stood up slowly from where he had been sitting on a cushion at the low coffee table in the middle of her living room. "I thought something bad had happened to you."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Seriously? I can handle myself."

"I know you can," James said lowly, his voice brimming with something unidentified. "Remus can, too. And still, he has marks on his neck from fending off a madman three days ago."

Lily stayed silent.

"You didn't call, didn't text," James continued. "Look, I know we're not exactly—not really a thing yet, or whatever," he said, cringing inside. "But that doesn't mean your friends don't get to worry. I was worried. Benjy, too."

Lily inhaled slowly. "All right," she conceded, crossing her arms on her chest. "I'm sorry. I forgot to charge my phone last night before going to sleep, and it died on me right before I was called to testify," she explained. "I should've used somebody's phone and call Benjy. I just... I didn't think it through. I wasn't exactly in my right mind."

James frowned at that, and put on his glasses to try and see Lily's expression better. "What do you mean?"

Lily sighed. "The testimony wasn't exactly a walk in the park. It was... pretty awful."

James approached her carefully. "I'm sorry, that sucks," he said, touching her arm gently, and she seemed to sag a little against it. "What happened?"

"Just a normal trial, I guess. But the defense attorney is a real arsehole," she replied, putting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. "Really has a way to make you seem like you're crazy or stupid."

James wrapped his arms around her. "Good at his job, then?" He circled a hand to her back, feeling the stress slowly sipping out of her. "Who is he?"

"I don't know, something Malfoy? Tall, hair so blond they're almost white."

James stopped. "Lucius Malfoy?"

Lily lifted her head to look at him. "You know him?"

James was frowning, a worry line present between his eyes. "Oh yeah, Sirius and I know him. And you're right, he's a total wanker. We went at the same school, he was a couple of years above us. I'm not surprised he's the one defending the Blacks, these two families have been in the circle for as long as anybody can remember."

Lily cocked an eyebrow. "The circle?"

"Aristocrats. Higher up society. Rich people circles. You know, that kind of barking mad stuff," James shrugged. "Malfoy, Black, Prewett, Avery, Lestrange... they're all part of the same circle called the Sacred Twenty-Eight."

"Twenty-eight families?"

"Twenty-eight _rich_ families," James supplied.

Lily looked at him innocently. "Like yours?"

James snorted. "Yeah, like mine, back when it was just called 'The Sacred', until my grandfather openly supported the motion for same-sex marriage to become legal. _That_ expelled the family out for good," he said proudly. "Not that we cared anyway."

"I see," Lily tilted her head to the side. "Just a bunch of bigots, then."

"With the means to make your life a living hell."

"That new Minister of Defense must just _love_ them."

James scowled. "Tom Riddle. I heard his mother was a Gaunt, one of the Sacred, but she married a poor man from lower rank and got disowned and expelled because of it. Her son is still very much aligned with the Sacred's mentality, though."

Lily nodded. "He's vile. Everyone one thinks he's so charming and honest and 'real', but what he says is actually terrible. Makes my skin crawl," she burrowed her head again into James's shoulder. "Ugh, I don't want to talk about this anymore. The trial was awful, people are awful, everything is _awful_." She tightened her arms around James's neck. "Well, apart from this, obviously."

"Was that a compliment, Miss Evans?" James smirked.

"Oh, shut up," she replied weakly, her eyes drooping. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah," he pushed his nose into her hair. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

~~~

"Witness Sirius Black!"

Sirius and Remus both jumped at the same time.

They were sitting, alone, on stiff chairs in the corridor, which seemed weird to Sirius. He expected to see other witnesses today, maybe Kingsley or even Lily, but no one was there.

They had been sitting down for thirty minutes, waiting for their turn, until that same bald man called him up.

"Yeah?" Sirius answered shakily, standing up.

"Your turn," the man motioned to the door leading inside the courtroom. "Stand in the witness box please."

Sirius frowned, but what the man said was made clear once he entered the room and saw a space definitely made for witnesses to stand in front of the court.

Three magistrates were sitting at the forefront on his left, dressed in formal attire but nothing too fancy, and smiling pleasantly at him. But what made Sirius take a deep breath was seeing Orion and Walburga sitting on the opposite side of the room, probably wearing the same clothes as the day before, all rumpled and wrinkled, a sight Sirius had never seen once in his entire life.

"Your Worships, I present to you the third witness of the day," a man sitting in front of the magistrates said. From the quick explanations Remus had provided him about trials, this man was probably the legal advisor. "Please state your name."

Sirius swallowed. "My name is Sirius Orion Black, third of my name."

"Are you acquainted with the defendants?" the man asked.

Sirius looked sideways at the Blacks, but they weren't looking at him. "I am. I'm their eldest son."

"The prosecution can proceed," the man said as he nodded to Dumbledore, which Sirius hadn't even realised was there.

And then, he saw him, standing right next to Dumbledore. _Malfoy_. He hadn't seen him in years, and somehow, he still looked exactly the same. That same long and sleek blond hair, same nose up in the air, same expression as if he had a stick up his arse.

Sirius snorted quietly, making Remus, who was standing right next to him, look at him strangely with his scorched eyebrow up in a quizzical manner.

"Their lawyer is a wanker," Sirius whispered as an answer.

"You know him?" Remus asked, surprised.

Sirius was just nodding as the bald man spoke up. "Silence in the courtroom until spoken to!"

Remus turned slightly pink in the cheeks. "Apologies," he said hurriedly, and Sirius would've tell the usher off under any other circumstance, but kept his mouth shut and sent daggers with his eyes instead.

"Mr Black," Dumbledore suddenly started, bringing Sirius back to the task at hand. "Shall we proceed?"

~~~

The questioning was a arduous process. Answering to Dumbledore's questions were a relatively easy task, but the cross-examination by Malfoy really hit a nerve. Sirius had to go through Malfoy trying to discredit him: if Sirius could describe the two hired killers perfectly, if Sirius was indeed smoking a fag on that balcony and not something more illegal, if he had drank, if he had attacked first... It was all very obvious that Malfoy wanted Sirius's voice to be void of any substance in the case.

And just as Sirius thought he had answered to any and every possible questions about the attempted murders, the many business travels he did as a child with his parents, the event surrounding the day he got disowned, Dumbledore took a route that Sirius least expected.

"Have you heard about a drug called 'PNZ-108' before?"

Sirius frowned, and racked his memory. He hadn't heard that in a long, long time. ' _What the hell?_ '

He turned to the three magistrates, and answered. "Yes, I've heard of it before."

"Could you tell us what you know about the PNZ-108 and how you came to know of it?"

Sirius swallowed, and took a deep breath. "Yes, I can. I'm not sure what the drug does exactly, but I heard from... from my brother, Regulus, that it could help save a lot of people, but Black Industries had a hard time manufacturing it and testing it, for some reasons."

"The brother you mentioned is the late Regulus Arcturus Black, correct?"

Sirius nodded, feeling uneasy. "That is correct."

"When did he mention the PNZ-108?"

"He did only twice, a bit more than four years ago."

"And did he mention what kind of side effects the drug could cause, or how it would help save people?"

"Not precisely, no. He said it was confidential, and so he didn't go into details. He just... he just needed to vent."

"Objection, your Worships," Malfoy interrupted, standing up. "The witness is attributing motives to a deceased person."

Sirius felt like his blood was boiling, but avoided looking at Malfoy's fucking condescending face.

"Objections accepted. Mr Black, we understand this recounting isn't easy, but please try to answer the questions in a factual manner," one of the magistrate said apologetically.

"Okay," Sirius took a breath, and felt Remus's fingers against his palm. He squeezed them back, and slotted their hands easily, fitting together instantly, feeling already much calmer.

He could _do_ this.

"When was the last time you saw your brother Regulus?"

Sirius took another shaky breath, thrown off by the question. He looked at Dumbledore, who nodded encouragingly to him, waiting for him to answer to the magistrate. "The night he died, four years ago," Sirius said, more clearly than he thought he was able to.

"How did Mr Regulus die?"

Sirius distantly knew he was starting to shake slightly, and felt Remus's hand still in his grounding him. "He committed suicide by overdose on the 6th of September."

"And you were there when he died?"

"Yes."

"How did you know it was an overdose that killed your brother?"

"My cousin, Bellatrix Black, told me at the funerals."

"Are you aware the death of Regulus Black was attributed to a stroke?"

"Yes, I am aware."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because Orion and Walburga Black didn't want the press to know their son had committed suicide. They wanted it to look like an accident as to not put a stain on the family's image."

"Objection, your Worships. The witness is attributing motives to the defendants."

"Objection denied. The witness is recounting his version of the facts. The defendants will have their turn to recount theirs. Please proceed."

Dumbledore nodded. "What were the manifestations of the alleged stroke, or overdose?"

Sirius felt sweaty, but held on, trying to keep his voice levelled. "I arrived at my cousin Bellatrix Black's front porch as my brother Regulus was already unconscious. He... started to have a seizure, his limbs were shaking and he was vomitting. I don't know how long it lasted, but eventually he..."

Sirius noticed he couldn't see anything in front of him, his vision blurry. He turned his head to Remus, who he could still see clearly, and his hazel eyes seemed to give him the force he needed to fucking _do this_.

"Eventually," Sirius continued, turning back to the magistrates, now able to at least see their concerning faces. "He stopped breathing."

"The prosecution doesn't have any more questions, your Worships."

"Very well," the legal advisor said. "Defense can proceed."

Malfoy stood up slowly, his smile crooked and gnarly. "Mr Black," he drawled, and Sirius wanted to either run away, or punch him in the face. Hard to choose. "It is known to the court that you sent multiple text messages to the late Regulus Black, your brother, the night he died. Could you tell us what they were about?"

"We were arguing. I wanted my brother to leave Black Industries and our family to come and live with me."

"What was the content of the last text message you sent him?"

Sirius inhaled sharply. "I said... I said to be free, a real Black would do something, anything, even at the price of their own life."

"And then you received a call from your cousin Bellatrix Black, is that correct?"

"About an hour later, yes."

"What did she tell you?"

"She said Regulus was... unresponsive on her front porch."

"And why didn't you call an ambulance?"

"Why didn't _she_ , would be the real question!"

"Mr Black, please answer the question for your person only," the legal advisor interrupted.

"I didn't because I didn't know my cousin's address," Sirius said lowly, anger and despair and sadness bubbling to the surface. "I just knew where it was, and I was busy driving my motorcycle to get to my brother as soon as possible."

"Why didn't you call an ambulance when you arrived at your cousin's house and saw your brother unconscious?"

"I—" Sirius hiccuped, though he didn't know on what. He thought about squeezing Remus's hand, but he couldn't even feel his arms anymore. "I did. They arrived too late."

"Would you say your last text message spurred your brother to commit suicide?"

"Objection, your Worships. The line of questioning is distressing the witness."

"Objection granted. Mr Malfoy, this is not the trial of Mr Sirius Black. Please revise your questioning."

"Professor, please," Sirius heard Remus say distantly, like a jumble through a fog.

"Your Worships, I would like to ask an end to the questioning of the witness."

The three magistrates looked at Sirius, and nodded. "Granted. 10 minutes break for everyone from court."

Remus didn't lose time and pulled Sirius with him, dragging him out of the courtroom and near a window. "Breathe, Sirius," he kept saying, but it was like a vice was twisting his lungs. "Come on, breathe with me," Remus said again, and Sirius felt his chest being pressed against him.

Through the haze, Sirius tried to concentrate on following Remus's breathing, and it took an unknown amount of time to achieve that.

"That's it," he heard Remus murmur near his ear, his presence enveloping him. "Breathe with me."

~~~

Sirius cracked an eye open.

He realised he was lying on a sofa bed, but couldn't, for the life of him, clearly remember how he'd got there. He felt drowsy, his body sinking into the surprisingly comfortable couch under a light from, apparently, a sunrise filtering threw the deep red curtains behind him. This was Remus's flat, that he knew for sure.

Something tickled his mind. He remembered the trial. That awful, fucking horrible trial. He remembered Remus holding him, and he somewhat remembered getting back home and probably watching something on the telly, but everything seemed fuzzy around the edges, as if he had blacked out from drinking without taking a single drop of alcohol.

He felt his breathing pick up.

The only thing keeping him from panicking right now was knowing that he was safe. Everything felt peaceful here, like time was slowing down and allowing him to feel protected.

Sirius exhaled deeply, burrowing even further into the pillow under his head, and tried to focus on the sounds in the flat, mainly trying to determine if Remus was still sleeping or not. He didn't dare look; he somehow knew his bedroom door was slightly ajar, and knew he could probably see him lying in bed if he tipped his head a bit to the side.

And just as he was thinking that, the bedroom's door opened a bit wider, and something huffed.

Unable to keep from looking any longer, Sirius tipped his head, and saw Padfoot coming towards him, his tail wagging.

"Hey you," Sirius said softly, and when Padfoot put his wet nose into one of his hanging hand, he retracted it immediately, even though it seemed like his spike of anxiety seemed to seep right through it and disappear. "Stop, you know I can't pet you."

Padfoot whined, his head cocked to the side.

"You can pet him," a sleepy voice came from the bedroom. "He's not werkin' right now."

"Is he not?" Sirius replied in surprise, trying to ignore the whooping feeling in his stomach at hearing Remus's morning voice and accent once again, all raspy sounds and rolled 'R's and up-and-down intonations making him a bit dizzy. "I thought he always was."

"Am already lying on a safe surface, am I not?" Remus responded with a smile in his voice. Sirius turned his head and saw Remus effectively still lying in bed on his stomach, the hint of naked shoulders slightly visible from where Sirius was. "Don't werry, he'll get to werk as soon as I get up," Remus mumbled in his pillow, and Sirius bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling too widely.

He looked back into Padfoot's soulful eyes, and reached behind his ears.

His fur was as soft as it looked, long and black and shiny. He pet him for a while, scratching his neck and under his chin. "You and I almost got the same hair," he murmured to the dog, who straightened his ears towards him to hear him better.

Remus snorted. "Almost?"

"Well, mine's softer," Sirius teased as Remus huffed a laugh, and Padfoot whined. "I'm just joking, you mutt. Come here," he added, patting his torso, and Padfoot jumped on him, lying down his entire body on Sirius and licking him in the face. "Jesus, Pads—don't choke me with all that love, yeah?" he laughed, his heart light under the weight of eighty pounds of good boy, a furry weighted blanket of sorts.

Unbeknownst to Sirius, Remus was slowly sitting in bed, trying to sneak a look at the scene. It was of rare occurence that he could see someone other than himself petting and playing with Padfoot. Through the slight opening of the door, he saw his dog lying on top of Sirius, his paws on each side of his neck, his head lying over Sirius's.

If Remus could've reached for his phone, he would've taken a picture. But he suspected that Padfoot would come running right back if he heard him rummaging on the night stand, and then Sirius might see him without a shirt on, and... well, that was not an option right now.

So instead, he took his time to look at them, both unaware of him staring. Sirius was still talking to Padfoot, teasing with a big smile unfurling. Padfoot's fur and Sirius's hair were actually quite similar, now that Sirius mentioned it, and they tangled together on the pillow, like calligraphic strokes against a white canevas.

But what truly felt beautiful was Sirius's expression, so open and carefree, as if for a moment, the event of the past few weeks had never happened. Remus wondered if Sirius would look like that everyday once they'd be done with the trial and the Blacks imprisoned. He certainly hadn't look like that the night before.

Sirius had seemed empty, barely talking or reacting to anything Remus did or said. It had made Remus's skin crawl to see him like this, but he understood. After all, Remus himself was an master in hiding his feelings and denying them, or so Lily always said. He would have to use this aptitude in court.

Remus lied down in bed again, trying to mentally prepare himself for the day.

Today was his turn to testify, and hearing Lucius Malfoy trying to undermine Sirius yesterday had been enough to make him grind his teeth and turn in bed for what felt like hours before he was able to fall asleep. He had to prepare for the same kind of treatment he would receive today, directed at himself this time.

"Ugh, Padfoot... I think I have your saliva in my ear," he heard Sirius say from the couch, which brought him back to the present with a smile.

"You can go take a shower first, if you want," Remus ventured. That way, he could put on a shirt while Sirius would be in the bathroom, and nobody would have to be seeing and talking about unbecoming scars this morning. "I'll go next."

"I think your master wants to be lazy and stay in bed all day," Sirius stage whispered to Padfoot.

' _With you, maybe._ ' Remus put his hands over his eyes, trying to hide his embarrassment at his own treacherous thoughts, feeling his face burning. "Shut up," he said instead, and Sirius barked a laugh. "You know, even your laugh sounds like Padfoot's barking."

"Hah, yeah. I heard that often, actually. James says I was probably a dog in a past life," Sirius said knowingly.

"You believe that?" Remus asked curiously. "I mean, in reincarnation and all that."

"I mean, I don't know. I guess not really, but it's still fun to think about," Sirius explained, petting Padfoot absently. "What animal would you be?"

Remus frowned. "I don't know, probably an ant or something."

"What?" Sirius laughed out loud. "No way. Nah, I think you'd be something more glorious than a bloody ant!"

"Okay then, what d'you think I'd be?" Remus asked, not really expecting an answer.

Sirius stayed silent for a while. "I reckon you'd be a wolf."

Remus blinked. "A wolf?"

"Yeah. You know, clever, loyal, protective, pack-like," Sirius said pensively.

Remus swallowed. "Nothing to do with my name, right?"

"Or the fact that it was your mum's favorite animal? Of course not," Sirius smiled to the ceiling above him.

Sheets rustled in the bedroom. "How did you know that?"

"Your father told me." Sirius looked down at Padfoot again, patting him on the head. "All right, choo, get off. I have to go in the shower if we want your master to ever get up."

Remus clicked his tongue. "You're lucky I'm too comfortable to smack you behind the head right now," he said jokingly, trying to regain his balance from the information Sirius had just told him.

"I'll have to go to Hagrid's more often if I want to beat you someday," Sirius nodded, taking his bag and making his way to the bathroom.

"Beating me? In your dreams," Remus replied easily.

"Well, maybe _you_ could teach me."

"You'd like that?" Remus asked, uncertain.

"Yeah, I think I would."

Remus smiled in the dark of his bedroom. "You'd have to give a try to every discipline we have at Cerberus," he started. "There's some Muay-Thai, MMA, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, self-defense... Benjy could show you Karate, Lily could teach you Judo, and Hestia, Taekwon-do," Remus enumerated. "And _then_ , I could show you some boxing and krav-maga, if you want. You could decide what you like better, what fits your style."

"I've no idea what's my style," Sirius said, slightly stunned. "Kingsley's the same as yours, right?"

"Krav-maga, yes," Remus agreed.

"I like that, I think," Sirius replied thoughtfully. "I was impressed how he dealt with that first attacker that day we shot the music video. The bloke was lights out under seconds."

"That's Kingsley," Remus said, a note of pride in his voice. "I wouldn't want to fend off someone like him."

"Yeah..." Sirius shuffled, his mind back at that moment that changed his life. If it hadn't been for that moment, maybe the Blacks wouldn't be in custody right now. They'd still be free and ruining lives as they'd always done.

"Are you going in the shower or not?" Remus teased softly, and Sirius realised with a start that his Welsh accent was almost completely gone once again, as it usually did. "As much as I'd like to stay in bed, I have a company to run and a trial to attend, you know."

Sirius shook himself to regain composure. "Right! Sorry. I'll be quick." He locked himself securely inside, and Remus didn't get the sheets off him until he heard the water running.

~~~

"I'm gonna head to Cerberus this morning before going to court," Remus said after they had finished eating breakfast. "I, err... thought about calling Benjy up here to protect you, just in case. I know you probably don't fancy coming in with me and going back there yet," he finished with an interrogative note.

Sirius exhaled through his nose. "Yeah... it's probably best I don't see them again just now."

Remus gave a reassuring smile. "I reckon I'll be back around 4 or 5PM for dinner. That all right with you?" he said, getting his phone out, probably to text Benjy.

"Yeah, it's all right," Sirius nodded. "Why did you think of Ben to protect me, and not Kingsley?" he asked, curious.

Remus answered with a smirk. "Why? You miss him?"

Sirius snorted. "Well, I do get attached to big tall quiet blokes from time to time," he teased, and wondered if he was imagining the pink tint on Remus's cheeks or not. "King grew on me, I think."

"And you did him, too. Though he doesn't really show it," Remus smiled, and dropped his head to his phone when it buzzed in his hand. "Benjy will be coming in soon. And to answer your question, Kingsley's at home with his daughters, and is supposed to testify this morning, too. Benjy was free."

"Okay, no problem," Sirius nodded. "How's Cerberus anyway? The damage and all that?"

"Dorcas said it wasn't too bad. We can still maintain our operations in part of the building, so it's all right," Remus responded. "I should make sure everything's going smoothly though. Haven't physically been there for the teams in a while. Ordering Dorcas to do my bidding seems highly unfair to me."

Sirius smiled. "You're a good boss," he said after a while, making Remus avert his gaze. "And before you start, just take the compliment and shut up."

Remus gasped in surprise. "I didn't say anything!"

"You were about to. I'm starting to know you well, Lupin," Sirius continued, teasing. "I wouldn't expect nothing less than pure humility and the occasional self-deprecation."

"I'm not _that_ bad," Remus countered, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Oh really? Name one of your qualities. I'll be waiting."

Remus squinched his eyes, assessing Sirius. "Fine. I'm..." he searched, and Sirius's eyebrows started to shoot up, waiting. "I'm good with colours?"

Sirius blinked, then guffawed loudly. "Good with colours? Really?"

"I chose all the decorations in here, for your information!" Remus replied petulantly, fighting against a treacherous smile from appearing on his face.

Sirius looked around, taking in the nice mix of gold and red he could see in the living room, and beautiful counters, table and chairs in deep and rich wood in the kitchen where they were still sitting. "Oh, I believe you. I saw your office too, after all."

"What about my office?" Remus asked curiously, his head cocked on the side. Sirius fought hard against finding the motion really cute, and failed.

"It struck me immediately the first time I saw it, how well decorated it was. Peaceful and relaxing. Blue hues with green plants can never go wrong."

"Until that blue tends to be on the aquamarine side, I feel like it just washes the life out of the plants."

Sirius eyes widened in sync with his smile. "You really _are_ good with colours huh?"

"I wasn't lying!" Remus laughed, his expression relaxed and beautiful.

"Another quality right there: honesty."

Silence fell, both men still smiling at one another.

A knock at the door made them jump.

"Oh, that must be Benjy," Remus said, hurriedly going to open the front door. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied, feeling like Remus was quite literally running away.

~~~

Sirius looked at Benjy, his long dreadlocks tied into a bun at the top of his head, his eyes half lidded as he watched the movie, seemingly fighting to stay awake.

"You're tired," Sirius spoke, making Benjy jump. "You should go home."

"Can't," Ben replied, yawning. "You know that."

Sirius sighed, looking at the clock on the wall. It had been eleven hours now that Remus had left the flat, and hadn't came back yet. "What's taking him so bloody long?" he said to no one in particular, picking at invisible lint on his faded Black Sabbath shirt.

Benjy shrugged. "I don't know. He just said he needed—"

"To think, yeah yeah, I know," Sirius grumbled, feeling a spike of anxiety course through him.

What did he need to think about so much? Did it have anything to do with Sirius and the trial? It must have, since Remus had been all right before leaving in the morning, but now... after his testimony for the trial of Sirius's own fucked up parents, he needed to think. To _think_. Whatever that meant.

' _Probably realised you were as fucked up as them,_ ' Sirius couldn't help himself. ' _Probably realised he's been protecting and trusting a broken bloke with issues and—_ '

Something clicked at the flat's door, and stopped Sirius's spiral of self despair. He sat up straight.

The door opened, revealing a disheveled Remus, hair mussed, tie undone and undershirt clinging to his skin where sweat had made contact with it.

The sight almost threw Sirius off from his questioning. Almost.

"Where were you?" he asked immediately, standing up.

"Went for a run," Remus replied, and looked at his employee. "Thank you Ben. I'm sorry I kept you y'ere for so long..."

"No problem," Benjy said, nodding and saying his goodbyes as he left the flat.

The door shut close again, and Remus turned back around to Sirius.

Silence stretched between them until Remus decided to break it.

"I'm... gonna take a shower," Remus started, his eyes tired.

As much as Sirius had felt frustrated all night, something in Remus's demeanor flew all of his anger out of the window.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, his voice softer than before. He could feel something was wrong; he could see it in Remus's blank eyes, hunched shoulders and downturn of his lips. Something happened at the trial, making Remus somehow distraught enough to make him go for a run in his formal attire and come back two hours later than anticipated, all tired and defeated.

Remus passed a hand in his hair, curls sticking up in a wild manner, and Sirius would've smiled if the situation wasn't so odd. "I... I'm sorry, I left you y'ere an'... but I had to think, an' I was—" he stopped, crossing his arms on his chest, his jaw set, and Sirius suddenly realised with a jolt that Remus was downright _angry_. "I was really frustrated with... with something, and exercise always makes me feel better."

"Do you..." Sirius started hesitantly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Remus looked at him, stunned.

"Look, I just... does it have anything to do with—with me?" Sirius stammered, his heart hammering. "Because I know this is a lot to take in, and—"

"No," Remus cut in, his eyes wide. "No Sirius, it's not you. It's about the man that, err... tried to kill me," he added, pointing to the bandage around his neck.

"Wait, what?" Sirius frowned. "Did you see him today?!"

"No... but I realised some things during my testimony, and I talked to Professor Dumbledore after, and..." Remus paused, huffing. "I discovered why he seemed to know who I was. Why he was talkin' like... like we'd met before."

Sirius stayed quiet, waiting for Remus to gather his thoughts.

"His name's Fenrir Greyback," Remus said in a low voice after a while, and Sirius had never heard him sound so hateful than in that moment. "He's a criminal, but that much had been obvious. He has a habit of... _eating_ his victims."

Sirius shuddered. "What?!"

"Yeah," Remus hung his head low. "Many years ago, my father was the one who convinced a jury in Crown court to put him in jail for murder. Greyback got out after a couple of years, and immediately went out after him." Remus stopped, taking a deep breath, and lifted his head to look back at Sirius. "Did I tell you why I have epilepsy?"

Sirius blinked. "No, you didn't," he answered hesitantly, wondering where this conversation was going.

"I was in a car accident when I was four. My father had taken me out for ice cream, and I asked him to sit in front in the car with him afterwards. I was in the front passenger seat when another car got out of nowhere and hit us on the right side," Remus explained calmly. "I was in a hospital for months after that. I suffered from a trauma to the head and multiple fractures. An effect of the blow at my head was the beginning of my epilepsy. They said it was a miracle I even survived."

Sirius exhaled a breath he was holding. "Shit, Rem..."

"That's not all," Remus continued, taking off his tie and his jacket with careful movements. "The other driver? Well, it was Fenrir Greyback himself, hoping to get back at my father for putting him in prison. My father never really forgave himself after that, stopped being a full time lawyer and worked as a consultant only instead."

Sirius stayed silent, feeling like Remus wasn't done.

"And now... Dumbledore made a deal with him. A confession for freedom."

"What the hell does that mean?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

Remus sighed. "Greyback confessed he had been hired by the Blacks to kills us, in exchange for a reduced sentence."

"Which is?"

"About a thousand work hours," Remus said simply.

Sirius felt something boiling in his veins. "You're telling me," he started, "that a renowned cannibalistic criminal who tried to kill us only has a thousand hours of forced work instead of a lifelong imprisonement in exchange for... what, telling the truth?"

"Yeah, that's... a pretty accurate description of the situation."

"But that's _bollocks_!"

"And it's how they were able to even keep the Blacks in custody in the first place. The other man, the one Kingsley knocked out... he flat out denied having anything to do with the Blacks." Remus passed a hand again in his hair in exhaustion. "We wouldn't have a trial if it wasn't for the deal Dumbledore made with Greyback."

"That's still a fucked up system we got there," Sirius mumbled.

"You don't say. No need to explain to you why I stopped studying law," Remus replied, attempting a small smile.

Sirius inhaled deeply, trying to make the anger fade. "And... how was your testimony?"

"Tiresome," Remus answered honestly. "If I can never talk to that Malfoy again, I'd be more than happy."

"Yeah, he's a real twat," Sirius agreed, shuddering. He crossed his arms around his own shoulders. "I um... I'm real sorry. About all that."

Remus frowned. "Why?"

"Because we're in this damn mess because of me?" Sirius replied, and continued talking before Remus could jump in. "Even the man responsible for your condition will be walking free in a couple of months, a year tops. All that just to have a chance to put my fucking parents in jail."

"And keep them from trying to end your life. Sirius," Remus walked forward suddenly, his warmth emanating in waves. "I don't want to hear you apologise for that ever again. Nothing's your fault, you hear me?"

Sirius bowed his head, looking down at the carpet under his feet, until he felt two fingers go under his chin to lift it back up again, and was met with blazing eyes.

"Do you understand? It's not your fault," Remus added slowly. "And I'm here to protect you. That's literally my job."

Sirius hadn't realised his own hands were gripping Remus's undershirt until he felt Remus breathe against them. "Okay, okay... sorry," he felt the need to add.

Remus huffed. "Stop sayin' you're sorry," he said more softly than before, his eyes back in a tired state, eyelids drooping halfway, his hand now migrating to Sirius's neck and into his hair.

Sirius couldn't answer. He felt petrified in place, as if a charm had been cast upon him. It was not fear, nor uncertainty; it was wanting for the moment to never end, as if moving would break their bubble and let reality crash on them once more.

He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. His own hands opened, palms against Remus's front. He wanted to take the last step, wanted to burrow himself into Remus's arms, shirt damp with sweat and all.

That man had just spent the day managing a company, answering questions, recounting traumatic events, getting scrutinised, finding out the person responsible for his epilepsy was going to be let go easy, ran God knows how many kilometers to blow off that steam, and was now the one giving comfort to another person without a second thought.

Remus was so ridiculously mind blowing it wasn't even funny.

"Ah, sorry... I should probably take that shower now," Remus murmured after some time, suddenly sounding self-conscious. Sirius opened his eyes just in time to see Remus retreating.

"Didn't you just say to stop saying sorry?" Sirius asked, trying to gain back his footing.

"I said _you_ had to stop, I never said anything about me," Remus replied, turning back into his bedroom to pick up his pajamas. " _Achyfi_... I'm disgusting."

' _No, you're not,_ ' Sirius wanted to say, but laughed instead. "How many kilometers did you run anyway?"

"I don't know," the voice replied from the bedroom. "I stopped at a few places along the way."

"Yeah, like Lancaster and then Cardiff and back?"

"Shuttup," Remus said, his head popping at the door. "I'm not _that_ sweaty, am I?"

Sirius smiled. "Did you hear me complain?" he blurted before he could stop himself. "Anyway, you should see us after a gig, especially in summer," he added quickly, trying to cover up his forwardness. "James's glasses always get foggy and my hair gets wet and curly."

"Aren't they already?"

"These are waves, not curls," Sirius said haughtily, taking a lock of his hair between two fingers. Remus got back inside the bedroom while shaking his head. " _Your_ hair is definitely curly though."

"Blond from my mum, curls from my dad," Remus said from inside the bedroom before getting out and walked to the bathroom. "It's a pain in the arse to style."

Sirius smiled. "I can only imagine. James's worse though, there's no way to style _that_ mop of hair."

Remus laughed as an answer.

"All right then, go on. I'll wait for you to eat the pizza, yeah?" Sirius ventured, motioning to the box where amazing smells were coming from.

"Are you _sure_ you can wait? Tha' is some lush pizza, I'm tellin' you," Remus teased, his tired voice and amplified accent doing funny things inside Sirius's chest.

"Oh, I can be very patient when I want to," Sirius assured, and went to the bookcase to pick out something to read in the meantime.

Remus hummed noncommittally. "I'll leave you to it then," he said, and motioned for Padfoot to follow him in the bathroom.

~~~

"That _is_ some 'lush' pizza, you weren't lying," Sirius teased after finishing his first piece, and took a second one.

"Why are you Welsh all of a sudden?" Remus replied, surprised. He seemed more awake than earlier, the shower and finally eating probably having something to do with it.

Sirius shrugged with a smile. "I'm just repeating after you."

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did."

Remus stopped. "Really?"

"Yeah," Sirius took another bite, and spoke again only after he swallowed it. "Your Welsh English seems to come out more strongly only on certain occasions. Which reminds me, I wanted to ask you about that."

Remus looked at him warily. "About what?"

"Why aren't you always speaking like that? You know, like your father."

Remus took his time to swallow his food. "It's a habit."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I had to try to hide it for so long, it's just a reflex now." Remus stood up. "D'you want something to drink?"

Sirius nodded negatively, and pressed on. "Did you start hiding it in school?"

"Yeah. Wasn't very good at it though. I could only tone it down, try to imitate RP. Try to blend in," he replied as he searched for a drink in the fridge.

"You don't have to hide it with me, you know," Sirius ventured. "I don't mind it. I mean I... I actually quite like it."

Remus scoffed. "No you don't."

Sirius frowned. "I do. Why is it so hard to believe? It's not like it's the worst accent in the universe, in any case."

"But it's not beloved either," Remus answered, finally turning around to look at Sirius. "Look, I appreciate you saying this, but like I said... I'm just so used to toning it down by now, it's a habit. Especially when—" Remus stopped suddenly.

Sirius blinked. "Especially when... what?"

Remus looked uncomfortable as he leaned on the counter, a glass of something fizzling in his hand. "When you're the one I'm talking to."

"What? Why?!"

Remus laughed, but the sound didn't spark anything joyful into Sirius like it usually did. It was dripping with self-deprecation. "You're really asking?"

"I am," Sirius replied with certainty.

Remus sighed. "Sirius, come on. You know by now I was bullied quite a lot, and by people who were not far from being like you."

Sirius sputtered. "I would've _never_ —!"

"I know, I'm just saying." Remus threw a hand up in surrender. "We're not exactly from the same background, you and I."

"Are we in the eighteen hundreds? What, should I be calling you 'Miss Bennet'? This is ridiculous." Sirius stood up to take his plate in the sink. "Look, I get your history with upper class RP speaking wankers who were arseholes and deserve to suffer for the rest of their lives, but I'm not them you know." Sirius took the sponge, added way too much soap on it, and started scrubbing his plate.

When Remus stayed silent, he lifted his head to look at him, and saw that the blond was smiling, a dimple visible on his cheek. "What?" Sirius asked with less force than before.

"You just made a Pride and Prejudice reference to make a point," Remus said with a held back laughter, his eyes soft.

"Yeah I did," Sirius grumbled. "I'm not completely uncultured."

"I know you're not. That's the whole point of this conversation, Sirius."

"Well, you're not either, so that's that. I don't care about society and class and aristocrats and dukes and the bloody Royal family. It's all so inconsequential when someone's worth can never be measured by how much money they own. I think I, more than anyone, got to learn that firsthand." Sirius scrubbed the plate harder than necessary, bubbles of soap floating in the air and outside the sink. "And I think your accent is interesting and different, and I like that."

"All right all right," Remus replied, letting the 'R's roll freely, still smiling a little. "But don't tell me you weren't all judging when we spoke on the phone that very first time when you insulted me and my company."

Sirius gasped, and turned his head to Remus, his hands still under water. "That's low!"

"Why? Wasn't that just the perfect first impression when all you had to go by was my voice?"

"You irked me! That has nothing to do with you being Welsh!"

" _I_ irked you?" Remus replied, but he was laughing at Sirius's insulted look. " _You_ were the one being rude!"

"I... yeah okay, I was. But you just... you..."

Remus waited patiently. "Yes?"

Sirius huffed, his eyes squinching. "I didn't know you at all. And I didn't want anything to do with your company in the first place, didn't want to have bodyguards following me around. Pete—I mean, that wanker Pettigrew, that fucking rat practically had to drag me to Cerberus. I was... I was stupid. And anyway, any misconceptions I could've had against you flew right out the window when we met."

Remus looked beyond intrigued at that. "How so?"

"Well, I... thought you would be older. Like, a lot older," Sirius said sheepishly.

"Because of my accent?" Remus supplied, triumphant.

"Because who owns and runs a fucking company at twenty seven years old?!" Sirius responded, putting the washed plate and utensils aside.

"Apparently, people like me."

"Apparently you, yes," Sirius nodded, and grabbed a towel to dry his hands. "Hence why I say any misconceptions I might've had against you crumbled and burned in seconds."

"I don't know, I might still _irk_ you, who knows," Remus teased, taking his glass to his lips to take a sip.

Sirius followed the movement with his eyes, and didn't register what he was saying before he had already said it. "You don't, or else I wouldn't have kissed you, don't you think?"

Remus stopped instantly, the glass mere centimeters from his mouth, and put it down again. He looked at Sirius with his head cocked to the side, his eyes fixed on him.

Something changed in the air, as if it had suddenly become foggy and heavy, but Sirius didn't know if it was from the utter shame he was feeling, or if it was his own beating heart making him numb.

"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't have," Remus finally murmured after what felt like an eternity, and wasn't his voice suddenly deeper?

Against all odds, Sirius felt giddy. He had expected Remus to withdraw. This was The Thing Which They Did Not Speak, not even utter, nor even make allusions to. It felt like a lifetime ago, but they had kissed, they had somewhat fought, and then shit had hit the fan and everything had crumbled down, and they had never really talked about it again.

But now, Remus wasn't just letting Sirius mention it, he was _acknowledging_ it.

Sirius hadn't realised he'd stepped forward until he noticed Remus bowing his head down slightly to keep looking at him. He felt his lips curl into something seductive. He had to try something, anything, or he felt like he might combust right then and there.

"I never had the chance to tell you, but... that was nice, by the way."

Remus huffed a tight laugh. "Nice?"

"Mind blowingly so," Sirius nodded, his smile stretching, and saw Remus's eyes flicker to it.

Sirius had the time to marvel upon Remus's blown out pupils half hidden behind heavy eyelids and brown lashes when someone knocked on the door.

They jumped.

"Little sheep little sheep, let us in!" James _fucking_ Potter howled on the other side of the door before Remus left Sirius's side and took three long strides to open it.

"Hiya Remus," Lily said, her voice tired. "This twat was anxious to see his brother," she added as she pointed to James beside her.

James pat Remus on the shoulder and entered without being invited, his eyes zeroing on Sirius, who was probably only a vague shadow standing in the middle of the kitchen. "SIRI MY DEAR!"

"I'm going to kill you," Sirius muttered, and staggered his stance just in time to catch his best mate, arms full and almost knocking heads.

"Oh come on, I know you hate that nickname, but kill me? Really?" James laughed, still hugging Sirius tightly like a squeeze toy.

"Jesus, Potter. Sometimes I wonder who's the poof between you and I," Sirius grumbled, but couldn't help feeling his lips tugging upwards.

"We haven't seen each other for _two whole days_! Haven't you missed me my love?"

"Certainly didn't miss that ugly face of yours. Which makes me think, how did you get your glasses back?"

"Lil's a real treasure," James replied simply.

Sirius snorted. "I bet."

"Hey!" Lily's voice came from the living room, where her and Remus where sitting. "I can hear you! And if I hear anything else I don't like, I'm gonna deck you both!"

"We brought popcorn and a movie," James smiled to Sirius, unperturbed. "You know, to celebrate the end of all your testimonies."

Sirius, with his legendary short fuse, almost screamed that he might have had a chance to be doing just that right now—albeit in a very different way with a very different person—if both him and Lily hadn't barged in, thank you very much, but miraculously kept his mouth shut and glared at James instead.

"The movie's Forrest Gump...?" James blinked innocently.

Sirius felt his glare falter. "All right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you BELIEVE that the matchmakers now became cock blockers? Jesus. 😒😂


	32. PNZ-108

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♦WARNING: depictions of dissociation, panic attacks, nervous shock and mentions of suicide.  
> ___________________
> 
> Oh. My.  
> Y'all are TOO sweet. Seriously. Every each one of you who wrote me to ask if I was all right... damn, I don't deserve y'all 😭  
> I am BLOWN AWAY by the love this fic receives. Thank you so so much! ❤️ I've had the hardest time finding even just a couple of minutes to work on this, even if this chapter has basically been done since like three months ago. I only had to tweak a couple of sentences, add a paragraph or two... and it took me SO LONG. I'm so sorry and thank you so much for you patience, you are ✨amazing✨
> 
> This chapter is heavy, not gonna lie. But it's probably the last one that's THIS heavy. The comfort is coming 😁  
> Next chapter is about halfway written, so I have no idea when I'll post next. Sorry in advance 😩
> 
> Thank you all again and take care of yourselves, please ❤️

The process of apprehending criminals was much, much harder and longer than Sirius had expected.

Today marked the third day of the Blacks' preliminary hearing, something that didn't happen so often. It seemed like the court had summoned a lot of people to testify, and numerous evidences had to be shown to the magistrates before even thinking of going to a more major step: the Crown court.

Thankfully, Sirius had testified on the first day, and Remus on the second, so they had at least one free day before the sentencing where all the witnesses would be able to attend, if they wanted to.

Sirius wasn't even sure he wanted to go himself yet.

"D'you reckon we could get out a bit?" he asked to Remus over breakfast, his hopes slim. "I know it's not really safe, and I'm aware you don't like to do your bodyguard thing, but I'm starting to feel like I might implode if I don't see the sun for more than a minute. I mean, only if you feel up for it..."

Remus looked at him for a while, stunned. "Err, you know press might see us, right? Are you sure you want that?"

Sirius scoffed. "If I'd stopped myself from doing anything everytime the press was involved, I'd be a hermit. It's... well, if _you_ don't want that, I'd understand, of course."

Remus looked at him calmly. "I don't care about the press."

"Is that a yes?" Sirius smiled.

Remus shrugged, but the corner of his lips lifting up betrayed him. "Why not."

"Great. I'll get ready then," Sirius grinned as he stood up and went to wash his plate.

~~~

It was a Thursday morning, so the streets were calm and peaceful. The sun, miraculously unveiled, was bright and warm.

"Where do you want to go?" Remus asked, seemingly at ease, but Sirius was not fooled. He knew the blond was still taking his safety at heart, probably identifying any possible threats in their surrounding as he walked calmly beside him.

"I don't know, I hadn't thought much further than just walking outside," he replied, readjusting his sunglasses. "Ice cream?"

"We're still in winter and it's ten in the morning," Remus remarked with a barely hidden smile.

"And? I don't see your point."

"How is it you eat anything you want anytime you want it and still look like that?" Remus wondered out loud.

"Ha! That's the Black genetics," Sirius motioned to his body, grinning, and Remus fought hard to keep a stern look on his face. "There must be at least one benefit to come from such a fucked up family, no?"

"A high metabolism?"

"And a 'sharp jaw with piercing eyes', is what I hear."

"What about the hair? There must be comments about your hair."

"Praises, my friend. And worshipping."

"No doubt," Remus snorted, shaking his head. "Isn't it weird though?"

"What is?"

"Having strangers commenting on your appearance all the time. Don't you get self-conscious?"

Sirius shrugged. "I guess you get used to it. I don't listen to it half of the time. They don't know me, anyway. Not really."

Remus stayed silent for a while, thinking about what Sirius had just said. Merely months ago, he had been one of those people. He had seen Sirius's appearance, and had immediately categorized him into something he wasn't, thinking he was only a pretty face and no brains. He hadn't known Sirius, not really.

Did he know him now?

"Ah, there it is," Sirius said, breaking his reverie by pulling on the sleeve of his jumper and pointing to an ice cream shop like a little kid. "Neapolitan, here I come!"

"Your choice of ice cream is impure," Remus felt the need to point out.

"Remus!" Sirius said loudly, scandalized. "Didn't peg you for an ice cream choice judger!"

"That sentence didn't make any sense," Remus mumbled while looking at the menu.

"Neapolitan is the best! Three flavors in one!"

"Only for people who can't commit."

"Ah, let me guess. You're a 70% or higher cocoa chocolate person, aren't you? The kind who says shite like 'white chocolate isn't chocolate'?"

"White chocolate _isn't_ chocolate, it's just a blend of sweet fat pretending to be something it isn't."

Sirius laughed loudly, his head tilting back. "I knew it! Are you gonna take the black chocolate ice cream with the chocolate cone?" he added, pointing to the item Remus was just looking at with interest.

"No," Remus said uncertainly, and marched to the cashier. "Hi, I'll take a chocolate ice cream dipped in the 70% chocolate on a regular cone please," he said as Sirius snorted behind him.

"It was my second choice for you," Sirius said as he paid.

"Bollocks," Remus replied as he watched the worker dipped the ice cream into the chocolate. He could already feel his taste buds doing a happy dance.

Sirius howled in laughter. "I'll never get tired of hearing you swear," he commented before ordering for himself.

~~~

A couple of sticky fingers and sugary teeth later, they were walking again side by side, wandering, until Sirius saw a music shop across the street. "Ah, this is the day we add to your poor music shelf," he teased Remus, decidedly striding to the shop.

"Hey, it's not _that_ bad!"

"It's lacking, to say the least," Sirius put up his sunglasses on his head as he entered, the door making a typical bell sound as he opened it. "Let's see what we've got here..."

"I feel like we're going to spend the day here, am I wrong?"

"We'll see," Sirius said, smiling.

Something caught Remus's eye on the left, and he saw an entire shelf dedicated to records, old and new. Deciding to indulge Sirius a bit, he walked towards it, touching the covers with a finger, some albums bringing back memories.

Sirius looked at him, his head cocked to the side. "You could buy a turntable, you know. They probably have some at the back."

"That'd be too expensive," Remus replied absently, taking a record with the image of a flying pig between two towers of an electric powerplant.

"Ah, the album showing their transition into something a bit more political," Sirius nodded knowingly, looking at the record Remus was holding. "The beginning of an era."

"Really?" Remus lifted an eyebrow. "I thought Pink Floyd had always been a bit political."

"Not quite. Their earliest albums were more in the metaphysical realm than anything tangible, really," Sirius started, taking the record in his hands as he spoke. "One could argue _Dark Side Of The Moon_ had some political key points, like 'Money', treating of greed and capitalism, but _Animals_ is not just political, it's definitely about politics and politicians. You can't say things like ' _Meek and obedient you follow the leader_ "—Sirius sang softly—" _Down well trodden corridors into the valley of steel_ ', and not consider it anything else than a critic against our society and how people live in it." Sirius lifted his head, tearing his eyes away from the floating pig, feeling like he was being observed intently. "What?"

"Nothing," Remus tried to hide a smile, taking the record back in his hands. "I think you sold me on this one. I'll buy it, keep it until I get a turntable."

Sirius grinned. "You could buy the CD instead, y'know."

"But it's not the same, is it? I like the process of having to put a record on, and having to turn it halfway. Makes you more aware of what you're listening," Remus shrugged. "And that scratchy sound is something I clearly remember I liked, too."

"Yeah, I get it," Sirius replied, smiling in turn, but then seemed hesitant.. "I wouldn't want to ask about something too personal, but... why can't you buy the turntable? You own a company after all, you must have some money, no?" he asked, almost regretting it immediately.

But Remus merely smiled. "I earn the same amount of money as my employees."

Sirius's eyes widened. "...What?"

"I put everybody on the same wage. That way I could upgrade their livelihood instead of keeping it all to myself and Lily. I didn't think it was fair, especially since I usually can't be on the field, and it also helps to keep my employees instead of watching them leave Cerberus and work for another competitor," Remus explained calmly. "When we hire them, they usually stay, and that way we save money on training. I'm not rich, but I live comfortably, and so do all my employees. That's what matters most to me," he finished with a shrug.

Sirius had to close his mouth purposefully. He must have looked like a fish just then. "Wow, that's... that's brilliant."

"Thank you," Remus replied, his ears red.

Sirius smiled. "Go ahead and browse some then. I'll see if they have the latest 'Muse' album," he added, going towards the clerk, who seemed like he was reading a magazine.

Minutes later, Remus found a The Beatles record and went to the cashier to pay, seeing Sirius looking at posters in a corner, something big under an arm in a grey plastic bag. Remus joined him after he finished paying. "What you got there?"

Sirius turned around, startled. "Are you ready to go?" he said instead of answering.

"Yeah, I'm good," he said as Sirius lead the way out. "That's quite big," he added as an afterthought before saying goodbye to the clerk. "What is it?"

"Are you always this curious?" Sirius teased, still looking forward.

"Only when you're trying to hide something from me," Remus replied easily.

"All right, all right," Sirius turned around, stopping so suddenly Remus almost bumped into him. "It's for you."

Remus blinked. "What?"

"A gift," Sirius said, and he revealed what was inside the bag. "Happy birthday."

"No way. No, Sirius—"

"Shut up, it's a birthday gift, you can't refuse it."

"It's not my birthday!"

"It was the day before yesterday! Sorry, _late_ birthday gift," Sirius rolled his eyes, feigning impatience, but he was smiling. "Just accept it, will you?"

Remus looked down again at the small image of a turntable on the side of the box, and sighed. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to. It's the least I can do for everything you've done for me lately."

"I only—"

"Oh shut up Rem, stop," Sirius punched his biceps, regretting it as he felt an electric pain shooting up his still injured hand. "My 29th birthday's on November 3rd, you can payback then if you really can't stand it," he added.

Remus paused, his eyes squinched. "All right," he conceded finally, and Sirius nodded before beginning to walk again.

They had only made a couple of steps when Remus stopped again.

"Wait a minute," he said, and Sirius felt something tug at his lips when he saw Remus's expression of confusion plastered on his face. "You'll turn 29 on November 3rd this year?"

"Hm-mmh," Sirius answered non-committally, biting the inside of his cheeks.

"You're older than I am," Remus added, almost disbelievingly.

"Why this tone of surprise? Wasn't it obvious?" Sirius teased, and whipped his hair around as he twirled dramatically, his arms wide.

Remus suppressed the need to laugh. "No," he tried sternly. "No, it wasn't."

"Now you're just being rude, Mr Proper! We can clearly see who's more mature right now, between the two of us."

Remus scoffed, beginning to walk again and passing beside Sirius. "Keep telling yourself that."

"Yes, I think I will," Sirius smiled wildly, his grin almost blinding.

"Age is a just a number anyway," Remus continued, trying to sound nonchalant.

Sirius barked a laugh. "Would you have said the same thing if it had been the other way around?"

Remus looked at Sirius with a twinkle in his eye for a moment. "Probably not," he finally admitted, and if their shoulders bumped playfully after that, well, that was just by accident.

~~~

**_LATEST NEWS : THE BLACK SCANDAL CONTINUES_ **

_Written by Rita Skeeter_

_Whilst the CEO and CFO of Black Industries are still being held in custody, it seems like their last living son has time to take a stroll and fall in love._

_Sirius Black has been spotted romantically walking around town today with Cerberus CEO, namely Remus Lupin, who we suspect has been under Black's loving gaze for quite a while now. The two men, bound by contract as Lupin seems to be Black's newest bodyguard, were seen smiling and having eyes only for each_ —

"What did I tell you about reading that shite?"

Fabian looked up lazily to his bodyguard from where he was lying on Dedalus's sofa. "What can I say, it's entertaining."

Hestia rolled her eyes. "What can you _possibly_ find entertaining in this load of garbage?"

"It's interesting how sometimes they are completely off the mark, and sometimes they are right on it. Case in point," Fabian shook the newspaper as evidence.

"Pfff. Who reads newspaper on _paper_ anyway," Hestia added, and saw Gideon nodding his head in agreement before getting back at what he was doing, which was trying to win at chess.

"Oi!" Dedalus said in front of him before knocking one of Gideon's bishops in a skillful move. "I do!"

"Of course you do," Hestia responded absently before looking out the window, her long black hair tied in a ponytail reflecting the sunlight nicely.

Fabian sat up, his eyes closing slowly into tiny slits, the newspaper falling on the ground with a feather-like sound. "Hestia. Are you, perhaps, _nervous_?"

She turned around, her hair almost whipping the other side of her face with the force of the movement. "What?!"

"Yeah, you are," Fabian sais triumphantly, laying back down again with a smirk. "Never thought I'd see the day."

"And _you_ are a tosser, is what!" she replied, her eyes shooting daggers at him.

"Fab, leave her be," Gideon said, his brows scrunching up in concentration as he did a risky move and took his Queen five cases on the left.

"What's wrong, Tia?" Dedalus asked while joining his hands to concentrate on his next move.

"Yeah, what's wrong, Tia?" Fabian asked after him, and if looks could kill, he'd be dead by now. "We're all safe here, thank to you both. We don't have to get out until tomorrow. It's all good."

"I know. It's not that," Hestia answered slowly.

Fabian furrowed his eyebrows. "Then what?"

She took a deep breath. "I just hope everything's fine with everybody. I hope everything's _going to be_ fine with everybody. It's been taking a toll on everyone, this shite we're in."

Fabian's eyes widened, leaving all false pretense aside. "Don't tell me you're growing _fond_ of us?"

Hestia didn't look back. "Of course I am, don't be stupid. I'm sure you'll agree I'm not taking a leap when I say our relationships have long past the realm of professionalism and entered what some would consider 'friendship'."

Fabian's mouth opened. Dedalus let a pawn he was holding fall onto the floor with a clang. Gideon turned around with a sweet smile.

Hestia sighed when she heard only silence, and turned back to, indeed, her friends. "What? I'm not _that_ cold, you know. God, you're just a bunch of wankers."

Fabian howled in laughter, lying back down with his newspaper in front of him. "We love you too, Hestia."

~~~

Sirius was bent forward, trying to gain back his breathing and stop the ringing in his ears. The day had just begun, and he was already losing his mind.

They had just passed the swarm of reporters outside and had entered the court's building when his vision had started to get blurry.

' _Get a grip_ ', he thought fiercely, and felt a hand on his back.

"Sirius, are you all right?" Remus said, his eyes concerned, his palm warm.

"Sirius?" another voice on his left said, and his eyes got wide when he saw who was calling him.

"Andy?!" he stammered, getting back up quickly, and was soon crushed into small arms.

"Oh my God, Sirius! Is that really you?" Andromeda said disbelievingly, retracting from the embrace just enough to look at his face. "Sweet heavens, you've grown!"

Despite everything, Sirius felt a small smile tugging at his lips. "Well, last we saw each other was, what, six years ago?"

She nodded, smiling too. "I didn't expect to see you. I mean, I knew you'd be here, considering... but I didn't really expect to see you," she repeated.

They hugged again before letting go. "Oh, I'm sorry. My manners," Andromeda said, looking behind Sirius. "Nice to meet you, I'm Andromeda Tonks, Sirius's cousin," she extended her hand to Remus, who shook it while introducing himself. "You must be wondering what kind of fucked up family you ended up in! God knows my husband does," she said lightly, and Sirius felt like digging a hole and hiding forever.

"Oh, we're not—" Remus started at the same time Sirius said, "Oh, we're just—"

They looked at each other, and Remus said, "We're friends," without even a trace of hesitation. 

"Oh! God, sorry, I just... you were... nevermind," she waved a hand.

"Is Ted here too?" Sirius asked to change the subject.

"Oh yes! Couldn't have come here without him, you know," she said, her eyes soft. "He's with our daughter in the loo."

"You have a _daughter_?!"

"Yeah, Nymphadora. She's four," she smiled. "I'm sorry for not keeping contact. I just... I was scared they'd find me, you know. I had to protect Ted and Dora and... and myself."

"Yeah, no... I get it," Sirius assured.

"I'll let you two catch up, yeah?" Remus said quietly to Sirius, seemingly making sure it was okay to let them be alone together for a while. Sirius nodded to him in a silent thank you, and watched Remus bidding goodbye to Andy and leave as he went inside the courtroom, closing the door behind him.

"Well, if you're just 'friends', please tell me at least it's with benefits," Andy said jokingly, smiling.

Sirius sputtered. "Andy!"

"What? Since when are you a prude, Sirius Black? That's not how I raised you."

"You didn't raise me, though that would've been much better than what I got," he said, willing his cheeks to go back at their natural colour, thank you very much.

"You're sweet," she replied affectionately, flipping her long brown hair behind her back. The motion reminded him of Bellatrix, both of them looking so much alike it was almost surreal, but Sirius knew better. Andromeda was nothing like her awful sister. "And he seems sweet, too," she cocked her head where Remus had disappeared.

"Stop, it's not like that."

"But you wish it was."

Sirius huffed. "Yeah, I wish it was. Happy?"

She cocked a slim eyebrow. "From what I gather, he wishes too. One does not look at another like _that_ and stay in the realm of what is considered 'platonic'."

"You've no idea what you're talking about. You've known him for five seconds!" Sirius said hysterically. "What are you doing here anyway, huh?" he asked imperiously.

"Same as you, you twat," she replied, pushing his shoulder playfully. "I'm gonna watch our whole family get exposed and their empire getting burned to the ground."

"Did you testify too?" Sirius asked, surprised.

Andromeda nodded. "Yesterday. It was painful and I had a panic attack right in the middle of it, but it was worth it," she confessed.

Sirius was stunned. "A panic attack? You?"

"What d'you take me for, a rock? Of course me! I don't think anyone could go through what I went through and get back out without any long-term consequences on their psyche," she said in all seriousness, frowning. "Don't you have any?"

Sirius blinked. "I mean, yeah, but... I don't..."

"You don't talk about it," she said knowingly, and Sirius felt ill. "The nightmares, the flashbacks, the panic filling you up... you got to let it all out. Else it just keeps festering inside and you end up a shivering mess, crying in the middle of an alley in a shopping center at 3PM because you thought you saw someone holding a knife when really, it was just a watch." She sighed. "Been there done that."

Sirius looked at her with uncertainty. "So you... what, talk to Ted about all that?"

"Oh, no. I mean, yeah, he knows everything about me and our family... Hell, he was even in the middle of it at some point. I just... I didn't want to burden him with it every second of everyday. I'm seeing a therapist."

"A therapist," Sirius mumbled. "You're seeing a _therapist_."

"Why did you sound like a total wanker just then?" she reprimanded, pointing a finger at him menacingly. "Didn't know you where such a snob on mental health, Sirius Black. I'm disappointed."

"No no, sorry, it's not—I'm just surprised, is all," he stammered.

"Yes, I'm seeing a therapist. Twice a month, been like that for two years. It didn't settle everything, but it helps a lot. It's... an ongoing process."

"Well..." Sirius said uncertainly. "I'm glad it works for you."

"You should try it. It's not weak to say you need help, Sirius. Quite the contrary."

Sirius was saved from answering as he heard a high pitched voice scream "Mommy! Look, my hands so clean!"

" _Are_ so clean, sweetie," Andy corrected, taking her daughter in her arms when she reached her. "Look, say hi to uncle Sirius."

"Hello," Sirius said to the little girl with a smile.

"Hello," the little girl responded shyly, turning her head into Andy's neck.

"Hey, Sirius! Is that you?" a man said behind Andy, and Sirius recognized Edward Tonks immediately. "So good to see you man!" Ted said in his American accent, shaking his hand vigorously. "How have you been?"

"I'm good, I'm good," Sirius replied automatically. "You?"

"A bit jetlagged, but we're fine," Ted said as he waived a hand around his wife's waist.

"Jetlagged?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. We live in the US now, in Ted's hometown," Andy supplied. "I had to get the furthest away from them after everything that happened."

"I understand," Sirius said, recounting how Regulus had told him the family had hired someone to get rid of Ted after knowing Andy had eloped with him in secret. Really, Sirius should've expected something similar would've happened to him someday. "Well, I'm happy to see you both, even though it's in the worst occasion ever."

"If they get convicted, we might be able to do this more often," Ted said in a hopeful voice. "Go out for dinner or something!"

"Oh, a double date!" Andy interjected, excited.

"You have a partner?" Ted inquired to Sirius, smiling pleasantly.

"No, I _don't_ ," Sirius answered, shooting a glare at his cousin.

"Yet," Andy supplied teasingly. "He doesn't _yet_. Oh Ted, you should see the bloke. Or more importantly, you should see how they look at each other—"

"God, I forgot how annoying you could be!" Sirius threw his hands in the air.

"And I forgot how in denial _you_ could be," she countered, cackling.

They heard the door of the courtroom open, and turned around to see a short and bald man looking at them. "Court starts in five!" he barked, and closed the door again.

"Well, we should probably get inside," Andy said uncertainly. "I kept avoiding Bella until now, but I think she might be in there too."

"Hey, honey. We're here with you, you're not alone," Ted said and planted a kiss in her hair, hugging both his wife and their daughter, and Sirius had the crazy spike of envy in his belly telling him it would be nice to have something like that, too.

He followed them inside the courtroom, surreptitiously trying to find Remus in the mass of people. "It was nice to see you, Sirius," Andy said quietly, her eyes loving. "We can do this, yeah?"

"Yeah," he reached and squeezed her hand before watching them go sit at the back of the courtroom.

"Hey," he heard Remus say from behind him. ' _Hey, honey,_ ' Sirius heard Ted's voice in his head, but shook it off mentally.

"You okay?" Remus asked, his eyes concerned.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

"Let's get to the others then," Remus pointed his head towards a mop of messy hair and a flash of red hair a couple of feet from them.

"Let's get this done with."

~~~

"Magistrates, I present to you the next and last witness in this case."

A tall blond woman in her mid-thirties entered the witness box, seemingly intimidated by the gathering of people sitting in the court room.

Dumbledore stood up, asking permission to begin the questioning, which was granted after the witness stated her name and age. "Miss Bones," he started. "Could you tell us your profession please?"

The woman nodded, and turned to answer to the magistrates. "I'm a forensic pathologist."

"And in what consists the work of a forensic pathologist?"

"My job is to help determine the cause of death by examining a corpse, especially when the death was sudden, unknown or unnatural."

Dumbledore paused, leaning on his service dog for support. "Would you say you are good at your job?"

"I think so, yes."

"And would you be able to remember certain deceased patients you've had under your care?"

"I remember high profile ones," she said, and Sirius felt shocked when she turned to look directly at him. "I remember faces well, too."

Dumbledore readjusted his glasses, and waited for the woman to look back at him again before continuing. "Do you recognize the man you just looked at?" he asked nicely, like he was talking about the weather.

"Yes," she answered, and just as Sirius expected her to say something like 'He's part of The Marauders', or 'He's a rockstar,' she said, "I've had a corpse brought to me who looked very much like him."

Sirius blanched, feeling numb, and saw messy hair in his peripheral vision. He looked at James's face, trying to determine what he was trying to say, but he only saw his mouth move, the words impossible to decipher in the sudden murmur that went through the courtroom and amplified in his ears.

"Silence, please," the usher, that same bald man from when Sirius had testified, said imperiously, and it was quiet again.

"Miss Bones," Dumbledore continued as if uninterrupted, as if the world wasn't tilting on its hinges. "Could you name the person brought to you who reminded you of the man in this courtroom?"

"Yes. It was Regulus Black."

Sirius flinched visibly, but kept on looking at her intently, now on the edge of his seat. What was Dumbledore getting at? Why did this have anything to do with the case?

' _It's probably to prove it wasn't only a stroke,_ ' Sirius reasoned. ' _She'll show everyone how far the Blacks can go to keep their reputation._ '

"Were you the one examining Mr Regulus Black's corpse personally?"

Bones nodded. "I was. I remember, because it was all the talk in the news, and he was so young..."

Sirius took a deep breath, trying to follow what she was saying next—

"And I remember because something... abnormal happened."

"What would you describe as something 'abnormal'?" Dumbledore inquired.

"I..." she stopped, searching for her words, and Sirius was barely even sitting in his chair anymore. "I did my job, as usual. But just as I was finished and doing my report, my superior asked me to let go of this particular case and leave it to him."

"And did your report matched the one your superior did later on?"

"It didn't," she said simply.

"Please explain," Dumbledore asked quietly, nodding encouragingly.

Bones visibly frowned as she recollected her memory. "My superior's report said that the subject—I mean, Mr Regulus Black—had perished from the consequences of a sudden and unexplained ischemic stroke."

"And what was your own report's conclusion?"

The woman squared her shoulders, looked at the magistrates, and said something Sirius couldn't even begin to understand the magnitude of. "It was clear to me that Mr Regulus Black had died from thrombophilia, more specifically from a side effect of a vaccine called PNZ-108."

The crowd began talking again, more loudly this time. Sirius felt like his mind slowed down, like going through a fog, or trying to run in the water. He tried to get a grip, but felt like slipping from his own body.

' _A vaccine? What the hell?!_ '

He saw more than he heard Dumbledore ask another question, but couldn't concentrate enough to hear it. 

However, when Bones started talking again, it was like his mind went back online all of a sudden. "—sure at first, but after cross-examinating the evidence, I couldn't find what drug had caused this. It wasn't PCP, it wasn't cocaine, it wasn't heroine, it wasn't _any_ of the drugs I usually see in my subjects, and so I had to contact a colleague of mine who worked in the pharmaceutical field to back me up with info."

Bones took a deep breath, and continued. "We racked our brains out to find what it was, and I asked him if there were anything new on the black market, anything not available to the public yet, and that's when he provided me with a sample of the PNZ-108, being manufactured by Black Industries. To this day, I have no idea how he managed to get a hand on that sample. I examined it and... it matched."

"Could you explain, in your own expertise, what the PNZ-108 consists of?"

"It... seemed to be a vaccine against some sort of airborne or direct contact virus," Bones said hesitantly. "The thing is... my expertise pretty much stops there. I am not a virologist by any means. But..."

The court stayed silent, all ears waiting for her to continue.

She took a deep breath. "The weirdest thing was that we couldn't find out why this vaccine was being made when we couldn't link it to any known disease. It seemed like it could be used against something similar to the MERS, you know, the Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, but it wasn't my job to know about such things, and when my superior took the case, I was prohibited from continuing my research on the subject, and my access to the corpse and files was denied."

"Just so your testimony is clear here in this court: Mr Regulus Black's cause of death was caused by a vaccine, more specifically the PNZ-108?"

"That is correct. He had an overdose of it. Ten times too much, to be exact," Bones nodded solemnly. "Any type of drug or vaccine taken in such proportions can have dangerous side effects."

"But Mr Regulus wasn't bearing any type of virus or deadly bacteria?"

"None. _That_ is my area of expertise, and I can assure you it was side effects of taking the PNZ-108 vaccine that killed him."

Murmurs could be heard in court, and Sirius distantly heard James talk to him in his right ear. Something along the lines of " _What the fuck does that mean?!_ ", but Sirius couldn't be sure.

His eyes burned as he fixed them on Amelia Bones.

Dumbledore continued. "You talked about 'thrombophilia' earlier. Could you explain to the court what that means?"

"It means there's an excess of blood clotting. These clots then get detached and travel to smaller arteries in the body, mainly in the heart, the lungs, the brain, the kidneys... that is how young Mr Black died."

"From blood clotting?"

"From blood clotting that, indeed, caused an ischemic stroke, but also a bilateral pulmonary embolism."

"And how was the vaccine taken, in your opinion?"

"There were no puncture marks anywhere on the body, so it had been ingested."

"Were there signs of a struggle on the body?"

Bones frowned. "None. Except bruised caused by the seizures, there was no sign of any harm to the subject."

Dumbledore waited to see if she needed to add anything, and continued when she didn't. "Would you then say the vaccine was taken willingly, or forced on him?"

"Unless someone threatened him to take it... it seems most likely that it was taken willingly."

Sirius saw the courtroom from above, as if he was sitting right there with the ceiling lights. He watched himself stand up and run, run like there was nothing else he could do.

Something was calling him back, but it was so faint he couldn't hear who, or what it was. Nausea filled him in as he banged on the courtroom's big wooden door, opening them widely, and his feet took him to the left, blind and numb.

He came back to his own body as he retched in a toilet, not remembering how he had gotten there in the first place. As much as floating in the air had felt numbing, he now felt like millions of spikes were piercing his skin, and almost expected to see his arms bleeding as he looked down at them between two stomach hurls.

' _...taken willingly._..'

A flash of black hair just like his, and grey eyes just like his, so empty and void of anything, as if they had never been anything other than motionless.

' _... a side effect of a vaccine called PNZ-108.._.'

He had always been the quiet son. The one who did the bidding, the underdog, the follower. The one who was trapped, more trapped than Sirius could have ever been.

"Fuck, Reg..." Sirius exhaled shakily, tears falling from his chin. "You fucking stupid—"

A door banged, and voiced screamed, and Sirius finally felt something other than needles on his skin. "HE'S HERE! Hey brother, look at me—"

Sirius turned his head to his best mate, and worked his vocal chords enough between two sobs to try and make sense. "James..." Breathe in. "James, he..." Sob. Breathe in. "He killed himself to—"

"I know brother, I know," James said, and Sirius was almost taken aback by seeing tears streaming down his cheeks. "I know. Hey, no—stop, you're gonna choke—"

Sirius barely noticed he was indeed choking from the force of his pain, racking through his body like a thousands tidal waves. Not that he really cared. Nothing really mattered, except from the truth, _finally_ the awful and real and solid _truth_.

"James?! Where are y—"

The low but panicked voice pulled on something inside Sirius, but he had no energy left to analyze its source or even acknowledge its presence.

"Sirius...? Hey..."

' _That's Remus's voice_ ,' his brain supplied stupidly, and he looked up with his vision blurred.

Something felt nice against his cheek, sliding down warmly to his neck. ' _That's Remus's hand_ ,' his brain supplied again.

"Did he say something when you arrived?!"

"He—He was just... just like right now! He just... he tried to say something about—"

' _The nightmares, the flashbacks, the panic filling you up... you got to let it all out._ ' Sirius heard distantly, and it took a while to realised it was in his own head.

"Sirius, come on—"

'That's _Remus's eyes,_ ' he thought, but something was different in them, like a sadness or fear filling them up and spilling out on cheeks, sliding and falling on a neck.

' _I just... I didn't want to burden him with it every second of everyday_.'

"Can you stand up? Here, I'll help you—"

' _That's Remus's shoulders_.' That one was easy, really. Who else would always wear jumpers like that all the time and still look so good in it?

Sirius was suddenly up on his feet, his head wobbling.

"Sirius, talk to us, _please._ "

' _That's family_.' He saw James's messy hair, big and thick glasses. He saw red hair, three heads of it, enter behind him, stopping at the entrance, not daring to stumble upon the scene. He saw hazel eyes, still spilling out emotions unnamed.

' _It's not weak to say you need help, Sirius. Quite the contrar_ y.'

Sirius opened his mouth, looking at the handful of people he most cared about, and summoned all the strength he didn't even know he had. 

"I need help."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. I told you it was heavy! Poor Sirius... but, it's gonna get better, I swear ☺️


End file.
